Heya.
(And the rating tops out...)
Chapter two starts now.

For future reference, Kanda is 'The First' and Allen is 'The Second'- Read and you'll understand. I hope it doesn't get too confusing.. Sorry if it does.
Until the bottom.

"Say what you mean
Tell me I'm right
And let the sun rain down on me
Give me a sign
I want to believe…"
"The Ballad of Mona Lisa" -Panic! At The Disco

XXX

A-(Not So)-Sexual Man
Chapter the Second:
History

They met in the fall- August of his freshmen year.

"Watch where you're going, Moyashi," the first growled.
"You ran into me, jerk."

He met the first cousin at the same time.

"Oh, Allen," said cousin - Wisely - threw in, "Let it go. Come on we'll be later for class."

They first had sex a week and a half before Thanksgiving Break.

"How much did I drink," The first asks.
"Who knows," The second replies, "God, my ass hurt."
"You're fault."
"How is it my fault you can't control yourself?"

He finally admitted he didn't hate him a few days before Thanksgiving break.

"You know," the first cousin tells him in a hushed voice as the second leaves for the bathroom, "He's waiting on you, Anger-Management."
"Shut the hell up, Wisely," the first scoffs, before he pauses briefly, "You act like I don't know that?"
"Well," the first cousin pauses, "Are you even planning on doing anything about it?" The first pauses even more.
"Maybe."

They started 'dating' on December twelfth, shortly after returning from Thanksgiving break.

"God, you annoy me with your bitching, you know that?" The first scoffs, "If you dislike it so much we'll stop fucking." A pause.
"But," The second replies over his coffee cup, "You know… if we're dating, I might not hate it."
After a pause, "Dating?"
"Yes," the second sighs, rolling his eyes dramatically, "You know - like organized meetings." Another pause.
"So, nothing really big," the first asks thoughtfully, his face pulled in a large frown.
"Uh," the second replies, "I guess." A bit longer pause.
"Fine."

He met the second cousin that weekend - while at the other's apartment Saturday morning.

"Morning, Allen," The second cousin - Tyki - chirps, making his way into the kitchen of younger's loft. He stop when seeing the twooccupants.
"Tyki," the second fumes, "What have I told you about calling first?" The second cousin pauses.
"Always do."
"What did you do?"
"Didn't."
"And what was your reward?"
"Greeting my cousin a bit under half dressed and the pleasure of meeting his boyfriend finally - Hello, you must be Kanda."

They didn't fight about Christmas plans that year, as neither were ready to meet the other's families yet - but they did fight about who's was more crazed. It's still unresolved.

"When do you need to leave," the second asked as they woke up on the 19thof December.
"Hmm," the first replies as he rolls over still only half awake, his arms capturing the second. "After I fuck you for the last time for about a week?"
"Works fine for me," the second replies moving to the ready.

They spent the first birthday together (the second's) when the first surprised the second by returning early on the 25th.

"This sappy shit doesn't really fit you, you know," the second told him as they laid in bed later that night.
"Che," the first replies immediately, "I planned it like six hours in advance - my family was driving me crazy."

He met the third, fourth and fifth cousins when the three teenagers showed up with the first and second, for an impromptu New Year's Eve party that the second didn't know he was going to be having.

"They incognizance my life at least six times a day." The second nods as he speaks, "By this point if they didn't, I might be concerned."

The first found out about the other's job by fluke in April.

"So," he begins, not sure why this was a bad thing. "You're family runs a record label - But you actually own it? And you don't want people to know..?" The second merely glares at the sidewalk, in front of his shoes. "You really aren'tnormal, are you?"
With a quick glance, the second laughs. "Yeah - love you too, asshole."
"Che, I know."

He met the rest of the family unexpectedly, when they suddenly descended on the town.

"So," the second inquires getting to the point, pointedly looking at the aunt - Lulu - who they all listed as a cousin. "You all just decided that you'd, once again, invade my life and attempt to take over?"
"Piff, Allen," The uncle - Cyril - throws in, "we simply are tired of knowing the name without the face, and this is a face to know."

After they were gone, they reached an agreement.

"I dislike your family - they're kinda fuckin' creepy," The first announces. The second only chuckles, with a small nod.
"Drink?"

