A/N: Thank you to Cristina, Tiffany, Sherry & Paige for working on this for me.

Between holidays and illness I have been feeling rusty so I started a new drabble. Check it out!

I am also hoping to get back to weekly updates for TTTB as soon as I can. I already have the next chapter well under way x

Chapter 18

"I can't," I said as I stared up at my parent's house. Kate had wanted to visit the house when we arrived in New York and I thought I would have been fine, but now that I stood at the bottom of the steps looking up at the house, memories of the last time I was here flooded my mind. I had every opportunity to say goodbye to them and I hadn't. I had every opportunity to tell them I loved them and I didn't. Instead, I had strolled out like the bratty teenager that I was and never looked back. Part of me was glad that I hadn't. It meant I wouldn't be able to remember the hurt and heartache on their faces, but the other part of me was already struggling to recall what they looked like.

Kate grabbed my arm and tried to pull me towards the house. "Come on Izzy, it will be fine."

I shook my head and pulled away from her. "I don't want to go in."

"It's okay," Edward said, coming to my side, and placing his hand on my shoulder. "If she doesn't want to, she doesn't have to."

I sighed with relief, grateful for his support. "Thank you."

"You two go ahead," Edward said, motioning towards Garrett and Kate. "We'll go to the hotel and check-in. I'll send Marcus back with the car and Emmett can stay with you."

"Kate," I called before she could disappear into the house.

"Yeah?"

"Can you find a picture of them for me?"

She stared at me for several seconds before nodding her head. "Yeah, I can do that."

When they went into the house, Edward put his arm around me and began to walk me back towards the car, but before we reached the door I froze. "Where did it happen?" I asked quietly.

"Don't do this to yourself," Edward said, trying to guide me into the car once again, but I refused to go. I needed to know. I needed to see where they had died. Edward sighed when he realized that I wasn't going to cooperate until he had answered my question. He pointed to the left of the car and I slowly walked over to where he had pointed. I looked down at the ground, looking for any signs to say this was where their life had ended, but there was nothing. Not even a dry drop of blood.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, so only I could hear, before I turned and headed back to the car. I climbed in and Edward followed me. We both traveled in silence, I didn't feel like engaging in idle chatter, and Edward seemed to sense that I needed space. When we arrived at the hotel Edward checked us in and carried our bags to our suite, which had four bedrooms. It was big enough to accommodate us all. Edward thought it would be safer if we all stayed together. The rest of his family would join us at the hotel once we had set a date for the funeral.

While he was organizing the bags, I went over to the window to check out the view. It felt so strange to be looking at New York from this angle. This city used to be my home, but now, it was nothing more than a bad memory. Tears started to fill my eyes and before I knew it Edward was by my side, pulling me into his arms. "Shhh," he whispered in my ear. "I've got you." I clung onto his suit as I let everything out, my pain, my guilt, and my shame. I let it all go. I hadn't realized how much I had been bottling it all up until he had put his arms around me.

I have no idea how long we stood there for, all I know is that I eventually ran out of tears and felt weak and tired. Edward guided me through to the bedroom, taking my shoes off and helping me into bed. I wasn't aware of it at the time, but sleep was exactly what I needed. When I woke again, I felt lighter, like the weight of the world was no longer pushing on my shoulders. I wasn't sure if it was because I had eventually let it all out, or if it was because I had finally let Edward in. Either way, I was glad it had happened.

I followed the sound of voices into the main living area. Everyone was gathered around the dining table, eating dinner. I wasn't sure what time it was, but it was pretty dark outside. Edward offered me a smile and patted the empty chair beside him. "How are you feeling?" he asked, as I made my way over to him.

"Better," I mumbled, but I wasn't sure if he heard me. I took the seat beside him. Kate and Garrett were across from me and Emmett to my right. Marcus was on Edward's left.

"I ordered you dinner, I hope you don't mind," Edward said, as he reached for a dish in the center of the table. He lifted the lid off and pushed the plate towards me. I looked down to see he had ordered me Cannelloni, my favorite. Kate must have told him. I wasn't hungry, but I knew I had to eat to keep my strength up, and for some reason I didn't want to hurt Edward's feelings by rejecting the meal.

So I sat quietly, picking at my food as everyone else fell into conversation around me. I would be lying if I said I knew what they were talking about. I kept zoning in and out, only hearing the occasional word or two. It wasn't until Kate actually called my name that I began to pay attention. I looked up and she was staring at me as if waiting for a response.

"Huh?"

"I said I got you a picture," she said, motioning towards a photograph that was lying beside my plate. I stared down at it, speechless. It was one of the four of us. Kate and I were a lot younger in it. If I remembered correctly it had been taken at a family barbeque, which we used to have every year. My dad was sitting on a chair as my mom proudly stood by his side. Kate and I were sitting on his knees, like proper little princesses. We all looked so happy. God, how much I wished we could go back to those times.

A sob escaped my throat before I even knew it was coming. I quickly pushed my chair away from the table and hurried to my room, slamming the door before I broke down in sobs, throwing myself on the bed. I hadn't intended on exiting so dramatically, but I didn't want them to see me cry.I didn't want them to see me weak. I was a Swan, I was supposed to be strong, but then, I wasn't even that. Not anymore. I was married now. I had his name.

"Bella," I heard Edward call out from the other side of the door, followed by a knock. "Can I come in?"

"No. Go away," I mumbled into my pillow.

"Please."

I didn't answer. He must have taken that as a yes, because the next thing I heard was the door opening and then felt the bed sinking beside me. He put his hand on my back, rubbing gentle strokes up and down it as I cried. As much as I wanted to shout at him and tell him to leave me alone, I didn't. I didn't because even though I hated to admit it. I wanted him there. I wanted his soothing touch and kind gestures. I wanted his comfort. I wanted him, at least part of me did.