"Well that was pointless."

Loki smirked, "I told you it would be."

Darcy wasn't pleased, "I know you did. But I'm pregnant. Pregnant people go to doctors. That's just what we do!"

Loki was still smirking. She wanted to slap the look off his face.

He answered, "Not when you carry my child. I have created a barrier both physical and magical. Mortal instruments are not capable of picking up any proper readings."

"Yeah, well…I just wanted to see…you know what? Never mind."

Loki seemed to realize that she was more upset than angry and his face lost all traces of amusement. "This is about more than mortal routines. Darcy, talk to me. Or I will read your mind and take the information I seek."

She gave him an annoyed look, "What happened to my privacy?"

"It yields to your happiness. Tell me why you are distressed."

Darcy sighed, "It's just a mortal thing, ok? It's not important."

He approached her slowly and reached a hand toward her face, running his thumb along her lower lip. His voice was coaxing, "It is important to you. Therefore it is important to me. Tell me."

Darcy gave his thumb a soft kiss before stepping back. "I just wanted my own little uterine Rorschach test to stick in my purse and show to strangers, so that they have to pretend to see the baby-shape in the blur and coo over it accordingly. It's a ritual we mortals do. And it's a sort of bonding thing, I suppose."

Loki looked confused, "You have lost me, my love."

Patience dwindling, Darcy explained, "The sonogram, Loki. I wanted a picture of the baby. Our baby. Even though those pictures always just look like a Where's Waldo game of baby parts."

Enlightenment lit Loki's eyes, but otherwise his expression remained neutral. "I see. And this means a lot to you."

Darcy tried to act indifferent, "I just thought it would make it feel real. I still don't think it's really sunk in yet. Seeing is believing and all that. But it's ok. Really, Loki. It's not a big deal."

Loki smiled gently, "So it is the bonding aspect that you desire. Why did you not just ask me if you could meet our child?"

Darcy blinked, "Because…I didn't realize that was something I could do."

Loki looked slightly insulted, "Of course. That is simple magic. I communicate with our child daily."

"Daily! And you're just telling me about it now?"

He looked taken aback, "You said that you did not wish to know the gender. If I do this, it will be unavoidable. But if that is a concession you are willing to make, you can meet our child right now. Would you like to?"

Darcy didn't even need to think, "Um, yes. But I'm kinda scared that our definitions of 'meet' don't exactly coincide. I have a feeling this isn't going to involve a wand and jelly."

Loki looked disturbed, "A wand and…what are mortals doing these days? No, this will involve neither."

Loki stepped close to her and lifted her shirt, putting his hand flat against her lower abdomen. His eyes unfocused and he smiled almost involuntarily before he concentrated on Darcy once again. "Now just stay calm."

Darcy sucked in a breath as Loki brought his free hand to her temple. For some reason, Darcy wanted to bat his hand away and run. She knew something monumental was about to happen and she wasn't sure if she was really ready for it.

Sensing her distress, Loki gave a soft kiss to her forehead and whispered, "I will make the communication one-way until you are ready. Just keep breathing."

And then Darcy felt something tickling along her consciousness. Something strange and wonderful and happy. So very happy.

Darcy let out a ragged breath. "Is that…?"

Loki didn't answer, but the presence in her mind became louder. There were no thoughts, just fleeting sense impressions. While the underlying emotions shifted every second, most were pleasant. Darcy felt overwhelmed - this was strange and slightly terrifying. That was her child she was feeling.

Loki's voice sounded like it was coming from a long distance, "Now stay calm and say hello."

Darcy suddenly felt her own emotions added to the mix and forced herself to relax as her anxiety was reflected back at her. She realized that some of the overwhelming joy she had been feeling was from Loki. This was like some sort of weird three-way calling with her uterus.

The quieter presence, the one tiptoeing on the fringes of her mind, suddenly rang out with curiosity. It could tell she was there. Feeling a bit stupid, but not caring (Loki would never laugh at her for this), Darcy whispered, "Hi there. I'm your mom."

The little presence in her mind just stayed curious and happy, but Darcy couldn't help the half-laugh/half-sob that spilled from her lips. That was her baby.

Darcy met Loki's eyes and the corners of her lips turned upward to mirror his own. "God, Loki. She's so beautiful."

The tears were starting to pour down her face and Darcy could feel the snot stage coming on, but she still believed Loki when he said, "Of course she is. Beautiful like her mother."

Darcy laughed and the sound of it was an echo of the pure joy within. "This is real, isn't it? That's our baby. How did we make something so perfect? And smart. Seriously - smartest fetus ever." Her voice lowered. "Smart like her daddy."

