Chapter Six: Retrospect

July 11th 9:57 p.m.

To say that Squall was thrilled to be crammed in a car with Rinoa, Selphie, and Irvine was a realistic absurdity. Under any normal circumstance being trapped in here would be considered the unthinkable, but after all the events that transpired this evening, he was quite frankly… thrilled. Again, a paradox that only he could find himself part of.

The rest of the evening at Watts and Zone's had gone relatively smoothly. Then again, if given a choice, he would have rather been buried in the Fire Cave being charbroiled by Ifrit's Hellfire than stay at that apartment any longer. Well, that may be a tad on the drastic side, but just a tad. He had endured so much during his military life, but somehow, nothing quite prepared him for the rigors of going out with Rinoa. He was damn well going to look into having Garden teach classes on dating, somebody needed to warn young SeeDs about this deadly hazard.

It had been difficult for him to concentrate after the 'incident that shall not be named.' However, Rinoa didn't seem fazed by the whole sordid magazine exchange.

Earlier, after leaving the bedroom, she returned to her friends and looked at photographs without a care in the world. Squall, on the other hand, slinked slower than a Caterchipillar back to his game of Triple Triad. He spent the rest of the evening silently cursing Irvine. Of course the cowboy had not initially been responsible, but he sure as hell added fuel to the fire. Plus Squall knew the cowboy would never let this go, it was great ammunition and Irvine was both a literal and a verbal sharpshooter.

Just before nine, everyone said their goodbyes and/or grunted their parting salutations. After a ten minute walk, the quartet was on their way to pick up the rental car. Selphie had decided it would be a 'great idea' to drive the last two hours of the trip. Thankfully, for all parties involved, Irvine spoke up and took the task of driving upon himself. Squall was used to putting his life at risk, but Selphie behind the wheel went way passed the norm of sanity. Luckily the Ragnarok had many safety features, so flying that was virtually automatic and foolproof. Sadly, Esthar had not converted those specific technologies for cars in everyday use. There was a collective sigh of relief when Irvine stated he was driving, especially from the duo in the backseat.

Now Squall sat next to Rinoa in the backseat of a rental car. It was about thirty minutes into a two hour drive and he was desperately trying to fade into the faux, plastic leather of the seats. Again, maybe the others would forget he was even in the vehicle. It was a long shot, but hey, it didn't deter his hope. The conversation had been as on the train, mainly bantering between the two females. Irvine even commented that Selphie and Rinoa should have been seated together and let the males remain in some semblance of peace. The girls laughed it off… Squall thought it was a wonderful idea.

"Seriously, I kid you not Rin, he so did that!" Selphie laughed hysterically from the passenger seat.

"I um…wow…I'm speechless. Irvine, I gotta say, I'm a little more scared of you, which I didn't think was possible," Rinoa answered from the back, trying to contain a glint of laughter.

"Oh, that's not even the half of it. He then showed his 'art masterpiece' to the instructor. And the teacher's response in front of the class was, 'What a creative, and anatomically correct, use of two Wizard Stones and a Mesmerize Blade… Now report directly to the headmaster's office and don't forget to take your sculpture with you!' Seriously, I wish I could've seen Martine's reaction when he saw it sitting on his desk. Priceless."

Irvine then explained triumphantly, "I'd have you guys know, I not only got a perfect grade in that class, I got at least ten phone numbers."

Selphie faced the backseat and said in a stage whisper, "Sadly, half of the supposed 'phone numbers' were from guys."

"One!" Irvine protested, "Only one was a guy!"

"Uh huh…one," Selphie said mockingly as she turned to face forward. After a few seconds of talking downtime Selphie, ever the concerned hostess, decided to keep the conversation going. She would say something, even if it was the first random idea that popped into her mind. "So, you guys want to play a car game? I spy, twenty questions, or maybe a few rounds of truth or dare?"

Squall immediately tensed at the thought. There is no way he was going to play such juvenile games and certainly not in Irvine's company. The combination was deadly. Thankfully, Rinoa either sensed his discomfort or felt her own and quickly snuffed the idea out.

