Rocket Man Chapter XVIII

So, this is it. The last chapter, although maybe I could be convinced to write an epilogue for obvious reasons. ;-)

Thank you all so much for staying with me through this, for your reviews and kind words! It really was the best part while writing this. I cannot thank you enough. I will wait for next Monday, probably turn crazy while doing so and then might have something new to share with you. So hopefully until tomorrow or the day after or next week, well you get the drift... ;-)

A major thank you to Stella, Marjo and Melody. I couldn't have done it without you! Thank you for your patience and friendship. You made this story so much better, not only grammatically ;-)

Okay I hope enjoy the last one... And good luck to all of us for Always. Hopefully we will survive the epicness.

Disclaimers:

They are not mine. I'm not keeping them, just borrowing, although I wouldn't mind to keep Castle. ;-)

Kate swallowed, this was it. She had to come clean with him, no more hiding behind her mother's case to protect herself, or him. No more.

She felt herself nod, "Yes, I will stop." Still he didn't look happy, something clouding his beautiful blue eyes, normally shining with laughter and life.

"Will it be enough?" He asked, not able to explain or give her more words, hoping she'd understand what it was he really needed to know, and she did. She knew exactly what he meant.

She stepped closer, almost close enough to touch him, "It has to be." She stated quietly and immediately regretted her choice of words, implying it actually wasn't enough, would never be enough, when it was. His shoulders sank even further, looking more defeated than she had ever seen him and she knew she had to make it right, needed to make him understand that she wanted it to be enough. "It will be enough." She said with more conviction, while closing the distance between them and reaching for his hand, holding it tight between her own. "It's enough."

"Why?" He asked, staring down at their tangled hands.

"Because …," she took a deep breath, chewing on her bottom lip. "There is….," Stopping again, she looked down at his hand between hers. Turning his palm up and tracing the lines with her fingers, she finally let it out, "For a long time there was nothing else, nothing more important than solving my mother's case. Not myself, and not anyone else. The only thing that mattered was finding the person responsible for her murder, and that need was always there, even when I had convinced myself I had to let it go all these years ago until you came and started looking into it again," she could see him opening his mouth and quickly shook her head, "It's not your fault. It would have come back to haunt me nevertheless." She gave his hand a quick squeeze. "It's not what matters anyway, not anymore." For the first time since he had set foot into her apartment she saw something like hope flickering through his eyes, starting to chase away the doubt and the fear that had taken hostage of his handsome features for longer now than she wanted to admit.

He waited her out, knowing there was more and he would give her all the time in the world. He would stand here all night, with his hand, treasured in hers, in the middle of her living room. He didn't care, they were finally getting somewhere.

"After I was shot …," she finally got out and he could see how much it cost her to voice it, "I had to work through a lot of things and it was too much. I couldn't." She lifted her eyes to his, pleading with him to understand. He nodded, he did. "I went back into therapy," she confessed and his eyes widened in surprise, but he kept quiet, letting her do this at her own pace. "But it wasn't until the sniper case that I could see it. That I understood I had to let her go." She huffed, her whole body shaking. "Castle," her voice broke, "I let her go."

It took him only a second to pull her close, without a word, wishing he could use both his arms, wishing there was anything he could say to make it better, and knowing there wasn't. She had lost her mom and nothing was going to change that, and it would be a part of her for the rest of her, maybe, hopefully, their lives. "She would want you to be happy, Kate." He whispered into her hair, his chin propped up on her head and he could feel her breath on his neck when she nodded, felt the moisture of her tears, while she tried to compose herself.

"I know, and this is good. Letting go is good, but it -," she took in another shaky breath.

"But it hurts," he finished for her, feeling her arms curl around his waist, pulling him closer. "It's okay. It will get better." He soothed.

"I want to be more, Castle. I don't want my mother's case to run my life and get me killed," she pulled away, untangled her arms from around him to reach up, cupping his face, "and I certainly don't want you or your family to get hurt, or worse." She made sure he was looking at her, before she continued. "So no more digging. No more murder boards. Just no more."

"Okay," he nodded, "No more."

"Good," she let her hands slide down, coming to rest on his chest, realising for the first time how close they were and slowly pulled away and he let her retreat, fearing he might push too far again. There was still a lot unsaid and a lot of questions, but he had understood her message. His mother had been right, he was more important to her. So important in fact she was willing to let go, for him, for them. It was probably the biggest gift she could give him, and yet he still needed one more thing from her.

"Kate, I need you to tell me what you want," he said, stopping her retreat by reaching for her elbow. Waiting until her eyes lifted to him. "I'll wait as long as it takes, if that's what you want. But I need you to tell me. I need you to tell me what I am, or not allowed to do, because I can't keep tiptoeing anymore. I can't go on being afraid to scare you away with a word or look. I need you to tell me exactly what you want me to do." Castle let go of her elbow, letting his hand run through his hair, giving himself a moment to organize the thoughts running through his head.

She stared at him. She had this whole speech prepared about needing more time, but wanting him to be there with her from now on. But looking at him now she realised it was all bullshit. She was as ready as she would probably ever be and if she was honest, this wasn't the point. It was an excuse, because she was scared. Scared to give into the inevitable and it struck her that all she needed was a little faith. The waiting wasn't enough and it wasn't fair, certainly not to him, but more importantly not to her anymore.

