Hmm… I'm so silly. Let's just do this chapter and act like I'm as on top of things as I want to be, okay? Good plan.
Also, thoughts. Um… Cooper. I'm sort of sad. He was so mean, and I wasn't happy with him. It wasn't… ugh. "I'm sorry, are you talking to me? I can't tell because you're not pointing." But I will admit, he was really funny. "I have intense emotions because I am an intense actor!"
Kurt Hummel was most definitely not a happy camper, and Sam could tell. David had set him all up and then went and brought him down. Not to mention, he had completely wasted his time, apparently. The frown on his face was evident, the shorter boy not attempting at all to hide it, and Sam's stomach twisted.
He knew that Kurt wanted Blaine. He knew it. All this work, excitement, and depression over the prospect of just apologizing? Yeah, not to mention he was barely acknowledging him, even though they were cuddling on the couch while they watched a movie. Sam had his arms around him, but it was like Kurt wasn't even there. After awhile, he felt him shift in his grasp to reach for the remote. He paused the movie and Sam steeled himself.
"You're breaking up with me," he said, before Kurt could even get a word out of his mouth. He looked surprised.
"How did you know?"
Sam couldn't help but grin sadly. "Because everyone breaks up with me," he answered, and Kurt just nodded. An awkward pause took over the living room. Kurt was sitting next to him on the couch, leaning forward with his forearms on his knees, and Sam was curled up into the cushions. They were so close… but Kurt wasn't touching him. And oddly, Sam didn't really care.
"I'm sorry, it's just… I can't be with you, if I ever want to-"
"Get back with him?" Sam asked, tears clogging up his throat just the slightest bit. He didn't want Kurt, but… But Sam really did wonder when he was going to be good enough. When he was going to find someone who wouldn't leave him for someone else. It was times like these when he thought about becoming White Chocolate full time, cause at least he seemed to get what he wanted, even if it hurt inside.
"Sam… Listen," Kurt said, and Sam continued to give him his attention, even if he really didn't want to. "You don't… you don't want this either. You just wanted attention, and that's okay. So did I," Kurt said earnestly. "But… But I don't think you're even gay actually. I think… I think you just wanted to be loved and to maybe… to maybe get looks in the hallway that you deserve?" Sam felt a shiver run all the way up and down his spine; he felt exposed.
"Kurt, I… I don't know, I just…" Sam tried to collect his thoughts. Come on, what are you thinking? What are you thinking? "People say all kinds of things about me, and about Glee, and about the swim team, and… and…"
"You started to believe them?" Kurt asked, and Sam nodded, fear forcing his lungs to still. Because yes. Yes, he had believed him, and it was weird… weird… weird to think of himself as something other than what people told him. Sam listened to others. But now he was listening to Kurt.
"And you… you love, Blaine?" he questioned, shifting the focus off of himself and effectively making his fresh ex-boyfriend squirm on the sofa. Sam almost didn't want an answer, but… but Sam knew he didn't love Kurt, so he supposed it didn't actually matter if he loved him back or not, it just… you know. Confidence.
"Yeah, I think… I think I do, and…" Kurt paused in his words, anger contorting his face into something terrifying, "And I can't believe I didn't realize it soon enough. I can't… I hate how long it took me to realize that I had… had hurt him like that. I hate how delayed I was. The actual… I'm so stupid, he was Blaine, and I… He was Blaine, Sam. Blaine. And I… I…" Kurt's words had gone from mad and resentful to sad and remorseful. Sam noticed the tears in the other boy's eyes before he did, and made a move to hug him… "Shouldn't this be the other way around?" Kurt asked, and Sam just laughed.
"Maybe." But Sam didn't care that he wouldn't have Kurt. He just… he just cared that Kurt wouldn't care about not having him. "Just… wait. Wait. Do you… am I…" He struggled to find a way to phrase everything he was feeling without sounding like an insecure teenage girl. Luckily, Kurt knew him well enough to fill in the blanks.
"Oh… Oh, no. Sam. You're fine. In fact, you're more than that, you're fine," he said in a very Santana like way. "It's just…"
"Blaine," Sam finished for him, and Kurt nodded. Sam felt a bit better at the statement. Wasn't every day he elicited that reaction from people…* He peeled himself away from the smaller boy, glad to have helped him avoid what he would figure to be a complete and total meltdown –because he would probably self destruct had he made the same mistakes- and grabbed his shoes. "Bye Kurt…" he said awkwardly, standing in the door. Kurt got up to see him out.
"Bye Sam! Stay… Stay close, okay?" he asked, and Sam nodded.
"Friends it is."
