A/N: Thanks for the nice reviews and to my beta ParisAmy!

13. Truth- is difficult to handle at times

K.

"Sandy, I need…to talk to you." I say to my husband when he comes home from work in the evening. My son is at his Grandpa's. I'm glad that at least his relationship to Ryan seems to be healthy and unstrained. Ryan will need someone he can act naturally around.

"What's the matter?" My husband asks me cocking an eyebrow. The way I've asked made him realise that it was something serious. He's a lawyer, of course he realises when someone has to come up with something uncomfortable.

"I need you to do me a favour." I reply to him. I can't beat around the bush, without him noticing what this is about.

"You know, for you I would do everything." He says with a grin. I'm glad that the atmosphere until now is not strained at all.

"I need you to find Ryan's father." I spit it out. There was no other way of asking him.

"W…what? Why?" He asks me. His jaw drops. He looks as if he'd seen a ghost. What did I expect? That he'd agree just like that?

"I need you to find Ryan's father. It's urgent." I explain him. I don't want to go into details, although I know this is inevitable. I'll have to eventually. Maybe it's even better if I start now.

"Ryan's father? I mean…why…he's in jail, or not? Did he get released?" I can see his confusion and now I'll have to tell him that Frank isn't Ryan's father. Then I'll have to tell him how I know and when I reached the point of 'Trey told me', I'll have to explain to him why I was talking to Trey, and at the end I'll have to come up with the whole truth and that could make things very complicated.

"Frank he…he is not Ryan's father, at least not biologically." I tell him. His jaw drops again, this time even further, and in his face I see pure naked bewilderment. It's obvious that he didn't count on that news.

"What? How do you know that?" He asks me.

"Trey told me." I reply.

"When did you talk to Trey?"

"A week ago."

"A week ago? A week ago you'd been in Boston, because of a meeting, haven't you? You have…or? I meant you've been in Boston." He says. His face turns several shades of pale.

"Yes, I've been in Boston, but I wasn't there because of my job. The meeting…it was a lie." I answer honestly. I watch him grabbing for a chair and slumping down into it. In his face I can see how his brain eagerly tries to work out an explanation.

"But…why? Kirsten, tell me what's going on. You told me that you have to think about Ryan a lot lately, pressing me to tell you what has happened and now you're telling me that you've been talking to Trey. Are you searching for Ryan? Have you found a trace?"

"He's here." And now I fear my husband might suffer from a heart attack. He's grasping for air. I can see how his pulse rate must have increased, because the veins along his temples are pulsing.

"Well, not in this house, but he's in Newport. Listen: Seth stayed in contact with Ryan since he left. He knew all the time where he was. Ryan was in Boston. He had…has a scholarship for Harvard. His brother wrote a letter to Seth in which he stated that Ryan isn't feeling well. You know Ryan would never admit it to anyone. His brother had to do so and as I also was aware of that Ryan never would come back here on his own, my father and I…well my father rather than me…we…we made him to come back and …to accept help. We went there and came back with Ryan in tow." I give him the whole story of my last week's absence. My husband still doesn't look any calmer.

"What does it mean he doesn't feel well?" He asks me.

"He's sick." I reply. I want to leave this. Observing my husband's reaction I doubt it had been a good idea, telling him. He's furious and agitated. These news must have pulled a trigger, a trigger I didn't want to pull at all.

"Damn it Kirsten! You can't just drop such a bomb and then leave the most important facts unrevealed."

"He…has leukaemia. It was diagnosed seven months ago…and they didn't treat it correctly…and now…the cancer has already started to spread." My voice starts trembling. I had underestimated how much this situation would remind me of my mother. I didn't think it could have such an ice cold impact on me. I look at me husband. His face has gotten blank. He gets up.

"And how do you cope?" He asks me. He can read me. He always could.

"I want to help him,…but it's harder than I thought it was…and that's not only because he fights my caring tooth and nail." I let him know and then the inevitable happens. I feel tears stinging in my eyes. I try to blink them away. I have to blink them away. I want to be there for my son. I can't act like an emotional train wreck. I feel my husband's hand cupping me cheek, stroking it with his thumb. I look into his eyes and I see so much sympathy that I can't hold back and in the same moment the first tear slips through my walls, he holds me tight.

"We can make it." He tries to sooth me.

"How? He doesn't even allow me to help…it's a tough fight and I don't want to imagine what will happen when he finds out that I told you…sorry, but right now you're his red flag."

"Maybe when I go to him and talk to him, explain to him…that I didn't know what I was doing, he might understand that." My husband says and here it is.

"Sandy, I don't think you should see him now.

"What? Kirsten, I…I have to. I need to explain to him…"

"Give him time Sandy." I cut him off. "He's awfully shaken up. His sickness, being confronted with my Dad and me, with what has happened. He has to digest it first. Let me get him to trust me again…when I have him back and he trusts me, he might be ready for you." I create a plan, which might work for both of them: Ryan and Sandy.

"But…he…we used to share this special bond, I'm sure…"

"It's cut, this bond. Sandy, please trust me. I'm aware that I haven't been there for him for years, but I still consider myself as his mother and I think I might be able to get him to listen to me and later to you. I can approach this topic calmer and quieter than you."

"But I…"

"Sandy, you're totally shaken up by all of this. You need to calm down first. Wrap your head around what I've told you. I can't risk you being overruled by your emotions when you meet him first after so many years. Please Sandy. He won't be able to cope with you in your distraught behaviour." I tell him. I don't want him to put Ryan under any more pressure he's already under.

"He needs space for himself to rest. Give it to him." I say to him, rubbing his back. Now I'm the one comforting him.

"Do you think he'll ever be able to look straight into my face again?" My husband asks me.

"The question is, whether you'll be able to look straight into his face again." I ask back. He only shrugs his shoulders.

"I keep you up to date and I'll try to sort things out with him as fast and good as possible."

"And I'll try to track down Ryan's real father." My husband says, gives me a kiss and then disappears. He'll have to digest the whole story first and he'll take his time.

Later that day I go to my Dad's house to check on Ryan. I have a key so I just open the door and without greeting my father first I go upstairs. I open the door and find the room empty. Panic spreads through my whole body. Where's my son? The bed is neatly made and the bathroom looks as if it never has been used before. No, he can't have left. He ran. I should have thought about it. This is so Ryan. He runs when he doesn't feel comfortable and when the pressure becomes too much for him. I run downstairs into my Dad.

"Kiki, I didn't hear you coming in." He says.

"Where's Ryan?" I ask him hysterically. He was here all the time, he should have hindered him. He only feigned the nice man towards Ryan. I should have known it. God. I've been so blind and naive. Well, being naive seems to be my new hobby. How could I have been thinking that things would work out just like that?

"Kiki calm down and let me explain…"

"There's nothing to be explained. Ryan's sick and he ran while he was under your eyes, and you did nothing."

"Kiki…" I don't listen to him. I don't want to listen to him. Panic has made me blind. I need to get out of here. I need to find Ryan. He can't run. He's in no condition to make a living on his own. He needs help if he wants to fight this.

"There's nothing. What kind of game have you been playing with me during the whole time? Did you do all this only to keep me as part of your working force? You did, didn't you? And now you've been afraid I might neglect my job, because I have to take care of my sick son. Oh my God how could I've been so blind? You're an evil man and I allowed you to lull me."

"Kirsten!" He screams at me.