In May, when the first told the second he was going to take a few summer classes, without hesitation the second told him to move in.

"Why," was the first's question. The second merely shrugged.
"You just told me your 'old man' won't want to pay for housing - so why not stay here? There's even an extra room if you want your own. As far as your 'old man' needs to know, you're staying with a friend." Pause, "Or you got a job and are getting an apartment - because I don't know if they'll believe that you actually have a friend."
The first simply glared. "You're such an ass."
"And you fuck it every chance you get."

But their real problem started on the third of June.

"So," the second begins.
"So," the first returns after a short pause.
"So, when can I meet your family?"
The first didn't reply.

They avoided the problem on the first's birthday, having dinner and going to bed. But the next day, the problem renewed when the first announced he was being forced to attend his own birthday party that his family was having for him.

"I don't want to go even," the first added, "I'll be back tomorrow morning."
The second said nothing.

The following evening was the first time the second ever questioned their relationship.

And it wasn't a good thing, he realized.

XXX

Allen Walker was a well-off person. He had always had luxuries that most others only craved. And maybe that was why he had never really had a problem with relationships before. People wanted him- and it was only usually minutely the other way around. There had been very few people who ruffled his feathers to any extent.

But… God-be-damned if Yuu Kanda wasn't one of them.

The slightly younger man wasn't the type he usually went for. He usually went for the 'full of life' hyper active sort - be it men or women. Not like Kanda - the bitchy, 'I do what I want' type. Not the 'there aren't strings here' type either like he'd seemingly turned into in the last month.

He nearly regretted letting (asking) the slightly younger, but still taller, jerk move in with him… Nearly.

Because, honestly - the sex was amazing, and even the fact of being fucked senseless by a slightly younger man wasn't all that vexing to him. And then, when he thought about it - seeing that dirty mouth that would cuss him ten ways to Spain any other time, suck him off like he had the night before… shit, was he drooling?

He was a natural - from virgin to seductress in just enough time to not make him seem like a whore, and Allen had helped him through it all. Regardless that they were both pretty drunk the first time, he'd been hooked from the start. They still fought like they hated each other most of the time, but when shit got serious neither of them backed away any more. It was almost comforting.

But then, he had moved in… and his personality suddenly went on guard. As if he was just now realizing 'holy fuck we're in a relationship'. And it was pissing Allen off.

Allen Walker was usually a very level-headed man. But Yuu Kanda seemed to be able to make him freak the fuck out without trying. Then again, they never really had talked about their relationship…

He hated labels. No joke- with his history it was beyond understandable. He called his whole family his cousins, because it was easier than referring to them as what they were, because some of the titles would go on for a while.

But he couldn't stop the thoughts of why from nagging at him. Why couldn't he stamp an accurate label on this- Kanda and his relationship? Was it because they were hardly ever civil to each other- the animosity even sometimes spanning to the bedroom? Was it because he was scared of the commitment that a label would put on them? … No, none of that seemed to really bother him. He'd been with Kanda nearly six months… only with Kanda- it really didn't bother him. In any other situation maybe- if he was even still talking to any of his past play-things.

But, that was one label he couldn't let Kanda have - the mere thought sickened him. Play-thing. He wasn't playing with Kanda - and that thought really, really scared him for a moment. He was completely serious about the other - and what if Kanda wasn't serious about him?

That thought was answered with a tight, uncomfortable clenching in his stomach. He felt like vomiting. Or crying… Or crying while he vomited…? It was a terribly distressing feeling.

Godfuckigndamnit. He didn't like this anymore.

Laying on his- their- bed he just watched the light dance over the ceiling, but his mind was racing.

Holyfuckingshit. He was freaking out.

His right hand dipped into his pocket without another thought and pulled out his phone. Speed-dial exists for a reason something like this, was his thought as he pressed his phone to his ear, waiting for his cousin- the actual one- to answer.

"Allen," was the greeting, sounding slightly confused.

"I'mfreakingthefuckout," he replies without a second thought, his words mashed together in haste sounding beyond hysterical. That was a good description, he thought distractedly, hysterical - totally fits.

"Whoa," Wisely's voice was now more alert, "What the hell is wrong with you?" Allen found himself unable to reply. "Never mind," Wisely replies after a second, "I'll be over in a tic." And then the line was gone and Allen let his hand with his now silent phone fall back to the bed beside him.

