A/N: The next 'chapter' is a longer note and the fan mix. If you don't want to read this I'd like to thank you now for sticking by me throughout this journey.

Epilogue

Without my suit I feel naked and without my powers I feel weak. If anyone was to attack me I'd have to deal with it like everybody else.

I'm just a normal girl now.

The ground is hard beneath my feet and everything feels real and rough.

It's a cool day and it took me three tries to leave the house this morning. The first two times I opened the door a crack, only to decide I still wasn't wearing enough clothes. I feel like an idiot with all my different layers of shirts and pullovers, but the sun shines brightly into my face and the sky is perfectly blue.

I don't think I've ever taken the time to appreciate the blue sky before so I do it now.

I'm Santana.

And I'm alive.

I close my eyes for a few seconds and just stand there on the sidewalk. I don't care how crazy I must look. I'm alive and for the first time ever I feel like I have my life in my own hands.

Yet again I've transferred to Lima. It seemed like a place to start fresh back then and it feels like a place to start fresh now. It's full of the only memories I actually want to have and even though McKinley's full of losers I feel like I've been called here. Destiny is waiting for me.

Math.

I sit at my usual desk in the back row. For now I want to enjoy just being here, being among others. Participation will come later. My dark hair falls around my face and I tuck it back behind my ears. I set pen to paper and start copying the notes from the blackboard.

The grades I'll receive for tests and homework assignments still don't mean a thing. I'm the only one judging my life from now on and I think after all I've been through, I deserve an A+ just for being here.

I look up and smile at my teacher. He's just another cog in the machine, but it's the life that he's chosen so he'll be fine. In fact, everyone deserves an A+ just for being here every single day.

I let my gaze wander through the classroom as the teacher's voice fades into background noise. It's soothing.

I let my gaze wander and I understand that, yes, everyone is different and every one of us will grow and learn and become someone eventually.

I let my gaze wander and suddenly blue eyes find mine. She looks at me with that expression I love so much - fearless and open. She looks at me like she understands and smiles. It's only the briefest of moments and I barely have time to think about what's happening before she blends back into the background and disappears. But before I can wonder if I've made her up, blonde hair whips around a second time.

"Do you mind if we switch places?" she asks the boy sitting next to me. He nods and gets up as my heart starts to hammer.

"Sorry," she shrugs into the direction of the blackboard and ignores all the looks she gets as she starts pushing her desk closer to mine until they touch. When she sits down she takes my hand. I squeeze it tightly and she smiles again.

"Hey."

"Happy Birthday!"

It's been half a year since our last mission or, as we refer to it, our birthday.

Rachel's dads turned out to be pretty dope. They were so relieved that their daughter has finally found friends that they let me move in with them. "Don't you dare take a job. A young lady like you should focus on her education and enjoy her free time," LeRoy replied when I offered to work after school to pay for my food and clothes. They treat all four of us like family.

Every other day Hiram pulls me aside in a quiet moment and his question is always the same: "How's she holding up?" It's a pretty tough question to answer, because, the truth is, the bullying has never really stopped. It's gotten easier, though, now that we have each other and it's become less frequent. Also, Rachel founded a Glee club and seems to get along with the kids there. They share her passion for music rather than making fun off her for it. I pray for the day that she quits asking me to join, though.

So when Hiram asks me about her I answer honestly: "I think she'll be alright." He always hugs me and tells me how grateful he is that Rachel has me in her life and that he'll do anything to support me after graduation as well. I'm glad he doesn't know what I originally thought of his daughter.

"Well, if you won't do us the honor, I'll do it myself," Rachel grins and blows out the candles on the cake she baked.

We do this every once in a while, celebrating that we're here. We don't even need a date; every day is a good reason to have cake.

Rachel takes the knife and Quinn stares at her in mock fear before bursting into laughter.

