Florida Heat

A/N: I apologize for the delay, but here is the much anticipated chapter 6. You all are awesome- seriously I love how enthusiastic you all are about this story! Reviews are love so let me know what you think! :)

Chapter 6

Castle watched as Kate sat, cross-legged on the closed toilet seat in the cramped hospital bathroom, staring at the small screen of his iPhone. He couldn't call her Beckett. She wasn't Beckett. She was still tough, you could see it in her eyes but she wasn't as guarded. She was simply being Kate, trying to figure out how to be herself. She popped another Skittle into her mouth and giggled at what she was watching. Castle started slightly and let a small smile cross his face. Kate Beckett just giggled. He let his eyes roam over her for a minute. The white hospital gown glowed against the sunburn. Most of the bandages had been removed but scabs, bites, scrapes and rainbow of bruises still marred her skin, decorating her arms and face. Her finger came up and scratched her scalp through the shower cap, making the plastic crinkle and the brown hair dye smear, before diving back in for another handful of candy.

She tore her eyes away from the screen and squinted up at him, the gauze above her eye crinkling. "This is me? Seriously? That is so weird. I'm a detective? No, actually that makes sense… well it makes my dreams make sense at least. There were always dead bodies and you were there, but I can't really see myself as being a cop. It's odd, you know, I love books, for some reason I feel like I would have studied literature or something."

Castle looked at her staring up at him, the questions evident in her eyes and he felt his heart break in that moment. He had shied away from the topic of her parents, simply telling her that he had spoken to her father and explained everything. Forcing his lips up in a small smile, he held up a towel.

"Come on, it's time for you to rinse that stuff out."

Castle sat sunken into the chair by then empty bed while he listened to the shower running in the other room. The pain in her eyes, the haunting look that was usually there, was gone and Castle couldn't help but think that he was a little bit glad. She was in pain and had woken up not even knowing her own name, but she looked happier than he had ever seen her. Now, he had to ruin that. Now, he had to look her in the eyes, those beautiful, wide, green eyes and tell her that her mother was murdered and that's why she became a cop. He sighed as the water shut off.

He listened to everything. He heard the glass door of the shower slide open. He heard the rustling of cloth and movement as she dried her self off and slipped into clothing. He heard the tuneless melody she had been humming. He heard her gasp softly and laugh as he imagined her leaning towards the mirror and run a hand through her hair.

"So, how does it look?"

The voice startled Rick out of his musings and he looked up to see Kate leaning against the doorframe of the bathroom, arms crossed over her chest— halfway hiding the Bat Symbol on the shirt, eyebrow raised. Adorable. He took in her long, damp hair hanging limply over her shoulder and her flawed, blemished, previously perfect skin. A smile crossed his face involuntarily and he brought up a hand to run through his own light brown hair. She still looked beautiful.

"Perfect. You look perfect."

Rick watched in amusement as she walked to the bed, the bag of candy clutched in one hand and the waistband of the scrub pants clenched in the other.

"They're too big," she explained without prompt when she saw him looking at her. That's when he noticed that she was too thin. It had been less than a week since he had seen her and she had already lost a good amount of weight. He stared at her, looking deeper than he had since he had run into the hospital room hours before. Under the layers of bruises, bites and gauze her cheeks were sunken into her face and the black bags hung heavy under her eyes. When she bent over to pick something up off of the floor he could see her vertebrae protruding through her shirt and the outline of her ribs against the cotton. He could feel the bile rising in his throat as his breath caught in his chest.

"God, Kate, what happened to you?"

His eyes widened as she froze, mid step to the bed. Did he just say that out loud? Kate hung her head, and pushed a clump of hair behind her ear self-consciously as her feet shuffled once again towards the bed and sat, facing away from him as she began to run the hairbrush, which had been supplied by the hospital in a box of toiletries, through her freshly dyed hair.

"I don't know Castle," her voice was soft, defeated. "And I'm not sure that I want to."

Suddenly, the videos, hair and trivial tricks didn't seem as important. What if she truly just didn't want to know, to remember her life and the events of the past few days? He thought back to the look on her face as she sat in the bathroom minutes before, the wonder in her eyes, the small giggle the passed her lips and the full smile on her face. Even with the trauma of waking up with no memory she looked so happy, so free. God help him, what if he didn't want her to remember, either?

3 Months Before

They stood facing each other in her living room, just as they had days before when she told him that they were over.

You don't know me Castle; you think you do, but you don't.

The words hung in the air. Montgomery was dead. She was broken and he was still there, refusing to leave.

"I need some space, Rick— just a little bit of time," Kate whispered, her voice refusing to function properly. She looked small with her dress uniform jacket, open, hanging limply off of her shoulders and her hair, which she had pulled out of the bun, tumbling down her back. She knew he could see the black bags under her eyes, through the layers of foundation, concealor and eyeliner, but she didn't care. She could see the dark circles under his eyes, highlighting the disappointment.

"Okay," was his only response, his posture mirroring her own: arms crossover over chest, slumped shoulders, hung head.

He refused to meet her eye as he turned towards the door and she wanted nothing more than to call him back, to let him know that she didn't mean it. She didn't want space, she only wanted everything in this messed up, unimaginable situation to make sense. She wanted him to refuse to leave.

"Kate. I…" he paused and sighed with his hand on the doorknob, turning his head towards but still not looking at her. "Just please. Let this go. I'm not saying forever, I just mean for now. They killed Montgomery. If I hadn't pulled you from that building they would have killed you, too."

