Chapter 13

Nobody else was looking at Fred out on the porch, so I knew he was invisible. He had transformed from clean-cut, dopey frat boy to vicious killing machine, and it took me aback to realize both were the same vampire. His teeth were bared and I thought for sure he was going to leap straight through the plate glass window. I'm sure he would have if his prey hadn't been actively protected by Emmett.

Edward quickly pulled out his phone and hit the speed dial. "Alice? Are you and Jasper coming home soon? The pizza is here and so is the delivery driver and Fred is pretty hungry, so if you guys could hurry..."

He snapped his phone shut and gave Jeremy an unconvincing smile. "Emmett, I don't think you have enough cash there. Sorry about that, Jeremy. We always like to tip well, since it's sort of hard to find our house and it's a bit of a drive."

"Uhhh… th-thanks and everything, but that's OK. In fact, umm… the pizza's on me. Can… can I just go now?" he stuttered.

"Rose, why don't you go find Fred? I think he'll be out back," Edward said while looking at me for confirmation.

I slowly shook my head and nodded toward the porch, indicating Fred was still out there.

"Jeremy, we wouldn't dream of you paying for our order. We just need to pull a little more money together. Hold on, OK?" Emmett said.

"No, r-r-really. It's OK. I can… just…" he tried to maneuver around Emmett, but he was being effectively blocked.

By this time, Rose was on the back porch calling Fred. On her second call, he seemed to realize who it was and the sound of her voice distracted him enough that he ran around to the back of the house.

I nodded at Edward, who suddenly had a $100 bill in his hand. "Here we go! I knew I had it in here somewhere," he said, waving the bill in front of him.

He handed it to Jeremy, and Emmett shoved another small wad of cash into his hand before moving out of the way.

"Sorry about that, man," Emmett said as he escorted Jeremy to the door. "We should have had the cash ready before you got here. Rosalie, my ummm… girlfriend… you know her right? She would kill me if you didn't get paid and then I'd have to drive all the way to town to give you the money, which sort of defeats the purpose of take-out, ya know? She gets really upset about stuff like that. Didn't mean to freak out on you, but you don't know what she's like when she's mad at me," he said conspiratorially, man-to-man, like this kid would have any idea what it was like to have a girlfriend, and especially not one like Rose. "My life would have been hell tonight, so thanks for staying a couple extra minutes so we could get this whole thing straightened out."

Jeremy just nodded as he headed out the door. Emmett followed him all the way out to his car and shut the door once he was inside, waving politely as he pulled out of the driveway.

"Well, enjoy this pizza, Bella, because it's probably the last take out we're ever going to get in this town," Emmett grumbled, shooting a nasty glare at Fred, who was now visible and being physically controlled by Rose and Edward.

"Sorry, but I couldn't help it! He just smelled so good. I didn't even know I was hungry until I got a good whiff of him. I don't understand how you can stop yourselves. I don't think I'll ever have that kind of control."

"You can, if you want to," Edward said. "We all have the same bloodlust as you do. But I'm curious. You say you don't have control, yet you don't seem to be trying to attack Bella…"

Fred thought about that. "Yeah… that's actually a good point… I mean, don't get me wrong, Bella. You smell amazing and if that blood was in anyone else, I would be climbing out of my skin to get to it, but… well… I like you. Other humans are all afraid of me, even the ones I'm not trying to kill at the time, but you're really not. I mean, you've got this big group of vampires protecting you and all that, but I've watched you and you don't even flinch. You treat me like one of the family."

"Thank you, Fred… I think…" I answered, unsure about the proper protocols for dealing with vampires who think you're nice and have decided your happiness is more important than their next meal.

"If you can transfer that feeling you have for Bella to other humans, you will probably find that you aren't as interested in killing them, either," Edward offered. "But however it happens, you'll need to develop some control, because if you just start randomly killing pizza delivery boys and other conspicuous people, the Volturi will come after you, gift or no gift."

"If you're hungry, why don't you come hunting with us?" Rose suggested.

"Hunt animals?" Fred asked with trepidation. "I've never done that before, but I guess I'm willing to try… if you want… Rosalie…"

"Did I hear something about hunting?" Jasper asked as he and Alice came in through the back door.

"Yeah, Rosalie invited me to go hunting with you, if that's OK."

"That would be great," Alice said excitedly.

"Nice of you to show up just in the nick of too late," Edward said disapprovingly.

"Oh, unclench, Edward. I saw the driver get away unscathed and only a little freaked out."

"Edward, are you going hunting with them?" I asked, already chewing on a bite of pizza.

"No, I'll go later… maybe with Carlisle and Esme when they get back."

I knew he needed to feed soon, but I also figured he wouldn't leave me alone after the near-miss with Jeremy a few minutes ago.

"Why did you get so much pizza? Bella couldn't eat all of that in a week!" Fred mused, looking at the massive amount of food in front of me. "Unless you're hungrier than I am..."

