A/N I want to thank you all so much for the reviews, the messages, encouragement, follows, faves, all of it, you make me smile - BIG. Lots going on this chapter as Beth slowly learns more about Daryl Dixon, and Daryl Dixon makes a decision about his life.

Daryl

I made up my mind, I just wanna get my shit together. I gotta work harder at that and I know it, I been kinda slackin', just gettin' through life, not really livin' it.

It's not just cuz I met Beth that I wanna get better, but she's part of it, and it's not just for Merle, Carol and the kids, they're part of it too. But Beth told me once I gotta get more selfish in the way where sometimes I put myself first. So that's it, I need to do this for me.

I can't keep livin' like this, bein' so fuckin' miserable and hurtin' all the damn time. Bein' out in the woods, that made me feel again, feel what it's like to have fun, do sumthin' I love, just breathe the air and be happy to be doin' that. The fact that Beth was there, well that just made it all even better. She's so nice, she's good people and she's funny and full of life, even though she's had a real terrible deal she's had to go through her own self. Beth, she really helps pull me up outta what she calls Deep Blue Funk. That's a good name for it cuz it feels like you're drownin' in sumthin' so cold, so deep down and so dark, you can't quite swim up out of it.

I felt so bad when the day got spoiled by me havin' a fuckin' nightmare. It's like I told her, I hate that I wake her up, worry her, and it's embarrassin'. I want Beth to see me as a man, a man that can take care a shit, you know, like a man's supposed to do. I don't want her thinkin' I'm weak. But there's no denyin' I liked havin' her in my bed, sleeping next to me, arm around me. Shit, it's special when she's layin' her head on my back, and her arm's wrapped around me like she cares for me. What seems kinda weird is, she still hasn't asked me about the scars.

I've never much liked people touchin' me, wantin' to hug me or any a that, but I swear, I could lay there like that with Beth the rest a my life.

I gotta get better.

Beth

I shouldn't be doing it, I shouldn't allow myself to do this, not to me, not to Daryl, but I can't help myself, and I can't stop myself, it's out of my hands. I'm falling for him, and I'm falling hard.

I know he's a wreck, I know that because of the wreck I've been. If I can get better he can, and I have been, I'm so much better. Sure, I still have a ways to go, but I'm getting there, and Daryl can get there too, I know he can.

Things between Daryl and me, they've just been getting better and we've been getting closer a little at a time. I know that's for the best, this can't be rushed, I realize it, but gosh, I want it, I want it all, and I want it with Daryl. It defies logic that's for darn sure. On paper I'm sure we're both hopeless lost souls who don't stand a chance. I refuse to accept that. I've been down that deep dark hole, and I'm not going to live there, and if I have even the slightest amount of power to see to it, Daryl's not staying down there either.

When he has those nightmares it hurts me emotionally, but it's physically painful too, it hurts. The thought of him suffering through that, it breaks my heart, and there's nothing I can do to make it stop. I know it embarrasses him when I just show up trying to rouse him, but I can't help it. I can't just lay in bed and listen to him dealing with that and pretend it's not happening, somehow blow it off, no, I couldn't do it.

When he moved over in the bed, and I knew he wanted me there, knew he wanted me lying next to him, I almost cried because it meant so much to me, I was so overcome with emotion. When he held my hand I never wanted him to let go. Then he asked me to go with him to a family dinner, I knew what a big deal that was for him and it meant the world to me. I'm so excited, and so nervous about spending the day with Daryl and his family.

Merle

Carol told me she asked this woman, Daryl's landlord Beth, ta come have Sunday dinner with us, I wasn't surprised. My wife she'd do anythin' ta try n make Daryl happy, and especially if it meant he'd have a friend. Well then she tells me what this Beth said about lettin' Daryl take the lead, invite her his own self if he wanted her there, that's when I knew I liked the girl. I never expected Baby Brother would really ask her, shit, the boy never has made a move ta be social. So Monday mornin' when he tells me he asked her, I's a little shocked ta say the least, but damn I'm happy, it's a good sign.

