There was a reason why Darcy wanted to tell Fury about the trip to Asgard by herself. It took quite a bit of convincing on her part, but Loki eventually agreed to let her handle Fury solo. She only hoped Fury would like her little present – he was pretty much the hardest person in the world to shop for.
"Make this fast, Lewis. People much more important than you are waiting."
Well that was rude. Still, she wanted to make nice with the dude – she was getting tired of dealing with his glowering.
She gave him her cheeriest smile, "Will do, Nick. I just wanted to tell you something and then I have a present for you."
He didn't smile back, "Why do I have the feeling that I'm not going to like whatever you have to tell me? If you're cushioning it with a gift, this simply can't be good. What did you do this time?"
Darcy decided to go with the band-aid approach, "Loki and I are going to Asgard. Now here!"
Darcy thrust her hand out and waited for him to grab his prezzie. He just kept looking at her.
"Asgard. You're going to Asgard. Together. Should I just get everyone ready now? The likelihood that the two of you will cause a war is pretty damn high. I'd forbid you to go, but your boyfriend doesn't do well with following orders."
Darcy smiled wider, "Well, maybe not your orders. But mine definitely get followed – especially when they have to do with taking his clothes off. Or my clothes off. Or anything baby related. But, here – take your gift."
Fury tentatively took the object from Darcy. He twisted his wrist around to get a better look, then gave it an experimental squeeze.
Darcy couldn't contain her excitement and blurted, "It's a stress ball. I found this website that lets you make your own. See, I put a picture of Loki on it. Now you can take out all your frustrations on his sexy face! Best gift ever, right?"
She'd thought long and hard about this, so she hoped he liked it.
Fury was still staring at the ball in his hand, watching the way Loki's face became distorted as he squeezed. Slowly, Fury's mouth turned up into a startling grin. It was the first time Darcy had ever seen such an expression on the man and she instantly hoped it was the last. Talk about terrifying. He kept squeezing and his smile just kept growing wider and more scary.
Darcy's voice was a bit unsure, "It seems you like it. That's good I guess. Gotta keep that pimp hand strong, right?"
He didn't answer, just squeezed harder and faster. She internally giggled at the idea of squeezing Loki hard and fast, and then cringed at the fact that it was Fury doing the squeezing. Eww. Also, he was starting to freak her out with the intense concentration and the creepy facial expressions.
She backed away slowly, leaving the man to his weird self. Just when she thought she was home free, Fury's voice sounded out behind her.
"You're being debriefed when you get back. And if you start a war, I'll be very unhappy."
Like the man was ever happy to begin with? Whatever.
"Ok, dude. No problemo. I'll bring you back a postcard if I can!"
She hurried away before he could call her back. That wasn't so bad. Now she just had to find Loki.
"But you've got other kids, right?" Everyone in the room pretended they weren't listening to Tony's question.
"Pardon?"
"I thought I read somewhere that you fucked a horse." Everyone gave up the pretense and turned to stare at the God of Mischief. "Or that you were fucked by a horse. Or you were both horses? I'm not too clear on the details. Is it bestiality if you turn yourself into a horse before you fuck a horse? That's one of those things you never think you'll have to worry about. Well, except that time in Tijuana. I'm pretty sure that was a donkey though. Still looked painful."
Loki just stared at him, looking thoughtful, "I once gifted a horse to my father that I had created. Sleipnir. But there was no...physical contact with its sire. Equines are beautiful animals, but they do not really stir my libido."
Tony looked a little put out, "So you're not a horse fucker?"
"I think I would remember such an encounter. The closest I have ever been to such is when Darcy favors a position called 'cowgirl style'."
Tony perked up, "She's a woman who prefers to be on top, huh? I can picture that. Very clearly."
A wry voice rang out from behind Tony's shoulder, "Well, you try to do missionary with this gut. I look like I've shoplifted a turkey."
Tony froze, looking nervous. Pregnant women were scary. A pregnant Darcy Lewis was even scarier. A pregnant Darcy Lewis carrying the God of Mischief's baby - fucking terrifying.
Loki just smiled serenely, "You are exaggerating. And beautiful."
She snorted, "You damn well better believe I'm beautiful. You did this to me, you potent ass."
Tony, curiosity overcoming self-preservation, turned to Darcy, "So, you never fucked a horse either? Like, he didn't turn into one? Or is 'cowgirl style' a kinky bestiality metaphor?"
She blinked, then laughed, "Nope. The only horseplay that goes on in the bedroom is the metaphorical kind. And the only resemblance Loki's ever had to a horse is that he's hung like one."
She leaned down to give the man in question an incongruously innocent kiss on the temple. She whispered in his ear, "We're good to go. I'll be in Jane's office when you're done here."
Then she strolled from the room, leaving an uncomfortable group of Avengers and a smirking God of Mischief behind her.
Loki asked, "Any more questions, Tony?"
