Florida Heat

A/N: Only one more chapter to go. Thank you for sticking with this story, I know updates have been far between and sporadic. As always, I love hearing what you think! :)

Chapter 18

Castle's fingers tapped a staccato rhythm on the desk as he propped his head in his chin and stared at the computer screen. He had been trying to write something, anything but the words would not come. They were tied in a jumbled knot in his head: a string of incomprehensible gibberish swirling around with lines from real life echoing back at him. It had been two weeks since they had fought and he had walked out of her apartment, not looking back.

You should call. The voice in the back of his head reasoned. She was hurt. She went through a traumatic experience. The least you can do is make sure she's okay.

Castle sighed as his gaze drifted to his phone, the feeling of guilt and embarrassment flooding him, melting into the anger and hurt already coursing through his veins. She had lied, straight to his face. She had told him that she had stopped investigating her mother's case, if only for now, until they could go back to it later, together. Together when things had calmed, when they weren't both looking over their shoulders and waiting for the next shoe to drop, for the next bullet to come slicing through the air. But instead, she had lied. She had said that she was tired and she was taking time for herself but she was investigating, driving herself into the ground. The room had looked like a bomb had gone off, facts, sticky notes, scribbles about Johanna Beckett covering every surface, blending together. A single wine glass had sat on the ground surrounded by empty wine bottles. She had been at this for days, weeks and had told him that she couldn't go out to the bar, couldn't grab lunch because she was tired. She wanted time.

She had lied.

But now, she had gone through another traumatic experience, worse than the last because it had happened to her and not just to someone she was close to and he had walked out. He had slammed the door in her face after promising to be there for her.

He sighed as his fingers reached out, wrapping around his iPhone. He lifted it in front of his face, holding it out in his palm, feeling the weight of it. He debated for a second longer, before pressing the icon and moving it to rest against his ear before he could give it another thought.

It rang once, twice and his fingers twitched against the back of the strong jelly cover. It rang a third time and he huffed impatiently. When it rang a forth time, he was about to give up when the phone clicked over and a voice greeted him from across the line.

"Esposito."

"Hey, Espo," Castle replied, the pounding in his chest dissipating slightly.

"Hey, Castle. What's up man?"

"You know, the usual. Writing away…" he trailed off as the voice in the back of his head piped up again. Stop being a coward, hang up with Esposito and call her already.

"What's wrong, Castle? You sound funny."

Castle let out a self-deprecating laugh, sucking up his pride. "I was just calling to catch up, see how you and Ryan were doing. How Beckett is doing… I haven't talked to her in a few days. I heard you and Ryan got reinstated though, no more suspension."

Esposito let out a knowing hum. "I don't know, man. She said she was taking a month off after we got back from Florida; I haven't talked to her since. Let me ask Ryan."

Castle let out a groan as Esposito yelled across the bullpen to his partner. "Yo, Ryan. Have you heard from Beckett? Mom and Dad are fighting again and he's too much of a wuss to call her."

"Sorry, man," Esposito spoke into the phone after a pause. "Nothing."

Castle hung up the phone with a sigh and let it fall to his lap, tapping the top with his finger a couple of times while he ran a hand through his hair, debating.

"Stop being a wuss, Castle," he mumbled to himself, before tapping the screen with a stiff finger, dialing the number, which had been burned into his brain long ago.

The phone rang before clicking over to voicemail and he let it drop from his ear once more. He shook his head and his hand was jittery as he tried his last resort, his level of anxiety rising again as his fingers tapped the screen, missing buttons and forcing him to go back, go slower. Something was wrong. No one knew where she was, she wasn't answering her phone; something had to be wrong.

He tapped his fingers on the desk as the phone rang in his ear for a third time. He mumbled into the receiver, begging the person on the other line to pick up. The ringing ended with a questioning answer and Castle let out a sigh of relief as he heard Jim Beckett's voice across the line.