It all just comes down to me wantin' him ta get better, feel better, I don't give a fuck what it takes. So I hope the woman don't hurt him somehow, I mean, I know she can't fix him, but I don't want her ta break him more'n he's already broke.

xxxx

He'd done it. He'd been there and present for therapy. Usually he'd sit through those sessions just slumped in his chair. He'd spend the time wishing he was anywhere other than in another group of vets talking about their experiences. He'd be counting the minutes until the time was up and he could go home, eat a little something and drink himself to sleep.

But this Monday he sat up and he listened up, and when that Viet Nam era vet talked about Khe San back in '68, the exodus, the siege, the loss of life, 703 killed, 2,642 wounded, and 7 missing, Daryl heard. He heard the man tell the story of how he came home from Nam and he broke down, and he blew a marriage, and he blew a job and he fucked up and he gave up, and then how he got back. How he saved himself, how he rebuilt his life and he got another chance and all Daryl could think was he wanted to be that brave, and he wanted that chance, he wanted to rebuild his life too. He got determined.

And this Monday he stopped and he got the five tacos for five bucks special, but he didn't get the six pack of beer. He was going to try, at least for tonight, to stay sober, write down a few thoughts, make a plan, and see if he could just fall asleep, you know, without liquid anesthesia.

Beth was peeking out the shade when he pulled up on the motorcycle. She'd quit worrying she was getting weird and that she'd turned into a stalker, she just admitted that was the truth, she'd apparently crossed that line for good.

She noticed two things, first was his walk, he was looking straight ahead, shoulders squared, and walking with purpose, like he had somewhere to go and something to do. And there was something missing, he wasn't carrying a six pack.

xxxx

Tuesday when he pulled up he didn't even go to his door first, he came to her door. He was Daryl, looking down and obviously nervous, but he asked, "I can't remember the last time I ate a rabbit stew. Ya wanna go Saturday mornin' and see if you can get me that rabbit?" And then he'd looked up and smiled, just a small smile, but it was there.

"Sure, I can help you out with that, I'm a natural, a friend of mine said so, and if anyone would know, he's the man who would."

He looked at her and just nodded, "Okay then, 7am Saturday."

She smiled, "Sounds good. Would you like to come in for a while?"

"Um, nah but thanks Beth, I'ma go over to the grocery and pick up a few things, see if I still remember how to cook for myself." And he'd shrugged, but the other thing he did was smile back at her.

She was thrilled he'd approached her, and the sweet way he'd asked her to go with him made her smile. She quickly called Maggie and told her she'd be missing pancakes on Saturday.

xxxx

By the end of the week he was feeling pretty pleased with himself, he realized to a lot of people it wouldn't seem like much, but for him, it was a very big deal.

He'd done that grocery shopping, and he'd cooked himself something to eat every night. It wasn't fancy, but it wasn't fast food either. It was what he knew, fried meat, maybe some beans or fried potatoes, a can of vegetables. And sure, he'd had a few beers, but no more than two a night. He was even eating breakfast, maybe it was just grits, or a couple of fried eggs, but what it all represented was Daryl Dixon taking care of himself.

Wednesday after group he'd mustered up every ounce of wherewithal he had, and he'd approached that Viet Nam vet. His name was Tom, and Tom was willing to go for coffee with Daryl and talk.

They spent two hours in that diner and Daryl just listened, he listened to Tom tell the stories of what he'd been through in Nam, and the older vet didn't hold back the details. He told about the friends he'd lost and how they'd died, the horrors he'd seen, and what he'd been through after. And the man helped Daryl to understand more about what he was feeling, and the things he could do to help himself. Coming from Tom, it meant something to Daryl, it had power. He and the older vet had lived through the same type of hell, and Tom had gotten through it, righted himself.