"Um, yeah, I don't think so Selph. Last time I played anything like that...it didn't end well. Plus, you know, I'd be scarred for life if I heard any of Irvine's answers to truth or dare."

"Very true," the cowboy stated lightheartedly, "counseling would be mandatory."

Rinoa knew a quick topic change was needed. "So um…what do you have planned for this weekend or are we just playing it by ear?"

"I have ideas," Selphie announced, although rather reluctantly. "Tomorrow's a surprise during the day… But in the evening, I want to go this new club I heard about."

Rinoa bit her lip. The idea of a club and Squall, well it was a rather funny mental image. The idea of him dancing, mingling, or anything of the like was extremely humorous. Though it would probably be the equivalent Zell's birthday, which wasn't too bad. She doubted Squall had much fun that night, but he also didn't complain. She hoped for the best.

The rest of the drive went on without incident. It took a while, though it felt more like centuries, but the car finally drove through the outskirts of Dollet. It was just before midnight when the group made it downtown, and then located a parking space within walking distance.

There was a slight ordeal with Irvine attempting to parallel park, which he had assured he could do with ease – being from a big city and all. However, it had been forever since he tried and there was much yelling, screaming, and very close calls to scraping paint. Finally annoyed, Squall got out and guided him with proper directions. Apparently the commander didn't trust Selphie to the task (though she had offered emphatically). He could only imagine her flailing her arms wildly like an Ochu's tentacles. Someone with a calmer demeanor was needed. An Ochu directing traffic never ended well for any parties involved.

So after the ten minute parking situation, they all gathered their bags and headed into the hotel. It was just as the group remembered from before, pretty much the same décor and even the same hostess. Selphie had to quickly thwart Irvine's attempt to challenge the attendant to a game of Triple Triad. He had a third addition beside guns and women, it just never sounded as cool to admit out loud.

"We're here to check in," Selphie happily announced as she walked to the counter.

"Names?" The woman asked, examining the two couples with a curious glance.

"One's under Kinneas, and two under Leonhart."

Selphie was eagerly bouncing from one foot to the other. She was always excited about the prospect of checking into hotels. It made no rational sense, it was just fun! There was just something thrilling about staying somewhere new, plus she loved those miniature shampoo and conditioner bottles. They were just so cool! Tonight was even better than her previous stay here; she didn't have to fight Zell for the rights to all the complimentary goodies.

"Very well. I'll do the single check-in first," the hostess replied, quickly entering something on her keyboard.

Squall remained in the background, honestly trying to sort through conflicting emotions. Here were Selphie and Irvine sharing a room – together as a couple. Their relationship had started way after his and Rinoa's and those two were so free and unencumbered about the intimacy of rooming together. He wished he had that confidence, or whatever it was that seemed to be holding him back. Right now, he couldn't say. It certainly wasn't a lack of desire - that was there…even when he really wished it wasn't. Fear? Maybe. For some it was so easy, hell for most everybody else it seemed.

He didn't even want to look in Rinoa's direction, unsure of how to react in this situation. It shouldn't be a situation, and he knew it, but still it was. He knew that he was probably making a bigger deal of this than her; he had done it previously while getting reservation. Still, now that they were actually in Dollet and Irvine and Selphie were getting a key to their room, well, it seemed that he questioned his doubts even more.

"Squall?"

"Huh?" He looked up dumfounded and saw Selphie brightly smiling. Irvine, of course, was smirking in a rather obnoxious fashion. Squall only hoped that man couldn't figure out his thoughts, but his sly wink implied otherwise. Damn him.

"She's ready for you." Selphie motioned to the woman behind the counter. The hotel employee also seemed to be scrutinizing Squall's behavior, at least, that's how he saw it.

The hostess smiled, acting ever the professional, "How will you be paying for your room, sir?"

