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XLI. Unleash

"Did you even sleep at all?"

My fingers continue to tie and untie knots on the flimsy string of rope in my hands, and out of my peripheral vision, I watch as Annie sits down beside me. I've been tying knots for several hours now – it's six in the morning – and I still haven't slept. I can't sleep.

I shrug and put the rope down. "No."

"Why not?"

"Didn't feel like it."

Annie shoots me a look, clearly not believing me and drops her head down onto the kitchen bench with a groan. She slouches in her seat, her hair sprawling out everywhere. "It wasn't real," she mumbles, her voice muffled by her arms.

"What are you talking about? Of course, it's real," I reply, playing the act off to the best of my ability. She can't know, but it seems like she's already so close to knowing what really occurs in the Capital and what happens to the Victors.

Is there really a point in keeping Annie in the dark, and to not tell her?

When she lifts her head, she stares at me once again, disbelievingly. Her eyes are bloodshot, her cheeks puffy, and her lips pulled down as if disapproving what I'd just said, and I imagine that I don't look much different. "Nice try, Finnick. That's not going to fool me."

Suddenly, it's like alarm bells go off ringing in my head, warning me to not go off-track, or anything that could result in yet another mishap. Cameras. Audio recorders.

"Come with me," I say, standing up. "Come on, Annie. Up."

"Where are we going?"

"Somewhere. I want some air and by the looks of it, you do, too."

Despite her protests, I take her hand and lift her up effortlessly, dragging her out the door within seconds. Annie pulls the hood of her jumper up and keeps her head down, avoiding eye contact with any passerbys, as we make our way to the familiar pathway of rocks at the side of the beach. Even at six in the morning, the District's central region is buzzing with the excitement of a new day.

Not for us, today, though, I think. Today's going to be slow and difficult.

I nod at a few familiar faces in courtesy but otherwise, keep to myself and resist the temptation to interlace my fingers with Annie's. Hoisting her up onto the highest rock, I find myself offering her a small smile – it's a reluctant one, but a smile nonetheless. "Lead the way, Cresta."

She skips over rocks and pebbles, gracefully like a fish in water – and, Annie does swim gracefully. She pulls the hood back down and the wind sweeps her hair up in what resembles a tornado, whipping back and forth.

I follow her, stepping on the exact rocks she steps on, unlike how I'd clambered over them carelessly for countless times in the past. She makes it look so easy and elegant.

"Why'd you bring me here?" she asks, turning around for a brief moment, and that one moment is enough for her to lose her footing.

Reaching out, I manage to grab a hold of her arms and keep her balanced for a few unsteady seconds, before letting her go slowly. "I didn't bring you here," I reply. "I said, 'come with me', and you decided to come."

"Because you were the one who dragged me out of the house."

Shrugging, I perch down on the slab of stone sticking out from the cave and pat the vacant spot beside me, gesturing for her to sit down. She does and instantly, she says, "It's not real."

"I know."

"It wasn't her handwriting."

"I know."

"She didn't mind her life."

Didn't. That word strikes me hard, and the full realization of my sister's recent death finally dawns upon me, rather than just being a settled mishap in the District.

Didn't.

She's not here anymore. She's long gone.

"I know."

"She didn't believe in God."

"I know that, too."

"Is there anything you don't know?"

"Maybe," I admit, frowning as I stare out at the waves crashing against the rocks ahead of us. "I probably do, you know, not know something but as of right now, I'm not aware of anything… Actually, I'm still trying to process everything. But yeah, it was fake."

"They couldn't have done any worse," I mutter under my breath and Annie either chooses to ignore my comment or she really hadn't heard me.

Her lips press into a thin line, and she looks older than just a fifteen – almost sixteen-year-old girl. The losses in her life – her parents, Maya and Rhea – seem to have almost ruined the girl. She overthinks more than a typical teenager should, and has experienced deaths that no one should in their life. Annie's strong. She's valiant and brave, but she's held her walls up for so long and it scares me that they'll never be destroyed – that she'll never be able to enjoy the presence of a motherly and fatherly figure. Of course, Mags is a great help but she's not immediate family.

"She told me she was feeling sick in the morning," she says. "And, I thought it was just cramps or something usual – maybe a fever, so I left for school… God, why did I do that? When I came back home, she was on the kitchen floor and…"

She pauses, and I'm not so sure if I want her to continue. My head pounds – whether I'm imagining it or if I really do have a headache, I'm not sure, but I gesture for Annie to continue. She rubs her nose with the sleeve of her jumper and wipes the tears away from her cheeks.

"There was blood everywhere," she says, her voice hoarse and cracking every few syllables. It's heart wrenching. I place a comforting hand – or at least, I hope it's comforting – on her back and she leans into my touch. I almost smile – almost.

"There was this huge knot on her head, and… and her arms; her arms were bleeding everywhere. She had two long, deep cuts down the length of each arm from her shoulders to her wrists, and she was just dead."

She squeezes her eyes shut, as if the image of her mutilated best friend would disappear, and pulls on her hair, her fingers curling into a fist. "I-I…" she manages to stutter out.

