Wishes never came true for me, and when I woke up, I knew my mood hadn't changed. Sam was still awake, making sure to keep me close. As I stirred, his attention began to shift down to glance at me.
"Not any better huh?" he asked reading my face. I shook my head and let him kiss me softly. "Are you hungry?" he wondered. I shrugged not really feeling famished or full.
"Baby, tell me how to help you," he pleaded while running his hand through my hair.
I felt helpless again. I didn't know. Burying my face into Sam, I just hugged him tight and wished I could figure out what the hell was going on with me. We stayed nested together for the longest time. While lying there I tried to figure out what was going on. I didn't really have a reason for my crazy mood. It just felt like one of those times where nothing was right and it was all falling apart.
Sam's stomach grumbled, which had me smiling a bit. "You're hungry, we should get up," I said trying to pry myself from his arms. He held me close though, making sure to not let me up.
"I can do it. I got it," he said sliding away from me. "What do you want for dinner?"
"Anything you want to make," I smiled now cuddling into his warm spot.
"Alright, I'll be right back," he murmured while bending down to kiss my temple. He got up and left our bed.
It was taking him a while, which made me a bit antsy. He was a good cook so there was nothing to be worried about, but I missed his company. Getting up from the bed, I quickly changed into some comfier clothes and went to see what he was doing.
His backside was to me as I entered the kitchen. He was at the stove cooking something.
"What are you making?" I asked, wrapping my arms underneath his shoulders.
"I thought you were supposed to stay in bed," he hummed as I kissed his bareback.
"I missed you," I mumbled as I hugged me to him. He let out a chuckle and went to wrap an arm around me.
"Grilled cheese and soup. Yummy," I commented as I saw the huge platter of food. Just as he was finishing up, my eyes caught the window and saw the familiar vampire. I sucked in a breath and went stiff. She glanced over at me wide-eyed, frozen in shock too.
"Sam," I breathed in fear. My hands were clenched around him in fear. She was here. He glanced over at me and then saw why I was upset. Immediately he took action, dropping everything. "Stay here!" he commanded, glancing at me before backing away and running out of the house to go get her. The vampire sped off with no delay. My heart was pumping furiously. Sam couldn't go out there on his own. He could get hurt, he could…oh god.
Shaking myself out of my temporary paralysis, I ran to the phone and called Jake. No one picked up at his house so I called Jared and then Quil next. Neither of them picked up either, what the heck was going on? Finally, calling Embry he picked up the phone and I immediately told him the story. He reassured me some pack members were on patrol but he would rush and phase too.
Hanging up with him my heart continued to thump. My unsure feelings began to grow and I reacted on instinct- I ran to my mate. Taking off, I rushed out through the same door Sam went through and ran in the direction the two went.
I wasn't sure where I was going though. I just kept running through the thick trees like a crazy person. Finally I got to a clearing and saw the vampire. She was standing there, almost looking hurt while shocked beyond reason as a wolf cornered her by a rock, growling.
It was Embry, thank god. I felt relieved for a bit, but then I realized no one else was here. Where was Sam? And I thought others were on patrol?
"I'm so sorry," the vampire cried tearlessly as she saw me. I gave her the most confused look. Why was she upset?
"I-I didn't mean to hurt him. I loved him too. I just wanted to be like you," she said. Embry growled at her and I hesitantly stepped forward. Was Sam hurt? Was that why my heart was now aching?
I continued to step closer and Embry turned to focus on me. His eyes were telling me to step back. They were vicious and cold, but underneath that I saw sadness and hurt. Oh no.
"What happened?" I croaked to the dog.
He stared at me.
"I hurt him," the vampire said. Embry snapped at her and she swiped her hand at his big head. He went flying and I jumped a bit. The vampire's eyes went wide, as if she didn't mean to do that.
"Embry!" I yelled rushing over him. I kneeled beside the large animal, tucking my hair behind my ears as I examined him. He just seemed to be knocked out a bit.
"You need to call for back up," I whispered to him quietly as he was regaining conscious. "Hurry," I said again before getting up.
I was being foolish. Sam wouldn't be very happy to see me doing this right now but he was hurt, and I needed to get the Cold One to calm down.
"What did you do?" I said barely whispering, "what did you do to Sam?"
"I didn't mean to," she said with a bit of a bite in her tone. She no longer seemed sad like before. She stared at me, her eyes softening again, "he was chasing me, and before I knew it we were fighting. I didn't mean to hurt him. I was going to be with him," she explained.
There was a sinking feeling in my stomach. Peering over with my peripheral vision I saw Embry was now up and gone, howling in the wind. The noise angered the vampire and I tried to calm down my rapid beating heart. I needed a distraction.
"What do you mean you were going to be with him?" I asked with a bit of falter in my voice.
She stared at me and then super sped so she was right in my face, I let out a gasp and took a small step back. She gave me a predatorily smile and stepped forward again, this time grabbing my wrist so I couldn't back away.
"You have it all," she said now tilting her head to the side. She raised her hand and brushed some of my brown locks from my face. I shivered at her cold touch.
"You have the life I always wanted- the life I wished to have."
