When Tony Stark entered his office and found Loki sitting with a glass of scotch in one hand and a black rook in the other, he had to control the involuntary smile that threatened to come out. He couldn't let the God of Mischief think that he missed him or something ridiculous like that.

"Didn't expect you back so soon. Did you two get kicked out? If so, why? This is very important. I put money on Darcy telling Odin to 'fuck off'. Clint said it would be because you tried to kill someone. I think Nat has money on the interspecies PDA freaking everyone out."

Loki didn't look amused, "Darcy and I are still welcome in Asgard."

Tony didn't bother trying to hide his disappointment, "Oh. Well in that case, do you think you could get Darcy mad at your dad? I'll split the winnings with you."

Loki ignored the question, looking strangely nervous, "I need to ask you about Midgardian customs again."

Tony poured himself a glass of scotch and took his place on the other side of the chessboard, "Oh goody! Last time was interesting. 'Tony, what does it mean to Google someone? And does it hurt?' Man, that was priceless."

Again, Loki ignored him and asked, "You plan to marry Pepper, do you not?"

Tony nearly choked on his scotch, "Marry? Where would you come up with an idea like that?" He suddenly looked very interested, "I mean…did she say something? Because I don't think that's such a…I mean…shit. Maybe?"

Loki smiled, happy to once again have the upper hand, "That was wonderfully coherent. I will assume that you have at least considered marrying Pepper."

Tony still looked a bit nonplussed, "Considered it? Sure. I consider a lot of things. I consider converting my yacht into a pirate ship and scaring tourists on cruise lines. Doesn't mean I'm going to do it."

"Well you should. Both the pirate ship and Mrs. Pepper Stark. But that is not why I am inquiring into the subject. There is a specific protocol one must follow when asking for a Midgardian woman's hand in marriage. Can you elaborate on that? The internet was…overwhelming. I would rather hear about this from someone I can...," Loki paused to contemplate his next word.

"Trust?" Tony actually looked touched.

Loki shook his head, "Blame. Should anything go wrong."

"Nice. Well, first of all – calm down. I get nervous seeing you wound up so tight. She'll say yes."

Loki cleared his throat. "Perhaps. She does not yet know what marriage to me would entail. Immortality is a double-edged sword."

Tony's eyes bugged out, "Oh shit! Darcy would be immortal? That's a scary thought."

Loki made a noncommittal noise and asked, "The protocol?"

Tony took a deep breath before leaning back in his chair. "Well, how old-fashioned do you want to be here?"

Loki tilted his head, "Old-fashioned? She is quite a modern woman, so I am not sure if that would be appropriate."

Tony waved his answer off, "Not true. When it comes to weddings, everyone is old-fashioned. Trust me. Buy her a ring, ask her dad, and then kneel."

Loki raised a brow questioningly, "I can easily buy her a ring, but I am unclear what her father or kneeling has to do with any of this. Am I to buy Darcy from her father with jewelry? That seems very antiquated. And kneeling…must I fall upon my knees and beg her to marry me? Or is there a sexual component that I am misunderstanding?"

Tony let out a little snigger, "I wanna laugh at everything you just said, but it's not too far off. Look, Loki – we'll figure it out. Just listen, ok?"

Loki nodded.

"Now, you get her a ring. Men usually go with diamond, but there's a lot of leeway there. Get her something she would love to wear – that's the important part. Maybe even some sort of family heirloom from Asgard. Got it?"

"Get her a ring. What then?"

Tony made a face, "Next, you go ask her dad for permission to marry his daughter. It's old-fashioned, but it will show Darcy that you're serious about this and making an effort to play by her rules. Good so far?"

"But Darcy is her own woman. She does not even live with her father. Why would I ask his permission?"

Tony sighed, "It's more of a blessing than actual permission. But it doesn't matter where she lives. Daddy's little girl. Think of your own daughter. Even when she moves away, aren't you gonna want whatever brave soul that dared to date her to ask for your permission before popping the question?"

The look on Loki's face made Tony slightly nervous, "Yes. He should come to me first." The 'so I can kill him before he ever has a chance to ask' was left unsaid.

Tony quickly redirected, "Then, at the perfect moment – which I can't help you with – you get down on one knee and ask her to marry you. Nicely."

"So I do get down on my knees and beg."

Tony nodded, "Pretty much." He took another long sip of his drink. "I can't believe you're proposing. That's so…serious of you."