Loki looked a bit startled. He swallowed heavily and gazed at Darcy like she was the beginning and the end of his existence. At his look, Darcy's heartbeat began pounding in her ears.

No other words were spoken – none were needed. Loki and Darcy simply stood together, basking in the awe of creation.

"I wish to take you to Asgard prior to the birth."

Darcy froze, tortilla chip halfway to her parted mouth. "Say what?"

"You heard me. What will it take me to convince you to go?"

Darcy slowly lowered the chip and stared at Loki unblinking. "Asgard? You want me to go to Asgard?"

Loki nodded, "Indeed."

"Asgard? As in the place where your parents live? The parents that sewed your mouth shut and made you stand around like a zoo animal?"

Loki's neutral expression faltered, "My brother must learn to keep his own mouth shut." He cocked his head thoughtfully, "In fact, I still have the thread. Perhaps I could-"

"Loki!"

Loki paused in his contemplation, "Yes?"

Darcy was looking at him like he was insane, "Why the hell would you want me to go there?"

"I wish for you to meet my parents. Or more accurately, I wish for my parents to meet you."

"Really? Why?"

Loki answered as if it was obvious, "You are the woman I love and the mother of my child. Either would be sufficient reason to wish for such an introduction. But together, it is almost requisite."

Darcy melted a little bit at his words. Still, she was concerned.

"Is it safe? I mean, you're their son and they hurt you so badly. What would they do to me? I'm not good at that whole thinking before speaking thing. What if I say something rude to Odin and he does something to me that hurts the baby?"

Loki grabbed her arm and Darcy found herself sitting in his lap before she could blink. It was a testament to how accustomed Darcy had gotten to Loki's magic that she didn't react to his little poofing thing anymore. He ran his hand comfortingly along her spine. "Odin would never harm a pregnant woman in such a way. Especially not the woman carrying his grandchild. And even if he were to attempt such an action – I would destroy all of Asgard before you ever felt a hint of pain. You know I would let nothing harm you. Either of you."

Darcy felt her body relaxing at his words and his touch. He was right. Loki would never let anything bad happen to her or the baby. She pitied the fool who ever tried to hurt her. And of all the things Odin seemed to be, a fool wasn't one of them. (Douchebag on the other hand...)

Another thought occurred to Darcy.

Her voice was embarrassingly whiney, "What if they hate me? You're a prince! I'm a nobody - just some government flunky. And mortal. They make stories out of shit like this. But this isn't a fairy tale and I'm no Cinderella. They're gonna think I'm some tarty slut who trapped you into something. Oh man, they're gonna hate me. Especially if I call your dad a shoe-in for the Asshole of the Year Award. Which he is."

Loki threw his head back and laughed, "Please do call him that. Tony has taught me how to take videos on my phone. That would be a memory to savor."

Darcy slapped his chest, "Loki, this isn't funny. What if I ruin everything?"

Loki tried to sober, but a smile kept lingering in the corners of his lips. "You could not ruin anything more than I already have. Even your most cutting words would be a balm to the wound that is my relationship with my parents." He took a long breath and let the sincerity seep into his words. "Please, my love. Come to Asgard with me."

Darcy sighed. Damn him with his 'please, my love' and smoldery eyes. Cheater.

"Fine. I'll go to Asgard and likely cause an intergalactic incident. But first you have to meet my parents. If I'm going all the way to another realm, you can travel the two hours it takes to get to South Jersey."

Loki's look was calculating, "If I meet your parents, you will meet mine?"

Darcy nodded.

Loki's smile was a bit too satisfied for Darcy's comfort. "Deal. Brace yourself."

Before she could process what he meant by that, they were standing on her parents' steps. In New Jersey!

What the hell?

Darcy turned to Loki with panic on her face, "I didn't mean now! I can't just spring this on them – bam I'm here and bam I'm dating the God of Mischief and bam I'm preggo! Talk about a triple whammy! I'm not even dressed to…," she trailed off as she realized that she was now wearing a pale green sundress – one that very clearly displayed the bump. Great, there goes the idea that she could ease her parents into it. Darcy looked back up at Loki and all thoughts of her own wardrobe fell to the wayside.

He looked like he raided Tony's closet. He was wearing a three piece suit that was really well-tailored – it looked black but you could see the green tint in the light. His hair was lighter and shorter. And was that…facial hair? And glasses! He was wearing glasses. What the fuck?

