Rocket Man Chapter XIV

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Disclaimers:

They are not mine. I'm not keeping them, just borrowing, although I wouldn't mind to keep Castle. ;-)

Kate leant against the counter, her eyes closed, as she let out a huff of air. Why had she said that? He was confused enough as it was, and she had to go and add to it by implying they did have a history. Because that's what it must have sounded like for him, right? Talking about old memories, and making new ones, telling him not to doubt his feelings. Gosh! She was an idiot! How was he supposed to make sense of all of this, to read her subtext the right way?

But what choice did she have? He was so broken, so sad. And she couldn't possibly let him believe he was mistaken in his feelings for her. If she were totally honest with herself, the simple truth was she didn't want him to doubt his feelings for her. Not when she was so close to being ready. Pushing herself off the counter, Kate grabbed the injection and braced herself to go back in. It was too late now anyway. She had said it, and now she had to deal with the consequences.

Castle's eyes had been fixed on the doorway to the bathroom since she had disappeared through it, anxiously awaiting her return. To say he was confused would have been an understatement. A couple of days ago he had been informed he had no romantic history with the Detective, and just minutes ago she told him not to doubt his feelings. What feelings was she talking about? His feelings for her? Gosh, he hoped so. But what was he suppose to do now? What did she expect him to do? Did she expect him to do anything? Did it matter right now? Should he just dwell on the feeling she had elicited in him with her words? He was again at a loss, but for the first time it didn't scare him as much, he would just follow her lead.

Castle's eyes were on her the minute she reappeared through the door, but he didn't say a word. He simply watched her go through the routine of her giving him the injection, her hand soft and warm against his skin. He didn't even flinch, too enraptured by her.

"You okay?" Kate asked, smoothing his shirt back down and looking at him for the first time since she had returned.

He nodded, "Much better," and paused, making sure she was really looking at him. "Thank you."

"For what?" Kate raised one eyebrow in the most adorable way, he could imagine.

"For listening," he explained, smiling.

Returning the smile she nodded and then looked helplessly at her hands, "You should get some rest now," she said finally. "Is your head okay?"

"Yeah," he assured, still watching her every movement.

"I'll be in the living room if you need anything," she said, starting towards the door.

"Can you stay?" he asked almost shyly.

"I'll stay until Martha gets back," she replied surprised, thinking it had been clear.

"No, what I mean is, can you stay here tonight?" Castle looked at the empty side of his bed, knowing he was taking a big risk with his suggestion.

"I – uhm," she stared at the floor.

"It's just … It's worse at night. I have trouble sleeping because I have nothing to distract me from thinking about everything I don't remember. And believe me, thinking about nothing is pretty pathetic."

Kate smiled, but it wasn't real, "Castle, - I don't know." This was too much. He was asking for too much.

"No, I understand. It's okay." He tried to wave her off, pretending it wasn't a big deal. "I guess feeling lonely makes me whiny." He shrugged, trying a smile she didn't buy.

"Castle, I," he cut her off.

"It's okay Kate, really. I shouldn't have asked. You've done more than enough the past few days."

She shouldn't. She really shouldn't. It was dangerous territory, she wasn't ready. But then again, what was he actually asking for? He just didn't want to be alone, right? She could do that, keep him company, each of them on their respective sides of the bed. If their circumstances had been reversed, she wouldn't have to ask him twice.

"Okay," she heard herself say.

"Okay?" Castle was sure he'd misheard, still he sounded hopeful.

"No funny business," she demanded with mock sternness, but unable to hide her smile.

He raised his right arm innocently, "Katherine Beckett, I'd never…"

She laughed whole heartedly, "I'll hold you to that!"

Kate found a shirt and some sweat pants in his closet, both way too big for her slim body but workable for one night, then disappeared into the bathroom once more. She had discovered an unpacked tooth brush the other day and decided it was okay for her to claim it.

Getting ready she asked herself a million times if she was doing the right thing, knowing it was redundant as there was no way to back out now. With one last look at her reflection in the mirror, she placed her clothes on the counter behind her and stepped back into the bedroom.

Castle hadn't moved, but his eyes were closed and Kate wondered if he had already fallen asleep. She moved to his side and looked down at him, startling as he spoke, "You're staring."

"Just checking if you need anything." she hastily muttered, when he opened his blue eyes to beam up at her.

Castle was tempted to say: Only you. But he knew he couldn't. He was still in awe she had actually agreed to stay, and he needed to be careful. He might not remember anything, but he could read her. She was uncertain, on edge, and with one wrong move she would run.

"Maybe a glass of water for the painkillers," he requested instead.

"You said your head was fine," she was immediately worried and it was a horrible thing to think, but he liked to see her worried, at least when she was worried about him.

"More of a precaution," he reassured her. "It's really not that bad."

