A/N Is it too late now to say sorry? 'Cause I'm missin' more than your comments. J

First of all, you guys nominated this story for the Profiler's Choice Awards?!

You guys are AWESOME! Plus, shout out to ahowell for the suggestions made for this fic. I promise to get to each one as quickly and effectively as possible. J Enjoy.

Chapter 9: Forgetting

Dave's POV

Alzheimer's Disease. Of all of the god-forsaken diseases that the kid might have, it had to be the one that targeted his memory—his brain.

"The kid has 3 PhD's, a few graduate degrees, reads 20,000 words a minute, and has an eidetic memory!"

I could still hear myself rattling off Dr. Reid's resume' to a nonchalant Hotch.

"You know, the best part of all of that is he's a real boy!"

It irritated me then when Aaron simply delivered his response in mock-excitement with his trademark smirk—which has since become less and less trademark. That was a worry for another day, though. Right now he had to focus on wrapping his head around the kid's maybe-illness.

"Alzheimer's Disease is a slow, fatal disease of the brain…"

I hadn't had the heart to continue reading the page that I found on Google—because of course I Google'd it. It broke my heart that our youngest had to reveal his burden in the middle of our sting operation. On the other hand, I highly doubt that the young doctor would even consider telling any of us about it upfront. For such a talkative person, Reid is notoriously secretive and private when it comes to his personal life. As a private man myself, I understood where the kid was coming from.

What I don't understand was why the universe seemed so dedicated in making that gentle man's heart break over and over again.

It was one thing to be told that his mother was increasingly unraveling because Spencer has had decades to ponder on it. It was a whole other thing to be told that he—a man who is in constant thirst for knowledge—might also unravel as time droned on.

It made me furious as it broke my heart hearing his broken voice. Hasn't Reid had enough? Must he be punished like this? What would happen to him if his brain—of which he and a lot of people around him—do betray him. And, of course, the question I have been asking ever since I met him: Why him? Why did I have to deal with an awkward kid? Why did the kid have to be a fan? Why did the kid have to be so smart? And humble? And sweet?

God, of all of the people on this earth, it was always the innocent ones who got hurt first. Why?

I had wanted so badly to stop the entire thing there and then if he didn't also suspect a big end game. Now, what? What could I do? What could anyone do? Too young, the kid's too young to have to think about forgetting.

I turn on the radio as I drive to work a few days after the sting. I needed to distract myself from all of the questions I needed answered. It was as I was getting out that I heard the words:

"I wish that I could wake up with amnesia

And forget about these stupid little things"

Those words stuck with me as I moved with the idiosyncrasies of the day. It felt like I was just hiding behind mountains of paper.

Amnesia. Yeah, right. The kid singing—because obviously it was a kid who was wishing foran illness—probably just got his heart broken or something. Oh, to be young and naïve.

It made me wonder about all of the things that Spencer would have wanted to forget but couldn't. I knew from past… instances… that he was capable of blocking certain information from resurfacing but that aren't the same as forgetting. Now he might actually forget a lot of things, but not willingly.

It bothered me so much that I ended up speaking with Aaron about it. As much as we discussed life and all the sucking chest wounds that go along with it, he just told me to talk with Spencer about it. He said that there was a certain type of pain that came with being talked ABOUT instead of being talked to. I understood that but it didn't mean I knew how to approach it. Most of our social gatherings were meant for everyone to be there. We'd occasionally grab a cup of coffee here and there but we mostly just talked shop and stuff. When I aired these concerns with Aaron, he just told me that it was amazing that there are still these walls between all of us even after all these years of us being a family.

That day, I made the decision to speak with the kid. Hotch was right, there were still walls that divided us but amazing isn't how I would describe them: more like unsettling. I knew that I couldn't just ask Reid to go for a drink with me because the kid is pretty much as lightweight in alcohol as anyone could be. Coffee didn't feel right either since I knew that he would immediately know what I wanted to do.

I kept trying to figure out how I would approach Reid when the perfect opportunity presented itself at the end of the day. I was walking to the break room when I overheard a conversation between Morgan and the kid.

"What are you gonna do, Pretty Boy? I told you to go buy a new one ages ago, and I'm pretty sure Hotch asked you to do the same thing."

