Because I love you guys and the site decided to be nice to me for a change.

I'll try and get the next chapter up tomorrow.

Chapter 13

When I was younger I used to skip school a lot. I'd get up in the morning and if my dad was home I'd just open the front door, slam it shut loudly, and hide in my room until he left.

Then I'd spend the day lying on my bed, listening to music and dreaming the day away. In another life I could be someone. I'd be popular. I'd be admired. I'd be feared, too, but not in the way I'm feared now.

I wouldn't be the only one scared of me.

There were some times, though, when my daydreams turned into nightmares. Another thing I did to waste time was playing video games. Those were the days in which my mind would drift off to places I'd rather not see.

Thoughts are a dangerous thing sometimes. They can create a place full of wonder, enlighten you with creativity and magic. They can turn your life into a miracle. Thing is that we tend to rely on this other world. Reality is grim, especially when you're like me. When you have to raise yourself, when you've got to teach yourself everything you've got to know, when you've got all this love and sadness and joy and sorrow inside of you, but nowhere to put it, no one to share it with, your brain is the only safe haven you got. I don't know what exactly it was that destroyed this enchanted world for me. I don't remember when my safe haven turned into a prison. Sometimes I'd wake up and my mind would start to wander. I'd lie there, unable to move, staring into the distance. I'd always realize what was happening to me, but despite my attempts to break out, despite the fact that I was screaming "get up" inside, my body wouldn't react.

I don't remember when I became this person, but I think that was the beginning of the end for me.

So on these days when I finally managed to get up, but my mind wouldn't let me be, I'd sit down and lose myself in someone else's fantasy.

Video games are amazing, because in contrast to books you get to actually be part of the story. Everything is still scripted and your actual choices are limited, but for these few hours you spend with the controller in your hand, you get to be someone else.

Don't you sometimes wish your real life was like that, too?

Gantz seems like a video game: Kill the target, get points, get your reward. No wonder Finn dimwit Hudson thought of this as a game. No wonder Nishi was trying to restart his life.

I really wish it were true, especially in moments like this one right now. Brittany is standing in the middle of the room. She's standing there, looking at Gantz and I know I caused her death and it's tearing me apart. It's killing me that I killed her and the worst thing about it is that a part of me is happy that she's here with me now.

She died, but she's not dead. She'll get her chance to go back home.

Home.

I can go home now.

And then I'm not sure if Gantz is really the best alternative to being dead. When I killed myself I didn't want to come back. But Gantz gave me a cruel choice:

Go back home and face your life, the life you tried to escape from.

Or

Die again on someone else's terms.

Contrary to popular belief, those who commit suicide aren't gluttons for pain. Before I did it I did some research on the internet to find a way that would hurt as little as possible.

I could have stolen one of my dad's syringes and injected myself air, but people in the forums said that would feel like burning up from the inside.

I could have put a bullet in my head, but the chance of me missing and just going blind or something was too big. I didn't want to survive and be crippled.

I could have cut my wrists. It's a classic. But if you do it wrong you'll just cut an important tendon and end up with a stiff thumb. No thanks.

If you hang yourself, though... you just have to do it slowly, put some cloth between your neck and the chord and you won't feel a thing. Instead of jumping from a chair you lower yourself very slowly, have the rope tighten gradually. Most people don't even use the ceiling. They attach their rope to the door handle and, sitting down next to the door, inch down, sliding into eternal sleep.

I didn't put so much effort into sparing myself the pain, freeing myself from my own violent mind just to wake up in a world that's even more cruel than anything I could have imagined.

So in moments like this when Brittany is standing there in the middle of the room I really wish life was a video game.

I could hit reset and do it all over again.

Game over.

Restart? Yes. No.

I'd have a choice.

And now that she's looking at me and my heart starts to race and tears start welling up in my eyes, all I want to do is to

Pause.

I close my eyes and try to think. I can't focus, but it doesn't matter now that I've stopped everything. I've got all the time in the world.

Resume.

"I'm back," she says and I have no idea what that means. She looks between Finn and me and asks, "I should have known Gantz wouldn't give up on me. So... which one of you did it?" She stares at Finn, but he lifts his hand and points at me. Thanks, asshole.

When her eyes find mine this time I feel myself shake. I lower my gaze. I'm unworthy of her blue piercing me. "I didn't mean... I..." I stutter, but she just walks up to me and lifts my chin with her index finger and forces me to look at her.

"I know," she says. "Gantz did it, not you."

And suddenly her arms are around me.

Pause.

She's not mad. She's not even a little upset. I'm a murderer and she doesn't mind? And she's hugging me! Her arms feel warm and her chin on my shoulder is like the best thing in the world. She really is an angel.

Resume.

"I'm sorry," I manage to blurt out.

Then it really hits me. She's not upset. "Welcome back"? How does she know about Gantz?

"You've been here before," I say and take a step back to look at her.

"Yea," she responds. "I got a hundred points and chose to go home and have my memory erased."

Well, apparently not fully.

"Gantz must have been upset with me for remembering pieces and decided to bring me back." She walks over to the black orb and knocks on it with a sarcastic smile. "The little bastard doesn't like it when someone in the real world knows too much."

If I was puzzled before I'm entirely confused now. How can she not even be upset that she's dead?

But Gantz interrupts my thoughts as the 100 point menu pops up on the screen.

It says:

"Option 1: Have your memory erased and be set free.

Option 2: Weapon upgrade.

Option 3: Revive someone from the database."

That's it. I can go home.

Home.

That's all I've ever wanted.

Right?

I look back to where Brittany's standing and the lump in my throat just won't disappear. The expression on her face is calm. She's waiting. She looks me right in the eye, but this time she doesn't trap me with her gaze. Instead she's just standing there, waiting for me to choose an option.

I don't even really know this girl so why am I so intrigued by her? What is that? If I go back home, will my fate be the same as hers? Or will I truly be free? Will I be able to leave everything behind? I could quit fighting! I could quit being miserable all the time! Or would Gantz have me killed, too? Is this the end of my journey?

I've got make a choice.

"Why do you want to go back?"

Her question suddenly rings loudly in my ears. It's a voice from my past. It's a voice I remember as clearly as my own. Before, whenever she talked to me I failed to find an answer. But this time her question gives me the solution to another problem, because suddenly I know exactly what I've got to do.

I can't go.

Not now.

I know that Puck wants me to revive Nishi, but that's not what I'm going to do. Gantz has played enough tricks on me. She made me kill Brittany. She made me become a murderer. Before I can go back to life I've got to take my life back into my own hands. And I won't do that alone.

"Gantz," I say as I step forward.

"I choose option three: Revival."

The menu with the people who died appears, but I already know who I'm going to call back.

"Quinn Fabray."