Only slightly convinced, Kate made her way to the kitchen to fetch him some water. Returning, she sat down on the edge of Castle's side of the bed and handed him the glass and the painkillers. Studying him while he placed the now empty glass on the nightstand, she wondered how much he did not tell her about what was going on in his head and how much it pained her. She finally understood that this was how he must have been feeling since that day in the cemetery, an outsider to her feelings.

Her hand reached out, brushing a strand of hair off his forehead, "I'm here," she simply stated, hoping he would understand.

"I know. I can see you," he smiled, lost in her eyes, shining with so much more than she was admitting.

And then she leaned forward, so very tempted to kiss him on the lips, but she couldn't, not yet, so she let her lips linger a moment longer than necessary at his cheek, before pulling back to walk to the other side of the bed. Her side?

Settling in next to him, she couldn't help but notice how right this felt and how comfortable she was being here, no matter the circumstances.

"Good night, Kate." Castle whispered in the dark.

"Night, Castle. And if you get lonely, wake me up." She whispered back.

Later that night Martha returned to a quiet and dark loft, wondering if Kate had left, before she spotted her shoes and coat still in the closet. Making her way through her son's study into his bedroom, she raised a surprised brow at the sight in front of her. In bed with her son was his partner, snuggled up next to him, her right arm across his chest over his injured one, which was still secured to his torso, while his good arm held her close, content smiles on both of their faces.

Carefully retreating so she wouldn't wake them, Martha returned to the living room, smirking, "Who would have thought… "

Kate woke the next morning with a strange sense of déjà vu, feeling safe and happy as she opened her eyes and saw the reason for her contentment. Castle. Lying next to her was her partner, looking irresistibly cute. His hair was a mess, and she knew hers probably was too, but he looked so peaceful and relaxed. She rolled her eyes for her own benefit, glad he was asleep as she made love eyeballs all over him. Again. The only difference this time was there were no cuffs and no tiger.

Realizing that his arm was holding her close, she tensed. She shouldn't stay like this. She had no idea when or how she had made her way into his arms, but yet again, this was way too intimate for them. And once he woke up it would become awkward. Still she didn't move, lingering just a moment longer to feel his steady heart beat under her palm, which was resting over his heart, before she finally untangled herself carefully from his grip and slipped out of bed. Throwing one last glance over her shoulder at his sleeping form, she made her way through his study and into the living room.

Alexis opened the front door half an hour later, welcomed by the smell of bacon, scrambled eggs and pancakes, but the smile on her face quickly faded when she saw who was standing in the kitchen, clad in her father's clothes. The talk she'd had with her father's partner had been good, Alexis could see Kate was trying to help wherever she could, and she even believed she hadn't hurt her father on purpose, but she hadn't meant for the Detective to jump into bed with him, especially not under these circumstances, and Alexis' tone left no doubt she wasn't pleased by what she saw.

"What are you doing here?" she demanded to know, startling Kate.

"Alexis, hi, you're back early," Kate observed and only now became aware of the look on her face. Looking down at herself she understood, "It's not what it looks like!" She quickly exclaimed. Alexis kept staring, glued to the spot. "Your Dad didn't want to be alone last night, so I stayed. That's all. Nothing happened." Somehow it felt a bit ridiculous to Kate, to defend herself like this, but she certainly did not want Castle's daughter to believe she had taken advantage of the situation. As strange as that might sound.

Alexis regarded her father's partner with a stern look, knowing Kate better than to actually consider something had happened between the two of them, but she was hurt. It hurt that her father was obviously more comfortable around her than his own daughter. It wasn't Kate's fault, and Alexis knew as much, but it still hurt.

"Did you already have breakfast?" Kate tried to change the topic. Alexis shook her head. "Scrambled eggs?" Kate suggested and held up the pan in her hand, raising a questioning brow.

Finally Alexis moved, walking over to the kitchen counter and dropping herself on one of the bar stools.

"Bacon?" Alexis asked hopefully and rewarded Kate with the first smile of the morning when she held up another pan. Kate filled a plate, placing it in front of Alexis.

"Coffee?" Kate questioned.

"Yes, thanks," Alexis nodded, still a little tense, not sure what she should think about all of this.

Kate watched her partner's daughter, digging into her breakfast, sensing she was somehow trying to avoid her.

"How are you doing?" The older woman finally asked, watching the emotions wash over the girl's face.

Alexis shrugged, putting her fork down and looking at Kate, "How's he?"

"Better, I think." Kate replied honestly, sensing there was more on Alexis' mind, "Alexis?"

"Why does he talk to you?" Accusation was swinging in the younger woman's voice.

Kate swallowed, how was she supposed to explain this, "I don't know. Maybe it's easier."

"It should be easy for him to talk to me," Alexis said irritated.

"Alexis, I'm not trying to keep you away from your Dad or come between the two of you. I couldn't and I would never even consider something like that. I hope you know I'm just trying to help."