The only words Darcy could muster were, "Is this your idea of incognito? Because if so – why?"

The raising of Loki's brow was a welcome bit of familiarity. He answered, "Your parents presumably own a television, so I believe that the less I look like the man who was trying to enslave them the better it will be for us. In addition, they will make assumptions based on my apparel and therefore will not worry about your financial support. You can tell them I am mortal – obviously. I appear to be around thirty, so that will suffice. It would be best if you tell them that I work for the government so we do not have to go into the details. And I suppose you can choose the name that I will go by if you believe Loki will not be appropriate. Also-".

She interrupted, "No."

"Excuse me?"

Darcy's voice was firm, "You heard me. No. I don't want to introduce my parents to-," she waived her hands at the weird non-Loki standing in front of her, "-this. This isn't you. I love you – leather and metal and megalomania. They can deal or else. Besides, you knocked me up. The fact that you once tried to conquer the world will be secondary. Trust me."

Loki was suddenly standing there in his more usual 'blending in with the mortals' outfit and his appearance was back to normal. Much better. He was also quirking a rather lopsided smile at her. He reached for her arms and pulled her toward him gently. She wrapped her arms around his waist and closed her eyes, tilting her lips up to meet his.

"Sorry, my love. I would kiss you for that lovely bit of validation, but unfortunately your mother is watching through the window."

Darcy's eyes shot open.

"What? Oh shit."

Loki smiled at her gently. "Do not worry. I will be on my best behavior. These are my child's grandparents."

She calmed a bit, but still corrected, "Our child."

His smile widened, "I know."

The door opened and a heavyset woman with curly brown hair and a large smile stood in front of the odd couple.

"Darcy! We had no idea you were coming!" She turned her head and shouted into the house, "Alan! Darcy is here! She brought her boyfriend!" She turned back to the duo on the porch. "You are her boyfriend, right?"

Loki smiled at the woman's unusual greeting, "Yes, I am. It is lovely to meet you Mrs. Lewis."

Darcy's mom let out a little gasp, "Would you listen to that accent? Are you English? I have a certain weakness for a man with an English accent. Oh my, Darcy. Why have we not met this charming man of yours sooner? And please call me Donna."

Donna reached out to give Darcy a hug but paused with her arms spread wide. She was staring at Darcy's stomach. Her eyes darted up to Darcy's face and then over to Loki. She turned her head back into the house and practically screamed, "Alan!"

Loki assessed the situation and wrapped his left arm around Darcy's back, hand resting tightly along the curve of her hip. Darcy immediately reached down and linked their fingers.

Loki smiled his most charming smile, "May we come in, Donna? Darcy and I have some news we wish to share with you. Right, my love?"

Darcy bit her lip and nodded.

Donna looked back and forth between the two of them before taking a deep breath and stepping back to let them in. Loki leaned down to place a gentle kiss on Darcy's bare shoulder before ushering her in before him.

A tall, thin man with balding blond hair practically barreled them over as soon as they crossed the threshold. "Darcy! What the hell is your mother screaming about? She nearly gave me a heart attack." He shook his head and gave his daughter a kiss on the forehead before reaching a hand out toward Loki. Loki grasped it firmly for a handshake and gave Darcy's father a smile.

"It is a pleasure to meet you, sir."

Her father shook his head, "Alan, please. We don't stand on formality here. I see why she screamed though. Englishman, huh? She's always watching the damn BBC. I swear that's short for Bloody Boring Channel. All they do is talk. Now that CSI: Miami is a good show. You ever watch any of that?"

Loki gave the man his most interested expression, "Indeed I do. Quite fascinating. You Americans certainly know how to make an entertaining hour of television."

Darcy stared back and forth between the men before blurting, "Loki's not British! He's from Asgard. That's another realm. Or a different planet, really. He's an alien, although most people call him the God of Mischief. Oh, and he's that guy who tried to enslave the world a while back. I'm sure you heard about that."

She heard her mother gasp behind her as her father's eyes widened. Loki turned to look at Darcy with a half-smile.

"Subtlety, my love. We need to work on it."

Darcy ignored him, "I'm pregnant, too."

Loki looked like he was trying not to laugh. "I do not understand why Fury believes you to be a useless member of the organization. You have a secret skill for shock and awe. If honesty were a weapon, you would be a suicide bomber."

Alan looked dazed, "You're pregnant, kiddo?"

Somewhere behind Darcy's shoulder, her mother's voice sounded out a weak, "It really is a baby?"

Darcy finally addressed Loki, "See – the alien thing is secondary."

