CHAPTER EIGHT
Once more the author, that's me, inform's the reader, that would be you, that he owns no rights of any kind to Firefly, and makes no claims of any kind. He writes only for his own amusement, and the enjoyment of others. Totally okay not to sue him.
FF
Jayne watched with not a little trepidation as River, Simon and Kaylee walked toward the ship, suitcases in hand. He was nervous about this. He had spoken to the crew at length, after speaking to Chelsa in private. Everyone knew not to say anything to River about her marriage to Jayne, or Chelsa's adoption by the two of them.
Crew related items, like when she flew, or things they'd encountered, were fine. But not personal information. That was the best he and Simon had come up with on the fly.
It had sounded fine in theory. More than fine, in fact. Now that the actual putting into practice had arrived, he wasn't so confident.
Too late now though, he thought to himself.
"Hey, Jayne!" Kaylee chirped, smiling.
"Hey, lil Kaylee," Jayne smiled in spite of himself. "You're lookin' good, gal."
"Thanks!" she hugged him tightly. "I'm lookin' forward to some time off, too," she grinned.
"Good deal," he nodded. "Simon, River," he added.
"Hello, Jayne," Simon shook hands with Jayne. "We're ready when you are, I think."
"We're just checkin' the load out," Jayne assured him. "Should be in the air time you get settled."
"I appreciate this, Jayne," River said softly, eyeing him closely.
"You're more'n welcome, River. Any time you want. I'm sure Zoe'd tell ya the same, too. C'mon, and let's get ya'll sorted." He led them up into the bay where Liam and Wart were making a last minute check on the load. They were flying heavy this time.
"Ya'll know where the dorms are," he told Simon and Kaylee. "I'm headed to the bridge. See you later this evenin', not before."
"Thanks, Jayne," Simon nodded. "We'll see you later." The three of them moved toward the dorms while Jayne took the stairs two at a time. When he reached the bridge, Blade looked at him.
"How'd it go?" she asked softly.
"It went," he shrugged. "We ready to go?"
"Waiting on the ramp, and the all clear. Holly already checked in good to go." Jayne nodded and grabbed the mike.
"What's the hold up down there?"
FF
"I know he's in a bad mood, but we ain't the one's responsible," Wart muttered, making his way to the comm.
"If you're waitin' on us, you're walkin' backwards, beef head. Ramp's secure, load's secure, and we're wondering why the hell we're still on the ground!"
"Good enough," Jayne called back. Wart shook his head, looking at Liam.
"This is gonna be one helluva trip, kid," he said mournfully.
"You said a mouthful," Liam nodded in agreement. Chelsa was in her bunk, and her mood wasn't any better. Liam was sure his own trip would be worse than Wart's.
They felt the ship shudder slightly, and then lift, taking them into the black. They both sighed in equal measure of relief, and trepidation.
FF
River put her things away, and stepped back outside. Simon had told her Jayne had given them free run of the ship outside of engineering, so she decided to explore for a while.
Simon exited his and Kaylee's room right after she emerged.
"Kaylee's resting, so I'm going to inventory their infirmary," Simon told her. "I usually do it once a month or so, anyway, and I'll be done before she wakes. I assume you're going to explore?" he asked.
"Yes," River nodded.
"Stay out of engineering," he reminded her.
"I promise," River grinned, and started up the stairs. Simon watched her going, and almost called her back, but then shook his head. This was her life. She had to find it, somehow, if she could.
With that less than happy thought, he entered the infirmary and went to work.
FF
River walked into the galley to see the teenage girl working to prepare supper.
"Hello," she spoke gently, but Chelsa jumped anyway, spinning around.
"H. . .hey!" the startled girl managed to stammer. "You startled me. Sorry."
"I'm the one who should be apologizing," River shook her head. "I'm the one who startled you. I see you're making dinner?"
"Yeah," Chelsa nodded. She was trying to remember everything Jayne had said, but all she really wanted to do was run to River and embrace her.
"Would you like some help?"
"Uh. . .well, I mean. . .the thing is. . . ." Chelsa floundered.
"It's a yes or no question," River smiled. "If you don't want it, then say so."
"It's not that," Chelsa assured her. "Thing is, you're pax this trip, and we kinda. . .I mean, passengers don't 'sposed to. . . ."
"Supposed," River corrected gently. "Aren't supposed to."
"What?" Chelsa looked flummoxed.
"It's just better to speak clearly, that's all," River smiled, shaking her head. "You can ignore me. So, about that help?"