Not everything's great, but it's getting better. When Quinn's mom found her daughter on the floor of her living room, puking her guts out, she made a decision. She got rid of the pills and she got rid of her husband. Judy Fabray is actually quite fierce when she's clean. She doesn't understand why we celebrate our birthday or why it is our birthday at all, but she's always happy to join us. In a way, it's her birthday, too.

Rachel ruffles Quinn's hair until Quinn wraps both her arms around the shorter girl. "You're my favourite 'Cakes of all cakes," she laughs and pecks Rachel's head. Judy raises an eyebrow, because she doesn't get it. She also doesn't get why Rachel keeps saying she misses the pink or why her daughter abandoned her dresses and replaced them with ragged jeans and sneakers. She doesn't understand when we all became friends. She doesn't get it, but she accepts it just like she accepts Rachel. I guess when you find your child barely alive that's a wake-up call you don't forget. Judy wouldn't dare force Quinn into those old-fashioned standards she was raised with ever again.

Surprisingly, she even offered to take in Brittany. "We've got plenty of space," she said.

Everything's still a little surreal to all of us. "I feel like I'm stuck in one of Dali's paintings," Quinn likes to say. "It's kinda cool." I've got to say, though, that seeing Quinn lying on the couch, wearing a bright yellow Sex Pistols t-shirt while reading "Human, All Too Human" is the hardest part of understanding reality sometimes.

But if I'm being honest with myself, Gantz only really started making sense a couple of weeks ago.

We have sleepovers every weekend and this weekend was no exception. After living together for so long it's tough being separated. I think LeRoy, Hiram and Judy are all waiting for the day when we realize we're spending too much time together and get into a big fight. They can't know how much we really need each other and why.

On some days I still instinctively reach out for my suit the moment I open my eyes in the morning. Sometimes I wake up and find my hand is already wandering around, searching the space next to me. On those days it takes a while to get oriented. I'll startle, thinking I've overslept, not knowing what day it is or even what year. It's those days on which I'm especially grateful for having a girlfriend. My head on her shoulder and her arm around my waist are enough to remind me that I'm safe.

When I woke one Sunday morning a couple of weeks ago I found myself in exactly that position. It was still dark outside and we were both still naked. Brittany sighed when I brushed a golden strand of hair from her face. She stirred and her eyes fluttered open. "What time is it?" she whispered, her voice heavy with sleep.

"I don't know," I answered softly. I didn't want to take my eyes off of her so I just smiled and kissed her nose.

Somehow I had imagined sex to be different - heated and wild and rough. It was something the cool kids bragged about. But making love to Brittany, slowly, gently, while breathing in every one of her sighs and whimpers, is something I could never have dreamed of. That Sunday morning when she trembled beneath me, whispering my name and squeezing my hand, suddenly one last question snapped free inside of me. And when her hips canted up and her breath hitched and I got to feel her come undone beneath my fingertips I realized she'd have the answer.

Because Brittany is a true miracle; sometimes I think she knows everything.

"How come you were never afraid of me?" I asked when she was wrapped around me again, nuzzling my neck. She stilled her movement and looked at me with her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. A part of me was sorry for breaking the spell of the moment, but I just had to know, so I added:

"I did my best to be feared. I didn't even help you on purpose back then. Before I reached Gantz I'd never had a single friend. No one liked me and I didn't like anyone else, either."

She propped herself on one elbow and seemed to contemplate for a few long seconds. "You always thought that because you didn't have friends everyone would hate you. And that made you think that you're a bad person. But you're not."

I almost cracked in two at her statement. "I'm not?"

She just shook her head in response.

"I could see that from across the classroom, way back when our eyes first met. Also," she shrugged, "I don't believe in the concept of 'bad'. Like, why should anyone be bad to the core? I don't understand how that would be possible. Aren't we all just trying to get along?"

Maybe she really does know everything.

"When was that anyway?" I wondered. "I mean, when we first met. How much time passed for you?" To my surprise she didn't even have to think about that one.