"Credit card," he mumbled nearly incoherently. Reaching in his pocket, he pulled out his wallet, and slapped the card down on the counter a little harder than he meant. He really wanted to get to his room and fall asleep until he could forget this evening ever happened. This night just couldn't end soon enough.

"And this is for the second room, right?"

"No, both rooms under Leonhart," he corrected. Though he was more irritated at himself than her, she was just the easiest to take his aggravation out on.

He felt a tug at his arm, and out of habit, he turned around with a cold glare. When he realized it was Rinoa, he immediately felt a surge of guilt. This wasn't her fault, not in the least.

"Squall, I don't expect you to pay for my room. I'm the one who dragged you to Dollet."

"It's fine," he stated simply, waving it off with his hand. He turned back to the counter without any further explanation.

Rinoa stood shocked. That certainly wasn't the reaction she expected from him. It was almost abrupt and dismissive. She sighed and wanted to question him but she also knew this wasn't the time or place. Then again, she thought about all the absurdity he had endured today. He spent the day listening to ridiculous arguments in the train, avoided childish games in the car, and spent the evening trying to defend his taste in magazines. Honestly, taking all that into consideration, she was damn glad he didn't take Lion Heart and start hacking all the upholstery in the lobby.

After filling out the appropriate paperwork (even on vacation he couldn't escape its wrath) he was handed two keycards in separate envelopes. He feigned interest as the hostess circled the rooms on a piece of paper, which she then handed to him. He was positive that he was intelligent enough to find the rooms without having a red ink pen outlining his path. He nodded an acknowledgement to the woman as they left. It wasn't her fault his night had been pure hell. Still, did she have to smile so perkily? It was rather Selphie-esque of her.

"So what floor are we on?" Rinoa asked as they headed to the elevator.

Squall glanced down at the piece of paper, he really had pretty much zoned out the directions all together.

"Third," he answered, simply checking their circled room numbers, "314 and 316."

"That's so cool, we're in 315!" Selphie announced skipping into the elevator. She quickly hit the proper button for their floor. Again, without Zell there to oppose, her domination in all-fun-things-hotel-related was pretty much guaranteed.

"I so love this part!" Selphie squeaked as the doors closed, and then waved at herself in the mirrored reflection.

"Selphie, there's an elevator at Garden, you know," Rinoa laughed at her friend's behavior.

"Oh, but it's not this big and fancy! I mean look, this has velvet wallpaper, carpet on the floor, and instrumental jazz. This is the best in luxury elevators."

Squall leaned against the wall longing to get upstairs and find peace and quiet. He finally glanced to Rinoa who unfortunately sensed his gaze. Looking upward, she turned and gave him a reassuring smile. She seemed to be enjoying herself and that made everything (almost) tolerable in his opinion. He did have to admit it was nice to get away from Garden, and away from anything that involved fighting. Okay, well there was going to be fighting. It was inevitable given present company, just not the kind he was trained for.

As the doors opened, Squall lagged slightly behind the others. The group followed the metal signs to their rooms. He wished he could just magically disappear into his room as somehow standing out in the hall was becoming exceedingly awkward. The longer he stood, the more his earlier doubts magnified.

"So, should we make plans for breakfast tomorrow? I know the hotel offers something downstairs," Rinoa asked fidgeting with her duffle bag.

"Um…" Selphie looked sheepishly at Irvine.

He grinned understanding her meaning. Of course, he didn't answer with quite the tact that his girlfriend had hoped.

"Well, not sure what time we're going to roll ourselves out of bed, I plan on keeping her up for at least several more enjoyable hours… See, the night's still young and-" Luckily, Selphie decided to 'gently nudge' him in the ribs before he went into graphic detail.

"What Irvine's trying to say is: go ahead and make breakfast plans without us."

"Oh, yeah…okay…should have thought that one through before I asked," Rinoa said trying not to become too embarrassed. Normally she wouldn't be, but with Squall standing there, especially in their current location, she felt rather foolish. She should have known the obvious.

After several seconds of awkward silence, Irvine trudged through his pain coming up with a general game plan for tomorrow. "Why don't we say that we'll meet you downstairs at eleven? That way we can head out and can catch lunch, and do whatever Selphie has planned for us."