"Why not," Chelsa gave up with a sigh. "Jump on in."
"Thanks."
FF
Jayne watched the entire exchange from the recess in the passageway. He hated for Chelsa to have to go through it, but she'd handled it far better than Jayne had expected. And River had put her at ease. He shook his head as he turned away, heading to his bunk. If River didn't know he was there already, she would if he stayed.
Hoping that everything would be all right, he stepped down into the bunk that he and River used to share. He hadn't removed any of her things, so he was surrounded by her as he reclined on the bunk. He fingered the small ring held around his neck by a leather string, thinking back on how things had used to be.
He was smiling when he went to sleep.
FF
They were a day out of Argo, and Jayne was sitting bridge watch. Reclining in the pilot's chair, he was running the blade of one of his less seldom used knives down a whetstone, stopping once in a while just to listen to the ship's sounds. Everyone was bunked down, and the ship was on night cycle.
He put the knife and the rock down, and just sat, looking into the black. For some reason, he had always enjoyed it. He'd always grumbled about sitting watch, but he'd grumbled about a lot of things, back then. He had been worn, and tired when he'd come aboard Serenity.
He'd been alone. No friends to speak of, no family either, and nothing behind him but blood, enemies, and petty. . .well, okay, some not so petty, crime. He felt ashamed, sometimes, of some of the things he'd done over the years, wondering what his parents would say if they were alive. He'd been taught better, so anything he'd done wrong wasn't their fault.
Not that it mattered, anyway. Not anymore. He'd lost everyone, sooner or later. He'd lost his family, his tribe, and his home. He'd lost Stormy, then Book, then Stormy again right after he'd found her.
And then River. He closed his eyes, and rolled his head around on his neck a few times, fighting off the tension that would lead to a headache. It was no good to think on these things. It just wasn't. It never led him anywhere but into a deep depression that took days to come out of. He picked up the knife and stone again.
He had to keep things in the present. Looking back hurt. And it served no real purpose. There was no changing what had been. There never was. . . .
"Mind if I come up?" he was jolted by the softly spoken request. Jerking around, he saw River standing just outside the doorway to the bridge, looking at him.
"What?"
"I said do you mind if I come up?" River repeated. "On the bridge. To sit for a while?"
"Come ahead," Jayne motioned toward the co-pilot's chair. "Be glad for the comp'ny," he told her truthfully.
"You seemed to be deep in thought," River said, sitting down easily in the chair. She folded her hands in her lap, looking at him. She looked peaceful, Jayne decided.
"Yeah," he grunted, returning his attention to his knife. "Shouldn't drift away like that. 'Sposed to be on watch."
"I see." Her voice was calm. He glanced at her, then back to his knife.
"Do you spend a lot of time doing that?" she asked. He looked up again.
"Doin' what?"
"Sharpening that knife."
"This one, or one of my others," he nodded. "Knife ain't sharp ain't no good."
"I suppose that's true," she nodded. "I'd think sitting watch gives you plenty of time for something like that. It's good to multi-task. Avoid wasting time."
"Suppose so," Jayne nodded. "Hadn't thought about it, really. One thing you got out in the black is time," he shrugged.
"I can see where that would be the case," she replied. "It takes three days, give or take, to reach Astra, correct?"
"Yep. Long time to just sit here. When the ship's runnin' smooth, there's really not much to do, 'cept wait on gettin' there."
"I think I'd be bored to tears, sitting up here alone for so long at a time," River sighed, looking out at the star field.
You didn't sit up here all alone, Jayne thought, but quickly squashed that.
"You're uncomfortable around me, aren't you?" she asked suddenly.
"What makes you say that?" Jayne managed to ask, caught by surprise.
"Just seems that way to me," she shrugged, and looked back at him. "I know we knew each other, Jayne. I know we worked together, and I know that our relationship was a close one." She got up, and eased over to where he sat.
"What I don't know is what kind of relationship it was. I almost do," she admitted. "But it's always just out of reach. Sometimes you say, or do something that seems so familiar, but before I can grasp it, it's gone again."
"I walk through this ship, or Serenity, and I can hear people talking. Not in my mind, I'm not hearing voices. I'm hearing memories. Mine, the ships, both, I don't know. But I know it's real."
"You used to say Serenity talked to ya," Jayne nodded. "Kaylee said the same thing. Both o' you used to be able to tell when something was wrong, 'fore it was really wrong. If that makes any sense," he frowned.
