I Want You (She's So Heavy) - The Beatles
She always seemed to realize it when Rachel was singing. Not when she was talking, or when she looked across the room at her in class. Only when she was singing. She was different when she was singing. Vulnerable. That was the word she was looking for. Not the obnoxious diva who seemed to make it her duty in life to drive the Latina insane, but this vulnerable little girl who was begging the world to love her with each note she belted out.
Santana tore her eyes from Rachel for a moment, just to gauge everyone else's reactions to the girl's song. She needed to know if they saw it too. Quinn was swaying, eyes fixated on Rachel, but her gaze wasn't on her, it was through her. She was lost in her own world. Brittany's grin was wide as her head bopped to the beat. She didn't see it either. Santana didn't know what Brittany was seeing, but it definitely wasn't the same. Kurt wasn't even looking at her. His eyes were on Blaine as he mouthed along to the words of the love ballad and pointed at his boyfriend, who was mimicking the motions. It left a bitter taste in Santana's mouth.
Then there was Finn. Staring at her boobs. Berry may not have been gifted in that department, but they were still there and that's where Finn's eyes were. He didn't see anything. What a perfect boyfriend.
Her eyes fell back onto Rachel. Rachel with her eyes shut as she begged for love and acceptance and no one else noticed.
And that's when she realized it every time. Just how bad she wanted Rachel Berry. How bad she wanted to tell her that she saw it.
But when the song ended and her pleading voice went away...
"Jesus Christ, Berry. Can't you give someone else a chance to butcher a song?"
...she managed to push the feelings away.
One day she would tell her. She knew it had to come out one day. These kinds of things always did. One day she would smack every single one of the Glee club members and ask them how they couldn't see. How could they be so blind that they don't see her there screaming at them. But she would tell her how she saw it every time. Then it would be her turn to beg.
Because she needed her just as bad. No. She needed her even more.