As promised here you'll find a fan mix, and a few things I'd like to say about this story.
Suicide is a big issue within the LGBTQ community; it's a big issue in general, of course, but statistics show that there's not a single queer kid out there who's never contemplated suicide. I guess we all know what it's like to wonder what it'd be like if we could just quit existing and I'm saying this as someone who grew up in a very liberal household. We're our own worst enemy and our most powerful ally.
I'm not going to lecture you. I'm not going to say that suicide is bad; that's not what my story is about and it's not what I think. I'm not going to judge those who took that step and I'm not going to dishonour the memory of those we lost. I'm not going to glorify suicide, either.
My guess is that if you've read the story carefully you'll still wonder about a few things. I hate spelling things out, but I'm going to give you some sources I used as an inspiration. If you still have questions (for example about Puck's email), feel free to message me or leave a review.
And I'm going to be fair and give you the fan mix first, so you can skip the obnoxious rambling part.
Gantz Mix by princess_vevay (LJ account)
01. "Violet Stars Happy Hunting!" – Janelle Monáe
I'm an alien from outer space
I'm a cyber girl without a heart or a mind
(A product of the man, I'm a product of the man)
I'm a savior without a race
(Without a face)
On the run 'cause they hit our ways
And chase my kind
They've come to destroy me
02. "The Sloganeer: Paradise" – Me'Shell Ndegéocello
My fearful destructive reaction
To my life, to my life
Lord the scorn and the mock me
The voices, scorn and mock me
This realm is cold and lonely
Soothe my
My dissatisfaction
03. "Gravedigger" – Willie Nelson
Gravedigger, when you dig my grave
Could you make it shallow?
So that I can feel the rain
04. "Oh Industry" – Bette Midler
Joined at the hip; pain, hunger and I,
leave our gift to the world 'neath the phosphorus sky.
A labor of love is the truest of all.
But will I be forsaken after the fall?
05. "I Am an Illusion" – Rob Thomas
But I'm not real anymore
I am an illusion
I am the damage
I am the relief
sometimes I'm people
I never hoped that I would be
06. "Snakebit" – Mary Gauthier
Oh Lord, oh Lord, oh Lord, what have I done?
Everything worth holding slips through my fingers
Now my hand's wrapped around the handle of a gun
The further I fall, the less I falter, forsaken, forgotten without love
The chair that I sit in belonged to my daddy
Carved from the hard wood of a bitter tree
When he was alive he used to tell me,
"Kid, when you was born, I knew you'd end up sniping like me"
07. "Breathless" – Dan Wilson
I'm hunting shadows in the dark
And steaming jungles of the world
Either killed or be killed
By creatures never named or heard
But you were always pretty reckless with your love
08. "Listen" – Amos Lee
But be careful now
Be careful of all them folks out there who surround you
Be careful
Some of them really only want to ground you
The only want control
Tear you down that hole
So be careful
09. "Sweet Surrender" – Sarah McLachlan
You take me in, no questions asked
You strip away the ugliness that surrounds me
Are you an angel?
Am I already that gone?
I only hope that I won't disappoint you
10. "Lay Your Head Down" – Keren Ann
Why don't you
Lay your head down
In my arms
In my arms
11. "Mexico City" – Jolie Holland
I'm just back from Mexico City
I came back north to Texas
To rest my weary head
My true love is fresh from the battlefield
Sewing up the dying and carting off the dead
My baby don't stand no fighting
Amongst the living or the dead
What's that black smoke rising Jack
Is the world on fire?
What's that distant choir singing
Is it a heavenly choir?
The living and the dead
The living and the dead
12. "Scared Are You?" – Better Than Ezra
Scared, are you?
You do it on your own
We all did
Scared, are you?
Half the lines you make up here.
The best that we can do.
13. "Home" – Tandy
End of the line, yeah, this must be the place
I could tell by the lines and the look on your face
You walked in the door and it felt just like home
14. "Life is Beautiful" – Vega 4
Let the monster see you smile.
...
Life is beautiful, but it's complicated.
We barely make it,
We don't need to understand,
There are miracles, miracles.
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Influences:
Friedrich Nietzsche. I don't agree with everything he said, but I do agree on one thing: Everything is subjective; there is no ultimate truth. Therefore there are no enemies, no evil forces.
I think that if we keep that in mind always, we're less likely to start persecuting. We're less likely to judge. What is good and what is bad depends on where we stand. Of course our side will always be 'good'.
The Four Branches of The Mabinogion (by Evangeline Walton). What do celtic sagas have to do with manga, Glee and suicide, you ask? Well, I actually let Shelby quote that book: Only those who carry beauty within themselves will be able to see the beauty around them.
In the first branch Pwyll, prince of Dyved switches places with Arawn, king of the dead in order to fight a battle Arawn himself can't win. But when he enters the world of the dead he encounters his own demons on the way to Arawn's castle. The celts believed in the concept of rebirth; they called it the long path, the teacher's path on which everyone finally learns. Rebirth into another world gives everyone the chance to grow and be happy eventually. But before we can reach that state of happiness we have to overcome ourselves. We summon our own enemies for they're the baggage we carried around with us throughout life. Therefore if we die and think we deserve to suffer, we will suffer until we realize we don't have to. So Pwyll, too, had to fight his battles before he could fight Arawn's.
Gantz. Surprise – the manga itself has a prominent role in this story, too. It's safe to say that I made up the almost the entire plot for neither the comic nor the anime nor the movies give us a solution to what Gantz is. There are always only hints.
I did, however borrow quite a few scenarios, enemies and themes.
Bullying is one important topic in the comic and Nishi does kill his classmates after being thrown out of a window. He's described as a villain and is not the main character. In fact, he dies in the first mission and is only revived much later. When I first started writing this story I wondered what it would be like writing from his perspective. He's not the only character who suffered from bullying, but he is the only character who's supposed to be evil as a result. I found that intriguing and I think it's easy to spot the similarities between him and Santana.
The website is Nishi's.
The battle against Brittany is also an adaption from the original. In the anime the main character Kei is made a target himself in the last mission, but in the comic he's forced to fight his girlfriend as punishment for being disobedient.
The onion alien as well as the eagle both appear in the comic and in the anime. Especially the onion boy is more a victim than a fiend and throughout the manga the protagonists keep being confronted with the question if they're really the good ones or if they're just murderers.
Rachel's tendency to clench her fists and pulling spontaneous heroic moves is something Kato, Kei's best friend, does. I liked the idea of her being courageous and having a kind heart, but being completely unable to live up to the standards she put on herself. She is, after all, tiny.
The subway is how Kei and Kato die in the comic. It's also the place where Kei's journey ends in the anime. In that version we get an open ending and it's up to the audience to interpret what happened to Kei.
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Last but not least I'd like to thank you all for reading A New Morning, for the alerts, favourites and for the reviews.
I wrote this mostly for myself, but I appreciate everyone who took the time to let me know they read this.