Stay

Chapter 2

"Oh you can tell I haven't slept very well, since the last time we spoke."

It had been four days. Four days since she had shown up at his apartment late that night. Four days since he had kicked her out and told her wouldn't be around very much. Four days since she had seen him when he walked into the precinct next.

He had explained how he had gotten a ton of writing done and missed being around the 12th, so he decided to take her up on her offer to pop by anytime. That was right before they got the call that a body had been found, and it was most likely linked to the case that they had picked up yesterday.

The car ride was silent as Castle fiddled with the radio, changing her station every few seconds, clearly displeased with the choices he found. It annoyed her. Even if she weren't overly fond of a song she'd rather just leave it on one station than hear the jumbled mess of him changing it at every chance he got. But she didn't dare say a thing, she had missed his presence in her car, even if it meant they weren't talking and he sit and played with the radio the whole time, she would take what she could get.

They arrived at the crime scene and checked in with Lanie and the rest of the team that was there. She sent Esposito and Ryan to get statements from the group that found the body and called it in, and Castle was off playing with some of the crime scene units gadgets she was sure.

"With the matching bags under your eyes I'd think you and Castle were keeping each other up all night, but I know that's not the case, so what is it?" Lanie asked her.

Kate averted her gaze from the medical examiner, she thought she had done a pretty good job with the concealer under her eyes that morning, trying to mask and forget about the purple circles that had formed under her eyes and had continued to get worse in the last few days.

"It's nothing, Lanie." Kate replied.

"You're funny if you really think you are going to get away trying to pretend it's nothing with me. I don't care what you or writer boy say, I know something when I see it."

"Fine, it's not nothing," Kate spit back, immediately feeling bad for snapping at her friend, and receiving a glare from Lanie for it. "I just don't want to talk about it, alright?"

"Would it be the reason why Alexis said Castle has been grumpy and ill tempered all week?" Lanie asked while the two of them walked away from the crime scene and back towards Kate's car.

"Alexis said that?" Kate asked, turning her attention solely on her friend.

"She did, though I doubt I was supposed to share that tidbit of information with you. But since that's too late now, are you going to tell me what's got the both of you all so worked up? Because Kate, I haven't seen you this bad in a while. I'm worried."

"It's a long story, Lanie. And something I can't even really explain. He's been distant and pushing me away. He claims it's just because he's busy with his latest book and a new project he's working on, but I know that can't be the only reason." Kate let out with a sigh, she was happy to tell Lanie, maybe she could give her some insight, because Kate had been back and forth over everything multiple times in the past few days, and nothing was adding up.

"I'm guessing you've talked to him about this?" Lanie asked her, because she knew Kate, and although she said she couldn't figure it out, she found that her friend seemed to be blind when it came to Castle some of the time.

"I went to his place the other night, but he basically just avoided it more and kicked me out. This is the first time I've seen him since than."

"We're not done talking about this. Come grab lunch with me in a few hours, I'll hopefully have some results by than to help you out."

Kate nodded and said goodbye to Lanie as she left to head back to the Morgue. Now to find Castle, surely he was around here somewhere. He hadn't been to a crime scene in a while, she was sure he was off bothering and pestering someone.

She returned from lunch with Lanie to find the boys putting the finishing touches of the new details of the case on their murder board. She updated them one the few new details Lanie had shared with them, and they told her about the lead they were going to head and check out. She sat down at her desk, as Ryan and Esposito left the precinct and Castle headed into the break room, she was exhausted. Her life lately was exhausting, and explaining everything to Lanie over lunch hadn't helped. She was glad to have her friend there to listen and try to help, but retelling the story, hearing it out loud, it made things even worse if it was possible, made them more real.

"Tired?" Castle asked her, sliding a cup of coffee towards her before grabbing a seat in his spot next to her desk. She didn't even remember placing her head in her hand, but sure enough there she was, falling asleep at her desk. She was just glad it was Castle who had found her like that and not Gates; because she was sure the reaction would not be nearly as nice coming from her captain.

"A little." She answered, stretching her arms back in her chair.

"I know the feeling." He replied, rubbing a hand over his face and through his hair before taking a long sip of his coffee.

"Not sleeping well either?" She asked him. She already knew the answer to the question, but she wanted to hear him say it, she wanted him to confess that it was whatever going on between them that was keeping him up at night too.

"You could say that. It's been a rough past couple nights."

"Everything alright?" She asked. She couldn't put it out there anymore, she made it clear that she was worried about him, that she wanted to know whatever was going on, that she was hear to listen, she was interested, but if was going to continue to avoid her, continue to be vague she didn't know what else she could do.

"Everything's fine Kate, I don't know how many times I need to tell you that." He snapped at her.

"Seriously, Castle?" She spat back, her voice low but laced with anger.

