She was trying to maintain her zen-like calm, "Thora. Like Thora Birch?"

Loki's brow furrowed, "A tree?"

"An actress."

His face cleared, "Ah. No, like a feminine form of my brother."

Zen-like calm was slowly drifting away, "Seriously? You want to name our little girl after the man-beast that is Thor?"

Loki expelled a frustrated breath and Darcy realized that something else was going on here. He explained, "It seems important to him – to cement our bond once again. And he agreed to name his own daughter after me one day."

Darcy blinked, "Do I even want to know what name that would be?"

"Loka."

Darcy tried to wrap her head around it. She failed. "Loka? That's actually even worse than Thora!"

Surprisingly, Loki cracked a naughty little smile. "I know. It is quite brutal."

Oh. Her man was being an asshole again at poor Thor's expense. Still…Loka. "Please tell me you didn't come up with that beauty."

Loki's smile widened, "No. That was all Thor."

Oh dear. Darcy was sure she knew the answer, but she asked anyway, "Does Jane know about this?"

"Not at present."

Poor Jane. Not even pregnant yet and already saddled with a daughter named Loka. Which would be painful enough on its own, but Jane wasn't Loki's biggest fan. Naming a kid after him?

Darcy tried to keep her face stern and disapproving, but she kept picturing Thor explaining this to Jane. Oh to be a fly on that wall. Against her will, Darcy let out a little giggle. Loki looked delighted.

Trying valiantly not to smile, Darcy said, "Jane's going to kill him."

Loki threw his head back and laughed, "I know!"

Darcy reached up to smack his chest, "Loki! This isn't funny! Think about Jane."

Loki kept laughing, "I am. And she cannot even blame me. This was all Thor's idea."

"Yes, but I'm sure you goaded him into this. Whenever Thor does something this mind-bogglingly stupid, you influenced. You're a stupidity enabler!"

Loki stopped laughing, but his smile remained, "How else is he supposed to learn?"

Darcy sighed, "What am I going to do with you?"

Loki's eyes became oddly serious, "Love me for all eternity."

"Well, that's a given." Darcy shook her head, "But Thora? Seriously, babe?"

Loki reached up to tangle his hand in her elaborate hairdo, wrecking some palace flunky's handiwork. Darcy didn't seem to mind. "Not a fan?"

"Astrid Thora? Loki, child services will arrest us for abuse! We're supposed to love our daughter, not punish her with a train wreck like that!"

Loki's face finally seemed to lose its mirth. "I thought you liked Astrid."

"Of the twelve options you gave me, it did have the least amount of unnecessary vowels. But it's still a name only a celebrity baby could ever pull off." Darcy tilted her head thoughtfully, "Though you are somewhat of a celebrity."

Loki corrected, "I am a prince. Have you decided to go with Liv again? That was your alternate choice for her name. Correct?"

Darcy sighed, "Yeah. But..." Her voice faded out. But, but, but. While she liked Liv better, she knew Loki loved Astrid. Asgardian names held meaning here in weird ways. Liv meant something about protection, which didn't really fit. Between Loki, Thor and the Avengers – their baby would be one incredibly protected baby. But Astrid meant she was a fair and beautiful goddess. Seemed a bit cliché to Darcy, but she understood where Loki was coming from on this one. He wanted to let people know that their daughter would be beautiful - blue or not.

Still, Astrid Thora was a pretty heinous name. Although their baby was obviously going to be awesome enough to own it. Darcy thought hard about this. She knew it mattered to Loki in ways she didn't completely understand. But she couldn't just let Loki win everything. Hmm…an idea occurred to her.

Compromise. She would give here and wait for the payoff.

Steeling her nerves, Darcy reached out and let her fingers walk up the grooves on the crazy chestplate Loki wore. Her voice was soft, "I have a proposition."

Intrigue and suspicion immediately lit the eyes in front of her, "I am listening."

Darcy took her free hand and placed it on her stomach, "We'll name baby girl here whatever you want."

Unfiltered surprise came over Loki's face, "If…"

Darcy tried not to let her internal chaos show, "If I get complete naming privileges on any future offspring."

Loki's eyebrow rose sharply. He opened his mouth to speak but closed it almost immediately, seeming a bit lost for words. Darcy wasn't sure if she wanted to vomit or giggle. She was skipping steps again, and she wasn't sure he was going to be ok with it this time. Finally, he tilted his head appraisingly, "You plan to bear more of my children?"

Possibly. Probably. Someday. If she didn't die giving birth to this one. Although, she might change her mind as soon as contractions started. But that's why this was a gamble. There was only a slim chance that they'd have more kids, but if that slim chance happened – she had all the power.

Keeping her voice calm, she answered, "Maybe. Not anytime soon, but you never know. So should that happen - very far down the line - I get to name our kids anything I want. No input from the peanut gallery."

Loki still looked stunned, "Peanut? Never mind, that is unimportant."