So Kate stepped forward again, her left hand sneaking around his neck, her other coming to rest over his heart when she pulled him down towards her, while pushing herself up on her toes to touch her lips to his, soft and sweet. "I love you," she confessed when she pulled away just enough to rest her forehead against his, eyes closed.

"Kate," her name dancing on the breath he let out.

"No more waiting, Rick. I want us to give this a try." And she closed her lips over his again, more demanding this time, she pressed herself closer to his body, without crushing his injured arm too much. But Rick didn't seem to care, pulling her even closer, giving as much as he took from her lips, before he pulled away with one last nibble on her bottom lip.

"I can't give you a guarantee," he suddenly said, "I'm not the safest bet, two broken marriages surely prove that."

"Shh," she placed her index finger over his mouth, "Don't. Don't sell yourself short." She had learned a lot about his past marriages over the past week and he definitely wasn't the only one to blame for their endings. He obviously had married for the wrong reasons, but always because he wanted to do the right thing. No she wouldn't let him go down that path. "You think I'm a safe bet? I don't need a guarantee, Castle, and I can't give you one either. One of the reasons I lied to you was that I wanted to give you more than just the words. I wanted us to have the chance of a future and I just couldn't do that back then. I would have screwed it up. Pushed you away, ran away." She sighed snuggling into the crook of his neck, breathing him in, pressing her lips to his skin. So glad she could finally and unashamedly do so.

"This all sounds very promising," he sighed and was surprised to hear her chuckle, and when looking down at her was met by her sparkling eyes.

"Very promising indeed," she beamed at him.

"This is different though, you know? With you. it's different than all the other times." He said, turning serious again.

"I know, for me too." She smiled gently, her fingers caressing his earlobe, electing something like a purr from of him.

"So what do you want me to do?" he asked, a smirk playing around his lips.

She pretended to ponder his question, "I think what I really want you to do has to wait until this comes off," she tapped his sling. "Until then you could just stay with me?" And suddenly she sounded uncertain, with all her previous confidence replaced by nervousness.

"Can I kiss you while I stay?" he asked, grinning.

"That's mandatory," she smirked, letting her hands run through his hair, one hand starting to caress his ear, while the other landed on his chest again, she couldn't help it, couldn't get enough of his heart beating under her hand, quickening now, when he bent down to take her lips again. "I love you, Kate." He whispered before they made contact and she moaned into his mouth. She had waited so long to hear him say it again. She let her tongue run over his bottom lip before she demanded entrance, which he willingly granted. His hand slipped under her shirt, caressing the soft skin he found there, drawing circles on the small of her back, electing goose bumps where his fingers touched her. He felt her hand unbuttoning the top of his button down and sliding her hand inside, over his chest, making him shiver. He couldn't believe they were here. After all the secrets, misunderstandings and hiding, they were finally here and he would do anything he could to keep her, he would do anything to make her happy, to make it work.

He did stay. She guided him to her bedroom later in the evening after lots of talking and even more kissing and touching. She had helped him to strip down to his boxers, securing the sling over his now naked torso and had him settle into her bed before she joined him, again suddenly nervous. Nothing would happen, not tonight, not with the sling still limiting him. They had shared a bed before, but now their relationship had changed, everything was new and she couldn't stop the butterflies when thinking about spending the night in the same bed as Richard Castle.

"Are you planning on staying over there?" he asked, amusement in his voice.

"Uhm," she huffed, so nervous.

"Come here," he reached out with his right arm and she scooted closer, until he could wrap it around her and pull her to his chest. "That's better." He stated satisfied when Kate rested her head on his chest, while her right hand started to dance across his skin. Feather light touches, that distracted him immensely.

"So you remember everything?" She asked, while memorizing how his skin felt under her finger tips.

"I guess," he replied and then laughed. "But I wouldn't know."

"Not funny," she mumbled, grinning into his chest.

"What did Martha say, when you called her?" She asked after a while, looking up briefly.

He chuckled, "I think it was something a long the lines of Hallelujah. I can't be sure though, there was too much cheering involved.

She laughed, but it faded quickly, "And Alexis? Is she okay with this?"

"Why wouldn't she be?" He asked confused.

"She's scared I will hurt you," Kate admitted, hiding from his eyes. She could feel him nod and couldn't help the sting in her heart, even though she could understand it.

"I think she's scared we will hurt each other," he finally said, remembering his daughter's, don't ruin it!

She pushed herself up on his chest to look at him, "I will never hurt you deliberately. But we both know it will happen nevertheless."

He smiled at her and she really couldn't figure what was there to smile about, "Doesn't scare me," he mumbled. "Doesn't make me want this, us, any less."

Oh yeah, that was a reason to smile and hers followed suit, while placing a kiss on his lips, "You are amazing," she whispered, snuggling back onto his chest.

"Wait until I can use both my arms," he replied with a smirk. "Ouch! Hey don't pinch me." Oh, he loved her, loved still being them.

"Stop whining Rocket Man," she grinned, couldn't wait until he took her up to the stratosphere. Placing a kiss right over his heart, she heard him take a shaky breath. "I love you."

His grip on her tightened, hearing her words, burying his nose in her hair, he breathed her in. "I love you too, Kate."

The End