A/N: No real excuse just real life taking priority. This story is coming to end in about five chapters. I will be posting rapidly now that I have a few weeks to do so before the semester starts up again. After which I will be taking some time off but then will be working on a story adopted from another author called Flecks of Gold as well as an all human story about the pairing that wins the poll so please vote.
As usual I have the same disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN anything except my OCs.
Without further ado. Please read and review.
It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light.- Aristotle Onassis.
Time. I don't really know how much time has gone by as I sit here and reflect. I have yet to find it in my heart to forgive even though I have come to understand her reasoning. To want someone or something so bad and to lose it would drive anyone crazy in some way. She was like a caged animal waiting for the moment when we let our guards down. However, her methods cause me to hate her for the pain she has caused all of us.
All I have done is think and question everything. The choices I made. How I could have done things differently. Were there any mistakes on my part that I could have corrected along the way. How everything I did impacted the lives of all those in my life. How my children are handling life as it is now. Will they understand? Will they forgive? Can I forgive? Will we move on from this? Can we? Or will it define us?
Most importantly, I think about the love of my life. The one who has always had my heart. Would he forgive my choices? Would he know that he was who I loved and that I still do? Could he forgive me for losing my way for a while? Will I be given the chance to tell him? I would never take him for granted again or the time I have with him if given the opportunity to spend time with him again.
All this time, nothing may have changed in the world but to me it feels like a lifetime.
Now its time to fix the mistakes I made and make things right for all those in my life. Its time to wake up.
Slowly, I open my eyes. The blink rapidly as I adjust to the bright lights of the room I am in. I begin to notice the pain and the heavy feeling all over my body but a significant amount of weight on my left side. Unable to move much I begin to wiggle my fingers and toes and restart the proper circulation throughout my body. The weight begins to move as I continue to wake my body up with short calculated movements. In an instant, I no longer feel the pressure on my left side.
"Seth! Oh my God you're awake. Don't move anymore. Let me get Carlisle." I recognize Jake's voice as it registers in my brain.
Carlisle enters the room seconds later. A smile over his face along with a look of relief to see me awake.
"Welcome back, Seth. We have been worried. I'm glad you found your way back. As you know, I must perform certain tests."
"Yeah I know. Where is everyone else?"
Jake understands and tells me that Sam is patrolling and the kids are sleeping. He goes on to explain that Sam has been going nonstop since I've been here. Before he can continue on, Carlisle catches our attention.
"Jake, can you go and let everyone know the good news please?"
After Jake leaves with a squeeze to my hand, Carlisle begins his testing. Starting with my motor response and finishing with my verbal response according to the GCS test. Esme enters with some broth for me to drink to begin with so that my stomach can adjust to food again. While I drink my broth, Carlisle gives me a list of exercises I must do daily to build up my strength. As they leave, Henry Sophia, Olivia, and Elijah enter the room.
"Daddy!" They scream at the same time.
"Don't ever do that again. We were so worried. How are you feeling? Do you need anything? Are you in pain?"
They rapidly fired question after question without taking a break to allow me to answer. However, there was one voice I noticed was missing from the mini interrogation going on. Looking over at my youngest, I notice he isn't focused as he usual is in fact he looks lost and that has me concerned.
"Children, where is you father?" I ask my kids.
"He was patrolling, so I think Uncle Jake went to get him. We came from the house."
"Can you guys go and check for me to see where he is please?"
They all get up to leave and EJ begins to follow them out.
"EJ wait."
He stops but doesn't move.
"Come sit down son. Let's talk."
At first he says and does nothing. We sit in silence until EJ lays down next to me and begins to sob.
"I was so lost daddy. So scared. I thought I would never see you again. Then I was angry at her for doing this to our family. How could she hate us so much? Why did you take that risk? Why did you not run with us? Was there more we could have done? Why couldn't she be dead or in pain like you?"
Every time he speaks of her it is with such disgust and I worry he will carry hate in his heart for her. I want him to move on from this and not let it destroy him as a person. I grab hold of him and rub comforting circles on his arm.
"I am so sorry you went through this that you all went through this, baby boy. I am okay. I am not going anywhere. We're all safe now okay. Promise me you won't speak of anyone that way again. Don't wish death on anybody. I know you're hurting but you have to move past this and be that happy, reflective young man who loves wholeheartedly."
Slowly EJ quiets down and nods his head.
"Promise me you won't leave me daddy. I'm not ready for that."
"I promise baby boy."
At that moment, we both recognize that Sam is approaching and EJ leaves the room to give us a moment alone. No words transpire between us as he enters the room and looks at me for the first time in a long time.
"Seth." My name is but a whisper on his lips as he takes the last few steps towards the bed and takes my hand in his.
"You're really here and awake. I thought I lost you. It's you, Seth. Always and forever. Never again."
He places a kiss to my temple and delicately kisses my lips. In that moment, I know things will be okay.
"Always and forever." I promise as I look into his eyes.
Later that day, I finally have a moment to process everything that I learned throughout the day. Including, the outcomes of all those involved in our kidnapping. None of them will be able to hurt us again. Except for Leah who everyone has been avoiding mentioning until I finally snap and decide to ask mom what she knows.
"Seth, are you sure you want to hear this now? We can discuss it at another time." Mom tries to dissuade me from knowing.
"I'm ready to hear this now mom."
With a nod, she begins to speak.
