"I cannot believe you!" she screamed, as she stormed into the house, nearly shutting the door on his face behind her.
"Liz! stop! listen to me, please?" He pleaded, but she just ignored, as she had done all the way back from the bar.
They had gone to a bar close to their house with Aram and Samar after work, and everything was okay until they started mentioning crazy things they did because of the whole Cabal situation. and then Samar mentioned it.
"Oh,well, I think Ress and I get the golden medal of crazy, right? Because of that night." She said, innocently, and then choked on her beer when she noticed Liz's stunned face. "Oooh, no. I thought you had told her!" she turned to Ressler, trying to pin the blame on him.
"No, I had not." he answered, and then touched Liz's shoulders, but she shrugged him off. "I'm...I'm going home, ok?" she said, an then immediately got off her stool and stormed out of the bar.
"Oh, well. I understand her, completely" Aram said, sipping on his beer. He still held grudges on Ressler for that night, even though everything ended up fine between him and Samar. Both agents turned to him with worried faces.
"I'll go after her. See you guys tomorrow" He said, and Samar waved him away, concerned. Then she turned to her own boyfriend, upset that this story was still a problem in the group. She rested her head on his shoulder, and he pretended not to care, still drinking his beer, but soon yielded and put his arms around her, kissing her forehead.
Ressler went outside the bar to find an empty street. No sign of Liz anywhere. He still had the ticket for the car park, so she must have gone on foot. He left the car there and ran towards home, searching for a sign from her. Nothing. And then she saw her, walking fast. He ran to catch up to her.
She did not want to talk.
"Get out, Ressler." she said, turning from him.
"Please, Liz, hear me out!"
"I'm okay. it's okay, I'm just tired." and she accelerated.
"No, it's not". and he followed her.
Now they were in their house, and she ran upstairs and shut the door to their bedroom. He turned the knob and was relieved that it wasn't locked. She was taking off her rings and necklace, throwing the things rather than putting them inside the porcelain box where she kept them.
"Liz, careful, honey" he said, and she just took the porcelain box and threw it on the floor.
"I don't care" she said, but immediately regretted doing that. she loved that box. Her bijoux was now all scattered on the bedroom floor, but she didn't bothered picking them up. She was shaking, so she sat down on the bed and breathed in. He was a bit far now, scared that the next thing would fly on his head.
"Liz. please. can I talk?" she didn't respond, so he took this as a sign to start talking.
"What Samar meant, when she said crazy, it's real, Liz. It was crazy. It didn't mean anything." she closed her eyes, tears flowing from them as she just listened to him. "We were both broken, tired. She had just given up her brother after finding out he was a terrorist. I had just found out that once more I had been left behind. Cooper was taking Tom's help, considering him to be more likely to bring you home than me. I was lost, I missed you and..."
"Oh, you missed me, so you slept with her?" she looked at him, finally, and her eyes showed incredulity. He puffed.
"Oh well, it was wrong of me, and I wasn't thinking straight."
"you know, Ressler, when you're not thinking straight, you go home and sleep on it. ALONE!" she emphasized the last word, and it hit him hard. She knew that, rationally, she shouldn't care. They weren't together, then. He was single and Samar was single and they could do whatever they wanted. But boy, it hurt. at that time, she was on the run. She was lost and she was scared and she was getting any kind of help she could get. And she never got his. Damn, if it wasn't the time for her conscience to be on his side. She heard of that fight at Cooper's house. Ressler took a punch at Tom, he had a fading black eye when she saw him. Truth was that she never knew how all of that had hit Ressler, not really, not the entirety of it all. They had screamed truths at each other when they first got together, but there was a lot more to that story. Definitely. and she found out about it tonight.
"Why didn't you tell me?" she whispered, looking down at her shoes, now.
"because I didn't think it was relevant." It wasn't relevant? They worked together everyday! Why wouldn't it be relevant?
"Are you still attracted to her?" she asked, and he rolled his eyes.
"I love you, Liz."
"Are you?" she asked again, angry.
He took a deep breath, and said. "no." it seemed honest.
"Why her?" she asked, still worried. Samar was a beautiful woman, and the last thing she wanted was to feel the need to be jealous of her friend. She was her friend. They had been accomplices when it all started. Samar could've told her, but she never did too. It just got more complicated by the minute.
Ressler was losing his patience. He wasn't guilty of anything. He had proven his love for her countless times and that night he was so upset and lost that he really considered taking a pill or two on his way home. In a way, Samar saved him. He would've gone off the rails that night if it hadn't been for her. He didn't know what to do then. He wanted to believe the law and justice would stay on their side, and that it was the best way to save Liz, and then more and more people went behind his back, betraying him. His boss. The fact that Cooper considered Tom Keen's help valuable hurt more than anything. and to hunt Karakurt. He could've done that on the task force. He could've gone after Karakurt himself. He would've done it. Or at least he think he would've.
"Liz, if all we've lived since then, it this house isn't proof enough that this is just something in the past, then I don't know what else to tell you. For christ's sake, stop that. It isn't as if you are totally innocent. You slept with Tom. you trusted him. You ran from me and accepted his help. How do you expect me to feel about that?"
