At the risk of setting a precedence, I'm posting another chapter only a few days after the last one. I don't want people to think this is going to be a trend, although I hope it will be. I've been writing like a fiend lately, so I figured I may as well capitalize on it while I have the chance!
For some reason, Emmett wanted me to ride on his back to the clearing. He thought it would be 'fun' and a change of pace from Edward carrying me around all the time.
"You can be my horse if I can have a whip," I snickered.
Emmett waggled his eyebrows, saying "That could be arranged, little girl. Don't threaten me with a good time."
I whapped his arm, making my hand sting. "You're disgusting! I can't believe you even said that!" I ranted. "Edward, aren't you going to defend my honor?"
I turned to see Edward trying to glare sternly at his brother, and failing miserably. "Emmett, don't talk to Bella like that," he fake scolded. "If you do that again, I'm going to have to… shake my finger at you and… look at you harshly."
He and Emmett burst out laughing. I folded my arms over my chest with an indignant 'harrumph.'
"I'm sorry, Bella, but you walked right into that one, my love. If I thought he was serious, I would rip his arm off. Does that make you feel better?" he coddled.
I pushed him away. "Oh, I see. I didn't realize you never wanted to be kissed again. Why didn't you just say so?" I sneered at Edward.
"OK, now that's not funny. We don't even joke about things like that!" he groused, his eyes dancing with mirth.
With that, I marched over to Emmett and motioned for him to squat down. I climbed onto his back and stuck my tongue out at Edward.
"OK, stop fooling around. I'm sorry," Edward said.
"Too late! Emmett is my horse now. Giddyup!" I hollered, kicking him in the sides with my heels. Emmett gave me a satisfying whinny and started galloping, followed closely by Edward who shouted at him from the side. The wind whipped through my hair and I couldn't hear what Edward was saying. I caught what I thought was "ridiculous" and perhaps "embarrass," but I couldn't be sure.
As the three of us entered the clearing, expecting to make a spectacle of ourselves, we were startled to see Carlisle crumpled on the ground with Fred hovering over him like a worried mother hen.
"I think I broke him," Fred said nervously.
"I'm alright… or at least I hope I am," Carlisle whispered from his position laying on his side in the dead grass. He slowly got his bearings and rose to his feet. "That's what I get for challenging Fred to 'show me what he's got.'"
"I didn't mean to," Fred said a little defensively.
"Where are Jasper and Alice?" I asked, looking around.
"They bailed on me right before Fred put me down," Carlisle chuckled. "I should have known something bad was about to happen."
Just then, Jasper and Alice reappeared, suddenly standing next to Carlisle. "Sorry about that," Alice said. "I saw what was coming next and just grabbed Jasper's hand and ran on instinct. Been there, done that, don't really want to do it again."
"I understand that now," Carlisle agreed. "So, Fred, I do want to test your abilities, but maybe you can use a lower setting?"
"Control is sometimes a problem," Fred admitted sheepishly. "Maybe if Jasper could help me keep my emotions steady…?"
"OK, stand back everyone," Jasper warned. Edward started to move me to a safe distance, but I didn't need to move. I was shielded, so I tried to shrug out of his hold.
"Bella," he said quietly, "I know Fred's power doesn't work on you, but he's still a vampire, and his teeth would work on you just fine." He grimaced as I winced at the thought. I'd sort of forgotten that part.
Fred looked down and kicked at a clump of dirt, before making eye contact with me and shrugging apologetically. I could tell he felt bad about what Edward had said, but he also knew Edward was right.
Once we were about a hundred feet away, Carlisle steeled himself for the challenge. "Jasper, try to hold him steady. Fred, try to start low and then slowly build up if you can. I'll tell you when to stop. Or if I drop to the ground again, that will be your cue to stop, OK?"
Carlisle gave Fred an encouraging smile. Fred nodded his understanding. I couldn't see his face, but he was shaking his hands and arms in an attempt to loosen up. I was pretty sure this was pointless, although it might have helped him psychologically.
I couldn't tell when Fred started. Carlisle just stood there for probably 20 seconds doing nothing, but suddenly he was doubled over on the ground again, along with Jasper.
"Dammit," Jasper yelled as Fred began apologizing immediately. In a flash, we were back with the group. I felt slightly dizzy from the sudden motion, but Edward steadied me.
"I don't know if this is a good idea," Fred said. "I've been trying to control this for a while now and I haven't had much success. It's sort of all or nothing."