Blaine felt a little bit stronger than before. It was just… It was just weird how things were falling together. He… He was just tired of bouncing back, he supposed. After having worked so hard to be happy again, and then to have that joy restriped from him? He just didn't want to have to try for it again. It just felt a bit hopeless… all this striving for happiness… but he was getting better. He was a hard person to keep down for very long, and what with all the Warblers there to pull him out of his fog, he was having a hard time staying negative.
He was walking down the hallway, sheet music in hand as he sang out a couple chords, trying to power through the harmony he would be expected to sing on Friday. Two days to learn a piece… It was almost like Wes hated him. He paused in his music, the sound of familiar voices reaching his ears.
"Wait, what? You talked to him again?" Wes was asking incredulously. Blaine followed the sound of his voice and peeped his head through the emptied English room his friends were occupying. He could just make out the older boy's startled expression. "Well… what did you say? You didn't let him come here, did you?"
"No, no, I just… It didn't feel right, leaving it where he did… It felt kind of mean," David tried to reason. "Plus, I was thinking it might be good to be able to relay how sorry he is or something… I don't know. I just… I don't know…" David trailed off, and Blaine was surprised. He must have definitely done something to potentially upset Wes because he was normally so calm and collected… but now he couldn't get out a sentence.
"Well…" Wes looked completely lost. "Well… It was Kurt. Mean is okay…" he said, and Blaine's breath caught in his throat. What the actual…? "But… What did you say? Is he coming?"
"No, Jeff got upset," Nick said, and Blaine took his first notice of him and his roommate sitting in two of the desks, "And we all sort of realized it would actually be a dumb idea for Kurt to see Blaine. He's not a nice guy anymore. You were right, Wes. We shouldn't trust him."
Blaine's hands shook. Kurt… Kurt was trying to see him? Why? Why wasn't he allowed? What… What were they doing?
Blaine opened the door a little wider, words tumbling from his mouth. "You're keeping Kurt from me?" he asked, to shocked to take note of the way he sent his four friends at least ten feet in the air with his unexpected entrance. He did, however, notice the terrified faces worn by all of them. Wes tried to speak.
"Crap, Blaine, I-"
"Why does he want to see me?" Blaine asked, interrupting. Nick ran a hand through his hair and Jeff let out a puff of air as Wes and David shared a look. Eventually, David sighed, apparently the one to let him in.
"He wants to apologize." Blaine didn't get it.
"Wha~a… What do you… And you're not letting him?" Blaine asked, fury building up in the pit of his stomach. This wasn't fair. This was his life, they couldn't… they couldn't keep a person away from him and especially not Kurt. He needed Kurt to apologize, he needed to be with him. They were taking too much control.
"He's not trustable. You can't-"
"No, you know what?" Blaine cut Wes off. "You can't, Wes. You can't keep the person I love away from me. That's not your call… Just… Just who do you think you are?" he asked, and the council member glowered at him.
"I think I'm the one who has cradled you through this whole depression thing, and I'm allowed a little bit of insurance that I won't have to take care of you like this again," Wes said with a glare, and Blain actually couldn't believe his ears.
"So you're throwing that in my face? What the heck…? Wes. This is my. Life. Not yours, and I'm sorry if I was such a burden to you, but that's really not my problem," he said, voice holding every bit of bitterness that Wes's did. He fixed the other boy with his meanest snarl and twirled on his heel for a big dramatic exit.
"Where are you going?" Jeff called from behind, but Blaine didn't turn around.
"To see Kurt!" He called back, striding out of the classroom when he felt a hand leach around his wrist. He turned around, angered to be stopped, when he met eyes with a pair full of tears. Wes had him in his grasp, looking as if he was about to cry. "Wes?" he squeaked, thrown off. What was going on.
"No… Blaine, you can't do that, I… I don't… I can't let you," he said, all traces of fury gone and nothing but fear behind his expression. "He hurt you, Blaine. And he hurt me, and he hurt Jeff, and that hurts David and Nick, and… and everyone can feel it because we hate seeing that sadness in you, Blaine! And we hate seeing it in each other and… and he didn't love you right anyway. You can't… you can't…"
Wes was starting to get hysterical, and Blaine felt guilt pooling in his heart. He ruined everything…. Hurt everyone… "Wes…" But Kurt. "I…"
"Don't go see him, Blaine," Wes said, straightening himself and drying the corners of his eyes with the palm of his hand. Dalton boys were nothing if not dapper. "It won't do anyone any good, and I… I…" he sort of fell apart at the end of the phrase, voice cracking. However, he remained upright, and Blaine took a breath, weighing his options.
"Okay, Wes… I… Okay," he agreed, and the other boy threw his arms around his neck. At least he had gotten one thing right…
*I loved writing that line because actually? That's all Chord/Sam gets from me, and I basically say something along those lines every hour, so… ;D
Guys. I still have a chapter of "Love Taps". Oh no… So much to write, so little time….