"None," she stated, simply. "When we died time stopped for us. Shelby said that it's all about what we want, right? So Gantz is a state of mind. I think that we all died on the same day."

And suddenly I knew what I had to do. I knew it wasn't too late. I knew there was one more thing to accomplish.

"I love you, Britt," I told her and pulled her close. "I love you, because you're the smartest person I know. Thank you."

But she just gave me a puzzled expression, as if she hadn't said anything special. For her, all the sweet things in life are just simple facts. I can't wait to learn all that from her.

"You're gonna go today?" Quinn asks after everyone has stuffed themselves with cake. I never kicked the habit of sitting outside the house, leaned against a wall. But I have to say that sitting on the front porch of the Fabray mansion provides me with a much better view than my old apartment.

"As planned," I tell her.

She nods. "Are you sure you don't want me to come with you?"

But she knows that's not possible. "Just keep an eye on the others."

She gives me a half-smile and pats my shoulder. "I hope you find what you're looking for. And come back soon."

It takes me exactly fifteen minutes to find what I was looking for.

It's the spot where Evans and the Jackets died. It's the street where the onion boy and his dad were murdered. It's the place where I first saw Rachel's true face.

For a few minutes I walk around, trying to locate the exact spot where it happened. Finally, I find it. There's the wall I was leaned against and the sidewalk where Rachel materialized. I remember standing directly opposite that house so I know I'm right.

There's no traffic. It's a Sunday and this is a small side road. I wander around a little until I make out where I think the onion boy died. There's not even a stain of him left, so I can only guess. No one but Rachel and I will ever know that he ever lived.

I kneel down and touch the asphalt in front of me. "I'm sorry," I whisper and I'm not sure it's the boy I'm talking to. This is not what I came here for. I swallow hard and close my eyes.

Hoping to be heard, I whisper, "Gantz. I need to go back."

Nothing happens. I repeat, louder:

"Gantz! Call me back!"

Nothing happens, nothing except that tears well up in my eyes. I wipe them away with my sleeve.

"Shelby! Puck! Gantz! I need to go back!"

I wait for about half an hour and when I don't receive a response I finally get up, hanging my head. "I'm sorry. I tried."

But when I look up again I'm in the room.

Breathing out slowly I take in the familiar sight of the black ball in front of me. Oh, Gantz. I haven't missed you at all. I'll definitely make sure to leave quickly after this is done. I cross the room and knock on the sphere. "Open up."

The ball opens and Puck looks up. He doesn't seem surprised to see me. "I know what you're here for," he says. "You finally understood my email, huh?"

I do.

"Consider this a last gift from me," he says. "Choose wisely. But I think that you've already made your decision."

I nod. I know what I want.

"Puck?" He looks at me and smiles softly before answering the question I never asked.

"My time hasn't come, yet," he says with a slight smile.

I nod again at him. He'll get his shot, I'm sure of it.

"Gantz." My eyes are fixed on the empty screen now.

"Option three. Revival. Joichiro Nishi."

I take a few steps back to make space for Gantz to go to work. My stomach is tingling from excitement and a fair amount of fear. He has every reason to hate me. I'm not delusional. I know he hasn't learned the same lessons I have. I know he'll still be the same old Nishi.

His hair shines black and short strands fall into glaring dark eyes. Heavy boots stand firmly on the laminate and gloved fists are clenched. His lips are pressed together and he scans the room quietly as he materializes. I know what he's searching for and he quickly finds it.

"You," he hisses.

I ignore the icy tone in his voice. "Nishi." It feels weird talking to him and I stretch the pause longer than necessary as he just stands there, staring at me angrily. "I came here to apologize."

He doesn't seem to care.

"In the world of Gantz we don't have friends," he replies. "It was my own fault." It's the answer of someone who's still trapped in the game. "You're not wearing your suit," he comments after eyeing me up.

I shake my head.

"So I assume you met her."