"You have to understand, how we all felt while you were in the coma and we didn't know if you would ever wake up. Our focus wasn't on Leah, so at first she just was in her house as she had been ordered to stay there until Jacob came and got her. For the first six months, she was all but ignored. Until the Council decided we couldn't wait for you to wake up and see what you wanted to do in response to her choices. So a trial date was set and we had Jacob get her and bring her before us to answer for her crimes."
Mom takes a breathe and looks up at me before she continues. Unshed tears waiting begin to fall as she continues explaining.
"The time came for her to speak on her own behalf. We questioned her motives and reasoning. At first she barely spoke only answering our questions and not offering up information freely until you were brought up along with the imprint. Then she snapped. A bloodcurdling scream is released into the hall as she screams: 'Why?! Why?! Why?! You just had to get some sense. Start figuring things out for yourself. Things were perfect until that little twit made his way back to the res. I thought he was gone for good when he left before the wedding with Jacob. I had it all figured out from the moment I saw you two kiss all those years ago. What you two fail to realize is that you belong to me, always have, and nothing nor anyone will keep you from me. So it will be a cold day in hell before I sign this. Will it truly matter though because once that thing is gone, you will be normal again.' That was the moment I knew she was no longer my daughter and had become something terrible. I could no longer justify her behavior. She knew going in that you would die if she went through with her plan. How did I not see? How didn't I know? Oh God, Seth, forgive me son. I am so sorry."
Mom begins to cry uncontrollably. I am in a state of shock as realization sets in that she hated me so much and had wanted me dead. Mom was right, I had justified her behavior as well. I grab mom and hold onto her as she cries for me, Leah, and herself. Once the tears have finally stopped falling, she finishes up.
"She's gone son. Banished to our other tribal lands to live out her days. She is no longer a member of our Quileute tribe. Jacob ordered her to stay there and never venture out of the lands."
The mention of Jake brings me to the fact that he really hasn't been here or talked to me like everyone else. After mom finishes, she leaves with Charlie who came to pick her up. Sam enters the room with Paul.
"I'm happy that you're okay, Seth." Paul states.
"Thanks, Paul. Where's Jake?"
Sam and Paul glance at each other before Paul excuses himself and Sam sits down and grabs my hand.
"Jacob will come in time. He has to work through some things before he comes here. He sat by your side everyday with the kids. He was so scared and hurt that now he has to come to terms with his feelings. Okay?"
I nod as I am unable to say anything as I realize I might lose my best friend.
Its takes weeks before I'm able to see my friend. Jake avoids the Cullens and me. I finally snap and tell Sam and Paul that either they get him or I'm gonna go look for him. Hours later when I'm about to get up and start searching for him, he walks in with Sam and Paul. He won't look at me at all.
"I'm here."
I wait to see if he will say anything else but nothing else comes out.
"For fucks sakes, Jake. Sit your ass down and talk to me."
"Fuck you! You don't get to cuss at me or be upset because I have not been by to see you. You don't get to be upset with me when I'm upset with you. How could you, Seth? You promised. You're my best friend and I watched you bleed so much and not heal that I thought you were gonna die. I watched my godchildren sit vigil by your side for days. I can't..."
"Come here, Jakey."
"NO! You don't get to call me that."
He begins to leave when Paul grabs him and whispers in his ear. He slumps in Paul's arms and turns around and he looks at me and his face softens. At that moment, I notice the tears that have begun to fall and Sam's comforting hand on my shoulder. Jake steps closer and sits on the bed.
"I was so scared. I didn't know what to do. I was lost. It felt like mom all over again. I felt like a little boy again waiting for you to die. You were all I had for years outside of the kids. You are a part of me that no one else understands. I understand why you did it and to be honest I would have done the same thing but you have to give me time to come to terms with the things that have happened and let go of the fear I have that you won't ever wake up again. I thought I would be burying two people instead of two. Give me the time to come to you, please."
"I am so sorry, Jake. I didn't think I just reacted. Know that I love you and will give you the time. Just don't shut me out. You're a piece of me too. You're my best friend and confidante. You're the light at the end of a dark tunnel. Only you know things about the life we lived daily for sixteen years. You're Jakey."
Jake reaches across and we hug for a moment before he steps away tears falling down his face as well as mine. Squeezing my hands like he did when I first awoke, he leaves with Paul and I am comforted by Sam as I let the rest of my tears fall.
"Give him time, baby. It'll be okay. Trust me."
"I trust you, Sam. Thanks for everything."
Days turn into weeks as I strengthen my body and learn to function again. Finally the day has come for Carlisle to check me over again. To see if I can go home and return to work as well. Performing the GCS test once more my scores are much better and he tells me to prepare to leave. I get out of the bed and stretch before heading down the stairs for the first time in a long time and approach Sam and hug him. Then I walk over to my babies and kiss each one of them. It feels good to be able to move on my own again. After eating breakfast at the Cullens, Sam takes us to the house and sends me up to my room.
I know there are things that we need to discuss and sort out before we can truly move forward, but for today I just want to hold him and be held by him. Live in the moment and bask in the joy that is being given another day.
"Sam, lay with me please."
He strips down to his boxers and gets under the sheets with me. I lay down on his chest as he wraps his arms around me and gives me a kiss on my temple.
"Sleep, baby. I'll be here when you wake."
"I love you."
"I love you."
With those three words, I enter a dreamless state of sleep.