Loki let out a little chuckle. He turned to the poor man in front of him, "Let us proceed to the living room and get more acquainted. I am sure you have many questions. I promise that I will answer as many as is possible."

Alan nodded absently, still looking a bit shell-shocked. Darcy grabbed Loki's hand and pulled him toward the living room, her parents following silently behind.

Darcy gestured for her parents to sit on the couch, while she and Loki stood in front of them with their hands linked – consciously presenting a united front. There was a long pause where everyone just stared at each other until Loki finally broke the silence.

"Donna, Alan – I understand that this is a bit unorthodox on many levels. As Darcy has opted for blunt honesty, I shall endeavor to do the same. I am indeed from a realm called Asgard – well, I was born in Jotunheim. That is a longer story though, and unimportant for the moment. All you need know is that I am Loki, Prince of Asgard. I became acquainted with your daughter several months ago through my brother, Thor. I am certain you have seen my brother on the news – he has a maddening tendency to save your world quite often. A while back, there was some family turmoil and I embarked on a path that I now regret. But I assure you that I have no further plans to enslave Midgard at this point – likely never. As for Darcy and I – all you need know is that I love your daughter and our child. I will protect and provide for them both until my dying breath. Now do you have any questions?"

Donna just stared at him, her hand fluttering near the base of her throat. Alan sat up straighter and took a deep breath before turning to look his daughter in the eye.

"Are you alright, kiddo?"

Darcy nodded cautiously.

Alan continued, "He hasn't hurt you or anything? Because god or alien or whatnot, I'll kick his ass."

Loki began laughing, but Darcy ignored him and answered, "No, Dad! He hasn't hurt me, I promise. He would never hurt me."

Alan looked the God of Mischief over from head to toe, "And you love him too?"

She answered immediately, "Yes. I love the hell out of him. And I know this whole thing sounds crazy, but I'm happy. Loki makes me so happy, Dad. We didn't plan for any of this to happen, but it's kind of amazing now that it did. I mean, we're having a baby. And she's so perfect, Dad. You won't even believe it."

Alan sighed, "I suppose this shouldn't surprise me. You've never done things the usual way, kiddo. I shouldn't expect you to start now. But are you sure you're ready for a baby? Becoming a parent is the biggest thing that can happen to someone – trust me."

Darcy looked up at Loki and felt herself relax at the confident smile on his face. She answered, "We'll probably screw everything up. But we're both pretty awesome at learning from our mistakes. I think we'll be just fine."

Alan started to respond, but his wife let out a keening sob which drew everyone's attention. "I'm going to be a grandma!"

Donna was up on her feet with a speed that impressed even Loki, throwing her arms around her daughter and crying. "My baby is having a baby!" She pulled back to look Darcy over. "Oh, honey – you look so pretty. You've got that glow."

Then Donna pulled back and flung herself into Loki's arms. The startled look on his face made Darcy wish she'd been recording this. And the awkward way he raised his arms to pat her mom on the back? Priceless.

Donna pulled back and gave the disconcerted god a watery smile, "Loki, right? Now you better take good care of my little girl. And, oh my! Did you say you were a prince? My grandbaby is going to be royalty!"

Alan let out another sigh before standing and pulling his wife away from Loki. Darcy immediately stepped into the space her mom had just vacated and wrapped one arm around her man. He reciprocated a bit desperately, not bothering to hide his relief that Donna was no longer in his personal space.

Darcy asked, "You alright, Mom?"

Donna nodded but couldn't get words out over the tears. Alan answered for her, "She's fine. It's just a big day for her. Well, for all of us. We didn't plan on becoming grandparents so soon. Just give her a minute."

Loki addressed Alan, "Were there any further questions you wished to ask of us?"

"Oh yes. I think Darcy said something about a 'she' – so I take it I'm going to have a granddaughter?" He waited for Loki's nod of confirmation before continuing, "So how soon should we be expecting her?"

Darcy answered, "Well I'm a bit more than halfway there. So probably less time than you're thinking. Sorry, Dad. I just didn't know how to tell you. And things were sort of complicated in the beginning. But it's all good now."

Suddenly, Donna shouted, "I didn't even make a cake! I would have made a cake if I'd known. Or something nice for the special occasion. And I was making tuna melts for dinner! We can't eat tuna melts on a night like this! Oh, I think I have the ingredients for that pasta you like, honey. I'll go make that!"

Before anyone could stop her, Donna bounded out of the room and was banging pots and pans in the kitchen. Alan just shook his head.

