May 5th 2013
David watched as the sun reached its peak over the horizon. The night had been hard on Regina and he hoped that this new day would bring her some peace. After they had talked last night, they had laid on the bed for another hour in silence before Archie interrupted them. He had wanted Regina to put some food in her stomach. By that time, Regina had become strangely detached from herself so David had fed her the soup and bread before helping her in one of his t-shirts for the night.
Regina had been asleep for about an hour when the nightmares had begun. She had been screaming and thrashing in her sleep, forcing David to wake her. The cycle had repeated itself all night long until the early morning hours. Archie had stayed at the bed and breakfast and had helped David with Regina's nightmares but both men had felt overly helpless as they watched the woman fight her inner demons. Archie had forced her to talk about them and despite the screams and cries following each harrowing story, David knew that she had needed to confide in him. She had needed to know that he loved her and would stand by her despite her haunting past.
Regina had been asleep for the past five hours and David dreaded to wake her. No one should wake from their nightmares to be faced with the fact that they were, in fact, real. David closed his eyes and took a deep breath. They were many more dark stories in Regina's past and they would have to deal with them, one at a time. But first, he had to make sure she knew she was not alone. She had taken the first step last night but the road to acceptance would be long. He hoped she could draw some comfort in the knowledge that she did not have to take this road alone any longer.
His eyes shot open when Regina stirred in his arms. Her breathing became shallower as she fully woke. Since she was not screaming in pain and fright, David gave her the time she needed. He finally spoke when he felt her fingertips trace the now familiar apple over his forearm. "Morning."
Regina did not answer immediately. She did not want for this moment to end. "Morning." Her voice was small, unsure.
David tightened his embrace around her. "How are you feeling?"
Regina waited a long time before answering him. "I don't know." David cupped her face and leaned down to kiss her, conveying all of his love and care for her into the gesture. Regina moaned into the kiss, moving her hands under his shirt and over his muscled stomach. "I'm not ready."
David stroked her cheek with the back of his fingers. "You can take all the time you need."
Regina simply nodded and placed her head against his chest. She inhaled his scent deeply, trying her best to stay calm. "David?"
David heard the tension in her voice. He pulled her closer to him and kissed her forehead. "Yeah?"
"Can you…. can you hold my heart?" She gripped his shirt tightly, waiting for the rejection. David had seen the worst in her. He has suffered at the hands of the Evil Queen; he had seen the darkness in her heart; he had listened to her demons. Yet, he had stayed with her and Regina let herself hope. For the first time, she could imagine the possibility of love.
David placed his hand on hers. "I'd love to."
Regina plunged her hand in her own chest to take out her heart. She placed the organ in David's hand and the mere touch of his fingers on her battered heart was enough to bring her the much needed peace. Regina closed her eyes and let the warm feelings wash over her. David stroked her heart gently, tracing the dark lines with his fingertips. He smiled when he felt Regina relax against him.
David kissed her heart softly, eliciting a moan from the woman he loved so deeply. "Feeling better?" Regina simply nodded and David continued to caress her heart, thankful that he could bring her some measure of comfort.
After a long time, Regina re-opened her eyes. "I have to say goodbye to my mother."
"You don't have to go today." David kept stroking her heart.
"I think… I do. I want… It's more than saying goodbye to my mother. I want to say goodbye to this part of my life… the part where I let her dictate my path." Regina raised her head to look David in the eyes. "I want to start again… with you. I want us, David… I want the life we talked about." David smiled before kissing her deeply. For the first time, Regina felt loved and safe. "Thank you… for staying."
"I told you I wasn't going anywhere."
"It's one thing to say it… it's another to actually do it. You've seen the worst in me… and you haven't run away."
"I will always choose you."
EC
Regina meticulously placed the single red rose on top of the tomb. She took a deep breath before running her hand over the cold stone. "I'm sorry, mother." She lowered her head, sniffling. David tried to reach for her in comfort but Regina kept him from coming any further by extending her arm, palm out. She needed to do this alone.
Regina took another steadying breath before speaking again. "I'm sorry I could've never been the person you wanted me to be…. I'm sorry I disappointed you." She sniffled. "I'm sorry I killed you." Her voice broke and she cried out. David wanted to hold her in his arms, to tell her it was not her fault but he respected her wishes and stood at a respectable distance from the grieving woman.