"It would hardly look normal to have someone deliver one tiny pizza all the way to a house with nine people in it, and especially if one of those people is Emmett, don't you think?" Jasper explained. "Same reason we go grocery shopping every week. Esme takes the food up to Port Angeles and donates it to a women's shelter. It would look pretty strange if we didn't ever buy food around here."

"Oh, yeah… I wouldn't even think about that. Pretending to be human is hard."

"It's all part of fitting in," Rose sighed.

"I don't know how someone as beautiful as you could ever fit in, Rosalie," Fred mooned. "You are entirely too perfect to be anything but an angel."

I nearly choked on my pizza and everyone else was gagging or groaning at the sap Fred just spewed.

"Please, use your power on me, Fred," Emmett begged, clutching his stomach. "It would be less painful than this!" He broke out laughing and the rest of us joined in.

Fred looked humiliated, but Rose took his hand and said sweetly, "That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me." She turned to glare at Emmett. "And I mean ANYONE."

"Yeah, whatever. He's got the pretty talk, but I got what it takes to keep you happy, if ya know what I mean," Emmett boasted, nudging Edward. "Know what I mean?"

"Yes, we all know what you mean, Em. How could we not? You're about as subtle as a brick through paned-glass."

"So are we going hunting or not?" Jasper said, becoming impatient. His feeling spread to everyone, including me, and we all hurried to get ready for the night.

"Edward, you and Bella are going to be home alone," Emmett taunted. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do…"

"Is there anything you wouldn't do?" Edward asked, only half-joking.

Emmett thought about it for a long moment. "Nope, guess not!" He answered cheerfully. "Maybe I should say don't do anything I WOULD do… even if Bella begs you to," he whispered loud enough for me to hear.

"Do you think you could get your mind out of the gutter for two seconds," Rosalie snapped.

"Gettin' too crowded in there for ya, honey?" he joked with a wink.

She rolled her eyes. "Let's get going. We need to show Fred our cuisine."

Fred smiled and offered her his arm. "Shall we?"

She returned his smile, but as soon as he looked away, she glanced toward Emmett. He nodded his approval, so she shrugged and returned her attention to Fred.

Finally, Edward and I were alone. I loved the Cullen family - honestly, I did - but sometimes they could be a little… overwhelming.

Edward put the leftover pizza in the fridge and took my hand, leading me up to the third floor. I called Charlie and cleared everything with him. He was only a little perturbed about me leaving town without actually speaking to him, but he'd gotten the phone message from dispatch and found my note when he got home. I reminded him that my cell phone worked both ways – he could have called me if he was worried, but he said he trusted me.

I wanted him to trust me, and I would even go so far as to say I deserved his trust, but even I realized the irony of the situation: I was currently leading him to believe I was at a hotel with Alice in Bellingham when I was really spending the night with my boyfriend in Forks. I would say it was typical teenage behavior, but nothing about our situation was typical.

Once again, I was relieved that Charlie wasn't much of a talker, because I really wasn't prepared for follow-up questions. We said a pleasant 'good night' to each other and hung up. That was one problem solved.

"I need a shower," I told Edward. "Want to join me?"

He gave me my favorite lop-sided grin. "I'm not allowed to do anything Emmett would do, remember?"

"I don't even want to think about Emmett joining me in the shower," I teased.

"That's not what I meant and you know it," he said, crossing the room before I realized he had moved. He looked… serious.

"What?"

"I wish I could join you, Bella, but I would scarcely trust myself when…"

"When…" I encouraged him to continue while I crossed the room to stand in front of him.

"It's just that whenever you're freshly showered, your scent is just that much stronger and it's all I can do to fight my…"

"Bloodlust?" I tried to fill in the blank.

"No… well, yes, but…"

"Edward, just say whatever's on your mind. It's me," I reached up to stroke my hand along his smooth cheek, down his jaw, and rested it at the center of his chest.

"Bloodlust," he said, taking a long pause before finishing his sentence, "but minus the 'blood' part…"

"Oh…" I whispered before my brain registered what he had just implied. "Oh!" I said a little louder, "Are you saying…?"

"I don't know what I'm saying," he sighed, running his hand through his hair in frustration. "Just forget it."

"I don't want to forget it. Are you trying to tell me, in your own convoluted way, that you want me? Like 'want' me?"

"You act like it's some sort of surprise to you. Of COURSE I want you. How could you not know that?" Edward asked incredulously.

"Well..." I shyly started, feeling my telltale blush rise in my cheeks, "you never say anything to indicate that you have feelings in that... area..."

I looked down, rapidly regretting this turn in the conversation. Still, things needed to be said. "You always turn me down and sometimes you even look..."

"Look how?" he asked, now coaxing me to finish my thoughts.

"A little bit… disgusted?" I squeaked.

"Bella! No! I've never felt anything but desire for you. I've had to turn you down because I can't risk your safety, but that doesn't mean I don't want to. Of course I do!"