"You don't know that," she interrupted.

"Yes, I do." The venom in his voice made any more smart comments she had die on her lips. "They would have killed you and I couldn't live with that. I couldn't live without you. So, please, just walk away for now. Let things calm down and then we will go back to it. You're not the only one in this, Kate. It isn't all about you anymore."

Kate stood, rooted in her spot, as the door slammed shut behind him and the stream of tears fell down her face. She brought a hand up to her cheek, pressing her palm against the moist skin. No, it wasn't all about her anymore. The room seemed to close around her as she collapsed to her knees, curling up into a ball. No, it wasn't only about her and that was the bad part. She had dragged him in: him, his mother, and his daughter. They were all in it with her and they could die with her but she couldn't do it, she couldn't just walk away. She couldn't abandon her mother but she couldn't abandon him either.

"You're right." Kate placed a cup of coffee in front of him as she slid into her desk chair the next morning. "I need to back down. There is too much at stake. Too many people could get hurt if I just keep running at this."

Castle looked up at her, shocked. She had just folded. Kate Beckett never just folded.

"So, you're not mad?"

"Why would I be mad? You said what you needed to say and you were right. I need to back away from this, but I still need some space to work everything out for myself. Can you give me that?"

Castle nodded hesitantly as he looked at the tired woman sitting beside him. If she was willing to back down then he could give her some time. He could wait.

"We'll figure it out, Kate." He placed his hand on top of hers and gave a gentle squeeze. "Give it a few months. When things calm down we will dive back in together. Until then, I will give you whatever space you need. I promise. Just tell me when."

His eyes met hers and she saw the raw emotion there. She saw the love and she almost cried right there in the middle of the precinct. She couldn't handle it, not now; it was too much. Instead she brought the coffee to her lip, gave him a quick, tight smile and slid her hand out from under his. The feeling of the cold air on her skin was worse.

Kate kicked off her heels as she made her way back into her apartment. It had been a slow day at the precinct and Montgomery's office was still dark. One of the senior detectives was in charge temporarily until their new captain was named, but he had refused the office. It had taken everything in her not to bury her head in her hands and weep every time she looked at the closed door. All of his belongings were still there, like a shrine. His wife hadn't come to collect them yet, and no one else wanted to touch them.

Changing into sweats and a baggy t-shirt she padded her way through the still apartment and poured herself a glass of wine. She took a sip and made her way back, past her bedroom door, past the couch and into the small office at the back of her apartment. Methodically she booted up the computer and pulled open the necessary files before folding open the shutters to her makeshift murder board. Taking another sip of wine she reminded herself to order something to eat as she looked over the various documents, post-its and random scribbled notes. He didn't have to know, she convinced herself as she stared at the pictures and sat down at the computer. No one would have to know that she was still looking into this and no one would risk getting hurt. Now, it was only her. She was in this alone again, as it should be.

Three hours later the bottle of wine was gone, the take out menus were still in their place, forgotten, and Kate was asleep with her body bent and her head resting next to the keyboard on her desk.

Present

"Kate, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I was just momentarily shocked by how much weight you've lost."

"Castle, it's fine. Don't worry about it."

Her words were hollow and she refused to look him in the eyes as she pulled the sheets back and prepared to slip into the bed. "Now, if you don't mind, I'm tired and would like to get some sleep."

I need some space, Rick— just a little bit of time.

He watched as she stood across the hospital bed from him, her head hung as she shifted from foot to foot with her hands crossed over her stomach, effectively hiding her too small waist from his sight. She was dismissing him. A couple of hours ago she had asked him not to leave her alone and now she was dismissing him from her room so she could sleep. He should be comforted to know that the same old Kate Beckett was still in there somewhere— the one that sent him mixed signals and had a wall around her heart, but he wasn't. He wanted to shake her and yell at her that he was sorry, to freaking let him in already. Instead he nodded and mumbled a response about leaving his number and the name of his hotel with the nurse if she needed him.

He didn't go to the hotel, instead he found himself on the side of the road, sweating in the intense Florida heat, the sun beating down on him from the clear blue sky and the humidity wrapping around him like a suffocating wet blanket. He squinted through his sunglasses as he held a hand up to shield his eyes. He might have to invest in a hat if he stayed here much longer. He pulled his collar away from his neck and rolled up the sleeves to his dress shirt. It was definitely too hot for this.

There was nothing around him. He was standing in the exact spot that the farmer had found Kate a couple of days earlier, as the sheriff watched him with a bored expression.

"I'm not sure what you are hoping to find. We already looked all around this area, Mr. Castle. We knocked on doors and flagged down drivers. I know most of the people who live in this area and they are good people, farmers mostly. They work hard and earn an honest living," the sheriff stated, with a soft southern accent, as he leaned against the side of his patrol car.

Castle sighed and walked down the rode a little ways. "I don't know what I am hoping to find either, Sheriff, but there is something out here we're not seeing. Either she was dumped here or she escaped from one of these houses and someone is lying. Either way, I don't think we'll know until she starts to remember."

Rick slid into the passenger seat of the patrol car and pointed as many air vents towards himself as possible as the sheriff turned over the engine and pulled back onto the faded, cracked road. He wiped a sleeve over his forehead as he stared out the window and watched the pine trees fly by as they sped back towards the city. If only she actually wanted to remember.