His mind reeled for a few minutes, no one thought sticking out more than the others - he was overloading. Somewhere in his mind, he was glad both Wisely and Tyki had keys to his- their- apartment.

Somewhere else in his mind, he wondered what time it was. He knew Kanda had left a long while ago, and then it was early afternoon. He lifted his head a bit to see the clock as he heard the front door open downstairs. 12:26 AM. Fuck. And his head was flopped back on his bed.

"Allen," the younger could hear his cousin call into the house.

"In the bedroom." And within a few moments the other man was standing in the doorway, a pair of baggy blue jean on his hip held up with a tan belt and a plain white t-shirt, ending with the tips of white socks poking out of the bottom of his pants. And of course- that same long as hell scarf wrapped around his Walker-white hair line.

"So," his cousin starts, moving into the room and plopping down on the desk char in the corner, turning in around to look at him. "What's going on?" The he pauses before looking around the room then toward the hall outside, "Where's Doll-Face?" Allen only flinched at Wisely's nickname for his… boyfriend? Lover? Meh.

He could only groan. "He went home for the night- his family was throwing him a birthday party."

"Oohhh," Wisely replies, hearing the snip he unconsciously added to 'family'. "So you two are still fighting about that?" Another groan. "Got'cha." And a brief silence. "There was a reason you called me, right?" With a slightly lull of his head to make eye contact with his cousin, Allen glared. After a moment where the glare did little passed the initial flinch, Allen sighs though.

"Wisely," he asks, his head turning back to look at the ceiling, still in the same position as he had been a few hours ago.

"Hm," the older replies.

"Do you think he's serious about this," he asks. A pause. And after a moment when he didn't get a response, he turns his head again to look at his cousin. And he sighs seeing the large eyed gape and the slightly open mouth.

"Shit," Wisely seemed to whisper, "Are you?" Allen couldn't stop the small flinch at the question. "I mean, shit, Allen." A brief stunned pause. "I realized that you had been limiting yourself for the kid, but even I didn't think you were this far into him."

"Neither did I, dipshit," Allen was suddenly yelling, sitting up as he had been some hours ago on the edge of the bed. "Hence me calling you out of the fucking blue, because I'm freaking a fucking lid!" Wisely was suddenly- somehow- stunned even further.

"You just yelled and cussed at me," he whispered more to himself than anyone, because then Allen was yelling again.

"No shit, Wise," he all but growled, "I've never felt this out of control about anything. I don't like it- I don't want it. I'm not supposed to lose control- he shouldn't have this much power over me." Then his gusto was gone and he was slumped limp- shoulders sagging, lips pouting, the whole nine yards. "I think I love him, Wise."

And all Wisely Walker - age 22, forensics major in college - could do was gape. "I think my dad just got into Heaven- 'Cause Allen-fucking-Walker just told me he loved someone other than his father-" He sighs. "-And I believe him." And Allen was groaning again, flopping back on the bed and throwing a temper tantrum - muttering and groaning, whining and pouting, feet'a'flailing- everything. "Holy shit," Wisely suddenly seemed to announces. And Allen pauses in his tantrum to look at him, now somehow on his back sideways in the bed. "I may get to finally see the first time you get turned down!"

"Wisely- you're such an ass!"

And after several hours of running ideas - most of which led to more twisting as Allen complained of the 'awkwardness' he felt most- all- of the mentioned would cause, they had nothing.

So around six the next morning, when Wisely finally concluded that he had to go into work and Allen showed him out, the younger decided he would just deal with it until he figure out something.

Kanda returned shortly after noon. Allen was standing in the kitchen, eating a sandwich at the counter, so lost in thought that when the door slammed shut slightly after the other entered he jumped a bit. Taking a deep breath he turned to greet Kanda as he entered the kitchen, stopping just inside to look at him blankly. "Did you even sleep, stupid," was the first thing he asked. Allen didn't reply for a moment as his face contorted in an exaggerated frown, knowing if he lied it would only make things worse.