"Well, I can't really do that right now, can I? I don't know Morgan. Maybe I'll catch the Metro or hail a cab or something."

At this hour? I highly doubted that Morgan would've let Reid use public transportation. I guessed that something was up with Reid's beat up old car again. I mean, I like old cars but Reid's was just… ready to retire.

"Or… I don't know… carpool with me? Seriously kid, I can just drop you off before going to buy groceries."

I find it heartbreaking that after all these years the kid still sees himself as an inconvenience that he doesn't want to assign to people. If only he knew.

"Derek, it's out of your way. And besides, like you said, it's late. I don't want Savannah to worry about you any more than she already does because you had to go out of your way for me. I'm ok, don't worry."

It was then that I made my presence known. I knew ad understood where Morgan was coming from. I also knew that Reid wouldn't want to be a burden. I presented a good enough solution to both their problems.

"Well, how about me, kid? It's along my general direction, Mudgie is at the vet's until tomorrow, and I could use the company. How about we carpool so that you won't have to try and catch the Metro?"

Morgan seemed satisfied with this but the kid was hesitant. It was either he was too tired to argue or he saw right through me and my intentions that he agreed. We all packed up our things and made our way to the parking area. We waved Morgan goodbye and got in my car quietly.

"So, what's wrong with your car?" I knew I had to take it easy if I really wanted to get my point across.

"I'm fine. The world hasn't ended and my mother isn't dead—yet. My car is old and I should change it but other than that, I'm fine."

I must've looked stupid looking at Reid like a deer caught in the headlights. I guess he saw through me after all.

"I know you all care about me. JJ, Pen, and Morgan are more direct with these kinds of things but you n Hotch like your subtleties. It's okay, Dave. I mean, it's pretty crappy and I wish it wasn't at the forefront of people's minds but I'm ok."

"You once told me that people saying that they're ok are usually the ones who aren't. I'm sure you cited the research but I forget."

"Funny, so do I. Don't tell Pen, though. She gets all motherly so fast with me these days that I often feel dizzy with whiplash."

"I… I'm not very used to you being quite…"

"Open? Straightforward? Bold? A friend of mine reminded me that words are powerful and that keeping them all in would soon suffocate me. I guess I just wanted to give it a try. Sorry."

"No, it's okay. It's… refreshing. You do this with the others now, too?"

"No, no… now's the first time I … I ever did. Sorry."

"Again, don't be. It's fine." We were quiet a bit after that but he soon broke the silence.

"So… what did you want to talk to me about?"

"I… don't know. I wanted with you about what you had to admit to Cat but… right now I don't know."

"Okay… How 'bout we listen to the radio? I hear Tara helped you find something?"

"Yeah. She says she has connections or something. Go ahead, help yourself."

"I know time will come and try to take away these memories

But no matter how far I go I won't forget"

Of course the radio had to play something about the forgetting. The kid's like a lightning rod for bad luck. I asked him if he wanted to change the station but he said he wanted to hear what happened next.

"I know I might not see some of these faces again

Why do all good things have to end?"

"That song was Don't Forget About Me by Emphatic as requested by ahowell1993…"

The rest faded as I turned the volume down to silence the radio. When I looked at the kid, he had his eyes closed and for a second there I really thought he was already asleep. It wasn't until he started talking again that I realized he wasn't.

"Hitsuzen."

"Gasundheit?" I said because I thought he had sneezed.

"No, Hitsuzen. It means, well… it has a lot of meaning but I prefer 'inevitability'. My friend was talking to me about it and how there are no coincidences in this world, only hitsuzen—inevitability."

"Smart friend you got there. Anyone we know?"

"Not necessarily, at least I don't think so. Anyway, I doubt that you would want to focus tonight's conversations about Emman."

"You know, kid, we're pretty close to your apartment building. This conversation doesn't need to happen right now." Besides, he already looked tired, as do I, I presume.

"Maybe not, Dave, but you picked tonight. You finally wanted to speak with me about whatever's been bothering you for the past few days."

Seeing my confused and surprised face, he continued.