Daryl wanted what Tom had, a life.

He was always home at the same time, so when he didn't come home on time Wednesday evening Beth started to get nervous. When he finally showed up at just after 8:30 she was relieved, but still concerned something might have happened to him.

It wasn't like he was supposed to tell her where he was going and when he'd be home. He was an adult, and they weren't married, they hadn't had plans for the evening, but the concern had gotten the best of Beth.

After he'd been home about 20 minutes she couldn't take it anymore, she just wanted to see him, make sure he was okay. She knocked on his front door and she was a little startled when he answered, he was shirtless, wearing a pair of flannel sleep pants, and holy cow he looked hotter than hot. "Hey Beth, sumthin' wrong?"

She could smell hamburger meat cooking, he was obviously fixing himself dinner, and now she was embarrassed and she could feel her face turn red. "Oh I just got worried is all Daryl."

"Well hey, c'mon in, don't be standin' outside. I gotta flip that patty over. So what's got ya worried?" And she followed him into the kitchen.

"Well gee, I don't want you to think I spy on you or something, but you always get home at the same time Monday, Wednesday and Friday it's 6:30, but Tuesday and Thursday it's 5:30." When she said it she realized how bad and creepy that sounded, she could just recite his schedule, and to make matters worse, he actually laughed.

"Well damn, I guess if you were really spyin' you'd know what time I brush my teeth."

And she was so self-conscious, "Oh my God Daryl, I'm so sorry, I am a spy!"

He just smiled, "It's okay Beth, I know you've been watchin' me since the day I moved in, but just so you don't feel bad, I keep an eye on you too. It's just that I'm much better at bein' sneaky."

"I didn't even think you noticed me for weeks after you moved in, how did I not notice you watching me?" She squinted an eye at him.

"I told you I's a sharpshooter in the Army but what I didn't tell you was I's a Ranger, I'm trained to notice you and not let you notice me." He just smiled and shrugged, but she was focused on the fact he'd just told her something more about himself.

"Oh, that's why you have 'RLTW' tattooed there on your chest." She couldn't believe she hadn't put two and two together, sheesh, Fort Benning's the home base for The Rangers. Maybe it was the chest that distracted her, or the arms, or all of it. It was hard to be standing there looking at that incredible naked torso without reaching out and touching it.

He just nodded, "Yep, Rangers Lead the Way. Why don't you set with me while I eat supper, oh yeah my manners, have you eaten?" His neck turned a little red and that just made him look even more appealing.

"Oh I ate a couple of hours ago, I'm sorry, please eat your dinner." She couldn't help herself she reached up and lightly touched his arm. He froze for just a moment and looked in her eyes, then it seemed he caught himself, "You want some wine?"

She knew her cheeks were red, she could feel the color, "Please, if you don't mind."

They sat and he told her, "I met a guy Monday, then I saw him again tonight and we went for coffee, that's where I was. He's helpin' me, you know, deal with some things. Anyway, that's where I was. Don't worry if I ain't here, but if it seems too long, then call Merle, I know he gave you his number, he ain't as sly as he thinks."

Now she saw, he never missed a thing. He may be looking down, and he may seem to be out of touch sometimes, but nothing got by him.

And she'd learned two more things about Daryl Dixon, he was a former Ranger, and he was talking to someone about what he'd been through.

xxxx

They were both out front again early on Saturday. Daryl had the crossbow, bolts and game bag, Beth had her small backpack with some lunch, and they were off.

Daryl explained to her that a rabbit warren is like an underground city, a series of connecting tunnels and burrows where rabbits live. And then he told her how you go about finding a warren.

They waited patiently for the rabbit to expose itself, and when it did she was ready. To her surprise and to his excitement she got it. "Damn Beth, you did good girl, I knew you were a natural. You did your part, you got dinner." He was smiling and she couldn't keep herself from giggling a little.