"But I had no choice. I had to do this." Her tears were flowing freely down her cheeks. "After you've killed Daniel, you told me something I've never forgotten. 'Love. Is. Weakness'". She snickered dejectedly. "But you were wrong, mother. Love is strength. Love gave me the courage to do the right thing. For once in my life, I faced the hard choice. I had to stop you and the love I have for Henry and David helped me make the right decision."
Regina took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, mother. I'm sorry you've never known the love for a child. Or how much a child can love you in return. Because I did. I do. And I wish I had been enough."
Regina cried out in both pain and relief. "Good-bye, mother."
Regina all but collapsed in David's arms. The Prince gently lowered them on the ground and he let Regina cry against his neck. She stopped abruptly when she heard the footsteps down the stairs.
The couple stood as Rumplestiltskin entered the crypt located in the deep recesses of her vault. Regina took a few steps, her index finger pointed toward the man who had caused her so much misery. "You!... If you came here to gloat…"
Gold silenced her by showing her the rose he had brought. "I came … to pay my respect." He placed his rose on top of Regina's. "We had our differences, but Cora will always have a place in my heart."
"She died because of you. You may be able to hide behind your dagger for what happened in the diner… but you're the one who taught her magic. Without you… without you she would have never ripped out her heart…. without you she would have been able to love me!" David gently wrapped his hand around Regina's arm, holding her back. She was in no condition to start a fight with the Dark One.
"Without me, you wouldn't have even been born." He smirked. "Your mother would have been executed by your grandfather."
"Maybe it would've been better this way… no suffering, no curse…"
David wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her to him. "But also no love, no Henry…" He kissed her temple.
"The Prince is right, dearie. Without the darkness, there can't be light."
"Oh please, spare me your philosophical drabbles. You paid your respect, now leave."
Gold sighed and placed an envelope next to his rose. "She left this for you."
Regina recognized her mother's neat handwriting but she could not bring herself to read it. She just stared at her name as if the black ink on white paper was a curse on its own.
Gold had long left when David finally spoke. "You should read it. I can give you some time alone… if that's what you need."
Regina shook her head. "No… I don't need to read it. It's either lies or more insults." Her tears had completely dried up. "Can you… Can you just take me home?"
David nodded. "Of course."
Without sparing another look at the letter, Regina exited the crypt. David lingered behind and when he was sure Regina was out of sight, he grabbed the letter. Regina may not want to read it today but he knew she would regret it eventually.
"David, are you coming?"
"Yeah… I'm right behind you." David met up with Regina at the bottom of the staircase. With a wave of her hands, she created a magic wall, one that not even her magic could bring down. When she had told him of her intentions, David had been opposed to Regina sealing her mother's tomb. But she had been set in her decision and he had eventually relented since David believed that Rumplestiltskin may be capable to take down the wall if Regina ever changed her mind.
She smiled up at him. "Let's go home."
ECECEC
March 8th 2013
Regina was pacing the length of Archie's office. After saying goodbye to Daniel for the last time in the morning, she had phoned the psychiatrist to make an appointment. She needed to confide in someone, preferably someone who did not have any expectations of her. She had spent the last thirty minutes recounting last night's events to Archie. She left out some details of course; the doctor did not need to know she had almost succeeded in killing herself. And then, there was the feeling of lightness in her heart. She could not quite describe the sensation but even since David had held her heart, she had felt more at peace.
Archie watched the woman in front of him. He did not know how much more heartbreak she could suffer before the inevitable breakdown. Her relationship with David had been civil at best and Archie feared that the new alliance would end in disaster. Back in the Enchanted Forest, David had been vocal about his distrust of Regina. He had not believed she was redeemable and had advocated going through with her execution.
At the beginning of her session, Archie had tried to make Regina talk about Daniel but the subject had proven to be too painful and he had quickly dropped the subject. They had stayed silent ever since and Archie suspected that Regina did not really want to talk, she just did not want to be alone. So Archie chose a subject she may like to discuss with him, or at least a safer subject than the death of the only man Regina had ever loved. "Do you know how to bring them back?"