Tony looked vaguely disgusted, "No. Thanks."
Loki stood up with a grin, "Good, though I feel it only fair – since you seem so concerned about my sex life – to congratulate you on finally succeeding in your quest to get the delightful Miss Potts out of those lacy panties she favors. Well done. And you do not need to thank me for my help with the endeavor. I knew that the closet would be the prime location for such an encounter. It makes an excellent spot for an impromptu rendezvous. Quite roomy. Strong shelving, soft carpets. Perfect, really."
Now everyone was staring at Tony. He squirmed, keeping his focus on Loki. "JARVIS said the door was malfunctioning. I should have known it was you. I'm not thanking you – we were stuck in there for over two hours! And why does it sound like you're speaking from experience with the closet thing? Please tell me you were making casual observations and not that you ever did anything…kinky…in my closet."
Loki feigned innocence, "You would not expect me to lock you in a closet that I was unsure would be appropriate for a romantic encounter, would you? I had to test it first." He appraised Tony. "You appear uncomfortable by such knowledge. Darcy did as well, but she soon saw the logic. And she agreed with me about the shelving – perfect height for her leg to rest on." He ignored the uneasy look on Tony's face and continued, "Now that you and Pepper have finally consummated the love that has been so obvious to everyone, will you be procreating as well? If you hurry, our children could have…I believe they are called playdates. You are not getting any younger."
Silence was the only response.
Satisfied, Loki addressed the group at large, "Well I really must bid you all farewell now. Darcy and I shall be leaving shortly. Try not to destroy the realm while I am gone. And just in case any of you were curious, Darcy and I have also had sex on this very table. Recently." Loki lightly patted the table they were all sitting around. Everyone seemed to recoil a bit from the offensive piece of furniture.
Steve's voice was soft, "I'll go find the Lysol."
The God of Mischief just smiled benignly and followed after his woman.
There had been a rather heated debate over what would be appropriate attire to meet her baby-daddy's parents. Loki won, even though he had to cheat to do so. He had magicked her into a long green dress with a rather inappropriate neckline, which made her look like she'd dressed up as a Greek goddess for a Halloween party. Granted, she would have definitely won Best Costume – but still. She wasn't sure where his head was at with this one. Sif had been dressed like Xena, all form-fitting chainmail stuff. She had looked badass. Darcy looked…pretty. Kinda slutty too, with the boob situation and the preggo belly. When she kept bugging him about it, he'd said his mother would appreciate her clothing choice. Cheater. She wanted his mom to like her and he knew it.
And don't think she missed the implications of wearing his color of choice. That was a bit obvious, especially for Loki. Still, she supposed the dress was the nicest thing she'd ever worn. She could suck it up and deal.
He was unusually quiet during the hour before they were to meet Jane and Thor at the Bifrost site (Loki had nixed the idea that Darcy would actually travel by Bifrost in her condition, but they still wanted to leave and arrive together for solidarity). When they finally got to the random patch of sand with the weird glyphs, Jane was dressed in a similar style and Darcy felt herself relaxing a bit. Maybe Sif's fashion choices were an anomaly. And Darcy had to admit that the four of them made quite the picture – the women all soft and alluring and the men in full battle-gear. Darcy didn't like to admit it, but she had a kink for Loki in the helmet.
Darcy pulled herself out of her musings of banging Loki while he was wearing just the helmet, and noticed that poor Jane looked terrified. Darcy immediately reached out to hug the other woman. Darcy herself felt pretty calm, but she figured that wouldn't last for too much longer. Jane clung to her so tightly that Darcy could feel the way Jane's body shook with nerves.
With a reassuring pat on the back, Darcy stepped back and grabbed onto Loki as Thor called up to the sky and the winds began to blow. Darcy gave Jane an encouraging smile just as Jane was pulled up like something out of the Wizard of Oz. She felt Loki's arms wrap around her before his voice was in her ear, "Hold on to me and close your eyes." She obeyed immediately and there was a strange weightless sensation, and then the ground was once more beneath her feet.
"We are here, my love."
That was fast. Darcy opened her eyes and looked around at the gold and swirls and strange pedestal thing. And the giant black man with the cool helmet. Not Loki-cool, but still – badass helmet. There were black people in Asgard? Well, one of the dudes who came to visit was kinda Asian, but still. Surprisingly PC.
She addressed said dude, "You must be Heimdall. Loki told me all about you. I hope you haven't been watching me when I'm naked. That's super creepy. Although I guess I couldn't blame you if you were watching when I got groiny with Loki – we're pretty hot together." He didn't so much as blink. "You don't talk much, do you?"
Suddenly, Jane and Thor stepped out of some sort of swirly psychedelic tube. That was Bifrost travel? She hadn't imagined it being so colorful. She was totally trying that once the bump was gone.
Jane sounded awestruck, "Thor, this is so beautiful."