"Actually, that's not the case," Edward interjected. "Up in Canada, you blasted us with two waves. The second was much more powerful than the first."
"That's true," Alice confirmed. "The people in the community center weren't affected by the first, but we all went down with the second. Except Bella, of course."
Fred thought about it. "Well, yeah. The first one was when I heard someone talking to me through the crowd, but the second one was when I realized it was another vampire."
"So the severity of fear or alarm influences the strength of the effect…" Carlisle surmised. "Jasper, were you able to feel a difference just now? Did something different happen?" Carlisle asked, always the scientist.
"I had him clamped down pretty tight at first, but nothing was happening at all, so I started slowly releasing control on his emotions. At a certain point, he was suddenly able to break through."
"Did you feel any anger or other emotions coming from him?"
"Not really," Jasper answered. "He was concentrating and maybe got a little annoyed."
"He was thinking about trying to make you feel the effect, but not enough to put you on the ground," Edward added. "He started getting frustrated. If you were releasing his emotion at the same time, it would make sense that it came out stronger than he intended."
"OK, Fred. Without Jasper's help, I want you to try to use as little of your ability as you can, OK?" Carlisle instructed.
He nodded.
"Wait!" Emmett yelled. "Let us get out of range first." The rest of us moved back, leaving Carlisle and Fred alone in the field.
"OK, I'm ready. Try to take it easy," Carlisle said with a smile.
Nothing happened. "OK, you can start now," Carlisle said, encouraging him.
Still nothing. "Fred, are you even trying?" he probed.
Nothing. Carlisle stalked towards Fred, looking angrier than I'd seen him. "If you're not even going to try…" and then Carlisle was on the ground. Fred went to help him up, apologizing yet again. "No, Fred, that wasn't your fault. I was doing a little experiment, and it appears my hypothesis is correct. When there is no strong feeling or reason for alarm, you can't attack. Interesting… Most weapon-type gifts are offensive, but yours is a combination of offensive and defensive."
"What about that invisible thing? How does that work?" Emmett jumped in.
"Oh, that's easy. I don't need emotion for that," Fred answered and grinned prior to apparently disappearing from everyone else's view.
"Awesome…" Emmett said, although he probably wouldn't have thought it was so awesome if he could see Fred stalking around him acting a gorilla, pretending to groom his back and eat bugs from his 'fur.' I giggled at his antics.
"What?" Emmett grinned back at me, totally oblivious. I just shrugged as Fred started posing like Emmett had earlier, doing exaggerated bodybuilder stances. Even though he barely knew Emmett, the impression was nearly perfect. When his kissed his own 'guns' in appreciation, I burst out laughing again.
I didn't mean to egg him on, but Fred was enjoying my reactions so much that he, of course, went overboard. He gorilla walked up behind Emmett, and faster than I could see, he yanked Emmett's briefs up, yelling, "Atomic Wedgie!"
Emmett turned around swinging and swearing, but Fred was too fast and dodged the first punch. "OK, that's enough," Emmett growled, but apparently Fred didn't agree because he lunged at Emmett, grabbing his chest. "Titty Twister!"
Again, Emmett's fists hit nothing but air. "You're gonna have to turn visible sometime…" he threatened.
For his finale, Fred put his finger in his mouth and did one of those cartoon sneak ups with his knees high in the air. "Wet Willie!" he yelled as he stuck his finger in Emmett's ear and then ran. Once he was far enough away, he became visible again. Emmett was off in a flash, chasing Fred around the open field. Every once in a while, Emmett would stop and look around, so I knew Fred went invisible again.
"OK, boys, that's enough!" Carlisle yelled, trying to be the tough dad. It wasn't working.
"How does this game end in vampire world?" I asked. "Neither of them are ever going to get tired, are they…" Edward slowly shook his head, never taking his eyes off the action.
After a "red belly" and a "noogie" or two, Fred finally made a mistake. He approached Emmett from the left, tapping his left shoulder as he passed. Emmett didn't fall for it and swung his right elbow back, hitting Fred squarely in the chest and knocking him backwards a good 30 feet.
Emmett spotted the ground where Fred landed and ran toward him. Fred hadn't quite recovered from unexpectedly flying through the air, so when Emmett jumped, the two vampires connected with a loud crash. They rolled a couple of times before Emmett ended on top and began to pummel poor Fred.