"Do you want to get one now Daryl?" She asked him with a smile.

He looked serious but not sullen when he said, "I ain't sure I'm ready to pull the trigger on something living, maybe next time. Do you wanna try to get another one?"

"I think one is good for now, I'd really like to just walk around and enjoy the outdoors, does that sound okay?"

"Sounds real good to me," And when he slung that crossbow over his shoulder she almost let out a sigh. That was one sexy move and he was totally unaware of the affect it had on her.

They came to a small hill and climbed up to see a beautiful little pond, without speaking they sat, just enjoying the view and the day. Beth began to cry, her tears were silent, except an occasional sniffle.

Daryl wasn't sure what to do, what to say, or if he should just avoid doing or saying anything. Seeing her look so sad was hurting him. He decided he should speak, "What's wrong Beth, why ya cryin'?"

"I'm sorry Daryl, I don't even know for sure. When I sat down I just started thinking how much Shawn would have loved being out here, and you know how one thought leads to another. I started to think about times I'd had with him, memories started coming to the surface, like the fun we had growing up, and even how annoying and over-protective he could be. It's no wonder I never had a date in high school, Shawn had every guy in school half afraid to even talk to me." A soft laugh mixed with her tears.

It was then she reached for Daryl's hand and their fingers entwined. He surprised himself when he started to speak, "Don't be sorry, it's good to let those feelin's come out. That's what I gotta learn to do with mine. You're doin' good Beth, real good. And shit, I get it, you loved your brother, had a bond, and then he got taken away. You're always gonna miss him and that ain't nuthin' to be ashamed of." And he gave her hand a slight squeeze and she smiled a "thank you."

They ate the sandwiches she'd brought, and then started back on their walk.

The trouble began when he spotted that snake, it was a harmless one, and it seemed funny at the time. He picked it up and started chasing her with it, they were both laughing, and she was screeching a little, then her foot caught on an exposed tree root. She screamed as she fell forward and landed face down on the ground.

Daryl ran to her, "You okay? What the fuck? Shit Beth." He'd pulled the boot off and was checking her ankle. "I don't think it's broke." And then he started to yell, not at her, but it was obvious, the incident had been a trigger and Daryl was reacting. "See? You see what I mean now?! I told you! I can't be anyone's friend! Goddammit Beth, now you got hurt and it's my fuckin' fault, I caused it. You need to stay the fuck away from me!" He stood, he was pacing, rubbing his hand over his head, kicking at rocks, and then he tried to pull the tree root from the ground with his bare hands. The whole time he was yelling, pissed off at himself.

She didn't say anything, she just watched. It seemed to go on for hours, but in reality it lasted only a minute or two.

As quickly as it had started it stopped, or at least the yelling did. He plopped down next to her, took her leg in his hands and checked her ankle again. He looked at her, it was a hard stare, and she could see the tension and the concern, "Are you hurt anywhere else, everything okay, tell me Beth."

"I'm fine Daryl, it was just an accident, I should have paid better attention to where I was stepping. Please Daryl, believe me, I'm fine." She reached for his arm, but he pulled away. Now that hurt.

"I always fuck up Beth, don't you see? I shouldn't a been chasin' you, teasin' you. I'm s'posed to be a man, I ain't some 12 year old kid, shouldn't be actin' like one. Now you got hurt cuz I'm a fuckin' dumbass."

"Stop it Daryl, stop talking like that, stop saying those things. We were having fun, I was having a great time, it was a game, we were both enjoying it. It's a tree root for gawd sake, I could have caught my boot in that just walking. You didn't do anything wrong. And you are a man, you're a wonderful man and I'm not going to let you sit here and tell me you're not, and I'm not going to quit being your friend."

They looked at each other, both had tears in their eyes, and he spoke "You mean too much to me Beth, I don't ever wanna hurt you, don't want anyone to hurt you. And now you seen another side a me, the side that gets outta control, but I'm tryin' Beth. I'm tryin' to get my shit together, but it's gonna take me time. I got a lotta work to do. I told you before, I'm a mess."