His voice was filled with pride, "This is but the observatory. Come, see the true beauty of Asgard."
Loki rolled his eyes at his brother's dramatic words, but gestured for Darcy to join him as they walked out the door. Both mortal women froze at the strange bridge they were supposed to cross.
Darcy's voice was full of excitement, "It's like the back of a cd! You know, when you hold it up to a light? Iridescent. Or prismatic? Whatever. Cool beans, man."
Loki reached out and tilted her chin upwards, "There is a better view if you simply look up."
She actually gasped at her first view of the palace. It was like a giant pipe organ, with huge statues and weird symbology and something floating over to her right that looked like it belonged in a sci-fi movie. Sa-weet.
"Come, news of our arrival has likely reached our parents already." Thor's words spurred everyone into motion and they walked along the scary-awesome bridge (with no freaking railing) toward the palace. Darcy could hear Thor and Jane conversing in low tones, but she was too distracted to eavesdrop.
Without turning her eyes away from the view, Darcy asked, "You grew up here and you're crashing at my dinky apartment? Talk about slumming it."
Loki's voice was wry, "Trust me, I much prefer your little hovel."
She tore her eyes away from the scenery to look at him incredulously, "Why?"
He raised a brow, as if the answer should have been obvious, "Because you are there."
Darcy blinked. And melted. Stupid baby hormones.
With a small smile, Darcy pointed out, "You do realize that was romantic, don't you?"
Loki looked genuinely surprised, "That was no such thing!"
"Nope, sorry. You're wrong. It was romantic. My knees went weak and everything."
He scoffed, "Your knees weaken when I bring you ice cream. That is not a good indicator of romance."
"Yes it is! Bringing me ice cream is romantic. I want something and you go get it for me without complaining. Romantic."
He shook his head, "You are being delusional again. I have never been romantic in my life."
"That's such a lie. We can agree to disagree, but you know I'm right. You're the most inadvertently romantic dude ever. Seriously, you're like one step away from being on the cover of a romance novel wearing a shirt without any buttons while a buxom maiden clings to your thigh."
Loki just smirked, "My current attire has no buttons. Please feel free to cling to any part of my lower anatomy that strikes your fancy."
She laughed, "It doesn't matter how pervy you get now, you're romantic. Deal with it."
"Am I romantic, Jane Foster?"
Jane answered, "I think Darcy has her own scale to measure romance by. But maybe."
Darcy blinked. She'd forgotten that the other two were walking with them. She also started noticing the random people running toward them, as if to get a better look. It made her feel like she was in a really small parade. Weird. And they were all dressed in that funky medieval/futuristic style. Darcy inwardly acknowledged that it was probably good that Loki won the clothing debate – she didn't want to give people another reason to stare at her today. Although the plunging neckline he'd insisted on seemed a bit naughtier than what was going on around her. Ah well. Borderline inappropriateness should probably be expected when you let the God of Mischief dress you.
Loki replied, "She is lying. I should have known better - women always band together."
It took Darcy a moment to remember what they were talking about – oh yeah, Loki being romantic. While he wasn't romantic in the traditional sense, Darcy paid attention to the little things. Plus, this was Loki – you had to alter your preconceived notions of everything if you wanted to deal with him, and romance was just one of those things. Darcy knew she should let the conversation go, but their banter seemed to be a good distraction for him – for all of them. So she kept teasing him, "Seriously, that was the Loki equivalent of spelling out 'You Complete Me' in conversation hearts and leaving them in my locker."
Loki gave her a look, "Funny. If you were not with child, I would currently be spanking you for your insolence."
Darcy paused, "Oh, damn. Really? Can I get a raincheck?" Spanking sounded like all sorts of fun. She had been a very bad girl, after all.
He smirked, "Of course."
Thor's voice sounded somewhat strained, "Brother, do try to contain yourself – we have arrived."
Darcy stood staring up at the huge golden doors which opened slowly and revealed a stunning hall. And more people. Granted, not a lot of people – mostly guards and servants – but they all stopped and stared. Nerves finally started to kick in and Darcy glanced over at a nauseous-looking Jane. She sympathized. Darcy placed one of her hands over her stomach and latched onto Loki's arm with the other.
He turned to her with a smile that seemed to contradict the darker emotions swirling in his eyes. His voice was soft, "Just breathe, my love."
Darcy tried to smile back, but she knew it came off sorta weird. As Thor and Jane entered, Darcy took a deep breath and followed. Once inside, she looked around, "Woah. This place needs sound effects. Trumpets or something."
Loki obliged and she made a face at the noise. "No, no - something with more fire and brimstone."
A heavy drum sounded throughout the hall - Bum Bum, Bum Bum.
"Yeah! That sounds more like it." She smiled up at Loki.
"Brother, not now."
Darcy turned to call Thor out on being so snippy, but held her tongue at the expression on his face. He looked more nervous than even Jane. Huh. That was a new look on the big guy.
