I know I said not to expect another chapter right away, but I've recently had writer's "unblock" and I can't seem to stop myself. So I figured I wouldn't fight it. Please review! I am so encouraged by your support. I always welcome constructive criticism, too, of course.

Chapter 12

"Count me out," Esme said, raising her hands in surrender. "You guys can have your fun, but mark my words, someone is going to get hurt and I won't be a party to it."

"Aw, come on!" Emmett bellowed. "It'll be fun! How could anyone get hurt? It's a harmless prank."

"Harmless? Do you remember the last two dozen 'harmless pranks' you kids have pulled on each other over the past few decades? The chemistry classroom neatly moved and recreated on the roof of the school? Putting your toes on the boundary line with the wolves on the other side trying to snap them off? We had to beg Sam's forgiveness. Going over Niagara Falls in a kayak? The police searched the water for days after that. It made international news! Carlisle had to call Aro to explain your little harmless prank!"

"Yeah, but we all still have our toes and the Volturi were cool about it, so all's well that ends well," Emmett said smugly.

"You say that like it's always going to end well. One of these times…" Esme left the threat hanging in the air.

"You don't have to actually DO anything, Esme," I joined in, trying to look innocent. "Like Alice said, it's better if you know what's going on so you don't get mad at anybody along the way. You aren't going to be mad at us, are you?"

"Oh, stop looking at me with those big, brown, puppy-dog eyes, little missy. I'm reserving the right to get as mad at you as I want, but for now, I'll keep my mouth shut unless I see things getting out of hand," Esme answered.

"Silence is golden. It's also tacit consent," Edward snickered.

"Don't make me regret this," Esme scolded.

"They're close" Edward announced. "Everyone look busy."

"I guess we're going to have to pollute Edward's mind later, babe. We've got a job to do," Emmett said, trying to sound business-like through his wide grin.

Emmett, Edward and I went into the living room to watch a movie while Rose and Esme sat at the table glancing through interior design magazines. Alice was doing what she always did when there was nothing else to do: Online shopping.

A few moments later, Carlisle, Fred, and Jasper came through the back door. Esme got up to greet her husband, but as soon as she got a good look at him, she gasped. "Carlisle Cullen! You take off those filthy shoes and get upstairs and take a shower. I may have to burn those clothes. I don't think they'll ever come clean. Same for you, Jasper. March!" She flitted off to the laundry room to start the washer.

"OK, what did you people do to Esme?" Carlisle asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Why, whatever do you mean?" Alice asked sweetly, never looking up from the screen.

"Don't try to play innocent with me, young lady. I can practically smell mischief in the air."

"That's probably Bella's fault. She almost always smells like mischief," Emmett said.

I started to reach over to smack him, but remembered the sting from last time. "Edward?" I asked.

"Gladly," he answered, reaching over to pop Emmett on the back of the head.

"Oww!"

"Was that sufficient, my love?" Edward asked politely.

"Perfectly. Thank you." I laughed as Emmett glared at me.

"Well, whatever is going on here, I'd better not get a call from the school, the police, the pack, or the Volturi. Understand?" It looked to me like Carlisle was about at his limit for one day, so I just nodded before he and Jasper disappeared upstairs.

It was then I noticed Fred had found Rosalie, alone at the table, presumably waiting for Esme to return. He approached her cautiously, awe-stricken yet again by her radiant beauty.

"Ummm… Hi, Rosalie. Whatcha doing?" he asked.

"Oh, hello Fred!" she gushed. "Esme and I were just looking at some designs for our next house. We can't stay here forever, of course. Humans aren't generally that observant, but they do notice if nobody in your family has aged a day in 10 years."

"I guess that's one of the hazards of living among them."

"Yes, if it was up to me, we would just live in the middle of a huge forest somewhere. But everyone else wants to stay close to humanity," she said with an exaggerated roll of her eyes.

"Even Emmett?" Fred asked. It sounded like there was hope laced into that question.

"Yes, especially Emmett," Rose sighed. "I mean, Carlisle has a good reason. If he wants to be a doctor, he has to be someplace with humans nearby, but Emmett just likes to go to high school and hang out with people."

"I don't remember much about high school, but I do remember that I wouldn't want to do it over."

Rosalie's laughter pealed through the house. "Yes, that's how I feel about it, too."

Fred looked pleased with the conversation thus far, so he continued. "Have you gone to college?"

"Several times… I have a degree in interior design, but most of my classes have been in automotive technology and engine performance."

"Really? So you really are good with cars?"

I sneaked a furtive glance at Rosalie. I could tell it was all she could do not to start her rant about women and the 'business end' of a car. Someone even implying that a woman couldn't be a great mechanic could easily bring about her wrath.