"Daryl, I care a lot about you, I think you know that. I know you're trying, I know it's scary, but Daryl I'm not going anywhere, I'm going to be as patient as I need to be for as long as it takes."

He hung his head, overwhelmed by her words, silently he reached for her hand and just above a whisper he told her, "You're the one that made me wanna try."

They attempted walking back, but Beth was moving slow and obviously in pain. Suddenly he stopped, hunched his shoulders and said, "C'mon." She was puzzled, "Are you serious?" he turned his head toward her, "Yeah, it's a serious piggyback."

When they got back to the house he insisted on carrying her in, into his house, and that surprised her. "You ain't cookin' the damn rabbit, that's for sure. I'll cook dinner. Won't be a stew, I ain't a real chef you know," he paused and gave her a small smile, "But I can fry it up, an I got a box a mac n cheese n a can a peas. Won't be good like one a your dinners, but it probably won't kill you."

"That sounds perfect, but I can help. It's just a twist, I'll be fine." She lightly touched his hand.

"Nah, decision's made, you're layin' on the couch, I'm gettin' you an ice pack for that ankle, and you're watchin' whatever is on the TV. I'm cookin' sumthin' that we're gonna hope a person can eat. If it sucks too bad, I'll go get us a bucket a chicken or sumthin'."

If she hadn't already figured out that he was special that would have showed her the light. "Thank you Daryl, I can't wait and I know it's going to be just right." He just snorted, handed her the remote control and went to the kitchen.

As it turned out, it wasn't bad at all, in fact, she loved the rabbit and told him so several times. He didn't take a compliment easily, and he'd just shrugged.

After dinner he got a beer, got her wine, and they settled in and watched an old Clint Eastwood movie on TV.

By the time it was over they were both yawning and she said, "I'd better get home and get to bed."

There was a pause, then he asked, "Would you stay? I, uh, well shit Beth, I ain't gonna try nuthin' or anythin'. I can sleep on the couch here, it's just I'ma worry 'bout you if you go home."

They were both embarrassed, but still...

She didn't have to think long before she said "Okay, but you don't have to sleep on the couch, it's not like we haven't slept in the same bed." And they both looked down, red-faced.

He got in the bed, moved to make room for her, looked at her quickly, almost smiled and turned on his side. She crawled in next to him, laid her head on his back and put her arm around his waist. He took her hand in his and quietly began to speak, "Most a them scars came courtesy of my Dad and his belt, when I's a kid. Merle kept me from gettin' a lot more when I's little, but then he went in the Army. When he come home, I's 14, he seen I had two black eyes. That's when he took me to live with him. Probably saved my life. The old man was gettin' worse all the time. Dad got murdered soon after, they never did find who did it." Beth was stunned, stunned he'd told her, stunned a father could do that to their child, stunned his father had been murdered. He continued, "Got the rest when I got captured in the Sandbox."

She was confused now, "The Sandbox?"

"Yeah, it was a side mission we made into Iraq, the Sandbox, it went real bad," He sighed deeply then quietly said, "Rangers Lead the Way."

And again, he'd revealed something so deeply personal, she felt the pain and the emotion coming from him. She was fighting tears, she was overwhelmed with her feelings for him, and about what had happened to him. She spoke softly, "Thank you Daryl, thank you for trusting me enough to tell me these things."

"Nah, thank you Beth for never pushin' me, for just waitin' til I'm ready to tell." She burrowed into him a little tighter, and he gently squeezed her hand.

A/N I guess we're not going to that family dinner until the next chapter. I thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed. I always appreciate hearing your thoughts, so please review. xo

I am not an expert in PTSD. I do know there are many different symptoms, and no two people are the same. It's my intent to respect those who suffer, but please keep in mind, this is a work of fiction.