Smiling encouragingly, Darcy told him, "No worries. We'll be on our best behavior. Go on."
Thor turned to Jane and they shared a look that made Darcy feel mildly uncomfortable to witness. They were so freaking cute together, it was vaguely nauseating. Darcy sincerely hoped that she and Loki never got that schmaltzy. At least, not when others could see. Although she knew that babies had a tendency to make perfectly normal people turn into nonsense-spouting freaks. But Loki had yet to coo, so Darcy still felt like things were all right in her world.
They watched as Thor and Jane entered through the next set of giant doors. Showtime.
She mustered up every ounce of her courage and prepared herself to stand up to an all-powerful god-king. Who happened to be her boyfriend's dad. Easy-peasy.
Throwing a desperate grin up at Loki, Darcy said, "Let's go meet the disapproving parents."
Loki let out a quiet chuckle, "Just to clarify, which one of us will they not approve of?"
"While it's usually a toss-up, I think I win this one. You're the prince and I'm the tarty commoner who got herself knocked up."
"You are many things, but common is not among them. And relax - my mother will adore you. You are carrying her first grandchild. My father will...well, do not expect much and you will not be disappointed. And remember that there is no need to fear him."
Darcy shrugged awkwardly, "Eh, I'm not scared. Although passing out is not entirely out of the question."
He turned to her, face bereft of amusement, "Darcy, it will be alright. And remember that if I were ever to choose between doing what makes them happy and doing what makes you happy - it is not even a choice. If I were romantic – which I am not – I would say that you are my Yggdrasil, the center of everything."
She swallowed heavily, "Good thing you're not romantic."
He gave her an arch look, "Indeed. Now come along. We cannot let Thor have the spotlight."
Darcy shook her head, feeling that strange calm settle over her again. Knowing that Loki would take her side no matter what happened was comforting. While she wanted Loki's parents to like her, it wasn't vital. She had Loki and the bump – everyone else could go suck it. Head held high, Darcy checked that her boobs were still in her dress and then allowed Loki to wrap her arm around his and pull her along.
Holy shit, that was a lot of people. Like a metric fuckton of people. She whispered up to Loki, "I should have invited the entire town to come watch you meet my parents. That would have been more fair."
Loki chuckled, "This is just the court. If we are not thrown out of Asgard, you can look forward to being gawked at by a great deal more of the citizenry."
"Lucky me."
Walking forward, silence descended as they passed and then whispers followed in their wake. Darcy felt the inappropriate urge to laugh and stick her tongue out at everyone. Or just have Loki turn and yell 'Boo!' at the nosy throng. Through the crowd, Darcy could make out a raised throne in the shape of some sort of hammer. Crazy Asgardians. Who the hell was their interior decorator?
Her amusement faded and her confidence faltered when she saw the man sitting atop the throne. Bling-tastic helmet that doubled as an eye-patch? Check. Big staff thing in his hand? Check. Scowl permanently etched on his face? Check.
So that was Odin. Definitely lived up to the hype.
She also recognized the warriors that had come over to help fight the big killer robot thing – not Loki's best moment. She wanted to wave to them or something, but was afraid that would look tacky. Although, judging by both the clothing and the décor – Asgardians loved tacky shit.
Then she was suddenly in front of the throne, and she watched in confusion as both Thor and Jane kneeled. She turned to Loki with her eyebrow raised, but he just lifted her hand off his arm, gave a quick kiss to her knuckles and then hurried toward the beautiful woman standing to the left. As the woman embraced him, Darcy realized that she must be his mother. His mother. Damn, what a MILF. Darcy would have been jealous, but she felt confident that she'd be one too in a few months.
Still, Darcy was faced with a bit of a conundrum. She looked down at the duo on their knees next to her and then at Loki. Her man was still standing. Interesting. Darcy leaned down a bit toward Jane and whispered, "Am I supposed to kneel? Why are you kneeling?"
It was Odin who answered in a voice that was deep and ominous, "She kneels before me because I am King."
Well, that was a stupid answer. Darcy pointed out, "You're not my king."
Her words seemed to echo throughout the silent hall, creating a sense of foreboding. Oops? Darcy chanced a look at Loki. Unsurprisingly, he seemed delighted. Darcy relaxed, figuring that was a good sign. She had a feeling Loki wanted her to be a little mutinous toward his dad – just to demonstrate where her loyalties lie.
She addressed Loki just in case, "You dealt with my father giving you the stink eye all night and you ate my mom's cooking – so if you want me to kneel, I'll do it. But I want it clear that you're the only person in this realm I'll get on my knees for – all sorts of puns intended."
There were shocked whispers throughout the hall and Loki turned his head to the side, trying to disguise a laugh as a cough. He failed. Darcy found herself smiling at his amusement. This was reminding her of the first time she spoke with Loki – standing out on Tony's balcony, beer in hand, knowing he could kill her at any moment but enjoying herself nonetheless. It was both dangerous and thrilling to mess with a god.