"So?" Darcy held her breath.

Finally, a smile started playing about the corners of his lips, "I will agree to this if any children we have is a Lokison or Lokidóttir." He reached his hand out and placed it atop Darcy's own, resting on her stomach. "Including her."

Ugh...crazy Asgardians. "I still don't get the whole last names situation. It's impractical. What if there's like eight hundred people named Bob? How many Bobsons would there be in the phonebook? Wait, does Asgard even have a phonebook?"

Loki just gave her a look.

She sighed, "That's a no. But still – I'm so glad I'm not Darcy Alandóttir. Although Jane's kinda bummed that she has to stay Jane Foster. I think she wanted to be Jane Odinson."

Loki shook his head, "Midgardians are so unusual. The very idea of surnames…patronymics simply make more sense. You are always your father's daughter, but you may not always be your husband's wife. Something as intrinsic as a name should not change." Loki's face became oddly vacant, "It is your identity."

Oh shit. Darcy suddenly realized that they had wandered into a fucking emotional minefield. She should have noticed the 'Proceed with Caution' sign that she blazed past when she started mentioning last names.

Loki Odinson. Loki Laufeyson. Damn.

Before he could start brooding too deeply, Darcy popped up on her toes to give him a kiss. He froze, startled, before kissing her back gently. After a slow minute, she pulled away to whisper a grudging "fine" against his lips.

Loki pulled back completely and looked into her eyes, trying to gauge her level of honesty. "We have an accord?"

Darcy nodded. Poor little Astrid Thora Lokidóttir.

Loki let out a pleasant hum as he slid his thumb across her bottom lip, wiping away the wetness from their kiss. "Thank you, my love."

Darcy smiled. "You're welcome. Now fix my hair before I go get breakfast. I don't want your mom to see me all mussed and get the wrong idea of what we've been doing."

"The wrong idea? Yes, of course." Loki looked down at his hand on her stomach, "Because she is already under the impression that you are pure as untrodden snow."

"Hey!" Darcy gave him an ineffectual shove. "Everyone knows you seduced me."

Loki chuckled deeply, "Oh yes, I was the one buying naughty lingerie in your favorite color."

Darcy's mouth dropped open. "Low blow!" She pointed her finger in his face. "You stalked me, babe! And then you said naughty things and kissed me and it was all sexy and shit. Now that is seducing someone."

Loki smiled in the way he did when he was about to win an argument. Darcy's stomach clenched in anticipation and dread. "The first time we formally met you brought me a drink, told me I had a pretty laugh, complimented my helmet, invited me to spend time with you socially, and asked me for my telephone number. So the way I see it, you have always been the sexual aggressor in our relationship."

"That was flirting at best! No seducing. You were dangerous."

"I am still dangerous."

Darcy shivered at the tone of his voice. She tried to focus, "You stole my panties."

Loki's smile was annoyingly relentless, "I will admit to being a willing participant in your seduction schemes."

Frustrated, Darcy sighed, "Fine. I was a vile seducer. Your mother has every right to think of me as a big ol' slut."

Loki chuckled, "Vile? No, my love. You were a naughty temptress. A vixen. I was powerless against you. Still am."

Darcy started perking up, "Yeah?"

"Yes, quite. But do not tell anyone."

Smiling, Darcy answered, "The word is mum. But, seriously Loki – fix my hair."

Hogun sat in silence, watching the way Thor's eyes lit up every time he looked at Jane Foster. No one could see the internal debate going on within the stoic warrior.

Less than an hour prior, Loki had cornered him and asked a favor – a very, very dangerous favor. Jane Foster was to be tested and Loki was ordered to assist Odin in the creation of the test. But he was not to interfere in its outcome. Odin should have known better – Loki was never one for obeying orders. For once, Hogun almost agreed with the God of Mischief and Lies.

It seemed that Odin was a great and benevolent ruler to all Asgardians.

Except his sons.

Loki had been brief. Jane Foster would be tested and she would fail. Unless someone – someone no one would ever expect to disobey an order from Odin – warned Jane of what was coming. And Hogun always followed orders. He had marched into the jaws of death on more than one occasion based on nothing more than a single word from the Allfather's lips. He was still alive only due to a combination of miracles and friends. Friends like Thor.

And Loki.

Loki had always been complicated. In battle, there was rarely a better ally to have at your back. But outside the bloodshed, Loki was devious and slippery as the snakes he commanded. More illusion than man in every sense. But they had been friends once. They had fought together; bled together; celebrated victory together. And now Loki asked a favor. Not for himself, but for Thor – a man they both loved like a brother even if neither truly was one.

Again, Hogun watched as Jane laughed at something Thor said and the God of Thunder smiled wider than when he won a war. If Jane Foster failed, would he ever smile like that again?

No. No, he would not.