But, she played it cool, which was exactly what I hoped she would do.

"Oh, Fred, certainly you aren't suggesting that I couldn't be mechanically inclined…?" she cooed.

"Oh, ummmmm…. No, of course not… I mean…" he stole a quick look at Emmett before continuing. "You're just so… so beautiful and perfect and ladylike. It just doesn't seem like you'd be a grease monkey. I'm not calling you a monkey. You know that, right? I mean… I think you could be anything you wanted… except a monkey… you could never be that… but… well, if you want to be a mechanic, ummmm… you should just be the best mechanic you can be."

"I'm not sure if we need a podiatrist or a peridontist, but someone's got to help that boy extract his foot from his mouth, stat," Carlisle quipped as he headed down the stairs, looking all fresh and clean.

Fred looked down, clearly embarrassed at being caught with his tongue tied in the presence of the exquisite Rosalie.

"That's OK, Fred," Rose purred as she gently laid a hand on his forearm. "I think you're very sweet."

He suddenly had that hopeful-little-boy look on his face again. Seeing the same thing I did, Edward nudged Emmett.

"Hey, Rosie," Emmett hollered. "I checked the Jeep and it's still making a weird sound. Maybe I should have it looked at by a REAL mechanic."

"What do you mean, a real mechanic? The Jeep is fine, Em. I'm sure you're just hearing things," Rose said dismissively.

"I don't know… my hearing is pretty damn good. Maybe I should take it to the DOG," he laughed.

"I know you're not saying the dog is a better mechanic than me…"

"Well, he did get Bella's heap of scrap metal on wheels to slowly crawl down the road under its own power."

"Edward!" I ordered, at which he punched Emmett in the arm.

"Stop hitting me! Remember when Esme said no hitting?"

"I am but the tool my Bella used to hit you. You can't blame her weapon of choice. If she stabbed you, you wouldn't blame the knife," Edward reasoned.

"Yeah, you're a tool alright…" Emmett muttered. "And no, I wouldn't blame the knife, but I would break it in half."

"Is that a threat?" Edward asked.

"Are you saying I couldn't do it?"

"That's precisely what I'm saying," Edward answered smugly.

"Stop it right now," Esme yelled from laundry room. "Edward, you know better than to goad your brother, and Em, you just make it too easy."

Despite the moments-earlier reprimand, Emmett reached behind me and bapped Edward in the back of the head, his eyes never leaving the TV screen.

"Emmett Cullen!" Esme rebuked him. "I saw that!"

"Oh, sorry, Esme… I didn't know you were looking."

"Carlisle! Are you going to do anything about this?" Esme asked with disbelief.

"Yes, as a matter of fact I am. I'm going to stay out of it," he said with a smile before heading to the front door. "Would you like to join me, my dear?"

She smiled and nodded, crossing the room to take his hand as they went outside. "This house had better be in the exact same condition as it is now when we get home." We heard the door shut.

"I thought they'd never leave. Now we can all wrestle! Everybody gather up stuff Esme loves and put it in the middle of the floor" Emmett said playfully. "Bella, you can be the referee."

"I h-e-a-r-d t-h-a-t!" Esme yelled from outside.

"I k-n-o-w!" Emmett sing-songed back.

I rolled my eyes at him before returning my attention to Fred and Rose. He was now sitting at the table feigning interest in her magazines. Rosalie pointed out various aspects of good design while Fred just stared at her and nodded.

I could have watched this little story develop all night if my body hadn't betrayed me with a giant yawn.

"Sweetheart, you must be exhausted," Edward said, pulling me into his arms. "It's been a very long day. And you haven't had a proper dinner. Let's get you some food and then put you to bed."

"Can I stay here tonight?" I asked hopefully.

"Well, you did tell Charlie we might all be spending the night in Bellingham, so I think if you…"

"Just call him and he'll be fine with it," Alice answered.

"Did you hear that?" Emmett crowed, waggling his eyebrows at us. "Edward is taking Bella to bed. It's about damn time! Now I get to listen to you for once, instead of the other way around."

"Eeeewwww," I protested. "That's disgusting!"

"It's just a fact of life in a house of vampires," Rose said nonchalantly. "After this much time, it's really not a big deal."

"Besides, we only have to hear Emmett's noises for about four minutes," Jasper wryly added as he, at least to my eyes, suddenly appeared in the room.

Emmett threw a pillow at him. I guessed it was the only thing he could throw that would leave the house intact. "You guys know I pay attention to my Rosie, don't I, Sweet Cheeks," he said lasciviously, walking up behind her, pushing her hair aside to run his nose up and down the curve of her neck.

Fred grimaced bitterly. I could tell he wanted to say something, but didn't dare. He put his hands in his lap, trying to divert his anger into his balled up fists.