Loki gave a crooked smile, "And a baby is casual?"

"Touché. But a baby is accidental. Marriage is very deliberate. And apparently very permanent. Immortal Darcy Lewis – the worlds may not be ready. But good luck, man."

Loki raised his glass at Tony, "Thank you. And you as well. I am certain Miss Potts will also say yes. She loves you for reasons I have yet to comprehend. You must be quite gifted in bed – that is the only viable justification."

"First off, I am that good in bed. Second, I'm not proposing. So just take that off the table right now. I mean, we just started dating! Who gets married that quick? Idiots. Divorced idiots."

Loki smiled impishly, "How long have you known Pepper?"

Tony sat up straighter, feeling wary, "A long time."

"And how long have you loved her?"

Grudgingly, Tony answered, "About a day less than a long time."

Loki smiled and leaned back, "So…is Pepper a diamond type of woman or are you going with a Stark family heirloom?"

"Look, I get your point. But I'm not the marrying type."

Loki gestured to himself, "Oh yes, of course. Because people look at me and think 'obviously that man is someone's husband.' Do be serious. What are you afraid of?"

"Myself." Tony looked down at the empty glass in his hand. "I have a truly spectacular track record for taking all of the good things that come into my life and fucking them up."

Loki's smile was as understanding as it was bitter, "We are always our worst enemies."

"Yeah, well at least you seem to be getting your shit together. I'm still a complete mess."

Loki poured the mortal another drink, "You have Pepper, so you have love. You have the Avengers, so you have a purpose. What more does a man need?"

Tony laughed bitterly, "Everything. I have a bad case of the 'want, take, haves'. It's the worst of my many flaws."

Loki shook his head, "You sound as if you are reading verbatim from my diary."

Tony blinked, "You have a diary?"

Loki looked at him like he was an idiot, "No."

Disappointed, Tony leaned back, "Damn. That would have been hilarious. Monday: attempt world domination - change my mind at the last minute. Tuesday: get a haircut because I'm starting to look like a girl. Wednesday: throw my devilishly handsome friend out a window. Again. Thursday: Yoga. Friday: turn an entire city block into ice cream."

Loki smiled, "Darcy said she wanted a lot of ice cream. Given such vague parameters, I was forced to guess. I may have gone a bit overboard. But the people seemed to enjoy that one."

Tony chuckled before suddenly looking very serious, "Now Loki, there's one very important thing we haven't talked about yet."

Loki put down his glass and leaned toward Tony, giving him his full attention, "Yes?"

"The bachelor party."

Loki looked confused, "What?"

Tony repeated, "The bachelor party. You're a prince, man! We have to go all out."

Loki still looked confused, "What is a bachelor party?"

"The point of no return, my friend. The last hurrah of your life as a single man before the shackles of marriage clamp down – before your freedom is giftwrapped and handed over to Darcy along with your balls."

Loki started to understand, "I see. We do have an Asgardian equivalent of such. What is involved in the Midgardian tradition?"

"Naked women and a shitload of alcohol."

Loki looked incredulous, "You have inebriated sex in celebration of an impending marriage?"

Tony shook his head, "No, you don't actually sleep with them. Well, sometimes you do but you never admit it. Technically, the naked women just dance for you. There's usually a pole involved."

"I see. And you wish to be invited to my party of naked women and alcohol?"

Tony laughed, "Invited? No, I want to throw it for you! I'm sure Thor is gonna be your best man since he's your brother. That's cool. But I get to throw the bachelor party. And since you're a god and I'm pretty fucking god-like myself, it will be epic. High-class, my friend. Only silicone implants. The saline ones never jiggle right."

Loki ignored the mortal's narcissism and asked, "Implants?"

Tony used both hands in an explanatory gesture. Then he tilted his head, "Darcy's are real, aren't they?"

"Darcy's breasts?" Loki gave Tony a confused look, "Of course they are real. Women truly have false breasts in this realm?"

Tony shrugged, "I know we're both New York men at heart, but you really have to visit LA. So, can I throw you a bachelor party?"

"I doubt Darcy would appreciate that."

Tony groaned, "Whipped! C'mon, man. You've gotta take a stand now or she'll walk all over you later. And she'll have her own bachelorette party. I'll get Pepper on that."

"What does a bachelorette party entail? Naked men and alcohol?" Loki's tone was flippant.

"Yeah, pretty much."

That made Loki's eyes widen, "Are you serious?"

"Very rarely. But yeah."