That was until "poor Fred" panicked and the next thing I knew, Emmett was rolling around on the ground, holding his stomach and groaning in pain. It wasn't until I felt Edward's hand leave my back that I realized everyone else around me was doubled over as well, although they remained on their feet.
"Fred! Stop!" I yelled, being the only one able to at the time. He looked at me, confused for a moment, then apparently released everyone from his hold. Almost immediately, I felt Jasper's calm and once again I was whisked with the group to the site of the fight.
"Give a girl some warning," I scolded Edward. He knew I hated it when he moved me without my knowledge or consent. Unless there was a van skidding on ice in the school parking lot about to crunch me, he needed to give me proper notice.
"I'm half tempted to ground you two," Carlisle chastised the boys. "You're both acting like spoiled little brats. Lest you forget, Fred, you are going to be tested by the Volturi soon. Do you want to be ready or not? And Emmett! It makes a sense that Fred lacks control because he's a newborn. What's your excuse?"
"He started it," Emmett said under his breath.
"Did not," was Fred's witty response. "You said you wanted to see me disappear."
"Yeah, but not so you could give me a wedgie! That was just wrong on so many levels!"
"You're face is just wrong on so many levels," Fred answered.
"Keep it up and you're not going to have a face!" Emmett taunted.
"Oh yeah?" was the equally witty response from Fred as he crashed into Emmett, sending the two tumbling again.
Carlisle turned on Edward, Alice, and Jasper, who were watching with eager fascination. "The three of you had to know this was going to happen, so don't just stand there! Help me stop them!"
Too quickly for my eyes to follow, Alice and Jasper were holding Fred back, while Carlisle and Edward pinned Emmett to the ground. "Get off me!" he yelled.
"Only if you agree to stop fighting like a six-year-old," Carlisle told him.
"Fine! But he has to agree, too," Emmett said, pointing at Fred.
"OK, make that a five-year-old," Edward quipped.
"Fred?" Carlisle asked, growing impatient. He looked just about ready to put both boys over his knee.
"Whatever," Fred answered angrily.
"Good. Now, I want you boys to shake hands."
Reluctantly, like someone was making them eat broccoli, they approached each other. Neither was willing to put his hand out first. Carlisle intervened, grabbing their right hands and forcing them together. I could tell both of them were squeezing for all they were worth, but they were equally matched. Carlisle just growled at them, clearly fed up.
"Enough! Now, Emmett, I want you to go home so I can work with Fred," Carlisle said, in a this-is-not-a-request kind of way.
"No fair!" Emmett hollered. "Why does he get to stay and I have to go home?"
"Because I said so," Carlisle gritted. "Edward? Bella? Why don't you keep him company?"
"OK, but that'll be ten dollars an hour," I answered. Carlisle looked puzzled.
"That's the going rate for babysitters these days," I said with a simple shrug.
"Very funny," Emmett snarled.
"Thank you," I replied brightly. "I thought so, too."
"I'm going with them. You don't need me here," Alice announced, clearly looking like she couldn't wait to get out of there. She kissed Jasper 'for luck' and joined us. I walked over to Emmett for my return ride to the house.
"Hey!" Edward called when he figured out what I was doing.
"What?" I asked, blinking my eyes innocently.
"You're not coming with me?" He sounded hurt.
"Oh, don't be so sensitive! I was just kidding," I laughed, turning around and hopping up on his back. The four of us started towards home, leaving the others to practice.
Once home, we regaled Esme and Rosalie with stories from the field. Emmett's version of what happened was wildly different from ours.
"Really, Emmett? Really? Fred 'attacked' you for no reason? Do you kiss your wife with that lying mouth?" I asked, teasing him.
"I thought it was going to be fun having another dude around here…" Emmett moped.
"What are Jasper and I, chopped liver?" Edward answered defensively.
"You guys are cool and everything, but you're not 'dudes' like me and Fred."
"So, what you're really saying is that you're too much alike," Esme surmised.
"You take that back! I'm not like that guy at all. He's a jerk."
"Ring, ring: Pot? This is the kettle," Rosalie said into her pinkie finger with her thumb to her ear like a phone.
"Very funny. Of course you would take HIS side," Emmett frowned.
Rosalie narrowed her eyes at him. "What is THAT supposed to mean?"
"Like you don't know," he glowered right back. His voice went high and he batted his eyes coyly as he attempted to impersonate his wife. "Oh Fred, it's so great to have you here. Oh Fred, you're so nice. Oh Fred, let me go put on a sexy outfit for you."