"Sounds good," Rinoa answered, cautiously avoiding eye contact with Squall.

"We're going to head into the room now, let you enjoy some quality time in the hallway," Irvine stated with a wink. He then removed the key and opened the door to their room.

"Sleep well you two, I'm so, so glad you came," Selphie managed as Irvine dragged her inside. "It's going to be the best birthday weekend ever! Ever!"

"Goodnight," the sorceress replied. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Squall waving his hand. He muttered something which she believed to be 'night.' At least, that's what she hoped it was, who knows what he really said.

The other couple closed the door and the two now stood alone in the hall. Squall seemed to be doing something that might have been cracking his neck or some form of stretching. Rinoa couldn't tell as she didn't look at him directly. Instead, she was studying the design on the hotel carpet. Apparently, the paisley pattern had become the most fascinating thing in the entire world.

Rinoa finally broke the tension, "Well, guess we better get to our rooms… Um so do you want to meet up for breakfast?" She looked up in his general direction, but still avoided direct eye contact.

"All right, does five sound reasonable?"

"What!" Her heart skipped a beat at the thought. Who gets up that early on their morning off? However, the comment did get her to look him directly in the eyes with utter horror.

"Too late?" he questioned. "Fine, four thirty then, but no earlier. Don't be late." His tone was more along the lines of commander than boyfriend.

"…You're kidding, right?" She asked still aghast. Again, who gets up that early? Yeah, okay, he did, but usually to go to the training center or something equally as Squall.

"Yes, I am."

His short answer was in the same formal tone, which made her burst into laughter. At least he had managed to break the tension with his unorthodox sense of humor and timing. It was truly one of a kind. With that single action, she found herself relaxing. She even dared to walk over to him, stand on her tiptoes, and then give him a kiss on the cheek.

"Thank you," she whispered regaining her balance, her hand still resting on his arm. Sometimes the height difference was annoying.

"For what?"

"Well, for everything. Thank you for coming to Dollet with us. Thank you for putting up with all the craziness. Thank you for paying for my room, which you still didn't have to do. And thank you for just being you... Oh yeah, and thank you for not making me get up at some god-awful time in the morning."

"Oh, all right. I thought you were thankful for the fact you won't be in the room next to Selphie and Irvine… I suddenly feel sorry for the people that are."

She couldn't believe he had said anything of the sort and again she found herself laughing at his humor. And also, she was very thankful for that fact.

"So will nine work?" Squall asked, hoping to get back to the breakfast topic. He wasn't sure why he had made the previous comment, but somehow, it was like so many blunders in his life and it just sort of slipped from his mouth.

"I think I can manage getting up by then. I know they have coffee downstairs."

Glancing at the two room cards in his hand, he held them out offering the choice to her. "Which one do you want… 314 or 316?"

"Such a major decision… I'll just leave it up to fate." Rinoa closed her eyes and spun around in a few circles. When she had made it around the third time, she put her arms out and felt for the keys. After a few seconds of trying to get her bearings acclimated, she managed to find his hands and grabbed the first card she felt.

"316 it is!" Rinoa proclaimed as she read the number printed on the outer envelope.

"I'd hate to see your ritual for a major decision." He smiled. It felt good and almost comfortable to do so. She had a way of being unpredictable, he envied that.

"So, guess I'll see you at nine tomorrow?" Holding up her key, she smiled before finally starting to open her door. She felt that the mood was decent and she wanted to leave it at that. She knew he had been extremely uncomfortable early and wanted to leave the night on a positive note.

"Yeah," he replied without the enthusiasm from the moments before. Part of him knew that he should talk to Rinoa and attempt to explain his doubts. He just never knew what to say, or how to say it. He should just walk away while everything still made sense, yet his mouth did just the opposite that his brain wanted him to do.

