"You know you could have just said 'Not tonight, Neal', you didn't need to sneak out of the office."
Peter shifted guiltily in the doorway, "I know, I just," Satch tugged at his leash, ready to go. "I was just getting ready to take Satch out."
Neal bent down to greet him. He'd been staying at Neal's some and he had been spoiling him rotten, letting him take over one of Neal's (well, June's) chairs and keeping snacks on hand to reward him after his walk.
"Why don't you take Satch for his walk and I'll open a bottle of wine and wait for you tell me why you've been avoiding me all day."
"Sure," Peter said hesitantly. Neal's confidence faded in the light of Peter's uncertainty. "Peter, if you don't want me here, all you have to do is say it. If you need space or I've done something."
"No, no it's not you. I just, I've been thinking about a few things and I'm," Peter exhaled dropping his shoulders, "I can't figure out a way to bring them up without it sounding...,"
"Peter whatever you have to say, you can say it to me. I'd much rather have a blunt truth than you hiding on me. I...," Neal's voice trailed off pained.
God, he was such an ass. How could he do that to Neal after Kate? "Damnit, Neal. I'm sorry I wasn't thinking. I was just so caught up."
"Kramer did this." No one could ever accuse Neal of being stupid, "What? Did he warn you away from me? Tell you that I'd ruin your life because honestly, he might be right."
"Neal!" He knew Peter hated it when he talked about himself like that, "Just give me a few minutes to let Satch burn off some energy, go open a bottle of wine for us and we'll talk when I get back alright?"
Neal's eyes were shining as he blinked rapidly, nodding but not meeting Peter's eyes as he stepped around him and into the house. Peter stood there and waited for the sound of the door lock engaging before taking off down the stairs with Satch in tow.
"Neal?" He called as he came through the door releasing Satch's collar. Neal leaned back in the seat he had taken at the bar, "I'm here."
Peter walked down the short hallway noticing how long it seemed suddenly. Neal had stood as Peter walked to him, "I hope whatever you have to say isn't as bad as all that," He said looking into the glass of red he was holding.
He was at a loss as to what to say as he came to a stop within arms reach of Neal.
"Okay, just tell me, Peter."
"It was something that Kramer said, but not a warning really, just an observation." He said quietly.
"And what did he observe?" Neal was being carefully neutral in his words, not wanting to insult a man that he thought Peter looked up to.
"You and how talented you are," Neal's brow arched dramatically at that. "This is about the DC job?"
"No, it's not. It's about us and you and who you are."
"Well, that's not cryptic at all."
"It's just... It's so much a part of you, I don't think you can help it and it's not a criticism."
"Peter, you're not making sense."
No, he wasn't. He felt a slight tremor in his lip and covered it by swallowing hard, "When I needed you to be a great CI, you were a great CI, when I needed someone to help me while El...," Peter swallowed around the lump in his throat, "you were there," Neal took a step back, his eyes sliding away from Peter as he listened to his words, "When I needed a friend, you were a friend and when I needed a lover…," Neal's eyes came back, the focus sharper than Peter had seen in a while.
"You think I'm conning you." Neal's voice was soft, but his teeth were clenched so tight that Peter was sure it was causing him pain.
"Not on purpose. It's a part of you Neal, you pick up on what people need," Neal turned his back to him, setting his glass on the counter sloppily. "Once a con, always a con, that is what they say." Neal was going for his jacket as he spoke.
"Think about it, Neal." Peter's voice was as placating as he could manage with his stomach roiling. "You didn't have feelings for me till I started having feelings for you. I was needy and you responded to that need."
Neal pulled the jacket on and froze. Peter's words were getting through. Neal looked at him over his shoulder, "The day Kate died..."
"You never had to pay me back for that."
"The day Kate died," Neal started again, turning and talking over Peter's words, "You asked me why I didn't call you. Why I didn't say good-bye." Peter put his hands on his hips, nodding his head in agreement. He could recall the conversation clearly. "I told you it was because you were the only person that could talk me into staying." Peter shook his head, "The life you'd built here was good, you're rewriting history."
"I was leaving because of you." Well, if he wanted to stop Peter in his tracks he succeeded. "I was falling for you. If El had given me a reason..."
"No, you never gave any indication, not once." Peter argued, he was dim when it came to these things sometimes, but if Neal had had feelings for him he would have seen it.
"Because I loved El and the two of you were so..." Neal face had a dreamy expression as he searched for the right words, "I didn't want to hurt you or her. So, I kept my distance and my feelings in check. That was the con, Peter!" Neal was pointing dramatically behind him, as though time had a direction. "Not this, not now!"
"Maybe you should take the DC job, get a little space and perspective."
Neal licked his bottom lip as he shook his head ruefully, "You think I'm going to work for a man that plants ideas like this. He knew how you'd react."
"Kramer isn't that smart. He thinks he knows it all, but..."
"He thinks! You're standing there telling me that I've conned myself into loving you. That I'm rewriting history to rationalize our relationship." Neal was shaking his head, clenching his fists so tightly that his knuckles were turning white with the pressure.
Neal could always be reasoned with; he would see the logic in Peter's proposal. Peter took a shuddering breath, "Take some time to think about everything…"
"And if I come back from DC and I'm still in love with you?"
Damnit! Peter shook his head. "Neal, you chased Kate for years. You grab hold of an idea and you don't let go."
"So, DC's just a red herring. No matter what I think, you've already decided that I've got some sort of compulsive personality disorder, that my feelings aren't real."
"I told you, Neal," Peter sounded as defeated as he felt, "I don't think you can help it."
Neal bolted past him, "Neal!"
"Go to hell, Peter!" He seethed, tearing his arm away when Peter made a grab for it.
Neal never broke stride as he ran-walked out of the house and down the stairs, leaving the door gaping. Peter walked to the door slowly, calling Satch back when he went to investigate where Neal had gone. He took the door handle, closing it, as he looked out at nothing.
This was for the best. It was. He'd think about it. See that Peter was right and maybe... no, no he wasn't delusional enough to think that they could ever be friends again, but at least Neal would be free to make his own choices, to find out what he really wanted.
Peter lay his forehead against the door jam. The pain hitting now that he'd done what he needed to do. He felt tears stinging his eyes -then their hot trails as they slide down his face. He pulled his head back, punching the door viciously and letting the ache distract him as he tried to catch his breath.