Loki kept his voice impressively neutral when he finally responded, "Kneeling is a sign of respect and obedience. I think the gesture would be meaningless coming from you. Do not trouble yourself with it. Jane Foster actually cares what my father thinks. You do not."
Darcy shrugged and turned back to the man on the throne. He didn't look like he was going to behead her or anything, but he certainly didn't look pleased. Knowing it was too late, she tried for a bit of civility, "Nice digs. Asgard is certainly something."
He didn't respond and Darcy looked down at Jane, who had her face in her hands as if she was either mortified or horrified. Possibly both. Hey, Jane should be happy! After Darcy's rudeness, Jane would look like a damn angel. Hell, they'd probably make her one of the royal family immediately. Darcy would most likely be appointed as court jester.
Still, no one was talking. Loki should have helped her out, but she had a feeling he wanted her to do this on her own for some reason. Well, fine. There was still one person Odin hadn't met. It was her ace in the hole.
Darcy looked down and addressed her own stomach, "Hey, baby girl. This is your grandpa. Ignore the surly face and brusque manners, I'm sure he only looks grumpy."
Odin still did not speak, but his eye shifted down to look at her protruding stomach. His face softened ever so slightly. Darcy felt triumphant – no one can fight the power of the bump. No one.
Loki cleared his throat and Darcy's eyes shot to him. "My love, I would like to introduce you to my mother. Mother, this is Darcy Lewis."
Frigga took Loki's hand and they walked down the few stairs to stand in front of Darcy. Since she knew how much Loki loved his mom, Darcy made certain that her voice was both kind and respectful, "It's an honor to meet you."
Frigga smiled at her so widely, Darcy thought her face might break. She was even lovelier up close. Without warning, Frigga was embracing Darcy. A lifetime with her own over-emotional mother had her returning the hug almost instantaneously. Frigga eased back, "No, my dear. The honor is all mine. May I?" Frigga gestured to the bump.
Darcy blinked, "Oh! Yeah, sure. Most people don't even ask anymore – they just start grabbing." Frigga reached forward and placed a gentle hand on the swell of Darcy's stomach. She made a soft cooing noise. With a satisfied look on his face, Loki walked around behind Darcy and placed a soft, open-mouthed kiss on her bare shoulder. Darcy willed herself not to have any inappropriate reactions to Loki's lips on her person – his mom was right there! Touching her belly! Grandmother-grandchild bonding moment! Do. Not. Get. Aroused.
Frigga let out a sigh, "Welcome to Asgard, Darcy Lewis. I have been looking forward to meeting you for quite some time."
Darcy smiled, "I'm glad to be here. Although I'm not sure how long I'm going to be allowed to stay. You know that filter that goes between the stuff you think and the stuff you say? I was born without one. Your husband doesn't look pleased."
Loki's voice was sly, "That is his usual expression."
Frigga gave Loki a good-natured slap on the shoulder and Darcy immediately knew they would get along. Anyone who dared to smack the God of Mischief when he was being cheeky was fine with her. Frigga shook her head at her son and then addressed the mortal girl whose stomach she was still holding, "You are welcome here, my child. I say that you are. For as long as you wish to remain here."
Darcy smiled and then mocked-whispered into Loki's ear, "I like your mom."
Loki smiled back and then turned to address the still-kneeling duo. "Thor, do not be rude. Introduce your beloved to our father before her poor knees give out."
Thor took his cue and introduced Jane, who was both respectful and clever. Frigga eventually let go of the bump to embrace her other son and future daughter-in-law. As expected, all parties seemed suitably impressed by Jane. They seemed relieved that Thor had obviously chosen well, even if his choice was a bit unorthodox.
After the introductions were over, Odin finally stood and addressed the room at large, "My sons have returned. They have brought wives and heirs back with them from Midgard. Look well - the future of Asgard is before us all. Let us honor such an occasion. This is a day worthy of celebration."
Did he just say wives and heirs? As in plural? She wasn't Loki's wife and Jane wasn't pregnant as far as Darcy knew, so neither use of the plural form seemed appropriate. Still, that was a way nicer speech than Darcy had been expecting from the guy. Music started blaring out from somewhere and she smiled at the sudden rush of chatter and laughing and life that spun around her.
She felt a cool hand on her back as Loki started guiding her toward the only other people she knew – Sif, Fandral, Volstagg, and…crap, what was the Asian one's name – Hogun! Their path was suddenly blocked by the King of Asgard himself. Fuckballs.
His voice was deep, "Might I speak with your woman for a moment, my son?"
Oh super-fuckballs. The one place she didn't want to be was near Odin – especially without Loki nearby.