Alexis sighed, "I know. I know. It's just he's so comfortable around you and we can hardly stay in the same room without getting into a fight."

Kate reached out, placing her hand over Alexis' much like the younger woman had done just yesterday, "Alexis, your father loves you so very, very much. You are everything to him and nothing is going to change that," she paused, making sure Alexis was listening, "I think he's scared to disappoint you. He wants more than anything in the world to remember all the great things you two did together and I think it's just harder for him to look at you, knowing there's so much he's missing. I guess the not remembering is easier with me, not so much history." Kate saw the small tug at the corner of Alexis' mouth, squeezing her hand she added, "It will get better. Trust me."

Alexis met the Detective's eyes, sincere and certain, and so much wiser than she should be at her age, "Thank you, Kate."

Smiling back, Kate pointed at the plate in front of Alexis, "Eat before it gets cold."

Castle joined them about twenty minutes later, delighted to see them chatting over the kitchen island, "Good Morning," he announced as he walked up to them.

"Kate made breakfast," Alexis beamed at him and Castle was glad she was obviously not holding a grudge against him because of yesterday's events. Placing a kiss on his daughter's head he glanced at the filled pans.

"Don't tell me you aren't hungry," Kate narrowed her eyes at him in silent warning.

But Castle shook his head, grinning, "As a matter of fact I am starving."

The two women exchanged a knowing look and Kate placed a plate in front of him filling it up with a bit of everything she had made, enjoying the sight of him digging into his breakfast. She joined them at the kitchen counter, sitting down next to Castle who was now framed by the two women.

"Where's Grams?" Alexis asked between bites. "Normally the smell of bacon lures her out of bed."

"It did, darling. It did." Martha stated coming down the stairs in a long red chiffon morning robe. "How is everyone?"

She received a number of muffled replies between chewing and stopped next to Kate, obviously not at all surprised by the Detective's presence or appearance. Kate figured Martha knew she had stayed the night and blushed, realising she must have seen them in bed together.

"Can I get you something?" She asked quickly, before Martha felt obligated to comment on her current state of attire.

"Darling, who can eat?" Martha sighed dramatically, patting Kate's arm. "Aspirin and water, that's what I need," she groaned and held her head.

"Too much wine, mother?" Castle smirked.

"Can we please not talk about it," Martha demanded before she gulped down the aspirin she had found. "Once you're my age…" but she didn't finish the sentence, instead settled for enjoying the scene playing out in front of her, Castle and his two ladies sharing breakfast together.

After breakfast they all retreated to their rooms to get dressed., Kate taking the guest room she had occupied after her apartment had blown up. When she came back down, Alexis was already propped up on the couch, reading a book.

"What are you reading?" Kate asked sitting down next to her, glancing at the back of the book.

"A tale of two cities," Alexis replied, holding the book up for Kate to see.

"Dickens," Kate nodded. "I read that one in College."

Alexis was about to say something, when her father came brushing through the office door, "Look what I found," he exclaimed excited.

"Monopoly," Alexis stated.

"Let's play it," he said, placing it on the coffee table in front of the two women.

"Now?" His daughter frowned.

"Yes, now! Duh," he made a funny face. "You always loved playing Monopoly."

"I did, but…," Alexis stopped, looking at him. "What?"

"You always loved playing Monopoly," he repeated, looking at her as if she was crazy.

"You remember?" Alexis asked.

He frowned, thinking and then slowly nodded, a bright smile forming on his lips, "Yes I do. I remember. We always played Monopoly when you were little."

"Dad!" She exclaimed and rushed into his arms.

Kate's smile could have brightened the whole world as she stepped closer to the two, gently rubbing her hand up his injured arm, "Is there anything else you remember?" She asked.

He thought, shaking his head, "No, that's the only thing."

"I'll tell Grams," Alexis exclaimed, already rushing up the stairs.

"Slow down," he called after her, before he grinned at Kate.

"I told you," Kate smiled back, "You will remember."

"It's not much," he said, the smile fading.

"Hey, it's a start," she encouraged him. "I'm sure the rest will follow."

And then she stepped closer and before she could think about retreating, his arm pulled her close. They separated when they heard Martha and Alexis coming down the stairs.

"Richard, Alexis says you remember something?" Martha asked before she was all the way down.

"Yeah, not much though," he ran his hand through his hair, smiling nevertheless. It felt good to have a memory, even if was just one.

"Maybe we should get you to the hospital," Martha suggested.

"Why, I'm feeling good," he really had no desire to see a doctor.

"Just in case Richard, maybe there is something else they can do now." His mother had this look on her face, one only a mother could muster.

"Castle, it can't hurt to get you checked out once more," Kate said gently, squeezing his hand.

He looked from one woman to another, sighing defeated, "Alright, alright."