When Annie finally opens her eyes – her beautiful, green eyes, she furiously wipes the waterworks away and with a shaky voice, says, "I shouldn't have gone to school. I should've stayed at home to take care of her. I shoul-"

"Hey, it's not your fault," I interrupt, and now, I finally understand how I must constantly sound in my mind. "If you were home, the Peacekeepers would've taken you, too and you wouldn't be here right no-"

"Peacekeepers? What have they got to do with this?"

Ah, crap.

Releasing a sigh, I kick a loose pebble into the water and watch as it sinks. "Look, if you want anyone to blame, blame me. It's not your fault that you weren't home; you didn't know, but I should have."

"What are you even talking about, Finnick?"

"I'm talking about how I should've been able to realise how bad it was for Marlene to pull a stunt in the arena like that. Those fucking consequences are just ridic-"

"What? What consequences?"

For a moment, I think she's bluffing and I feel like laughing. I'd thought she would've figured it all out by now and when I realise she's telling the truth, I look away. "Nothing. Don't worry about it."

"Okay."

I didn't plan on telling her. I really didn't but it was like my mouth was a bomb, which had a timer that had just ended at zero seconds. "Have you ever wondered why Haymitch Abernathy drinks? Why Amphitrite's always cooking when she doesn't need that much food? Why Joseph smokes?"

"Sometimes," she admits. "I'm assuming it's because of the Hunger Games. It's not hard to figure out, especially when I live around Victors."

"Yeah," I reply. "Victors don't truly 'win'. Perhaps, Brutus and Enobaria and all those people do. They're not particularly good-looking but they're strong, violent and aggressive, which are three of the qualities the Capital citizens adore."

"Like Cashmere and Gloss?"

"No. They're like us – Shelley and I, I mean."

"Right."

"As I said, we don't really win. We claim victory in the Hunger Games, yes and we do claim money, prizes and dignity as a result, but we're never really granted freedom."

"You still have nightmares, don't you?" she inquires. "I still here you talk and scream in your sleep." By now, I'd usually be irritated with how often I'm being interrupted but today, I don't have the energy in me to do anything about it. My mind draws a blank and my body goes on autopilot mode.

"Yeah, I do. Everything you see on TV, everything that's been broadcasted? It's all an exaggeration for the Capital to look good and to drown themselves in their pride and possessions. But, Victors – they never win. Once your become a Victor, you become a toy to the Capital, and when you displease President Snow, he can't kill you – we could only wish that we could. He makes money out of us, to benefit his country, and when we don't do as he wishes, he takes everything away from us.

"You see me leave for the Capital at least every two months and I'm always on TV, right?" She nods, and I continue. "Because I'm there with Cashmere and sometimes, Gloss and Shelley, and we're sold to men and women, and if we refuse an offer or don't satisfy a customer, we're punished, whether it be killing our family or sending them off into the Games, and we can never find a loophole."

"That can't seriously be true," Annie interjects, thought her voice tells me that she's on the verge of tears again – like she's trying too hard not to believe me. "He can't know everything about us. He can't just force you to do that."

"First, it was Mum and Dad. Come on, there couldn't have just been a riptide when I was giving my tour. Mum was another setup. Then, there was Eamon who was reaped – and thank the fucking Lord that Wesley volunteered because Eamon's one of my closest friends from school. And then, there's Rhea and it can't possibly be just a coincidence that she supposedly committed suicide either. And it was all because of refusing sex and my tribute pulling a bloody stunt, which no one else was smart enough to think of.

"The footage of the Games however, isn't exaggerated. It might seem cool to some people or disgusting, but no matter how disgusted the viewer is, it's nothing like experiencing it, first-hand.

"Those lunatics from Six? They use morphine to numb the pain. Haymitch Abernathy? Well, I don't really know, but most likely, the same reason. Amphitrite cooks excessively because she needs a distraction, so does Shelley with her constant outings with her friends, and Joseph? Same with the morphlings and Abernathy. Cashmere and Gloss – I'm not entirely sure what their deal is but from what I've seen, I'm pretty sure Gloss has the worst mood swings."

"And what about you?" she asks. "What do you have?"

I release an angry breath, finally pausing after letting go of all that steam and fury that had built up inside of me like a raging inferno, and it feels good to let it all go. It feels great to have told someone about everything, whether it be a confused girl who constantly interrupts me. I feel as if I've just the burden of the Hunger Games and the events following have been lifted off my shoulders, and I can just relax.

"You," I say.

Annie raises her eyebrows at me, clearly taken aback by my blunt response and says, "Me? Why?"

I nod, and the next words I say even take me by surprise. "Because I love you."

A/N: Was that a cliffhanger? Sort of? I have no idea. I was actually supposed to upload yesterday, but I was busy reading Blood Of Olympus, which I fangirled over so much. I have exams for the next two weeks, so I managed to squeeze in a chapter! I'm not sure when I'll be able to complete the next chapter, but it shouldn't be too long!