A/N: Sorry if i was lazy with the updates guys! Here's the 3rd Chapter. I know it is a short one but the next chapter will be online in a week ok.

NOTE: M rating for this chapter (maybe...?). Nothing kinky, just a scene that is a tiny bit graphic.

When he felt Ray grabbed his arm and gently directing him towards the car, he made a mental note that he should definitely give the man a raise soon. Slumped in the back seat, he was shivering, still cold from sitting on the sidewalk for fifteen minutes. He must have forgotten his coat somewhere inside the bar, he'd have to buy a new one. Ray stopped at a red light and it made Harvey nauseous. He closed his eyes, fighting the urge to vomit but also fighting back tears. That night, something snapped in him. Like he needed to really hit rock bottom to finally realize that he couldn't go on living without her. Why did she leave him when she promised she would never do such a thing? Was it because she wanted him to come to this specific conclusion?

"Boss? Here's a paper bag…Rough night?" Ray's voice brought him back to reality. Harvey grabbed the paper bag, placing it on his knees.

"Ray, I don't think I'll be sick…" His voice was weak. "Please… Donna's place?"

Harvey heard his driver groaned.

"…I don't think this is such a good idea."

"Since when I'm paying you to have ideas?" snapped Harvey. He regretted it right away. Why was he such a jerk? He took a few breaths and added. "I'm sorry Ray. I'm not…great these days…"

Ray laughed. "I can't drive you to Donna's apartment… Because you have lipstick all over your face and vomit on your shirt, boss."

"Fuck…" mouthed Harvey, pushing his fists into his eyes, trying hard not to cry again.

"…I don't think tonight is the best night to confess your love to Donna. I'll drive you home."

Harvey's eyes snapped opened. "Wait. My.. What now?"

"She's so beautiful…I can't believe you've waited that long..."

'

'

It felt real. She was on top of him and he was holding on to her waist while she moved her whole body against him, sending shivers down his spine. Her nails were scratching his tights and he knew he wouldn't be able to keep it together much longer. His eyes were opened the whole time, while hers were closed. He didn't want to miss a thing. The way she bit her lip as she tried to suppress her moans, the small droplets of sweat forming on her forehead as she was getting closer to orgasm. Everything about her was perfect and he breathily whispered 'you know I love you'. She opened her eyes, grabbing his neck as she moaned his name before her mouth crashed on his jaw as he felt her come, her inner walls clasping around his dick.

He woke up in sweats just before reaching his own climax, alone, feeling cold and missing her so much he wished he could get back to sleep to feel her some more, to tell her how much he had missed her all these years. He had a pounding headache.

How could he be a man way into his forties, hungover, with a massive headache, but still had wet dreams about this woman? He felt ashamed, confused and for a fraction of second he even considered jumping off the balcony to end the pain. It never happened to him before and it was against everything he always believed in, and he felt acid burning up his throat. He knew he wouldn't do it, but the fact that for a millisecond it crossed his mind, pained him. He used to say that if your back is backed against a wall, just break the goddamn thing down. That was until Donna was the one who pushed him against the wall. He hated how he had changed lately, like he had reached his limits and couldn't keep on denying… He spent fifteen minutes under a warm shower, thinking about what his next move should be. He was glad Ray stopped him from going at Donna's last night.

Wrapping a towel around himself, he thought that maybe it would be a good idea to schedule a session with Doctor Agard. He knew that would mean talking about Donna. Specifically. Maybe Paula won't even accept to see him again as he had left their last session yelling…

But his most urgent problem right now is that he needed to see Donna. He wondered how that would go, now that he had come into full realization that he was utterly in love with her. Being friends was plausible back when he ignored his feelings or couldn't quite pinpoint what those feelings were, but now he couldn't 'just be friends'. But she deserved so much more than HIM.

He was like a drug addict who just couldn't stay away.

'

'

"What the hell are you doing here?" her voice was sharp and stung his soul. He dug his hands out of the pockets of his dark gray winter coat, making a movement to touch her arms, but then he let his arms fell to his sides, remembering how they never touch. How it was against 'the rules' they had set up years ago. Her hair was up into a bun, she was wearing one of those infinite scarf he always thought were ridiculous but she looked warm and cozy and he would have given anything to rest his face against this scarf to inhale her perfume. Under her long black quilted down coat, she was wearing purple leggings and winter boots that looked like something out from a L.L. Beans' catalog. No designer dress, no high heels shoes. She was shorter than him by a few inches and that's how he remembered she was just the perfect height to kiss his neck. She was perfect in every ways. He was staring at her and couldn't utter a word so he just offered her a weak apologetic smile.

"What. THE. HELL HARVEY!" She yelled at him, furious. "You texted me you were coming over last night and you never showed up!" One of her hands was on her waist while the other was clenching her yoga mat. She looked so mad. He swallowed a lump in his throat. He could give her some bullshit excuse, or he could tell her the truth. The truth would be a nice start.

"Listen, Donna. I was…out. I was drunk. I got sick. Ray drove me home. ALONE. I slept. I'm here to…"

"You could have called! You could have texted me back!" she snapped back at him, not letting him finished.

"I'm pretty sure I didn't text you I was coming over," he said.

She let her mouth hung opened. "Harvey! You texted 'How soon is now', I was sure you were coming over!"

"You wanted me to come over?" he asked weakly.

She was now closer to him, the cold air making her blow little clouds into his face as she exhaled sharply. He tilted his head, silently begging her to give him a break.

"I'm seeing a therapist," he blurted out, exasperated.

"I know! But tell me how does this allow you to be disrespectful to me?!" She sounded less mad. She sounded sad. "I ended up calling Mike and Rachel. We did the ritual without you."

"WHAT!?" He almost screamed.

"Oh Harvey! Mike told me he already knew! And clearly, he and Rachel needed something to hold on to…"

He shook his head, feeling like an idiot again. She expected him, and he didn't show up, deceiving her yet again. He knew now it was time to stop running away from his feelings.

" Donna, I thought we could go out for coffees." His heart was beating out of his chest. "We need to talk."

She raised an eyebrow. "Talk? You never want to talk, Harvey."

He smiled and reached for her elbow, his hand brushing her arm lightly. "Donna, I'm serious…"

She laughed nervously looking around her. He saw her narrowing her gaze on a few women who looked like they were waiting for her. They probably saw everything. He wondered if those girls knew they had slept together. Maybe Donna had told them he was just her jerk/boss?

He saw Donna make a "call me" hand gesture to her friends and she turned towards him. "Okay. Let's grab a coffee… "