"No," he finally replies, turning to look back at his mostly-eaten sandwich, "I was working." It was a lie, but a believable one. It wasn't uncommon for him to stay up all night working on something or other for the label. And Kanda just grunted in understanding as he moved to the refrigerator, pulling out various things to make himself some lunch. Stuffing the last of his sandwich down, he discards the paper plate and starts out of the kitchen, mumbling about taking a shower. He tried to not notice the other's quizzical glare at his back.

After a quick shower that he was lost in thought during and ended up washing his hair twice, Allen quickly gathered some clothes from the closet before moving to the bedroom to get dressed.

"You look like hell." He refused to admit he jumped at hearing Kanda's voice from the door. But when he turned around to see the thoughtful frown on the younger's face, Allen came to terms with it. Allen Walker was undeniably in love with Yuu Kanda. And he was scared shitless by that mere thought.

After about two hours of avoiding eye contact, Allen finally got away with a call from the office saying there were some things he needed to look over waiting for him. He left quickly, practically rushing though the explanation while pulling on his shoes. Again, he tried to not notice the odd look the younger was giving him as he fled- because that was totally was he was doing.

They were both aware that he hardly ever left without a kiss, playful or otherwise.

And he would admit he hid in his office all day- well into the night. But at almost eleven that night, his phone vibrated on his desk next to the keyboard to tell him he had a text. Opening it, there was a message from Kanda, simply containing: '?'

He knew his actions were probably baffling to the other, and if he was being honest with himself, he had a huge want to go home and sleep with the other. But even that scared him. He didn't want to fuck him- or be fuck by him as it were. He shivered as he realized that cuddling with Kanda sounded amazing right then.

He sent a quick reply. Short, stunted and to the point. 'Staying at the office to finish up some stuff. Will probably just sleep here, since I have that meeting in the morning.' And he fought the urge to close with what any other time would have been a semi-joking 'love you'. But now, it felt too raw to say that when he realized he actually meant it.

When Kanda didn't reply for a while, he turned distractedly back to his work. But after about ten minutes, another text arrived.

'Are you avoiding me?'

And his heart skipped a beat. Thinking about it, it probably did seem that way. And well- yeah, he was. But it probably wasn't for the reason the younger was thinking- but he wasn't ready to admit the real reason yet. So, he simply didn't reply.

And at three-fifteen when he finally wheedled through his work to the point of blurred vision, he flopped down on the couch in his office, kicked off his shoes and fell into a dreamless sleep.

The meeting the next morning, pressed into the late afternoon, at which point his problems with his… with Kanda, were close to the last thing on his mind. Dragging himself home, he unlocked the door without thought and was startled by the quiet that he heard as he let it close behind him. Moving into the living room, all the lights were off. Looking at the counter in the kitchen, there was no note. And moving into his- their- bedroom, nothing seemed terribly off. The bed was oddly made, that was about it. After a fit of paranoia, he noted that Kanda's clothes were all still in the closet - he hadn't left left. Maybe he had just gone out.

Piddling himself through a quick shower, he quickly dressed and just as he was about to lay down his phone began to ring. And then he was back off to the office where a problem had come up with a record that was supposed to be released in the next week. And for the first time ever, Allen cursed his over-demanding job and his wish to have an active hand in nearly everything.

And at a little after eleven this time, his phone vibrated again. Still in the sound booth working on the problem, he didn't have time to even open it. When he was able to make his way back to his office assuming he would crash on his couch again, he was barely through the door when he was assaulted with a blood chilling glare.

And somehow, it turned him on.

Kanda had taken a seat in his large, comfy desk chair, his converse clad feet propped up on the desk in front of him, leading to the rest of his body with dark colored tight jeans. His hair was down and looked like it was still a little wet from the shower. And with that glare and those tight jeans and that tighter black shirt - and oh god, that hair. Yeah, he was defiantly turned on.

"Hi," he asks, before Kanda was practically walking on his word with his own snippy statement.

"You're avoiding me." It wasn't a question and Allen couldn't find it in himself to answer… even though he knew it wasn't a question. So after a brief pause he returned with his own question.

"How'd you get in here?" More word stepping.

"Why are you avoiding me?" Okay, maybe it was a question… Though his face barely changed, he was growling now. Still looking utterly in control. It made Allen more than a little hot.

"Hm," was his reply, before he felt himself frowning and pinning the other with a hard look. "Why do you think?" It was a half-baited question. He wanted to know, even though he knew it nine-time-out-of-ten wouldn't be correct. Kanda growled, his feet flipping off the desk and thumping back onto the floor.