Regina seemed surprised to hear him speak. She had been so lost in her own thoughts that she had forgotten where she was. She sighed. "No. I'm not even sure our land exists anymore. I wasn't lying then."
Archie frowned at the emphasis she had placed on not lying to David. She had done it before, to all of them. She had manipulated all of them at some point or another. "I never said you were."
Regina turned to face him. She sighed again. "I'm sorry… it's just…" How could she describe the hole inside her heart? "I've lost everything… and ... and I'm not sure I want to go on."
Archie leaned in his armchair; he did not like the sound of her statement. "Regina, I can't put myself in your place… you've lost Daniel …" He could not believe what he was about to say. "You've lost him three times. I know… I know there is a part of you that thinks that magic can fix this because magic took it away."
Regina's eyes hardened. "I'm not that stupid, foolish girl anymore."
Archie winced. That stupid, foolish girl was the woman he was hoping to bring back. For the town's sake as well as Henry's and even though she would never admit to it, Regina's. "I didn't say you were. But you're grieving, Regina. Or at least you're trying to but you've never been able to do so properly."
She snorted. "Because there is a proper way to grieve?"
"Actually there is." He scooted closer to the edge of his seat. "There are five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance." Regina was just looking at him incredulously. "We all go through the same stages albeit in different order, different length of time, and …. intensity."
Archie swallowed hard. Regina was hot-tempered and one wrong word could set her on a murderous rage. Although she had not used magic for her son's sake, Archie was aware she was perfectly capable to do so and he had no intention to see one of her renown fireballs up close and personal. "You admitted to go through denial and…. and from what you've been willing to tell me about your time at Leopold's court, depression."
Archie waited for her response. He took her silence as agreement and continued. "You made deals with Rumpelstiltskin… Magic lessons for a chance to gain your control back… A curse for a new beginning..."
Regina interrupted him. "it was HIS curse!"
"But YOU cast it!... bargaining." Regina stayed silent. "The Evil Queen… anger."
Regina chuckled. "Don't you think it's a little bit of an extreme reaction for Daniel's death. He died last night…. and I haven't killed anyone in anger." She smirked. "... Yet."
"I never said you were grieving for Daniel… He was part of the events that led you to grieve. But we both know that he wasn't the only who died that night…" Regina was staring directly at him, her demeanor challenging him to go any further. "You did… that night, you lost your innocence… you lost all your hopes and dreams in the cruellest of fate."
Regina turned her face away from him to hide the tears she could no longer hold back. Archie's voice soften. "The only stage left is acceptance…"
Her voice was broken when she finally answered him after a long pause. "I thought I did… when I came to Storybrooke. Right after I cast the curse… I visited my father's grave… and for the first time, I accepted that I was just a monster. Even the Dark One did NOT dare cast that curse because the price was too high… The heart of the one I loved the most. I killed my own father, Archie. There is no going back from that."
"Your tears are telling me a different story… there is still good in you, Regina. Henry sees it…" Archie wondered if David had seen a glimpse of the woman Regina could be as well. "But you… you also need to come to terms with what's been done to you."
Regina snorted. "You mean forgive Snow?" Her face contorted in anger. "Never."
"What has vengeance brought you, Regina? Nothing. If you kill Snow, the price will be Henry. Are you sure you want to pay this one as well?"
"I've already paid it. He wants nothing to do with me."
"Then show him you can change."
I'll be participating in EC week next week. I'm only able to do three OS (work and all that jazz). The prompts: Arranged Marriage AU, EC with children, and Stayed in Neverland. I'll post them on the day (M, Tuesday, Friday). I have a collection of OS called 'Once Upon a Time there was a Queen and her Shepherd' where I'll post them.
This fic will also wrap up on Tuesday. The next fic is planned but since I chose to write for EC week, I only have the prologue. So it will take a little while for the next one to be up. I'll post some OS in the meantime. If you have a particular prompt in mind, PM me or DM/tweet me. Just a little bit of a warning: I'm not really good with AU where Regina and David are very far off from their original characters/jobs/storylines. Also the hardest character for me to write is Emma (sorry if she seems a little bit off.)