Kate awoke with a start, the heel of her hand pressed against her breastbone as she heaved in a breath. The sheet of sweat covering her body was slick, making her long white shirt stick to her clammy skin and the sun streaming in through the window blinded her as she blinked around the cheerful room. She had barely slept in the past two weeks. The hidden memories in the smiling faces of the photos lining the walls and the sound of the crashing waves haunted her dreams, taunting her in the middle of the night. So, she began attempting to sleep in the middle of the day. That just led to another set of nightmares: waking up on the side of the road in the blistering sun. She's wake up scratching imaginary bites on her arms. But the only thought worse than tossing and turning in the beach house, was going home to the empty apartment full of stagnant air, old memories and the murder board.

With a grunt, Kate flipped back the thin blanket and swung her legs out of bed, pulling the t-shirt away from her skin, wiggling her shoulders to free her skin from the cotton. She made her way down the stairs, the back of her shirt flapping gently against her bare thighs as she descended the steps into the kitchen, heading straight for the refrigerator. Pulling the door open she leaned against it, letting out a thankful sigh as the cold air washed over her, cooling her overheated skin, forcing the sweat to dry to her skin, covering it in sticky coat of salt and oil. She stared at the meager contents of the fridge as she reveled in the feeling of the cool air. After a moment, the door shut with a thud and she turned her attention to the cabinet, finding there only a bag of cheese puffs a jar of peanut butter and half a loaf of bread which was starting to border the line on stale. She really needed to make her way back into town and do some shopping but she was so tired. All she wanted to do was sleep.

Her eyes drifted to the side of the cabinet, coming to rest on the still full, sealed bottle of vodka sitting there, staring back at her. She had resisted the temptation for the last two weeks. She had bought the bottle during her initial trip into town when she had stocked up on the essentials. Slowly her hand crept out and grasped the neck of the bottle. She'd just have a couple of shots, just enough to help clear her mind; take the edge off. Then, she would be able to sleep.

Castle's car crept to a stop in the drive way of the beach house as the sun was starting to slip below the horizon casting a pink and orange hue over the world. He let out a sigh of relief when he saw the Harley parked by the front step.

She was there.

Jim had only been able to tell him that Kate was going to a friend's beach house for a couple of weeks. Considering that Castle didn't think Kate was in the state of mind to be partying with girlfriends, she and Josh had broken up and she had never said anything about having another friend who owned a beach house, he had assumed she had meant his place up in the Hamptons. He made his way up to the door slowly, his hand hesitating momentarily while he took a deep breath before knocking. His hand connected with the hard wood door solidly three times and he rocked back on his heels while he waited, his hands clasped in front of him.

When she didn't answer, he knocked again. His fingers fidgeted with his keys while he waited. When she still didn't answer, he turned back down the path with a huff and rounded the side of the house looking towards the boardwalk and down to the water. He leaned over the wooden railing and glanced both ways down the beach, looking for the familiar shape of her body, the golden brown head of hair. There were a couple of families on the beach and a group of twenty-somethings setting up a bonfire, a cooler of beer propped open beside them. No one looked familiar. There was no woman sitting on the sand in jeans and a t-shirt staring at the sun set, no one lying on a towel reading a book before the light got to dim and she was forced to go back inside to finish the chapter.

He pulled back out his keys as he rounded the house once again and approached the front door for a second time. He had driven all the way up here, he could wait for her to get home from wherever she was. Maybe he would make dinner, if she had any groceries that was. He rolled his eyes as he turned the key in the lock and pushed the door open. The woman was terrible at actually going to the store and buying food. He took a step into the entry and paused, a new idea coming into his mind.

What if she wasn't here alone?

He hadn't even thought of that. What if she had met someone and they were… Sure he didn't think she would do that, but she had been through a traumatic experience and people did strange things when they had been traumatized. He took a half step back, his hand reaching behind him to grasp the doorknob again.

Suck it up, man. You had a bad feeling, remember?

Castle sucked in a deep breath and let the door click shut behind him. She had probably just gone for a run. She did things like that, walk, run, yoga, eat healthy foods and kick box.

He would wait for her and make dinner. Then, they would talk.

