I grab my phone and shut it off and bury my head into my pillow while I cry myself to sleep. The whole night I toss and turn replying the events in my head. I wake up and my eyes are sore and I just feel drained. I look out my window and see that it's light outside so I look at my alarm and see that its noon. I sigh and slowly sit up in bed and notice that it's really quiet in the house. Thank God, maybe I can make it to the shower without anyone noticing my bloodshot eyes. I get out of bed and grab a pair of jeans and a plain black shirt and I quietly walk to the bathroom. I look in the mirror and groan Ugh I really look like shit; I start the water and then start to undress. I get in the shower and just let the water run over me as if it can wash away the memories of the last two days. After what seems like hours of just standing there, I quickly wash and then turn off the water. I step out to see the whole bathroom in a fog. I quickly dry off, get dressed and make myself presentable where no one will be able to tell I have been crying. I walk downstairs and go to the kitchen, I'm not even hungry, and I go to turn around when I see a note on the table.
Clare didn't want to disturb you. You looked like you had a rough day. Went to run some errands Jake should be home later today, so if you need anything before then just call me. Love, mom
Seeing the part about calling if I needed anything made me realize I left my phone in my room, so I went back upstairs and to my room. I went over to my stand table next to my bed to grab my phone but it wasn't there, panicked I start looking on my bed only to end up finding it behind my bed between the wall and my headboard. I grab it, remembering that I turned it off last night; I turn it back on for it to go off like crazy. As it goes off I go downstairs and walk outside and sit on the porch and after a few minutes my phone finally shuts up. I look and see a few missed calls from my mom along with a few texts from her seeing if I have woken up yet and if everything is okay. So I quickly text her and tell her I am up, everything is fine and that I forgot my phone was turned off. Then I look through again and see some texts from Alli seeing if I would like to hang out today and then I see messages from Eli asking if we can talk.
I sigh I really don't want to deal with any of the drama from yesterday and I really am not in the mood to hang out with Alli. I rest my head on my knees just wishing I could disappear; why does this have to be so complicated? This would be so much easier if he were single, scratch that, this would be better if he were just mine. Oh who are you fooling Clare, he will never be yours, you ruined that chance. Just when I think there isn't anything that can make this any worse I hear a car door shut Ugh great, Jakes home. "Clare?" Oh fuck, that is not Jake's voice. I slowly raise my head up to see Eli looking down at me, I sit up and look him in the eyes "What do you want Eli?" He sits next to me and he takes a deep breath in and then slowly lets it out; for a few minutes we are sitting in silence.
"Clare I'm sorry, I never meant to hurt you. You are not a fuck buddy or a booty call; you're so much more than that. I know I will never find someone like you, I still love you Clare." My heart sinks and as much as I want to stay pissed off at him, I can't. I bite my lower lip and look up at him "I still love you too Eli. But you have a girlfriend and it's false to be doing what we did. I know I will never have a second chance and if we continue this it's just going to lead me on." He looks at me "Clare, I can always give you a second chance." I look down "Did you ever cheat on me?" There is no hesitation he quickly answers "I never cheated on you then and I would never cheat on you ever." I take a second before speaking "If we ever become an us again, you have to promise; no secretes we tell each other everything; we'll be honest, no cheating. I have to be your one and only." Wishful thinking Clare. I slightly look at him and again he doesn't even hesitate "I promise no secretes, honesty and you will be the only one." I finally get the courage and look at him again in the eyes "You know eventually you will have to choose." He nods "I know." I sigh "Are we still friends?" he smirks "Always."
Why does he have to make it so hard to stay mad at him and why does he have to be so damn cute, it makes it so hard not to want to kiss him. "Change of subject? I really don't like being mad at you." He smiles "change of subject would be nice." I smile and motion to the house "Wanna come inside?" He nods so we head inside; I know Jake will be headed home soon so I don't dare ask if he would like to go to my room. Instead we just hang out in the living room. I turn on the TV and Invader Zim is on, so we sit down and watch it together. Being our random selves and like nothing has happened between us, we start quoting the show. We both end up laughing and then he leans in close to me and he kisses me, Oh God he makes me melt, not hesitating at all I kiss him back. The next thing I know I am laying on my back with him on top of me, I have completely zoned out everything except him. We continue kissing and he rests his hands on my hips and I wrap mine around his neck. Time seems to just fade away, "Clare!" Eli and I both quickly separate and look to see who is yelling, as I sit up I see that it's Jake, perfect timing Jake. I fumble for words as I try to explain what he just saw or didn't see, but he walks to the stairs not even looking at us "I didn't see anything" then he quickly goes to his room. I look at Eli apologetically but before either of us can speak his phone goes off and he gets up off the couch. "It's Bullfrog, I'm late for dinner. I'll see you tomorrow." I nod and walk him to the door once he leaves I head upstairs to my room. Thinking I could just go relax for just a minute before getting my stuff together for school tomorrow, I open my door to see Jake sitting on my bed. Just please shoot me now! "Uh hey Jake, is there something I can help you with?" He gives me this grim look and pats the end of my bed, "Sit down Clare, we need to talk."