"How can you say 'of course' when you've barely even hinted that you felt that way? How am I supposed to know? I'm not the mind reader here…"

"Bella, listen to me," he said, taking my shoulders and squaring them in front of him. He lifted my chin so I was looking him directly in the eyes. "I imagine… things… with you… more often than is proper... It wouldn't be right to inflict on you my feelings of yearning for something we can't have. I've even spent a ludicrous amount of time thinking about what our lives would be like if I was human right now. We could get married and have children and grow old together..."

"Edward," I said cautiously. "You do realize if you were human, we wouldn't even be together, right?"

"What? Why not?" he asked, looking genuinely confused.

"Well, you were attracted to me for two reasons – my blood called to you and you couldn't read my mind. If you were human, you wouldn't have ever even noticed me," I reasoned.

"Bella, please tell me you're joking."

"I'm totally serious! What is there about me that would have caught your attention? How plain I am? My clumsiness? I'm not particularly good at anything. I'm just a regular girl. A guy like you would have been with the popular crowd. I would have been that girl you borrow notes from when you miss class or ask to find out if another girl likes you or not."

Edward just stared at me… or perhaps more accurately, into me. I couldn't tell what he was thinking. If I didn't know he was a sentient being, I would have thought he was a statue, except for his piercing eyes. I started feeling uncomfortable under his scrutiny. I looked at my hands for a few seconds, then back up at him. No change. I wasn't sure why, but the onset of tears began to sting my eyes. I finally could take no more. "Edward… say something…" I whispered.

"Bella," he said in a breath like a word on the wind. At a pace that would be slow even for a human, he picked me up bridal style and carried me to sit at the edge of the bed. Kneeling before me, he bent his head to the floor and began to sob at my feet.

My heart broke into a few billion pieces as a strangled cry ripped through his throat. "Of course…" he repeated quietly over and over again.

I slid down to the floor, wrapping myself around him as much as possible and cried with him. He had no tears, of course, but I had more than enough for both of us. Although neither of us spoke for quite a while, I realized something was breaking… a wall between us was coming down… something I didn't even know was still there.

If someone had asked me, I would have said I felt confident in our relationship, but I clearly still held reservations. And now as I watched the man I loved with more of my heart than I knew possible tearlessly weeping over my self-doubt and distrust in the depth of his love for me, I knew I had to let it go. I had no expectations that things would be all better in two minutes, but I had to actively fight to let go of the hurt I still silently held from him leaving me.

I had to allow that Edward would love me in any life, just as I would love him. We completed each other in a way that transcended anything else… We would have found each other because we were meant to.

After mulling these things over in my mind, I placed my hands on either side of his head and lifted. He let me move him until we were eye to eye.

"I'm sorry," we said in unison. We both had to chuckle a little.

"You first," we said in unison again. We shared another smile as I leaned forward to kiss his nose.

"Ladies first," he said.

I wiped at my eyes with my sleeve and tried to compose my thoughts. "I'm sorry…" I started, "because… what I said made your love sound trivial, and it's not. In the long run, it doesn't matter what started it… you love me for me, and I love you for you, and that's what counts." He nodded. I reached for his hands and kissed his knuckles. "Your turn…"

"Bella," he began, also seeming to attempt to compose himself. "I'm sorry… for allowing you to feel rejected. I didn't even think about how my reaction to your… enthusiasm… physically… would look to you. To me it's clear – I want to be with you in every way possible. It's just that certain things aren't possible right now. But there was no way for you to know that! I realize I zoned out on you there for a minute, but I was replaying all those moments when you showed me how much you wanted me and I turned you away. Of course you felt rejected, even though that was the furthest thing from my mind."

A fresh round of tears started to flow as we wrapped our bodies around one another. If I could have crawled inside of him, I would have.

"I'm going to tell you something I've never said aloud, ever, and my mother would roll over in her grave if she heard me being this forward with a young lady, but here goes nothing. Bella, I ache for you. I want nothing more in this world than to make love to you. I want to be inside you, to kiss you everywhere, and I mean everywhere. I want to feel you writhing beneath me as I give you pleasure and take my pleasure from you. And right about now, I'm very happy I can't blush because I would be all shades of red for using such coarse language so bluntly in the presence of a woman, but I had to say it because I've obviously been an utter failure at letting you know my true feelings. I hope I haven't offended you by going too far in the opposite direction."

Now it was my turn to be stunned. "No, I'm certainly not offended," I said gently. "Surprised? Yes. Offended? Not at all. I really had no idea you even thought about those things. I thought I was the only one…"

"No, I assure you, you're not the only one. I fear if I told you the extent of my entire tawdry fantasy life, you would run screaming into the night and never look back!" he laughed.

"Will you ever tell me?"

"Someday I might, if you really want me to. I think I'd rather show you, when the time is right."

"I think I'd like that, too," I said quietly, feeling a little bashful.

"So, did you still want to take a shower?" he asked, helping me to my feet.

"Yes," I said as I gathered my things and sauntered toward the bathroom. "Do you want to join me?"

I laughed as he tossed a pillow in my direction. I loved him so much in that moment, it almost physically hurt.

A/N: OK, I realize that was a bit angsty, but what kind of Bella and Edward story has no deep relationship-related angst? It was inevitable…