Not Ready to Lose You Chapter 8

A/N: Hello Everyone! I know, I know. You are all wondering where I have been and why it has taken me so long to update. Well let's just say that life got hectic, some writer's block occurred, and then life got even more hectic. But the good news is that life has calmed down, the writer's block is gone, and I am ready to finish what I started. I want to thank all of the readers who have been still subscribing to this story and many of my others. Don't fret! They will all be updated in due time. So without further ado here is Chapter 8! Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds or its Characters.

Morgan entered his home and instantly felt a chill creep down his spine. Looking around he expected to see Reid staring at him, instead he found a note resting on top of the coffee table. He quickly snatched it up preparing himself for the worst. His heart sunk when he noticed Reid's elegant handwriting and tears came to his eyes as he read the letter.

Dear Derek,

I just want you to know that I love you no matter what happens. Thank you for being so patient and understanding through everything, but I'm afraid that it is time for this game of cat and mouse to end. I'm just tired of fighting back Derek. We all know that I was never as strong as you, but that is okay because now it is my turn to protect you. You're going to feel guilty as you read this, but you shouldn't. This was my choice….just like this is my fault. So in an effort to do my job and protect not only the innocents but also the people I love, I have to fix this. By now you have probably figured out that this is a goodbye and that I am going to give myself over to the UnSub. So, goodbye Derek.

Love,

Your Pretty Boy

Derek felt the emptiness seep into his bones as he read the letter over and over and over again. The rage that he felt was aimed at so many people, including himself. How could Spencer do this to me? How could he do this to us? Hell, how did I let this happen? Self-doubt penetrated through the deeply rooted confidence that the darker agent usually wore and the vulnerable person that he had been during his own traumatizing event came forward. Clueless was the way that he felt…clueless and empty.

Morgan was shaken from his emotions as his phone began to ring. Without looking at the caller ID he flipped it open and spoke.

"Morgan."

"Is it true?" asked a frantic Garcia.

"Is what true, Baby Girl?" Morgan had a pretty good idea what she was talking about, but he just wanted to pretend for one more moment. He wasn't ready to admit to someone else that Reid was gone. Because admitting it to someone else was like finally confirming everything. He wasn't ready for reality….not now…not yet.

"That Reid is gone. Did he really do something this stupid?"

"Yea Pen, it's true. He thinks that he is protecting us by giving himself up. Does the rest of the team know?"

"If what I am looking at is any indicator then they should all be trying to cope with this as we speak. He addressed the email to the entire team. Well, all except you."

"Yea well he left me a letter. There were some things that he wanted to say to me and only me."

"I can understand that. Hold on sweetie. I'm moving to the conference room. Bossman wants the team assembled."

Derek held onto the phone with a death grip. He listened to the silence on the other line as he waited to be connected to the team. Luckily he was dealing with Garcia and she never faltered when it came to making sure that the team was in constant communication when needed.

"Derek?"

"I'm here Garcia."

"Good. Tell us what happened, Morgan," came the command from Hotch. Morgan noticed the way that the senior agent's voice strained, but he chose to ignore it.

"Honestly Hotch I don't know. I was on the phone with you for like two minutes and then when I came in he was gone. I can't believe that I actually let him out of my sight after that conversation in the bathroom. How could I have been so stupid? Did I really expect Reid to change his mind about something that he had obviously already planned out?" The answer was yes, but thankfully no one called him out on it. He had truly hoped that Reid would listen to reason. Of course, he had to be in love with a man that was just as stubborn as he was, if not more so.

"Morgan, beating yourself up is not going to help us find Reid. So, let's go back. What conversation in the bathroom?"

"When he left the conference room I went behind him. He went to the bathroom and he was throwing up the little food that I could get him to eat over the last couple of days. We had a talk and he told me that he was going to turn himself over. He thought that he would be protecting us and giving us what we wanted….a victim." Morgan heard the sharp gasp that came from Garcia which only drove the stabbing feeling in his heart further on the regret scale.

"Any idea where he might have gone Morgan?" 'That's the million dollar question now isn't?' Thought Morgan before he gave his answer.

"I have no idea Hotch, but we have to find him. We just have to. There is no way that I am going to lose him Hotch. I already came close once because of this sick SOB, but not again. I won't be able to cope if it happens again. I just-"

"Derek! Calm down. None of us want to lose him; nor are we going to think that way. We need you to focus….Reid needs you to focus." The firm command from his boss pulled Derek back from his close breakdown.

He could feel his heart breaking as he tried so hard to think like his lover. In this moment he finally understood the agony that Spencer had been going through. The constant fear of what was lying around the corner. The twisting hatred that he must feel towards himself, because he felt that the deaths of the previous victims were his fault. The driving need to protect those that he held dear…..those that he loved. All of those things bombarded Morgan, but he pushed them aside, forcing himself to focus. Dammit Spence, what the hell were you thinking?

"The café Hotch. He wouldn't go to his apartment because he would want to meet in a public place and he needs time to talk to the UnSub, to see if he can talk him down. If he went back to his apartment we would probably get there before him. This way, things are on his terms."

"But he would have to know that we would think of the café right? So, why there?"

"That's exactly why he chose the café. It isn't that he doesn't want to be found. It's that he doesn't want to be found too quickly."

"Well we will meet you there Morgan."

"I'm already my way."

A/N: Well there you go. I know it'snot much, but I will update soon I promise. Thanks for reading and I look forward to your reviews! Until Next Time! See Ya :D