A/n.I struggled to get this one out. Even though I knew where I wanted to take it. I kept stumbling over the words. I hope you will enjoy it anyway. Thank you all for the lovely reviews and alerts, I appreciate it more than you will ever know. And my dear Troy, I bow before your editing skills ;)

Disclaimer. Nah.

Red

Chapter 4

"No! No, no, no! You do not get to say that Castle! You do not get to say that you are hurting. Really? How can you be hurting when you have the fun and the uncomplicated, huh? Just, NO!"

Kate forcefully released her seatbelt and wrenched the car door open. She jumped out like she was on fire and started to pace.

Back and forth, her feet kept a steady pace. Running her slender fingers through the locks of her hair, she took a breath and squeezed her palms deep into her eye sockets trying to ease the blinding tension. She tried to drag a bit more air into her lungs, to calm her thundering heart, but it just was not happening.

Even though Castle's sudden order to stop the car and the screech of the tires had momentarily stunned her, the anger was still there.

She could feel the build up coming.

She felt like she might throw up. Her tummy was in knots, she fisted her hands, but it was beyond that point where she could hold it in any longer.

She let out this inhuman growl and started stomping her spiked heels on the hard asphalt.

When she thought back to this moment sometime later in her life, she knew she probably looked utterly ridiculous, so out of character for Detective Katherine Beckett - having a childish tantrum. But then, there by the red Ferrari, she just wanted to let out all the frustration, confusion, hurt and anger that had seeped into her mind and heart over the last few weeks.

Castle was still sitting in the car. Eyes wide, mouth open, totally stunned! He had never seen Beckett lose it like this. She looked possessed, and he had to admit, still so damn hot, even in her rage, even if he was scared she might inflict bodily harm on him at any minute.

He slowly got out of the car, never taking his gaze of the furious woman, whose eyes were closed and teeth clenched while she was growling like a tigress. She was simply stunning.

He shuffled around the car and took hesitant steps towards her.

He couldn't decide whether he should approach her, call her name. Or just let her be.

"Be .. Beck... Beckett?' he stammered quietly.

He was a few feet in front of her. He tentatively stretched his arm closer towards her trying to touch her shoulder.

And that is where he made a mistake.

As soon as his fingers touched her it seemed electricity ran through her whole body, she jerked her eyes open, her lips parted … and she shoved him in the chest with both arms, hard.

"You don't listen Castle, I told you to shut up! Shut up till I tell you that you can talk."

Her eyes were blazing, cheeks flushing, she bit her lip and went straight up to him and shoved him again.

"Don't you ever dare to parade your stupid conquests in front of me again, do you hear me? Or brush me off, or ignore me when I am trying to talk to you, or keep your distance. I am tired of this bullshit and you are hurting me," she snarled.

"I … I have been trying so hard, to fix ME. And though it has been slow going, I am just so much closer. And you have to go and screw it all up! Why are you doing this to me? Huh? You are making me build up that damn wall, right when it was barely holding up any more. I thought you understood. And you go and become the fucking jackass with bimbos on each arm and those stupid leather jackets."

She fisted said jacket and held tight, squeezing herself impossibly closer to him.

Her whole body was taught as a piece of string on a violin, ready to snap at any given moment.

"Why Castle, why are you doing this to me? When I am ..."

"When WHAT Kate? HUH?"

Suddenly the tables were turned, Castle grabbed her wrists and held on tight, not letting her shove him any longer.

"When what? When you push me so far away from you, when you brush me off, and tell me you don't need me any more?" Castle muttered out through clenched teeth. His voice a low, threatening rumble.

"I heard you! I know that you remember every fucking second of your shooting. And I am the one who is hurting, because you do not want me."

His voice hitched, the last syllable, the sound breaking in his throat, despite the anger, the hurt was just too much.

"You heard me say that I loved you, and you sent me away. You. Sent. Me. Away. You have no idea what it feels like."

"Why did you come back? That big speech on the swings ... and you sat there knowing that I loved you," he could barely hold the tears at bay, his broken heart was squeezing his windpipe.

"I just ... I can't. I can't listen to you ranting, and your walls and your confusion. Because I do not understand. But maybe, I do. I am just not good enough for..."

Beckett hand shot up and covered his mouth muffling whatever he wanted to say next.

"SHUT UP! Will you ever listen to what I have to say? Stop interrupting me!" Kate looked into Castle's eyes and for the first time actually saw how much she had inadvertently hurt him.

"Oh god, I am so sorry. I am sorry Castle. I am sorry that I didn't tell you that I heard you, that I never forgot. I am not going to give you the reasons why, not now. That will come later, but now just shut up and listen hard."

Becket took a deep breath steeling her resolve to finally tell Castle what she had been hiding for so long.

"I don't know why, where and when it happened but I love you. Do you hear that? I love you like I have never loved anyone before. And I am sorry, but damn it, I thought you could read me like a book Castle. Do you really think after all this time, there is even a remote chance that I do not have feelings for you?"

She slowly let her hand drop down to her side. The moment dragged itself.

Castle stood there, frozen, not blinking. Just staring at Kate.

The odd pair of them. In a deserted street with the bright red Ferrari, both doors open after the hasty exit of its passengers.

They were standing so close, drinking each other in. Blue eyes met hazel. They stared. And then there was a change in the air, from the crackling heat of the rage that both of them had been feeling just moments ago, the hurt easing…

Kate Beckett slapped both of her hands in front of her mouth, her eyes widened. She drew in a ragged breath in her lungs.

And then she snorted. Uuhhh, even to her own ears it sounded ridiculously adorable.

Another little snort. It looked like someone was running fingers down her sides and she was trying so hard not to laugh.

A few seconds later tears were streaming down her flushed face, and she was laughing harder than she had ever done before. She clutched her tummy, leaning heavily against Castle's wide body, as she could barely stand. Her hair was trembling with every chuckle she let out, her eyes sparkled.

Next thing she knew, Castle's arms were wrapped around her, and he was silently shaking. Or was it her who was shaking, she couldn't tell. She could dimly hear Castle's deep laugh echo her higher, womanly one.

They stood there laughing for a while.

Neither felt the need to stop.

They just held each other and let the laugh ease the tension. It seeped out of their bodies, and a more peaceful feeling replaced the anger and the rage.

Castle held on tight and started to run his fingers through Beckett's hair. She slipped her palms down his chest and under his jacket and slid them to rest on his lower back. The mirth slowly died. They quieted down and just embraced.

"You are insane, Beckett." Castle whispered into her soft her. "But I can't stop loving you."

Kate melted deeper into his arms, snuggled in closer.

"And I can't stop loving you either, even though you drive me so mad. We can't keep going on like this, Rick. We truly do suck at communicating with each other. It has to stop, or it will break us. Whatever this is, or could be."

More to come...

P.S. Please review! let me know what you think! Cheers and thanks!