It had been nearly a week since Angelle had saved Anders from the templars. She tried not to think of him. She tried not to remember his scent of herbs. She tried not to remember the taste of his lips... but she failed. She had been angry at him for leaving. She had been angry at herself for letting him kiss her. But most of all she was confused. They never got along. They always argued. How many times hadn't she tried to avoid him? So why did her heart suddenly ache at the thought of him? It would be best to forget him and tonight she would.
There was to be a festival tonight in Hightown. She was going with Sebastian and had been looking forward to it for a month. She had even bought a new dress. It was dark red with lose sleeves reaching down to her elbows, embodied with golden markings along the edge of the sleeves and v shaped neckline. Angelle put on her dress, curled her dark hair and tied the upper half of it with a bow in her neck. She put on some vanilla scented oil on hear neck and wrist. As she was admiring herself in the mirror she suddenly felt sad "If only he could see me like this. No! Enough!"
Angelle went to the festival and met up with Sebastian.
"Hawke." Sebastian smiled and gave a small bow.
"Sebastian."
"I hope you feel inclined to dance this evening. The music is quite lovely."
"I'm afraid I am quite inexperienced, but if I can do so without making a complete fool out of myself I will try." She giggled
"Well I will have to teach you then. When I lived in Stark Haven my parents insisted that I learned. I hated it, but never the less I learned it. Now that I'm a man it might even be enjoyable. I have been meaning to apologize for what happened with the Grand Cleric last week."
"That so?"
"Yes. I still believe Elthina made the right decision, but it was wrong for me to let you leave when you were so upset. I do feel sorry for the girl and I have prayed for her."
Angelle gave him a smile. But never before had his words seemed so empty to her. Sebastian was still the same, but she could feel something inside her changing. "Prayers will not bring her justice. Prayer will not prevent it for happening again. Prayer will not release the man from prison." Never had the Maker seemed so distant, so unimportant. Those who served him faithfully would not help his children. "What use do we have for them if not to help? Prayer is something we can do on our own." Before she got too lost in her own thoughts Sebastian took her hand and let her trough crowd preparing for the next dance.
She had been looking forward to this, dancing with him, having his attention all to herself and the conversations, but now... When the dance required them to touch she wasn't thinking of Sebastian, but Anders. When she looked in to Sebastian's blue eyes, they turned brown before her. When touching his shoulder she felt the texture of feathers between her fingers. She missed him even more, when talking to Sebastian. With Sebastian she had to hide her feelings, her opinions, herself. Ever since that day in the Chantry she couldn't show herself truly to him. With Anders she could always speak her mind. They might not agree, but she didn't have to hide. She trusted him, what was said to him remained with him.
As Angelle was talking to Sebastian and a few nobles, she saw a little girl sitting on the stairs crying. She excused herself and went to speak with the girl.
"Why are you crying little one?" The girl looked up at Hawke and gave a small sob.
" The other girls where teasing me, because I'm not as pretty as they are."
"Why would you think such a thing?"
"They have their pretty dresses and pretty hair and they told me so."
"I think you look very pretty." Angelle looked into her eyes and smiled.
"You are just saying that to make me feel better." Angelle chuckled on the inside, this was a smart girl.
"No, but there is something you must realise. If we want others to think that we are beautiful, then we must think of ourselves as beautiful."
"What do you mean?"
"Look at the people here. Who do you think are the prettiest those who are smiling or those who are being grumpy?"
The girl looked around.
"The smiling people...?"
"I think so too. So can you smile for me? And you will be the prettiest girl here."
The girl gave a smile.
"Here." Angelle removed the ribbon from her own hair and placed it in the little girls. And her smile grew bigger. She got to her feet and ran towards the other children while saying: "Thank you, serah. Thank you so much." Angelle smiled as she saw the little girl running along.
"Kind, wise and beautiful."
Angelle was startled. When turned around she was looking into a pair of warm, smiling, brown eyes and she couldn't help, but to smile herself.
"Anders..."
"Hello Hawke."
" I haven't seen you for days. I was beginning to fear you had gotten caught."
"Not this time. You see there was this beautiful little girl who came and rescued me in the middle of the night."
Angelle looked down trying to hide the pain she was feeling, but her attempt was poor. As Anders stepped closer to her and began to speak softly.
"I'm sorry for what happened, but you must understand I can't give you a normal life. If you're with me, we will be hunted, hated, the whole w..."
"Serah Hawke." Angelle looked up and Cullen had approached them.
"Cullen. I didn't think you would be here." She gave a small smile, but she just wanted him to go away.
"I couldn't miss the opportunity to dance with you. Am I interrupting?"
"No, I was just leaving. Some other time, Hawke." Anders replied and walked away. She wanted to stop him. She wanted to run after him. She wanted to kiss him, but she couldn't.
"How do you know that man, Hawke?" Cullen asked.
"I met him at The Hanged Man once. Why?" She lied.
"Just curious. May I have the next dance, my lady?"
"Of course."
She might as well try to enjoy herself as much as she could. The change of this being a happy evening was lost when Anders left.
As Cullen put his arms around her, getting ready for the next dance, he whispered in her ear: " You look lovely." Angelle smiled and closed her eyes trying to imagine it was Anders holding her. She didn't realise Anders was looking at her from the crowd.
He was following her every move with his eyes. Taking in her smile, her green eyes and the way her lose hair was moving as she danced. He saw the way the templar looked at her. Anders knew what the templar was thinking, because it was the same thing going through his own mind. He felt jealousy coming up through his chest and spreading through his veins. "Maker, she will be the death of me." He must be insane. Everything she stood for, what she was an example off, was his own worst fear. Perhaps this is why he felt himself drawn to her, a desperate act of a desperate man, trying to overcome his fears. Trying to conquer them. "She is a distraction." Yes. "She is the enemy." Yes, but a part of him was willing to see the whole world burn just to have her near him. "And here I thought we were immune to the influence of desire demons. What did we do wrong, Justice?"
Lying in her bed that very evening, Angelle replayed her meeting with Anders over and over in her mind. She finally realised the primary reason mages were fleeing the circle, because it was the one torturing her. They were not allowed to love. This was why Anders left her. The chantry made it impossible for them to be together. It made mages risk hiding in dark corners were templars could come any moment. It made them risk their lives to be free. The circle denied them the most important thing in life. So long had the Chantry focused on the quantity of life instead of the quality of it. Love... Angelle had never been loved, she had never loved anyone, never had a family. She began to wonder if the story about her father was true. Did he kidnap and rape a noble woman? Or were they in love and ran away? Never to love or be loved, was the greatest fear of mages. It was Anders' greatest fear. Perhaps if the circle allowed mages to love and have families, there could be a way for them to be happy and keep people safe. This was her mission. She would help the mages to have a say in their own lives. She would do this for them. She would do this for her parents. "I'll do it for him."