"I've been doing this long enough to recognize that look of worry people tend to get around me about me. I've gotten used to it even before this job, ever since my childhood in fact. I know when someone is worried about me. You can just keep driving us to your place. It might be a long night and my couch isn't nearly as comfortable as your guest rooms are. You can just drop me off there tomorrow."

"You sure? Because you look pretty beat to me."

"I look better than you, but that's expected because of your age."

"Funny."

When we reached my mansion, we both got out and headed in. I have to admit that I missed that overly excited dog greeting me as I got home. Reid settled in and I went to make coffee. He knew, of course he knew. This kid has had to adapt very quickly in order to survive in this world.

I sat with him as we waited for the coffee to be finished.

"So… how are you really? And don't sell me that 'I'm ok' crap. You said I picked tonight and you're right. You've been dropping bombs like they mean nothing and whenever I look at you I feel an overwhelming need to shield you from this world. You don't deserve this much pain. So, how are you, really?"

"Well, scared. I've taken the proper steps to get tested but I'm too young. And once again, my age is a factor."

"Some say ignorance is bliss… but I'm guessing not you, though? As I thought. You can't worry about things that may or may not happen to you. You can only hope."

"I was relieved, you know. I was relieved that I wouldn't find out, relieved that I could put it off. That doesn't mean I don't want to know. I just can't right now…"

"And your mom?"

"She's… she's fine for now. You know, when the doctors told me that my mother wasn't fit enough to leave, I … I was relieved. And then I felt guilty for being relieved."

"That's a common reaction, especially since you have been living on your own for a while now. That doesn't make you a bad person. You just… you wanted to be able to live your life."

"None of that excuses how I felt."

At this, we heard the coffeemaker beep. We both moved to the kitchen, both lost in our own worlds as we made our coffee.

"Remember the song we heard in the car?"

"Emphatic?"

"Yeah. I like the first couple of lines:

'I know time will come and try to take away these memories

But no matter how far I go I won't forget'

"It fits my condition right now. I mean, I'm waiting for time so the doctors can tell me if my memories of everything I have accumulated so far would deteriorate. Right now, I'm just trying to be less pessimistic about it all."

"Less pessimistic, huh?" It somehow fits. Reid has never gone into situations thinking of the best outcome. His brain has always provided him with logic and that has made more aware of the possible consequences that we might face. He has always been more of a realist, really.

"Garcia keeps trying to cheer me up. She kept trying to get me to experience life, even before this dementia thing. I usually avoided the more… exotic ones but we have similar geeky interests. She's just so optimistic all the time and a try to be less pessimistic about it."

"They say there are many paths to the same destination."

"Funny, a Native-American told Hotch the same thing a while back."

"It's true, though. One doesn't chase the light unless they believe they need it. Just as one doesn't shy away from it unless they've met the dark."

"You sound like a fortune cookie—a very Italian fortune cookie."

"I hated her having to hear all of that."

"You didn't want Kitten to know?"

"Honestly? I didn't want any of you to know." I'm not gonna lie, it felt like a canon launched itself through me.

"And why is that, kid?"

"It's not that I don't trust you guys because there's no one I trust more than you guys. It's just that…" He didn't want to be a burden. When is he going to learn that he isn't one?

"You didn't want us to worry, am I right?" His slight nod confirms this.

"Spencer, we would always worry about you. We would always worry about each other. That's what family does with each other, we worry. Even if you just went to visit your mom and everything was fine, we would still worry. Never let our worry prevent you from telling us anything on your mind, even if it sounds like we don't want to know. Understood?"

He nods and his eyes start to droop. We had both been working all day. Sleep is necessary. As we headed to our respective rooms, he says, "I also like that part in the song that says, 'Don't forget about me and I'll always remember you.' I'm scared of forgetting Dave but I'm so tired of remembering all of the bad things that has happened to me, even if they are hitsuzen." And with that we both retire to our beds, hoping to be prepared for tomorrow.

A/N: sorry this update took so long. I might do a part 2 of this but I'd need requests. Again, ahowell1993, you are an absolute rockstar! Like, Lin Manuel-Miranda rockstar! I'll start with a Reid family in the near future just for you… Thanks again! Please comment, review, request, anything! Night! thea