"Rinoa, about the separate rooms…"

She froze at the door. It was either from the shock that he said it so candidly or that he brought up the subject at all. It was something that she had not expected to hear so directly. It pained her that he was even feeling this way. He was not everybody else, they were not everybody else. She wished he didn't think there was some norm to relationship standards.

"Squall, don't… we're not Selphie and Irvine. Eventually things will work themselves out… when we're ready and when we're prepared… we'll know when it's right. That means both of us. All I could ask of you is that you're here, with me, and you are. That's all I need right now."

He wanted to answer her or explain further, but couldn't. He couldn't explain to himself. Sometimes he could be open about personal subjects and other times, he completely clammed up at the thought. And at other times, he would let natural instinct take hold and show her by actions rather than explanations. Never in his life would he have thought that the simple act of kissing someone could convey such complex emotions. Still, there was always a time that he would regain control of himself. He knew that someday he would allow himself to give into the desires, but the fear of losing control and giving himself so freely was unthinkable right now.

"Okay," he said after some contemplation. Her answer had brought some ease to his mind.

"Night, Squall. I'll see you in the morning."

"Goodnight," he added as they both made the way into their rooms. He wasn't sure if the conversation had truly been over, but it was enough for tonight.

Rinoa started into her room, just managing to find the light switch. As the door started to close, she felt a presence behind her. Before she could turn via her own accord, a hand reached for her shoulder and spun her around. Unfortunately, her duffle bag had some momentum, and ended up whacking her assailant forcefully in the thigh.

"Oh my god! Squall, are you okay?"

He nodded mentally making note never to be spontaneous again when she was wielding a near-weapon on her shoulder. If it had landed a few more inches over, this could have been a very embarrassing, and painful, situation. So after that brief setback, he followed through with his initial goal.

"You know Rinoa, I said goodnight."

"Didn't I say it?"

"Yes, but not the right way."

He reached for her mindful of the bag this time. Thankfully he had set his out in the hallway. He may have had doubts about certain aspects of relationships, but he had gotten quite comfortable in kissing her. Four months ago he hesitated at even that act, now he found he almost craved it. It was the closeness, the emotion, and so many needs he couldn't even fathom. They may not have been sharing a room, but he was defiantly going to take advantage of not being at Garden, and feeling certain restrictions that mentally hindered him often. It wasn't as if he was kissing her in a busy hallway, they were for the most part in her room just the door remained slightly open.

He closed his eyes as their lips united. It wasn't with the same fervor as some of their encounters. It was more like a small series of kisses ending with a longer one. He moved his hand so it rested on the side of her face as they parted. She smiled yet again thankful for everything they had accomplished. A few months ago, something as simple as this would have been a barrier to overcome.

"Goodnight," he said before leaning, giving her one final kiss.

July 12th 6:45 a.m.

He lay in bed stirring for the last few hours. Squall had slept relatively well, given he was in a strange place, in a strange bed. Normally, he would never have lounged around this long. It almost felt anti-productive just doing nothing. But there was no training center to go to, no paperwork to fill out, or nobody needing disciplinary action. However, there was a complementary gourmet coffee bar in the lobby, which seemed to be calling his name.

He showered and dressed before heading downstairs. He looked at the watch and it was only 7:30, still an hour and a half until he was supposed to meet Rinoa for breakfast. This was insane, who sleeps in this late? He felt as if half of the day was already wasted away in bed. Years of training and discipline had been ingrained in his psyche, and getting away for one weekend wasn't going to suddenly break lifelong habits. He seriously wished that he had brought his gunblade with him, or even bothered to get the car keys from Irvine. He needed to do something productive.

He noted there were two employees behind the counter and figured that he'd ask them what there was to do in this place. He had never spent his life as a, well rather loosely defined tourist, but that is exactly how he felt. As many times has he had been to Dollet, there was always a purpose to the visits. He never really took much time just to take in the sights. Sure when they were here during Ultimecia, he usually stayed in the background as the others found their own entertainment during downtime.

He walked up to the man behind the counter, "Can you tell me, is there anywhere nearby to access to a computer?"