Loki looked down at her, asking with his eyes if she would be alright. He must have been satisfied by what he saw because he looked back up at his father and nodded, "Take care with her. Should she be harmed, in any way, I will be displeased. Greatly displeased." Though his words seemed civil enough, the look in his eyes revealed the threat within them. Odin nodded gravely and offered an arm to Darcy. She took a deep breath and released her hold on Loki before grabbing the proffered arm. She wanted to pray for help, but she wasn't sure who exactly to pray to – Odin was a god himself. He started to guide her away and Darcy looked back at Loki's troubled face. She sent him a reassuring smile and thought 'I love you' as loud as she could, hoping he'd pick up on it with his Jedi mind powers. You know, just in case Odin actually killed her. Or sewed her mouth shut. Both were likely options.
They walked in silence until they reached a balcony, which emptied as soon as they stepped out on it. She let go of Odin's arm and leaned over the railing to get a better view. Looking down at the people outside the palace, Darcy had the strongest urge to raise her arms and start singing 'Don't Cry for Me Argentina' – but that would have looked weird. If it had been Loki with her, she totally would have done it.
She turned to find Odin staring at her intensely. Creepy. But life with Loki had made her a beast at staring contests. She met Odin's gaze and smiled benignly at him. He just kept looking at her. Damn, he was good. The man never blinked. Not once. Her eyes were starting to burn. She wouldn't give in though! Finally, Odin cracked a small smile and it was so startling that she immediately blinked and then internally cursed herself – if he did that on purpose so he'd win the staring contest, then he was Loki-level devious. Impressive.
His voice was softer than the one he'd used on her before, "You are not what I was expecting."
Darcy smiled wryly, "You were exactly what I was expecting. I guess I was more prepared than you, since I actually talk to Loki. You do know what talking is, right? The free flow of communication between two people. Honesty is an important element of the whole talking thing, too. I talk to Loki all the time. I don't lie to him and I don't sew his mouth shut when he apologizes to me, unlike other people who shall remain nameless."
Odin didn't seem as angered by her words as Darcy had been expecting. Instead, he sounded tired, "I have failed Loki in myriad ways. He knows this. But there are two sides to every story. You need not hear mine now, as I doubt it would do much good. You love him completely. It radiates out of you. Whether you choose to believe it or not, this pleases me. I love both my sons. I wish for their happiness. That they seem to have found it on Midgard is rather vexing, but nothing can be done for that."
Darcy tried to absorb the words, "Well, we Midgardian girls are pretty awesome."
Odin studied her again, gaze lingering on her stomach. "I am sure you are aware by now that Loki is Jötunn by birth."
"Yup."
"So any peculiarities in your child have already been anticipated and prepared for?"
Darcy gave him a slightly insulted look, "Peculiarities? You mean like the fact that she could be blue? Because that would obviously be the worst thing in the world, huh?"
If Odin badmouthed her beautiful baby girl, she'd kick his ass. Or she'd tell Loki and then he'd do it for her. Fury's face telling her not to start a war drifted through her mind. Damn.
Odin tilted his head appraisingly, "You are as insolent as you are beautiful. I can see why Loki was drawn to you."
Darcy felt a bit thrown off by that response – the whole 'beautiful' thing and the way he was looking at her were weird. She sincerely hoped Odin wasn't hitting on her. She didn't think he was, but just in case, "Um, I love Loki. Only him, ok?"
Odin smiled gently and it did not look as out of place on his face as she thought it would, "I love him as well, though I doubt he believes it. I merely wanted to be certain you knew what was coming. I would offer to assist in any way that I can, but I know that Loki would not be receptive of such an offer. You must understand that the child that grows within your womb will be my grandchild. Loki is my son."
Darcy swallowed heavily, "Good. And I'm ready. Or as ready as I can be at this point. Everything beyond the birth is a bit of a question mark."
"I feel confident that you will handle whatever difficulties fate sees fit to throw your way. Loki has chosen well. You will make a fine Princess of Asgard." Darcy's eyes widened. Princess? Wait a minute. But Odin just continued, "And your point has been made. Loki comes first in your heart and mind. In the future, you need not be so overt in your hostilities toward me while in front of the people of Asgard. There is much worth in presenting a united front. Though I do hope that it would not be a mere pretense of agreement between us. Loki may be our only common thread, but it is a strong link. And your child may have need of me someday. I wish to be involved in her life. A girl-child will be a welcome novelty around here."
Darcy nodded slowly, "If Loki is willing to let bygones be bygones, then fine. And either way, you're my kid's grandpa – so you'll be involved somehow. But you and Loki really need to talk."
Odin seemed oddly pained, looking at something just over her shoulder, "I know. Especially since he has been here throughout this conversation. He does not trust me alone with you."
Darcy looked behind her and saw nothing, but Loki suddenly appeared smile first, like the Cheshire Cat. 'We're all mad here', indeed.
"Forgive me, Father. But I will not let Darcy out of my sight while we are here. Call it an instinctive need to protect my family."