He wandered down the hall into the darkened house. The flickering light from the television bounced off of the far wall and he could start to hear the murmur of voices as he got closer to the living room. He rounded the corner and froze, eyes wide, when he saw Kate lying face down on the couch in only a long white shirt. Her legs stretched out behind her and an empty liquor bottle dangling from her fingertips.

"Kate?" He yelled, as his feet began to work again and he crossed the room in a couple long strides, falling to his knees at her side, his hand coming up to brush the short, dark, almost black, hair out of her face. He would think about that later. "Kate? Can you hear me?"

When she didn't respond his hand fell to her neck, pressing two fingers roughly against her pulse point. He felt a steady beat against his fingers and he let out a soft breath as his hand drifted to her back and he could feel the rhythm of her breathing. Asleep. She was asleep.

"Kate?" He asked again, softer, his hand patting her cheek until she let out a moan and her eye blinked open lazily. "Hey, can you hear me?"

"Castle?" She slurred and he let out a relieved laugh.

"Yeah, it's me," he responded, all other words failing him as her dark eyes blinked up at him questioningly.

"What you doing here? Mad at you. Go away."

Castle let out a sigh, his hand falling from her face as she turned it to bury back in the throw pillow. "Not until I know you are all right. Come on."

He reached for her, trying to help lift her off of the couch but she swatting his hand away. "No, just leave me alone. Have to sleep. Finally can."

Castle let out another sigh and brought a hand up to rub his brow. "Okay, I'll let you sleep. Can I at least get you to the bed?"

Kate's head turned back to look at him, her eyes wincing in the dim light. "'kay."

Slowly, he wrapped an arm around, under her arms and helped her off of the could, holding her tight as she stumbled next to him up the stairs and through the door to the master bedroom, which she had taken as her own.

"What are you doing here?" She slurred quietly as she slipped into the bed and pulled the blanket up to her chin, turning on her side to look at him as he knelt on the floor at the edge of the bed.

"I wanted to make sure you were okay," he whispered back, honestly. He may as well speak the truth, even if she would never remember it in the morning.

Especially if she wouldn't remember it in the morning. The voice in his head argued. Wuss.

"No, not okay," she mumbled in reply. "I wanted to forget. Why couldn't it jut stay forgotten, Rick? Why couldn't it just be all gone? I want it gone."

Her eyes slipped shut and tear slipped out the corner as she started to cry softly into the pillow. "Why can't I just forget again? Then I could sleep. Then everything would be okay."

Castle let out a sigh as he swallowed the lump filling his throat, a hand coming up to brush back a lock of hair, which had fallen in her face.

"I didn't remember about Montgomery or my mom's case. Would have told you. I promise."

His head dropped at the words and he lifted himself up to his knees to press a kiss to her forehead. It didn't matter anymore. "I know. I know. I was just angry. It's okay. Do you want me to stay?"

He closed his eyes as he pressed his forehead against hers and he felt her head shake against his.

"No. Have to figure out how to not forget. Have to learn to live…" He could feel her breath against his lips as she spoke, her voice soft, words still slurred with the combination of alcohol and sleep. "I want you to go. Gotta do this alone."

Kate's eyes drifted open and she let out a groan as she pressed the heel of her hand to her forehead. The sun filtered in through the window gently and she rolled over to press her pounding head into the pillow.

What had happened?

Her eyes drifted open again and she squinted up at the ceiling.

"Castle?" She called out, her voice croaking through the layer of gum lining her throat. "Castle, are you here?"

She pressed her hand to her head again, she could have sworn that he had been there and she was in bed. She hadn't been in the bed when she had fallen asleep. Slowly, she swung her legs out of the bed and stumbled down the stairs to the kitchen, reaching blindly for the coffee pot. The house was silent, no other sign of life.

Her heart sank as the coffeemaker gurgled and she began to realize that she was once again alone: her dream of him helping her up the stairs and kissing her forehead, whispering that he loved her into her ear, no longer there to keep her company.

The breeze blew in through the cracked window and a piece of paper fluttering on the counter top caught her attention. Her fingers reached out to it and her lips parted slightly in surprise as she read the few words printed on the white sheet.

When you are done being alone, you know where to find me.