"Well I don't know why you don't get it Kate. What do you want me to tell you? You're the one that's so convinced that every thing isn't alright, so why don't you tell me what's wrong?"

"Because I don't know what's wrong Castle," She said to him, she had gotten up and pushed her chair out of the way, making her way to the break room, him following close behind her before she slammed the door shut. "You seem to be punishing me for something, something that I have no idea what I've done, so if you want to go ahead and let me know what I've done to deserve all of this in the past few weeks I'd be delighted to know."

"If you can't figure it out Kate then maybe you don't deserve to know."

"Well at least you've finally admitted something was wrong. But if you are seriously want to play this game you might as well go home, Castle. I don't need this, especially not in the precinct. You were right, maybe it would be better if you weren't around anymore."

Next thing she knew the door to the break room was slamming shut and the man she used to call her partner was storming his way to the elevator of the 12th. She sat down on the couch, burying her head in her hands. She had been over this a million times, she didn't know what had changed, she couldn't figure out what she had done to create this. She needed to stop worrying about this; she needed to not let it affect her this much. The boys would be back soon enough, she might as well see what she can do while they are gone on the case. She stood up, brushing off the events of the day, storing them in the back of her mind where she was keeping the rest of this issue with Castle, locked up, stored away so not to bother her, and be on her mind every second of everyday.

She walked into her apartment late that night, she was sure that the bags under her eyes would have bags of their own by now. But they had closed the case that was what mattered. Not that she could say she had been of much assistance to the boys, they had done ninety percent of the work while she was distracted.

She grabbed her phone out of her jacket after she hung it up, remembering the sound of a text message going off while she waited for the elevator a few minutes ago.

It was from Castle. His name flashed across the screen, and she found herself basking in the small delight she used to experience every day, his witty little texts to her, though she was sure this one wasn't the same. But she had missed it, somewhere in her subconscious she missed that they always used to talk, something as easy as a text from him used to brighten her day, make her smile, it was something she missed.

We need to talk, Kate. I can't keep doing this with you anymore.

She locked her phone, she would answer him in the morning. It's not that she thought he would be sleeping, she was sure if his mind was anything at all like hers right now that sleep was nowhere in sight, but she didn't know what to say. He couldn't keep doing what? Pushing her away, avoiding her, punishing her for who knows what and fighting with her? Or he couldn't keep coming around? The answer scared her, because she didn't know which it would be. As rough as things were between them right now she was sure they could get through whatever this was. He would tell her why he was upset, they'd work through it, go back to being happy. They had to, because Kate was finally ready to give this a shot, she couldn't lose him now. Not after everything they had been through, everything they had worked through to get to this point. Now wasn't the time to lose, this was supposed to be the easier part, she confessed her feelings, he told her about his too and they decided to give this a shot, decide to be happy together. That was what was supposed to happen, not him pushing her away and avoiding her.

"I'm going to bed mother," he told her as he got off the couch and walked toward his office, leaving his phone sitting on side table.

"Richard, give her a chance," Martha told him. "It's late, she could be sleeping, or still at the precinct, you know her well enough to understand that."

"I'll check my phone in the morning." He grumbled, disappearing into his office. He sat down in his desk chair, running his hand over his face, he was exhausted. It had to be close to 3am at this rate, he was sure. He got home that afternoon, finding his mother here working on a new project for one of her classes. He was glad she was here, he was glad to have her to talk to, to try and work this whole situation out with. Because he was sure that his perspective on the entire thing was a little distorted at this point. But for his own mother to basically take Kate's side, that was not something he expected. She told him he was being unfair, that clearly Kate had no idea why he was hurt, and it wasn't fair to do this to her without explaining himself. So he text her, telling her he couldn't keep this up, that he wanted to talk, and he got nothing in reply. Sure it was late, she probably had better things to do than sit around at 3 in the morning and talk with him, she was probably asleep like the rest of the New York, like he should be. But now he was rethinking it all, rethinking that maybe he had been in the wrong. Sure he could be angry, he knew that, he should be angry at her, hiding such a thing from him, all this time. Hell, he would have rather her tell him straight out she didn't feel the same instead of dragging him along so long. But his mother had reasoned with him, told him to give her a chance to explain herself, she deserved that much according to her. So he'd give her the chance. He still loved her, he thought maybe he could just turn it off, hope that it would go away, but the longer he spent without her the worse it got. He figured he'd have more control over it, be able to at least push the feelings down long enough that eventually he would forget about them, but that seemed like an impossibility at this point.

He walked to his bedroom, laid on top of the blankets, hands behind his head, staring at this ceiling. He might as well at least try to get some sleep, he could deal with this all in the morning. The ball was in her court, all he had to left to do was wait.