Disclaimer: Still own nothing. Never had, and sadly, never will.

A/N: Hey guys. Thanks again for all the awesome reviews, you guys rock! So, everybody still a little tear-eyed after last night's episode? I know I was deeply upset.

Anyway, here it goes my insight on Michael's and Nikita's feelings after their break up.

English still not my first language. And just so you know, I'm posting this at 4:45 in the morning, so if there are a lot of grammar/coherence mistakes,bear with me. I'll read it again when I wake up and correct them, I promise.

Hope it doesn't disappoint you.

Enjoy!

Birkhoff knew she probably didn't want any company, but he couldn't just leave her alone. Not if what he thought happened in London really happened in London.

She walked out of the gate, one hand clutching a small bag, the other one running compulsively over her hair. She seemed lost, nervous, hurt and so, so fragile.

It was really difficult for him to see her like this. She had always been so strong and brave that seeing her so disconsolate was more than unsettling. Deciding to help his best friend, Birkhoff put on a comforting half smile on his face and walked towards her.

Nikita had had the worst flight ever; she couldn't sleep. Her mind was still reeling; she was still too hurt for her subconscious to allow her any sleep. And she didn't knew how much more she could take without breaking down.

Though all she wanted was to be alone, she was relieved to see a friendly face; it gave her a sense of stability.

Stability. Security. It all took form in one man; the man she loved.

The man she left in London.

"Hey Nikki" he said, picking up her bag "Come on, let's get you home"

She forced a small smile "Thanks, nerd"

The drive was silent, as they both knew it would be; she wasn't in the mood for talking, and he knew better than to force the issue.

Dinner was even quieter than the ride home, but still, Birkhoff did not mention the subject. He only watched her, wondering how he could help the girl who was like a sister to him.

Since Cassandra had popped up on the picture, Birkhoff knew it was only a matter of time until things between his two best friends got messed up.

But honestly, he couldn't believe Michael would choose Cassandra over Nikita; and it made him slightly angry.

It wasn't until 1:30 in the morning, when he found Nikita awake in the living room that he learned the whole story.

"Hey" he said, startling her. She looked up at him, and recognizing who he was, she turned her attention back at the TV and kept flipping through the channels.

She still didn't want to talk. It hurt to talk about it; it hurt to even think about it. And to her despair, she couldn't stop thinking that she had lost the love of her life.

God, she missed him.

"What are you doing?" Birkhoff asked, sitting by her side.

She sighed "Can't sleep" she whispered "Sorry I woke you"

"It's okay" he sympathized. He looked at her, without knowing what to do. She looked devastated and he could almost feel her anguish. And he wasn't any good in talking about feelings.

For a moment, he wondered if it was too late to try contacting Alex and ask her to help Nikita. But that would just make things more complicated.

"Do you want to…talk?" he asked lamely.

Nikita turned her attention at him, the hurt look concealing her features once more "No, I don't". She was feeling hurt and tired and the last thing she wanted was to deal with all those feeling that were slowly eating her inside.

"Okay…" he conceded "Do you want a drink?" he offered what he believe to be the next best thing.

She gave him a sad smile "The strongest thing you have, please"

So they sat there for God knows how long, drinking scotch and just watching some random thing on the TV. It took three and a half glasses of scotch until Nikita finally spoke up.

"It's not about Cassandra, you know" she started, her voice deep and low "It's about Max."

"It's about his safety, isn't it?" Birkhoff assumed.

She slowly nodded "Michael doesn't see it yet. But it's crystal clear to me…" she swallowed "If he's with me, it would be dangerous to Max. He would have to stay away in order to protect him. And he can't stay away from Max, so…"

"He can't be with you" he supplied her line of though.

"Exactly" Her eyes filled with tears, so she closed them, trying to stop the tears from falling down her face.

"Don't cry, Nikki" the young nerd pleaded; he didn't like to see his best friend cry.

"I couldn't make him choose between me and his son" she continued; the anguish inside her was so consuming she just needed to share her burden with someone else "'Cause if he choose me, he would wonder for the rest of his life how it would've been to see his child grow up. And I couldn't deny him the chance to be a father again…" failing to control her tears, she let out a sob "…or deny Max the opportunity to have a father"

At a loss of words, Birkhoff only squeezed her hand, trying to wordlessly reassure her.

She sighed before continuing "It's just… there's no room in his life for me. And I knew he would never admit it, so…I had to"

"And that's why you broke up with him?" he asked, though he already knew the answer.

She nodded "But deep down, all I wanted was for him to stop me, to fight for me, for us" she admitted, her voice thick with tears. She let out a loud sob and hid her face in her hands.

"Nikki…" Birkhoff said, suddenly alarmed at the sign of more tears. He did not know how to handle a crying girl.

She sobbed again "I left him standing in front of Cassandra's house, I walked away and I hoped he would follow me, call my name, stop me somehow…But he just let me walk away" her voice broke at the last words.

"I'm really sorry, Nikita" seeing her like this was afflicting him, and he did not knew what to do.

She shook her head "I guess I always knew there was something between them. It's a bond, so strong… Even stronger than his feelings for me"

"Don't say that… "

Tears streamed down her face "But it's true. They have a son together, Birkhoff. There's no way I could ever compete with that"

Hesitantly, he pulled her into a hug, trying to comfort her. Nikita rested her head on his shoulders, letting her tears fall freely.

"I just wished he hadn't let me go that easily" she mumbled.

He stroked her hair "I know…"

"It hurts so much…" she cried "Seeing him with them. They are the family I always pictured for myself but…"she took in a shaky breath "I'm just not in the picture. Cassandra is standing in my place and I can't even blame her for that"

"Gosh Nikki, I can't even start to imagine how hard this has been for you" the computer technician admitted "I'm really, really sorry about all of this"

Exhausted, Nikita closed her eyes, all the frustration from the last few weeks taking over her body "And you know what really kills me? That he has a son, and I'm not the mother. I just feel so worthless and insignificant and… I miss him so much. The idea of not being with him just tortures me…every second… "

She started slurring her words and Birkhoff just knew she was falling into unconsciousness; whether it was from the alcohol of from the emotional stress, he couldn't tell.

He accommodated her on the couch the best he could without waking her up, and covered her up with a blanket.

Getting his cellphone, he texted Michael to let him know Nikita was as fine as she could be, but he didn't wait for his friend's answer.

Though he knew it wasn't exactly Michael's fault, his mind couldn't help scheming at least five different ways of making Michael pay for hurting Nikita like that.

A/N: I wanted to portrait Birkhoff's and Nikita's friendship here. Am I doing it right? Ohh, and up next, an insight on Michael's feelings. This should be interesting.

So tell me: loved it? Hated it? Either way, tell me! :)