"If you want some of this," he whispered into her ear as he nibbled at the lobe, "Go fix my Jeep."

That was it. Fred jumped up from the table, knocking over his chair in the process, and bolted out the back door.

I had to bite the inside of my lip to keep myself from laughing. I didn't want to draw blood, so I had to be careful, but this was just too much.

"You guys are doing perfect," I whispered, hoping Fred was far enough away not to hear me.

"I should have been an actor," Emmett whispered back.

"You call that acting? It doesn't take a whole lot for you to play the part of a dumbass, inconsiderate oaf," Rosalie snarked, giving her husband a sly grin.

"I suppose one of us should go find Fred. He doesn't know the boundaries around here, you know," Jasper cut in.

We all turned to Alice. "What? If Fred was going the wrong way, I would have said something by now!"

"Well, we should still go. Are you sure you know what you're doing, Bella?" Jasper asked.

"Of course! What better way to feel part of the group than to have a joke played on you? He would probably be more upset if we DIDN'T play a joke on him!"

"I agree with Bella," Emmett declared. "For example, if I didn't tease Edward about being a 110 year old virgin, he wouldn't know I care… or that I think it's hilarious he's a 110 year old virgin."

"Oh, is that it? You do that to show how much you care?" Edward questioned.

"And I think it's hilarious, don't forget…"

"I think it's sweet," I said in Edward's defense.

"Yeah, we'll see what you think in about 90 years when you're a 110 year old virgin, too."

Edward started toward him, but Jasper sent out a wave of calm as he stepped between his brothers. "OK, guys. Enough. Alice and I are going to find Fred, Bella's pizza should be here any time, and things are going to be quiet for Carlisle and Esme when they get back. Understood?"

These moments when Jasper exhibited his former military leadership training always amazed me. If anyone else had said something like that, Emmett would have come unglued, but he fell in line with the rest of them when the orders came from Jasper.

"You got me pizza?" I asked timidly.

"Well, we can't have you going hungry. Alice actually ordered it online," he said, suddenly sheepish.

"Thank you for thinking of me, Jasper. You're a sweetheart," I said, laying my hand on his and giving it a little squeeze.

"Yeah, well, don't let it get around. You'll ruin my reputation." He winked at me before taking Alice's hand and heading out the back door.

"Car," Emmett, Edward and Rose all announced at the same time.

"I heard it first," Emmett said.

"No you didn't. I just didn't say it when I first heard it," Rose retorted.

"Doesn't count unless you say it first, and you know it."

"Does every single thing that happens around here have to be turned into a game?" I chuckled.

"What can I say? We have a lot of time on our hands," Edward answered.

"Edward has a lot of time IN his hands, if you know what I mean…" Emmett guffawed.

Edward looked livid and… possibly… embarrassed? Could that be true? Rosalie was trying to stifle a laugh. I could see Edward was about to lose it, so I leaned over and gave him a very soft kiss. "Ignore him. It's not that hard. I do it all the time," I whispered before narrowing my eyes at Emmett. He seemed to realize he'd crossed the line and started fumbling through his pockets.

"Pizza's on me," he mumbled as he pulled some bills out of his wallet and headed toward the door. Before the delivery driver could knock, Emmett opened the door and stood towering over him. I recognized the boy from school, but didn't remember his name. He was quiet and kind of skinny and hung out with the computer geek kids, the type that would likely be a big-wig corporate accountant some day.

But for now, he was delivering pizzas to the mountain of a man in front of him. "Large pepperoni and olive, large combo with extra cheese, and large chicken and veggies. One order of spicy chicken wings with extra ranch. Three two-liter sodas. That'll be… $78.27 with tax," he read from the restaurant tab, trying not to tremble.

"Isn't your name Jeremy?" Emmett asked. "I remember you from high school."

"Yeah, that's me," he answered, looking down and scuffing his shoe on the porch.

"You know how I remember that?" Emmett asked. I'd assumed it was a rhetorical question, but the kid nodded his head.

"Damn Pearl Jam song, right?"

"Yep! You spoke in class today…" Emmett laughed at his own joke.

"Yeah… I've never heard that one before," he rolled his eyes and chuckled.

"Emmett!" Edward hissed. "Get him inside. Now!"

Suddenly, Emmett pulled Jeremy into the house and slammed the door. I didn't know what was going on. Once Jeremy realized that he had been moved 10 feet in the blink of an eye, he went from looking bewildered to terrified in about three seconds flat.

"Fred!" Edward called out. "I know you're hungry, but we need to wait until Alice and Jasper get here before we can have pizza."

Now I was really confused until I saw Fred on the front porch, crouched and ready to strike.