Odin inclined his head, "I am familiar with such instinct."
Loki slowly walked to Darcy, cupping her chin to draw her eyes up to his. "Would you mind excusing us for a moment, my love? I know that my mother would be quite happy to regale you with stories of my youth. You should enjoy that. My father and I need to talk."
Darcy nodded, internally crossing her fingers that this talk would actually do something beneficial for the pair. If Odin started playing seamstress again - god or not - she'd pluck out his other eye Kill Bill style. Darcy leaned forward to place a kiss on the curve of his jaw and then whispered 'I love you' into his ear. She was being a bit generous with her verbal loving, but she figured he needed the moral support. She started to walk away before quickly turning back to Odin, raising two fingers to her eyes and then pointing them at him in the universal sign for 'I'm watching your ass, buddy'. She heard Loki chuckle and knew that was her cue to leave.
Glancing around the throne room, she saw Thor immediately – he was easy to spot in a crowd. Then she noticed Frigga and Jane with him. That was a comforting sight. She slowly weaved her way through the throng to get to them, but found her path blocked. Again. This time it was Sif. When they'd met briefly back on Earth, they had gotten along just fine. Granted they'd exchanged about ten words, so they hadn't really had the time to build up any rapport. But by now she had gathered how much Loki disliked the woman. Instantly, Darcy became wary.
"Greetings, Darcy Lewis. It is good to see you again under more pleasant circumstances." Sif's smile seemed genuine, so Darcy returned it with one of her own.
"Nice to see you, too. Although I almost didn't recognize you. This is definitely a different look than the one you were sporting the last time I saw you." Darcy gestured to the dress Sif was wearing that made her look so beautiful that Darcy wanted to smack her.
"There is no battle today. Today is a time for celebration." There was something in the tone of Sif's voice when she said the last word that made Darcy nervous. Darcy remembered Loki mentioning Sif's infatuation with Thor. Watching him parade around with Jane couldn't be easy for her, so Darcy tried to subtly redirect onto a safer topic.
"Yeah, I suppose it is. Hey, you wouldn't happen to be good with children by any chance? Loki and I are trying to expand our pool of potential babysitters. Handy in a fight is one of the main qualifications."
Sif raised her brow in confusion and Darcy realized that she probably had no idea what a 'babysitter' was, though it seemed self-explanatory. But instead of seeking clarification, Sif asked, "You do realize that Loki is a Frost Giant, do you not?"
Oddly enough, Sif looked genuinely concerned. Darcy wasn't sure whether to be saddened or angered that Sif thought there was a chance Darcy didn't know the genetic make-up of her baby-daddy. Like Loki could have kept that from her? Like he would have even tried? She was having the man's baby for crying out loud!
Trying not to sound overly sarcastic, Darcy replied, "Really? And here I thought the whole blue thing was a trick of the light."
Sif still looked concerned, "So you are aware. I am merely attempting to assist you. You are in a difficult situation and I am unsure if you fully understand the hardships you are in for. Midgardians know nothing of the true nature of Frost Giants."
This whole racist thing was getting old. Yeah, Frost Giants were the 'enemy', but they were talking about Loki. "If Asgard had public transportation, you'd make Loki sit in the back of the bus, wouldn't you? Fine, whatever. Maybe my Jötunn knowledge is a bit rusty, but I know Loki. I know his true nature. So I think I'm all set. But thanks for the unexpected and unnecessary concern."
Sif looked as if she was starting to get frustrated, "I am not trying to insult Loki, so there is no need to become defensive. I simply wanted to offer my assistance if you were seeking more information. To find out that your lover is a Frost Giant and that therefore the child you carry is half such a creature must be horrifying. That you remain so loyal to him is quite…touching."
Darcy was trying not to get angry. She understood that to the Asgardians, Frost Giants = monsters. But it wasn't like Loki was some sort of covert double-agent sent there to spy on them. He was kidnapped as a baby! They should be pissed at Odin. They should understand that Loki got a shitty deal here – finding out that everything he thought he knew about himself was a lie. It could have happened to any one of them.
"Again, thanks for the unexpected but still unnecessary concern. I knew Loki was Jötunn before he knocked me up. Thor spilled the beans on that one back when Loki was still being all villainous."
Sif seemed surprised, "So you were aware of his heritage before you began your affair?"
The word 'affair' seemed a bit rude, but Darcy let that slide. "Yup. But man, if I'd known the whole extent of it, I'd have jumped him the second he crash landed. Seriously, he would have had a hard time taking over the world with my mouth attached to certain areas of his yummy body. See, when he goes Jötunn, he goes icy. Every inch of him. And not to overshare, but someone should build a shrine to his cold, naughty tongue. I'd do it myself, but I'm not really sure how one goes about building a shrine. So I worship him the Midgardian way: on my knees. Well, not so much lately – it's uncomfortable to kneel for extended periods of time with my new waistline. Loki doesn't mind if I get creative though. He's pretty damn creative himself."