"Yes sir, we do have an executive business center with free internet to all registered guests. It's just down the hall to the left."

"Thanks."

Squall grabbed his freshly poured coffee and started to the computer. He knew that Rinoa would be highly disappointed with him. He was supposed to be getting away from Garden and all its hassles, but unfortunately, it was easier to detach physically rather than mentally. He made his way into the small room, which was very executive in design. Before he knew it, he had logged into his email and was taking notes on some conveniently placed paper. In his near eighteen hour absence, and even while on supposed suspension, he had nearly fifty unread emails.

The next few hours fell into routine, replying, sending, and editing of email replies. There wasn't much he could look up on a computer outside of Garden, but he tried to do what he could without breaking confidentiality. He had been so caught up in work he didn't even pay attention as someone walked into the room.

"So, I found you."

"What?" he looked horrified, realizing that time had completely escaped him. "Rinoa, I'm so sorry."

She sighed, there was no point of arguing. He was who he was. She wasn't angry, maybe a little disappointed, but those were her issues, not his. Honestly, when he didn't show up at her room, she went downstairs and checked the restaurant. When he still wasn't there, it didn't take a huge leap to figure out his mindset. She asked at the lobby and quickly made the connection.

"It's all right. I'm just not used to you being the late one, that's kinda my job." Rinoa put her hand on his shoulder giving it a light squeeze.

"I just wanted to check on…things got away from me," he answered apologetically. She had to put up with his work ethic constantly at Garden, now here she had been technically stood up because of it on their weekend getaway.

"You know what, I'm starving. Let's say we go get that breakfast." She was reassuring with her words.

Agreeing, he logged out of the computer not wanting to give her another empty excuse. So it was just easier to let it the situation be. In a way, she didn't seem all that surprised or upset, he wondered if that bothered him more than forgetting to pick her up. Had she gotten so used to this it no longer fazed her?

The breakfast had gone well, both were glad for the change from Garden. Still, now that there were slightly behind schedule, it was only thirty minutes until they were to meet Irvine and Selphie…for lunch. Apparently, they had not thought that one through. They had gone back up to their rooms and prepared for the day, well made as many preparations as possible when neither had the slightest clue what they were doing.

Rinoa sat in the lobby, reading a random brochure she had gathered from a nearby rack. They were entertaining at least. She never knew that Dollet had so many tourist attractions. It had everything from chartered fishing boats, a wild Geezard preserve, and countless winery tours. There were even a few museums that looked promising, though she doubted that she could drag anyone to them.

Squall, on the other hand, sat next to her leafing through his notes from earlier. Part of him wanted to do something else, but honestly, looking at brochures and useless literate wasn't his thing. He might was well make productive use of this time.

"Hey kids, you two behave last night?" Irvine said loudly enough for a few of the hotel's patrons to look their way.

"Funny," Rinoa stated mildly irritated at him. It wasn't that she didn't expect those comments, but it was just the volume at which they were spoken.

"We just got done eating a little bit ago…room service," Selphie added. "Are you guys ready for lunch or can we wait?"

"Thank goodness, we just finished too. Got held up a little this morning…though obviously not for the same reasons as you two." Rinoa felt relief, she doubted she could make it through another meal with her stomach intact.

"Great, ready to go then!" Selphie bounced over, grabbed her arm, and nearly dragged her from the sofa.

"You going to tell us what's up?"

"I guess I can let you in on my little secret…" she whispered for effect. "We're going bungee jumping!"

"What?" Rinoa freaked, this had to be a very, very bad joke. Who jumps off a cliff for fun? Oh yeah… Selphie.

"It's going to be great. We get to jump as couples. It's right over a huge gorge, off one of the oldest bridges on the Galbadian continent," Irvine explained.

"Those are not selling points," Rinoa managed feeling weak enough to fall back onto the couch. Her body flushed and she felt faint. "Honestly, not selling points…"

Apparently, she wasn't going to make it through this with her stomach intact after all.

Whose idea was this weekend anyhow?