"If this is about the stupid family thing, you're being retarded," he was all but roaring now. Allen had to give him kudos - that one at least made sense. Any other time and it probably would have been correct. But it wasn't, so he answered with a small shake of his head. "Then what?" He growling again - head shaking, black locks falling over his shoulder, eyes rolling. "Do you really want to play twenty-fucking-questions? Or are you just going to tell me so I can fix it?"

And that statement caught him off guard. Kanda actually seemed eager to 'fix' whatever was making this void between them. But in the back of his mind- always in the back of his mind- was the little voice that told him Kanda just wanted to screw him again, so he'd fix anything. Anything, as long as they could go back to mindless fucking. And that wasn't what Allen wanted.

"Kanda," he asks, and he could see the other still in the dim office. He was still watching him just as hard, both now overly alert. "What are we?" And Allen could see his roommate-at-least freeze even more. He thought he even saw the younger's chest jump and shoulders sag, like he had just lost his wind. Like he'd gotten punched in the gut.

Was it that odd of a question? He couldn't remember them ever really talking about this - or anything remotely deep as this. They both shied away from things like this that involved both of them. One or the other was usually fine, but not both of them.

From the stunned look the other was giving him though, maybe it was.

And Allen found himself sighing, eyes falling to the carpet. By the other's reaction Allen was now nearly sure that Yuu Kanda had never - and probably would never, he noted - think about him as he had been trying to deny he thought of Yuu Kanda. It was a nasty feeling- rejection, or disappointment he guessed. Kind of felt like a bunch of women in really pointy stilettos walking all over his heart. Made it feel raw and sensitive- and made him gain a growing dislike for stilettos.

"That's what I thought," was all he could find to say. And with a sigh he found himself leaning back on the wall next to his door, still unable to look up at the other as an achy silence seemed to grasp at him. His hands found their way into his pocket as he fought against rubbing his chest to attempt smash the tiny stiletto wearing women. Fucking-ridiculous-shoes.

But then, without hearing him move, Kanda was right in front of him. Both hands on the sides of his face forcing him to meet the other man's eyes. "What the fuck are you being so emo about?" And Allen found himself finding this situation now funny- possibly hilarious.

He was being manhandled by his six-month younger seme, in his sixteenth floor prestigious office of the record label he owned. And yes, he was being emo- and an unconfident idiot, which was something he didn't allow himself to be any other time than when it came to this man- who could manhandle him any day, and he would love it all the same. Because- yeah, he defiantly loved Yuu Kanda.

And much to Kanda's displeasure, he found himself laughing. At first a small snicker, but as he watched the bemusement in the younger man's eyes, it grew, until he was clucking his hands against Kanda's that were now a bit in front of his face as he gasped and belly-laughed. But then as his laughter died down he gasped out his reasoning to the question burning in Kanda's eyes: What the hell are you laughing about?

"Why did I have to fall in love with a brat like you?"

And then there was a very brief pause. In which, Kanda seemingly inspected him. First inspecting his tone, and finding it genuine if not a bit playful. Then his smile, which seemed, again genuine, but with a underlying tease not-so-subtlety covered. But then he seemed to inspect his eyes. Finding a softness that Allen rarely showed anyone in one-hundred percent proof- he'd only seemed it on maybe two occasions, both for mere moments when the other was just waking up in the morning- and he seemed to acknowledge that it was fully recognized by it's giver this time.

And at that, he threw on his commonplace scowl and even while he allowed his own eyes to open up as he did even more rarely that the other, he snipped in reply. "What, exactly, is that supposed to mean, Moyashi?"

And they returned to normal… but not really, because now there was an unvoiced bridge that they had both passed over. Never with words, but with actions and looks they were now able to acknowledge what neither were really comfortable saying for their own reasons.

Shoes can be evil- It's a fact.
So this is my attempt at awakard for this story... It'll probably be attempted again (and again, and again, ect.)... (Facepalm) But that's all I got for now.

And for the recond- this was already written by the time I posted this story. So after this, there will be waiting. I'm sorry in advance.
But please review and let me know what you think- kay?

Thanks,
-Aseru.