She knew he was right, but she was so angry to care who was right and who was wrong. "Don't try to put the blame on me! I was lost and helpless!"
"So was I! I was right here, Elizabeth. You never considered me. You considered him."
They hadn't seen Tom since that night he invaded her apartment, nearly 10 months ago. She had news that he was living in Ireland and had a decent job, but nothing more. Tom was clearly part of her past now. So that gave her the excuse to understand that Ressler's fling with Samar was much worse.
"Tom is gone, Ressler. Samar is right there."
"And we're here" he completed, and noticed how ridiculous all that conversation was. She wasn't yet ready to joke. she was still upset and crying, and he knew that he couldn't go to her and comfort her. And it was killing him.
"c'mon, Liz. let's sleep, ok?" he tried to approach her, but she moved towards the bed, and entered under the cover without even changing into her pajamas, and sent him away.
"Please, I... I can't. Let me sleep alone tonight, ok?" He was outraged, and didn't believe all of that was happening because of a night he barely remembered. He was so sad and tired that he might as well have been drunk. He could barely remember the car ride that took him and Samar from the post office to his apartment, and what happened next. He just remembered waking up alone, and with a huge headache and regret. They didn't talk about it. Samar only came to him the next day and said "It was a mistake. forget about it. Let's bring Liz home". That day, he talked to Liz, and understood finally his feelings for her. He was broken because a part of him was missing. Liz was missing. and he had to bring her back if he wanted to be whole again.
Now, she was sending him to the couch. He knew that would happen eventually, but he thought it would be because of something he forgot to fix in the house, or a misunderstanding or some sort. But not this. Not as if he had cheated on her. He hadn't. It felt like this, anyway. Truthfully, it had felt like that since always.
he took his pillow and a blanket and went to the couch. He had to wave Hudson out of the couch so he coud lie down on his side, looking at the rain that fell outside only to complete the atmosphere of darkness and sadness. He couldn't sleep. He didn't feel like sleeping. He wanted to solve that. He wanted his happiness back.
xxxxxxxxxxxxx
It was 3:20 am. He had his eyes closed, but he wasn't sleeping. The darked crept into the room through the window, and the only sound he could hear was the snores from the dog.
That's when he felt her smell. and then felt her. She crept into his blanked, lying next to him and tangling herself on him. He kept his eyes closed, pretending he was sleeping. His heart filled with hope.
He opened his eyes, to find her blue ones right in front of him. They were wet, and so was her face. She hadn't slept either. She had been crying all this time. He didn't know if he was allowed to touch her, but she took his hand and placed it on her hip, signaling that she was about to forgive him.
"I can't sleep without you" she said, her voice rough and low from the crying.
"I'm sorry, Liz" he wanted to say sorry, although he was unsure it would be wise. It could start a new discussion. but it didn't.
"I'm sorry too." she said, surprising him. "I should understand. I.. I do understand. I just felt so scared!"
"Scared of what?" he was now taking her hair out of her face and slowly caressing it.
"Of losing you." she confessed, her eyes filling with water again.
"Babe, you can never lose me" he said, and she blinked, let a few tears to run free.
"It's just.. the thought of you with other women... I can't... I'm not jealous, Donald. I swear I'm not a crazy jealous freak." he chuckled.
"I know you aren't."
"it just hurts too much. the prospect of losing you...I can't."
"you won't."
"promise?"
He had his hand now behind her head, making circles with his finger on the back of it, to relax her. He took a deep breath before saying.
"Elizabeth Keen, you are the most amazing, incredible, annoying person I've ever met. You make me feel things I never thought I would ever feel, and do things I never thought I would do. My life was completely different when you came to it, and you turned it around like a hurricane. Even when you were married, you made an impression on me, you changed me. And when you went away, I thought I would never see you, that I would lose you, and every day I tried to do something right, it was the wrong thing and you would be in danger still. I had to live with the idea that you could die at any minute, and that killed me. For those months, I was a walking corpse. my life faded from me each step you took away from me. Each day that I had to choose between you and the job. Now you're here, and everyday I wake up before you and I observe you and I wonder if I deserve all this. You make me happier than I could ever imagine. And I want to spend the rest of my life trying to make you as happy as you make me. I love you more than I can describe in words."
she was full on crying at the end of his speech, and finally, they locked lips in a kiss, sealing the peace. They finally found the urge to sleep now that it was all back into place.
She started to laugh, and he looked at her puzzled.
"I really loved that porcelain box." she said, and he also laughed.
"We can buy a new one, babe"
She snuggled closer to him and put her head on his chest, listening to his beating heart, only now calming down. He let a tear fall on her hair from his eye before closing it, falling into slumber immediately.
A/N - ok, first of all, sorry. But I thought I could use the mess they made last episode for something. They had to have a first fight, and why not include what they are having in the episodes, right? I hope the ending eased the angst. It was really hard for me to write. I wrote a different fic about it and it was much easier as there they were just friends but here they are a steady couple so it was hard for me to figure how that would reflect on a serious relationship. oh, well, please comment.
also, I accept ideas on what else I can write about here. :D