Loki shook his head incredulously, "If Darcy would like such a party, she may have one. As for myself, I do not imagine finding it stimulating. Why would I want naked women dancing around me when I have Darcy waiting for me in our bed? But if it is tradition, then so be it."

Tony grinned triumphantly, "Yes! Now go propose so we can get cracking."

Loki looked off into the distance as if pondering something. Then he focused back on Tony, "You have no siblings, correct?"

Tony seemed a bit thrown by the non sequitur, "Nope, only child."

"So you have no brother?"

Tony gave Loki a look, "That's what 'only child' means."

Loki smiled, "So I will be your best man?"

Tony let out a cough, "What?"

Still smiling, Loki explained, "You said that Thor would be my best man as he is my brother. It implied that if I had no brother, you would fill such position. Therefore, since you have no brother, I should be your best man. Darcy has explained such a term to me before, though she did not go into much about what such a position entails."

Tony just stared at him without blinking. Then he let out a little chuckle, "You know what? If I ever propose to Pepper, you can be my best man."

"Good." Loki looked pleased. "Now if you will excuse me, I have to go to New Jersey."

"Why would you want to do a thing like that?" Tony was genuinely confused.

"Darcy's parents reside there. I would like to ask Darcy to be my wife as soon as possible and therefore I must gain her father's permission tonight. Do you have any advice?"

Tony looked him up and down, "First, lose the armor. You're not going into battle, it'll freak him out. Emphasize that you're very rich and can take care of her. You might want to point out that you love her – that always helps."

Loki shifted his clothing into something resembling Midgardian fashion, "Is this more appropriate? Though you should know that Darcy was quite adamant that I go as myself when dealing with her parents previously."

Tony raised a brow, "You met her parents before?"

"Of course. They will be the grandparents of my daughter. It is only natural that I meet them."

Tony let out a surprised laugh, "Well I'll be. That must have been some meeting. I really wish I could have caught that on film. Any chance I can tag along this time? I promise I'll just stand in the background with my phone, quiet as a mouse."

Loki didn't respond. He just drained the remnants of his scotch and disappeared.

Alone in the room, Tony sat back and let a small smile creep onto his face, "Mrs. Pepper Stark. Huh."

It would be a gross understatement to say that Alan and Donna had been surprised when the doorbell rang so late at night and the God of Mischief stood alone on their porch. But after establishing that Darcy was fine and was visiting his own parents, they let him in and offered him coffee and crumb-cake. Loki politely declined both.

After a few minutes of awkward chitchat, Loki turned to Darcy's father.

"Alan, I wish to marry your daughter. Apparently I must gain your permission to do so. You should know that I have unlimited funds and so she and your granddaughter will want for nothing. And I love her most sincerely."

Alan placed his cup of coffee back on the table with a shaking hand. "Oh. Well I thought something like this might happen. Not you asking me like this, but the actual marriage. You have to forgive me, but I looked you up on the internet. It said you were already married. Are you divorced?"

Loki sighed. Who the hell was Snorri Sturluson? The bastard should have gotten his facts straight before he told the world. Although how he knew about Thrym's theft and Thor's stint as a cross-dresser was beyond him.

"I am not married. Nor have I ever been. Do you have any other objections to the union other than confusion over my marital status?"

Alan looked uncomfortable, "Well, she loves you. And she's pregnant, so there's that. But you have to see why I would be hesitant to hand over my baby girl to the man who tried to kill us all."

"I had no intention to kill you. I was merely going to enslave you."

"Yeah, that's not much better. But I guess the fact that you're here and you're asking should count for something."

Loki let his silver-tongue go to work, "Darcy has made me a better man. I will admit that I am not yet a good man, but I am getting there. I will not hurt her – ever. I will protect her with my dying breath and I will love her fiercely. Her happiness is my endgame. Her smile is both my aim and my reward. All I ask is that you allow me to possess her as completely as she has possessed me. I have given her my soul and in exchange all I ask is her hand. Please, sir." Loki kept his smile hidden as he allowed his words to do their work.

Donna's sigh was audible through the crack in the door where she stood eavesdropping. Alan sat up straighter and looked him in the eye.

"Well, I guess that's all any father can ask for. Welcome to the family, son." He held out a hand and Loki shook it firmly. Donna squealed and burst into the room. She threw her arms around Loki, who was more prepared this time. He lightly patted her back as she squeezed him with a staggering amount of strength.