"Yes, it does," she looked down at him. She caught sight of the ring laying on his chest, visible where his shirt was open.
"What is this?" she asked, reaching out to touch the ring gently. Jayne felt an electric shock go through him at her touch. She must have felt it as well, because she drew her hand back.
"It's a ring," he told her simply.
"Yes, I can see that," she smirked at him. "It must be important to you. It's obviously too small for you, so it belonged to someone else. Who was it?" Jayne's mouth went dry at that. He thought back to what Simon had said the day before.
Don't lie to her. Don't mislead her in anyway. When she asks something, tell her the bare minimum. She needs to remember on her own, as far as she's able. Giving her hints is fine, but don't tell her facts. Let her find them on her own. She has to search for them in her memory, not get them from us.
"It. . .it's my wife's," he said finally. River almost cringed.
"I. . .I didn't know you were married," she almost stammered. Her eyes looked. . .desperate? Haunted?
"You knew it. . .you know, before," Jayne replied calmly.
"I did?" She looked wary now. Wary, and a bit. . .troubled.
"Before you lost your memory," Jayne clarified.
"Why isn't she wearing the ring, instead of you?"
Damn it!
"She. . .she got hurt, a while back," he told her, and the pain she heard in his voice was real. "She's. . .well, she's bein' treated, right now, recoverin'. I hope. . .I hope she'll be able to rejoin me here, on the ship, one day. The ring, well. . .it keeps her close to me."
"So the two of you are. . .I mean, you're still married?"
"Far as I'm concerned, we'll be married til the day I die," he replied earnestly. "I'll never love another woman the way I do her. I'll never have another woman."
River's face fell slightly. Had she been wrong? Obviously she had. She looked to her hand, but there was no ring there, of course. There never had been. Had there?
She had been so sure she was on the right path, but now. . .suddenly she questioned everything she had thought she'd known.
She had come here tonight planning to confront Jayne about. . .their past. Only to find out, it wasn't what she'd thought, apparently.
Are you prepared to find out you're wrong? It had seemed so. . .trivial when he'd asked her that before. She was never wrong.
Except. . .she was, at least this time it seemed.
"I. . .I'm tired," she said suddenly, straightening. "I think I need to get back to my room. Thank you, Jayne, for your company," she said formally.
"You're welcome," Jayne nodded. "I hope you sleep well," he called after her, since she all but bolted from the bridge. He could hear her footsteps as she ran down the passageway.
"Simon, I hope you know what you're doing."
FF
Simon heard her coming. He was sitting in the lounge, in the dark. He'd heard her when she'd left her room, and decided to wait for her, leaving Kaylee sleeping soundly.
"River," he called, and heard her start. He turned the lights on dim, and could see she'd been crying.
"What's wrong, mei mei?" he asked softly.
"Did you know Jayne was married?" she asked, not looking at him.
"Yes," he nodded. "I did. Why?"
"Why didn't you tell me?" she demanded. "Why would you let me. . . ." she broke off, stopping herself.
"Did he tell you this?" Simon asked. "Or are you guessing?"
"He told me," she all but sobbed. "He. . .he wears her ring around his neck. She's sick, did you know that?" she demanded. "Are you her doctor?"
"Yes, I am. And she's not sick, exactly. She was injured, very badly, several months ago. She's still recovering. Hopefully she'll return to work, soon." Put it together, River. I know it's there, somewhere. Find it mei mei.
"What happened to her?" River asked.
"I can't discuss that," Simon said evenly. "Not even with you. She's my patient."
"You knew that I thought he and I. . .you knew, Simon, and yet you still. . . ."
"Allowed you to do what you wanted?" Simon asked, not unkindly. "River, I can't simply tell you your life story. You have to be able to remember, or else it's just useless information." He walked to where she stood, and tried to embrace her, but she pushed him away.
"I've. . .I've made a fool of myself, and you just stood by and watched!" she told him. "How could you do that to me?"
"How have you made a fool of yourself, exactly?" Simon demanded sharply. "You're working to regain your memory. It won't all be pretty, River. But it will be your's, and it will be true. And real."
"I'm going to bed," River told him suddenly. "It's going to be a long trip, from here on in. Goodnight, Simon."
"Goodnight, River," Simon said softly. His heart was breaking for her, but there was little he could do. This was what she wanted. Her memory might be faulty, but her mind was still sharp. And she was as stubborn as ever.
This would, indeed, be a long trip, he decided as he returned to his room.
A very long trip.