My eyes go wide, but only for a second. He's always known more about Gantz than I have so there's no reason to be surprised now. I nod tersely and reply: "I've made my choice. I called you back, because you deserve your chance as well."

"Condescending." he laughs sarcastically. He doesn't buy it.

"Also, because I felt guilty for letting you die," I admit. "But Nishi, you helped me more than you probably know. More than you intended to, I think." I touch his shoulder and I'm half surprised he doesn't break my arm. "This is the only way I could think of to pay you back."

He looks at me with empty eyes, an expression I know too well. "So what now? Who says I wasn't better off dead? I'm fifteen and no matter what I do now, my life is already over."

Fifteen. He's just a kid.

"You don't have to choose now," I explain. I know I can't force him. God knows I would've killed anyone who tried to force me. "Just consider it. Because..." I pause again and he looks at me with a flicker in his eyes that indicates he wants to look away but can't. "You're worth it."

As expected he doesn't reply. I take my hand from his shoulder and see him relax a little.

"But if you ever happen to visit Lima, one way or another, look me up."

I turn to go when I finally hear him speak and there's anger in his voice, but also fear.

"I've done terrible things. I can never go back. I'm not like you. I've killed people. I've killed my classmates. No one will ever forgive me."

Forgiveness, Nishi. Is that what you're searching for?

I forgive you, but it's not my place to say this to you. Because I'm not the one who needs to forgive you.

"I meant what I said," I say instead. "Take care of yourself."

He nods tersely and closes his eyes. His journey isn't over and the demons he'll have to face are greater than mine. He'll go on fighting. He'll go on until he can't anymore. He'll wander through darkness until he reaches the beauty within himself so he can see the beauty around him. Just like Shelby said.

And Nishi is not like Finn. He won't make a decision before he's ready. There's a reason why he's still here.

When I get back, Quinn's waiting for me on the porch. I nod and she smiles and puts her arm around my shoulders and leads me inside.

Rachel and Brittany are cuddled together on the couch in the living room, fast asleep from a sugar crash.

Quinn huffs in mock jealousy, which makes me chuckle.

Ultimately we decide to let them sleep and take Quinn's bedroom instead. Her room matches her outfit with its walls plastered in punk and metal posters.

"Why did you never go back to pink?" I ask her while staring at a CD case full of albums I've never even heard of.

"I don't know," she says. "I chose that hair color in the realms of Gantz so I guess that's where it belongs. But, hey, I also gave up smoking and you never seem to tease me about that."

I let myself fall backwards onto her bed. It's way too soft and cozy.

Quinn and I will probably go on challenging each other. When life throws me a curveball I know she'll be there to teach me how to catch it.

"Doesn't mean I didn't notice," I reply. She gives me her I-told-you-to-talk-to-me-about-stuff-look so I roll my eyes and add: "I didn't want you to think about cigarettes so I decided not to mention it for a while."

She doesn't seem convinced, but lets it slide. She jumps into bed next to me and we stare at the ceiling together.

"After all he did to you. Why did you go back for him?"

I know it seems like a weird thing to do, but Puck's message was clear.

Life and death belong to us. We sometimes feel like we're losing control, but if you ask me, that's just because we're closing our eyes to the options we have. No one can take that choice from me.

"He's just a kid," I reply. "Everyone deserves a chance."

In a weird way having that choice comforts me. I know my options. Are we terrified of the idea of being terrified? I'm terrified that I'll stop existing.

She takes my hand and squeezes it tight. "I love you for that."

Me, too.

"Do you think he'll be happy one day?" Quinn looks at me and hazel eyes turn dark, and for a second it's almost as if we were back on our missions and her expression is begging me to comfort her, give her the strength to go on.

"Maybe."

So despite everything I'll continue my fight for answers and I'll continue to fight for my choices. I'll fight for my name.

"What about us? Do you think we'll be happy, like, truly happy?"

I squeeze her hand once more and turn my head towards her.

"I guess there's only one way to find out."

I'll continue to live.