"None of that is true, but even if it was, I'd be surprised if you actually noticed," Rosalie raged.
"Of COURSE I noticed. I notice everything about you. I may not show it all the time, but you're my world, baby," Emmett said, softening as he went.
"So, why didn't you say something when Fred was flirting with me?" Rose asked quietly.
"You mean when you were flirting with each other?" Emmett raised his eyebrow at her. She closed her eyes and dropped her head a little, silently admitting he was right. "Were you doing that to get my attention?"
"Maybe," she barely whispered, looking down at the table. Suddenly I felt like I was intruding on a very private, very important moment.
Emmett moved to her side and knelt next to her, taking her chin in his hand to guide her eyes to his. "Rose, I'm sorry if you thought I wasn't paying attention to you. I know I get wrapped up in dumb stuff like games, which doesn't mean I'm giving them up, by the way, but you have to know you are more important than anything to me." He kissed her cheek.
"Even Mario?" she asked with a little smile.
"Oh, babe, you're killin' me here, but yes, I suppose… even my Mario man," he answered with a cheesy grin.
She pushed his shoulder a little before giving him a rather significant kiss. I averted my eyes because this really should have been a private moment. I could feel my face heat up with my telltale blush.
"I'd say 'get a room,' but I'm afraid you might actually do just that," Edward said, tapping the side of his head.
"Pervert," Emmett laughed. "You probably like listening in. You've got your own homemade porn going on in there."
"Oh GOD that I could tune you out completely. It's my fondest wish," Edward said with a scowl.
"Well, sorry about that, brother, but the mind pollution isn't going to stop any time soon, so you might as well get used to it."
"You say that like I haven't already been putting up with it for the better part of 70 years," Edward said, "…like I haven't tried a thousand times to tune you out."
"Only a thousand?" Emmett waggled his eyebrows.
"OK, TMI over here," I protested.
"Oh, little Bella, once you get all married and vamped up… you just wait and see."
"Em, you're assuming she can get a rise out of Mr. Morose over there," Rosalie said, pointing at Edward.
"OK, that's quite enough on THAT subject, thank you very much," Edward proclaimed as I blushed intensely. "This really is not polite conversation for mixed company."
"Spoken like a true sanctimonious prude," Rose laughed.
"Better than a scatological strumpet," Edward retorted. I looked around and was relieved to find more than my own confused stare.
Alice, however, giggled. "When Rose and Em look that up, you'd better be far away from here."
"I'm not worried. I doubt they'll find it in 'Game Informer' or 'Popular Mechanics," Edward said snidely.
"Why do I feel like I should just hit you now and save myself the trouble of hunting you down later?" Emmett casually asked Edward.
"Nobody is hitting anybody inside this house," Esme declared. "I've lost more walls and windows and furniture than someone should in fifty lifetimes. Antique dealers all over the world would cry their eyes out at the pieces you've all destroyed."
"For their wedding present, you can get Edward and Bella any bed you like. It's not like they're gonna be doing anything to break it," Emmett jabbed.
"Very funny," I said indignantly.
"Thank you. I thought so, too," Emmett replied, throwing my words from earlier back in my face.
I smacked him on the arm and immediately regretted it. I tried not to wince at the pain radiating through my hand, mostly because I didn't want to give Emmett the satisfaction.
"When are you going to learn to stop hitting vampires?" Emmett asked with a laugh.
"When vampires learn to stop being so annoying!" I retorted.
"I hope you have good medical insurance, if that's what you're waiting for…" Esme said while rolling her eyes. "I think at this point in Emmett's existence, you're just going to have to settle for what-you-see-is-what-you-get!"
"Yet another glowing report from our loving mother," Edward teased.
"Well, I'm sorry, but sometimes you people don't leave me much to work with," Esme answered in mock exasperation.
"I hate to break this up, but Jasper and Carlisle have had just about enough of the effects of Fred's 'gift'," Alice said, making quote marks in the air. "They're going to be coming home soon and Bella has something she wants to say."
"What?" I asked her, not enjoying her putting me on the spot.
"You know… the thing… the plan you and Edward were talking about."
"Oh, that… it was supposed to be a secret, Alice, but thanks for making an announcement to everyone," I said, annoyed.
"No, silly! It's better this way. Trust me," she grinned.
"Well… I suppose if you say so. Never bet against Alice, right?"
A/N: "Scatological strumpet" essentially means dirty tramp, but in a way Edward would say that about someone… ha!