Hogun did not like to dwell upon his own past – it was filled with nothing but blood and death and regret. Long ago he could not save the people he loved, so now he fought hard to save those he loved in this new life. Sif, Fandral, Volstagg, Thor…and Loki. They were his family now.

Did he dare disobey his king to see his brother smile? Loki would. Loki did. And so would Hogun.

Quiet as a ghost, Hogun stood up and walked the short distance to stand behind Jane Foster. Silence descended as Jane turned to stare up at him curiously. She truly was beautiful – flawless really. And she was a good woman with a pure heart. She had changed Thor from a selfish boy into a selfless man. Into a king.

He tried to smile, but was sure it looked out of place on his features. He was called Hogun the Grim for a reason, after all. She still smiled back at him sweetly. The poor girl would fail and Odin would send her back with no memory of Thor or of Asgard. And Thor would mourn her even after her life ended. He would mourn her for longer than she could have ever lived – mortals were so easily dispatched through age, disease, and folly.

He spoke gently, "Jane Foster, I wish to borrow you for a moment. I believe there are certain…things…of which you must be made aware about the God of Thunder. Before you bind your life to his, you should have the benefit of making a truly informed decision."

Thor looked nervous, "Hold on a moment, Hogun. I do not think this is such a good idea. Jane knows me."

Jane looked between the two men before speaking to Hogun, "Will it embarrass him?"

Hogun again attempted to smile, "Most definitely."

Jane giggled, "Then count me in." She jumped up with surprising speed and grace. Thor grabbed her arm gently.

"Jane…you should stay." Thor looked at her desperately before blurting, "Hogun lies! Whatever he says – all a lie."

Jane laughed while unpeeling the fingers from around her bicep, "I thought your brother was the liar. I think I absolutely must hear what Hogun has to say now."

Hogun offered Jane Foster his arm and she latched onto it with a smile. "Where to, kind sir?"

Hogun led her out toward the balcony, watching over his shoulder as a laughing Fandral held Thor back from following. Sif was yelling something about how this 'served him right'. Hogun shook his head at the familiar scene and knew he had made the right choice.

Once on the balcony, Jane turned to him with a grin, "So, just what naughtiness was Thor up to before he met me? I know he was quite the ladies' man. And he loved a good party."

Hogun reached out and took her hand in his. Jane froze, looking at him askance. "Hogun?"

With a final look around to verify their privacy, Hogun leaned in toward Jane. She tried to back away from him, but the railing prevented her from moving more than a step and his hold on her hand was too tight for her to attempt to break it. Her eyes filled with fear almost immediately. Loki was right. She would fail.

Hogun leaned in even further and wrapped his arm around her in a strange embrace, placing his lips against her ear. Ignoring her feeble attempts to wriggle out of his grip, he whispered, "You are to be tested, Jane Foster. And you will fail. Loki asked me to come speak with you."

Jane froze against him as the words sunk into her mind. "What?"

"Shhh…quiet. Odin's ears are everywhere. If he were to discover this conversation, both Loki and I would be punished most severely. Do you understand?"

He felt Jane's nod against the side of his face, so he continued, "Good. Now listen to me, Jane Foster. If you wish to be with Thor, you have to do but one thing. It will be nearly impossible, but you must do it anyway."

He felt Jane's free hand come up to grip his arm, as if bracing herself for the news. Hogun paused, savoring the moment before he betrayed Odin for the second time. He hoped this time did not turn out as the last had – with Loki becoming a stranger, Thor becoming a mortal, and war with Jotunheim banging at the door. Still – for his family, he would speak.

"Jane Foster, your impossible task is this: whatever you see, whatever you feel, whatever happens…," Hogun closed his eyes and spoke treason, "Do not scream."

He placed a kiss upon her cheek and pulled away. Jane Foster was white as snow. Poor child. It truly was an impossible test.

Assembling his facial expression into something vaguely pleasant, Hogan commanded, "Smile, Jane Foster. Thor must believe that you are well."

The answering smile she gave him was a shadow of the beaming glow that she had directed at him before. But it would have to do. Hogun had done his part. Now she would have to do hers.

Jane grabbed the arm he held out to her desperately, needing to feel a solid form beneath her own trembling hand. While Hogun wasn't Thor, he would do for the moment. She allowed him to walk her back to her love and his friends, but her mind was elsewhere. Thor picked up on her distress, but she waved him off with a forced laugh. Then she tried to smile as convincingly as possible as Volstagg made clever jokes at Thor's expense, but still she couldn't focus on the present. Instead, three words echoed through her mind endlessly.

Do. Not. Scream.

Oh God. What were they going to do to her? What if she failed Thor? He was so sure of her – so sure of them.

And Hogun had done this because Loki wanted to warn her. Loki. He didn't like her and was pretty bad at hiding it. But she trusted him enough now to believe that he wouldn't deliberately trick her into failing this test. He wouldn't hurt Thor like that. Which meant this was real. This was all real. Oh God.

Do not scream.