She practically screamed with excitement, "Do you have a ring? I want to see it."

Loki thought quickly and held out his hand. A ring appeared in his palm and Donna snatched it up with a gasp. It had an ornate band with intricate detailing and a row of pale green stones leading to a central stone that seemed alive – the colors swirling within it. It was a ring made for royalty, but it was also just quirky enough for Darcy to love it. Loki felt certain it was perfect.

"Is this some sort of green diamond? It's too pale to be emerald. I've never seen anything like it before. It's stunning! I can't even breathe it's so pretty."

Alan shook his head at his wife's words before leaning in to take a closer look himself. Loki answered, "It is neither diamond nor emerald. It is a stone found only on Asgard and that particular ring has been in my family for centuries." In fact, the ring was still on Asgard. Loki wasn't going to travel all the way to another realm to get the original when a duplicate would suffice for the moment.

Donna gasped, "It's the crown jewels!"

Loki wasn't sure what that meant, so he simply smiled and nodded. Without warning, Donna started sobbing. Before Loki could ask what he'd done wrong, Donna blurted, "My baby's gonna be a princess! An honest to goodness princess." Her voice dropped to a whisper, "She found her Prince Charming."

More tears followed. Loki was at a loss. He turned helplessly to Alan, who simply shrugged, "Ignore her. She's just a bit emotional at the moment." He wrapped his arm around his wife with an air of fond indulgence.

Loki reached out to take the ring back, before making it vanish with a flourish, hoping the magic trick would distract his future mother-in-law from her tears. No luck.

Before he could articulate some sort of soothing assurance for the woman, Loki heard a voice that chilled his blood.

'Loki! Please, Loki…I need you."

Darcy was calling him. Something was wrong. Something was very, very wrong. Without a word of explanation, Loki disappeared.

Darcy wasn't pissed.

At all.

She wasn't pissed that Loki asked her not to go cheer Jane on. She wasn't pissed that he was using his 'serious-face' when he asked and so she knew something bad was going down. She wasn't pissed when he refused to tell her what the hell was going on. She wasn't pissed that she listened to him and stayed in her room all day, biting her nails. She wasn't pissed that apparently Jane had been fucking brutalized by Odin's little game. She wasn't pissed that Jane then locked herself in her room with Thor and had ridiculously loud and satisfying sex which could be heard from the hallway. She wasn't pissed that she couldn't have any form of sex herself (not that she wanted to anyway) because of the lack of a partner. She certainly wasn't pissed that Loki told her he had to do something 'important' tonight and wasn't going to be there. It wasn't like she came all the way to Asgard to meet his parents and then he just up and left her there while he went and did whatever secretive shit he felt like doing.

So that was where her general mindset was at: screw you, Loki.

Darcy tossed and turned, trying to find a comfortable position in the big bed. The big, empty, bed. With a sigh, she slid her legs over the edge and stood up. Something twinged in her lower stomach and she immediately sat back down. It had been so long since she'd experienced cramps that it took her by surprise. Feeling a bit confused (but not yet scared), Darcy laid back down.

Another twinge in her stomach, a little bit longer and harder than the last. It didn't really hurt, but it certainly felt weird. She moved cautiously into a fetal position, but that only made another cramp seize her stomach. Thinking back to the days of actually having a period, Darcy slowly eased herself up onto her knees – that was always the most comfortable position for the crazy-bad cramp days.

At once, she felt better. Darcy breathed a small sigh of relief. She would just stay in this position until Loki got back from wherever he went. It was a bit awkward, but she would make due.

Pain.

Staggering, blinding pain.

Darcy let out an involuntary yelp, falling forward until her forehead hit the mattress.

Oh god.

It really hurt. Something was squeezing her insides, like a heavy throb. It was quickly followed by something more sharp and raw, like she was being stabbed right in her lower abdomen.

Pain. So much pain.

Still kneeling on all fours, Darcy tilted her head down so she could look at her stomach. The sight that met her eyes caused the panic to finally set in.

Without thought, she pushed herself up to her knees and screamed into the ceiling, "Loki! Please Loki…I need you."

He appeared in front of her almost immediately, concern dripping off his form. He froze as soon as he saw her.

Loki's eyes fixated on the terrifying image of the dark red blood dripping down the inside of her pale white thighs.

Her voice was laced with fear and pain, "Loki? It hurts."

The world stopped.

A/N: Calm down, everyone. Just…calm down. Show a little trust.