Sif's eyes had kept getting progressively wider as Darcy spoke until it looked like a good jolt on her back would make them pop out completely. Her voice echoed the shock on her face, "You are quite crude for a woman. I do not wish to hear about whatever sport you and Loki choose to engage in. Although I will assume you are speaking so frankly in an attempt to force me into changing the subject. You have been quite successful. I now wish to converse about anything else."
"Um, I'm not that sneaky. Loki naked is one of my favorite topics of conversation. And Loki naked and blue is my absolute favorite topic."
Sif looked disgusted, "Do you mean to tell me you have actually been intimate with Loki while his appearance was that of a Jötunn?"
Darcy really didn't understand why everyone got so weirded out by the idea of her sexing up Loki when he was blue. He really didn't look that different and he was a hot guy to begin with, so it just confused the hell out of her. Darcy gave Sif an artificial smile, "And I'm starting to get why Loki thinks you're a psycho bitch. But it's all good. So to answer your question, yes I've gone blue. Speaking of kinky times, are you banging any of the burly ale guzzlers around here?"
Sif scoffed quietly, "Most certainly not. And again you are attempting to change the subject. Frost Giants are fearsome in appearance. Does he not frighten you?"
Darcy sighed, "Lady, you are so not getting it. But no, he doesn't frighten me."
"So you are comfortable around enormous blue creatures then? Is that a Midgardian trait?"
Sif didn't do sarcasm as well as either Loki or Darcy, but she got points for trying. Darcy calmly answered, "Enormous is a bit of a stretch. Loki's like 6'1". And I'm all good with the blue thing. More than good, really."
"You mean he does not grow into a true Jötunn?"
A true Jötunn? What the hell did Sif mean by that? It suddenly clicked, "Oh, yeah – he's kinda short for a Frost Giant. Or so I'm told. He's blue and bumpy though. I'm sure he'll show you later if you want."
Sif smirked slightly, "So he is small even for his own race."
Darcy smirked back, "Oh, I wouldn't say that. There are certain parts of him that are most assuredly giant-sized." Darcy winked at Sif conspiratorially. "You know what I mean? Seriously, it's epic."
Sif blanched. Darcy just kept smiling cheekily.
A cool pair of lips pressed against her shoulder and Darcy jumped. Damn, he was a freaking ninja. A deep voice whispered in her ear, "Poor Lady Sif looks quite disturbed. What have you two been discussing?"
Darcy tilted her head back to look him in the eye, "Your enormous manhood."
Loki's eyebrows rose quickly before amusement stole over his face. "Well, carry on then. Do not let me interrupt." He released her and inclined his head at Sif condescendingly. He disappeared without a sound, leaving Darcy staring at the empty space with a fond smile. A throat cleared next to her and Darcy turned to see Sif giving her an inscrutable look.
"So, the God of Lies has even more secrets. I had often thought that only an insane woman would bind herself to Loki. I seem to have been right. You both seem perfect for each other. I find that I am oddly pleased by it all. But I beg of you, no more talk of Loki's…attributes. Impressive though they may be."
Darcy smiled, "You're seriously limiting our conversation topics – we only have a finite list of things in common. And don't think I missed you calling me insane. But since I kinda am when it comes to Loki, I'll let it slide."
Sif raised a brow, "And you referred to me as a 'psycho bitch' earlier. Do not think that I have forgotten that as well."
Darcy smiled, "True. Good point. You know, if we become friends it'll piss Loki off. He really doesn't like you."
Sif tilted her head as if she were pondering something before she smiled slyly and stepped closer, linking arms with the mortal. "That is reason enough for me. Come along, my new friend. We must get you something to eat before Volstagg devours everything."
Pleased, Darcy returned the smile. Then she wondered what gods ate. Considering how snobbish Loki could be with food, it was probably amazingly delicious. And if it sucked, Loki would just conjure her up some tortilla chips and guacamole. Now that was the manna of the gods. Om nom nom.
Darcy allowed herself to be tugged along by Sif, the promise of munchies like a siren's song. Unexpectedly, Loki's voice was in her head, 'Traitor.' He sounded amused. Darcy giggled in response. She suddenly felt hopeful for the first time since Loki had told her they were going to Asgard. Judging by his tone of voice, there was an actual chance that the talk with his father was turning out well this time. Smiling, she ignored the looks that were thrown her way and began to prepare herself for the culinary delights of Asgard.
A/N: No excuses, just apologies for my tardiness. Also, fear not – Loki's conversation with Odin will be in the next chapter.
By the by, I saw Loki valentines in K-mart this past weekend. They were in a Thor-themed box of those little card-like valentines that you would give out in grade school. It says "Valentine, you are the Master of Mischief" and it has a picture of Loki looking like he wants to rape you. I shit you not. I totally bought it...