"The woman is ridiculous. Just let her be." He gave his daughter a gentle smile, "And I suppose this is where I tell you congratulations, kiddo."

Darcy flung herself into her dad's arms in an odd imitation of her mother's actions from a few minutes ago. Loki felt an unexpected pang as he watched the woman he loved be embraced lovingly by the man who was her father in every way except blood. He refused to call it jealousy. But he was glad that they would be traveling to Asgard soon – he needed to have that talk with Odin.

Darcy threw herself down on the couch, relieved to be home.

"That went pretty well."

Loki smirked, "Now we just have to win over my own parents."

Darcy scoffed, "Piece of cake. If said cake was made out of impossibility and failure and potential death. You know, I don't like your dad. I may say something out of line. There is a strong possibility I will end up in an Asgardian jail. That would be terrifying. I've read stories about the butch Asgardian warrior-women. With these boobs, someone's gonna make me their bitch. You know you're the only girl I'll have sex with. I don't even know how to make a shiv out of a toothbrush! I'll be defenseless! Please don't let that happen."

Loki sat beside her and pulled her to his chest comfortingly, but she could feel the smirk he was hiding in her hair. "I would not let that happen. However, it would be impossible for you to be someone else's bitch."

She pulled back, "Is that supposed to be your sneaky way of saying I'm already your bitch?"

"Are you not?" He raised his brow challengingly.

Darcy thought about it. Instinct and feminism made her want to deny, deny, deny. But…

"I'll accept mutual bitchitude. I own your ass already – branded like cattle. It's mine. You be sure to remember that little fact if you ever end up in jail."

"Unlikely."

That was beside the point. "Say you're my bitch, Loki. C'mon, say it."

"I am not capable of being anyone's bitch. However, if I were – you would be the obvious choice."

Darcy pouted, "But I own you. It says so on your ass."

Loki leaned in to whisper, "You own my heart. Nothing more. Be content with what you have."

Lies. All lies. Darcy could play this game. She reached out to grab him through his pants and Loki's whole body tensed. "You mean I don't own this? Because I thought I did. It was my favorite toy – but if it's not mine…well, you'll just have to play with it by yourself." She ran her fingers up and down the stiffening length.

Loki's eyes widened before he threw back his head and let out a harsh laugh. When he met her gaze again, he was smiling. "You little cheater." The way he said that made it sound more like an endearment than a censure.

Darcy giggled, "Well…I was going to reward you for eating my mother's horrendous cooking. But I only give blow jobs to my bitches. So, I'm sorry. You'll just have to do it yourself." Darcy paused to think about that. Loki was probably the only man in the world who actually could give himself a blow job. It was kinda sad that she found that idea more sexy than disturbing. Loki had corrupted her.

He was still smiling despite her words and her naughty fingers, "Empty threat. You enjoy my body too much to withhold yourself from the pleasure you derive from it."

Cocky bastard. She squeezed her hand a bit and amended - very cocky bastard. But damn, he was right.

She was going to snark back at him, but there was something about the little playful smile on his lips that made Darcy lose control over her vocal chords for a second.

"Thanks for meeting my parents, Loki. I love you so much."

Loki blinked. Then his lips were on hers and her back was against a mattress. Not the reaction she was expecting, but welcome nonetheless.

He pulled back and whispered against her lips, "Cheater."

He kissed her once again, thoroughly. As clothes started disappearing, she heard his voice in her head. "I am as much yours as you are mine."

Yup, Darcy thought with a smile as Loki's own fingers started doing naughty things. He was totally her bitch.

Later that night, Loki explained to Thor and Jane that he and Darcy would be joining them on their trip to Asgard. His news was met with far more approval than he had been anticipating. It seemed Jane was quite nervous to meet the prospective in-laws – understandably so, Loki had to admit – and the idea that Darcy would be there as well eased Jane's nerves. Loki acknowledged that out of the two mortal women, his own lover would be the one to cause any sort of incident. Darcy had a remarkable tendency to speak without thinking of the consequences. Her love for him could drive her to say truly dangerous things to Odin.

How wonderful.

Jane would be sweet and demure, winning his parents over with her sensible nature and pretty eyes. But Darcy would blindside them. The idea of bowing and scraping were foreign to her. She would use sarcasm on the Allfather himself.

Damn, he loved her.

His mother would likely love her as well. Frigga understood that a powerful man needed a wife strong enough to stand up to him – and Darcy never backed down from a fight. Not that Darcy was his wife. Well, not yet. Anticipation began to build within him.

For the first time in what felt like ages, Loki was excited to go home.