I let out a shaky breath and continued to stare at her. Her eyes were a bright red and her skin oh so pale. Her dirty blond hair was in curly trills like mine.
"I studied you, for the longest time. When I saw you with that little girl on the beach, it was just so…mesmerizing. I had to know you, I had to become you," she spoke softly.
"Become me?" I asked slightly afraid.
"You're a magnificent creature. A creature I wish I still was," she said sadly. I wasn't sure how to respond to that. I knew every word I said needed to be taken into careful consideration. With one wrong move, I could be gone.
"What's your name?" I croaked.
"Devin," she spoke still rubbing my hair.
"Then Devin, why would you want to be me? You have your own life, I'm sure you have your own family," I said shakily. She gave me a murderous laugh, tilting her head back to the sky.
"Family? My family- I ate my family after I was turned. I couldn't handle the bloodlust. I needed it, I craved it. And they were there, I had to drink them."
My heart raced in my chest and I found it hard to breath. She drank her family dry? Oh god, what was I doing?
"I was passing through here, I wasn't going to stay," she told me calmly, "but you were here and even when I left, I had this nagging sensation. I needed to come back; but your wolves, those pesky dogs. They kept getting in my way. They kept tracking me and I had to do circles around the area before I could continue to watch you."
I tried to not let out a whimper as she leaned to my neck and smelt my blood. "You're blood smells incredible. And once you are sucked dry to the bone, I can be you."
"No one will fall for it," I said with as much dignity as I could muster. She let out a laugh and smirked evily at me. "I have your mechanisms down to the tee. See, the way you bite your lip," she said mimicking the motion, "or the way you gasp." She let out a noise. "Or how about the way your body reacts when that man Sam touches you?" she questioned now trying to read my face.
"A little dye to my hair, some makeup, and some contacts, I will be good to go," she smirked. My brain thought rationally as she spoke. It would never work. The Pack would smell her; Sam would never see her as my replacement- we had an imprint bond after all, and no one would fall for it.
I wasn't sure what to say to Devin though. I was a bit confused. Did she not know that the wolves were the guys? Or did she know and she was just too crazy to admit it to herself? I could piss her off some more by shoving the rules of imprinting in her face, but how would that end for me? For some odd reason, I could feel the presence of the Pack nearing and I knew for her to be destroyed I would need to move out of the way. How was I to do that?
"What about your super speed? And strength? How are you going to keep that from everyone? How will you be around human people without drinking them dry?" I asked nervously. She studied me some more.
"I have those things under control. And compulsion is always a good thing to use. They will be like my meals on legs."
"What about kids?" I wondered shakily now. She was zooming in on my neck. "Sam wants kids and vampires can't procreate."
She growled at me, "I know what vampires can and cannot do."
I swallowed hard and nodded, "but…"
Her eyes went mad and she smacked me across the face. This caused me to fall back. Her body towered over me with dark angry eyes, "I'll tell him I can't have kids. I'm infertile. Something went wrong- I don't know. He's mine," she growled. I began sliding away slowly on the ground, nearing the edge of the woods where the wolves were. Devin was becoming uncontrollable. Before the vampire could do anything to bring me back closer to her, the guys stepped out of the forest, growled at her and pounced. Paul, who was in wolf form, dragged me backwards by the back of my shirt in his teeth. He stayed in front of me, protecting me from whatever danger could possibly occur.
My mind was now reeling for answers. The guys were taking care of the vampire Devin and now I was back to my thoughts. My head rushed back to my body and every possible question I had hit me like a ton of bricks.
"Where's Sam?" I asked. Paul looked back at me and his eyes changed from hard to sad- just like Embry. My heart raced and I knew something was wrong. He wasn't exactly hurt because he wasn't in pain, but I couldn't feel him alive and wanting me either.
I let out a little whimper and thought of all the things that went wrong. Sam. My life. "You have to bring me to Sam, I want to go to Sam," I told Paul. He glanced back at the scene in front of him. The guys now had Devin ripped in pieces. Nodding, he made me get on his back and we took off.
We were going back to the Cullen's house. Why?
As Paul morphed back into a human, I walked towards the house and saw my long lost family zooming towards me.
"I am so sorry Bella," Alice breathed. She hit me like a bag of potatoes. I was stunned for a few seconds and Paul growled.
"What's going on? Why are you here?" I wondered.
"I- well we…umm…" Alice stuttered while twisting her hands. I stared at her for the longest time, trying to get everything all together. "You saw my future didn't you?" I whispered with pain. If she saw my future that meant Sam wasn't a part of it.
Alice's face broke and even she looked in pain, "Yea," Jasper said coming to hug his wife.
"Where's Sam?" I asked softly. There were tears in my eyes but I wouldn't let them fall. Not yet.
"Come with me Bella," Edward said softly. Paul growled a bit so I just took his hand, squeezing it as I led him with me. Carlisle was walking out of one of the bedroom doors as we made our way to the second level.
"He's stable," Carlisle said. "We can talk after you see him," the doc said patting my arm. I nodded, letting go of Paul's hand to see my boyfriend. Everyone stayed back as I opened the door to enter. When I saw him, my breath was taken away. He was lying on the large bed, almost in a state of sleeping.
It wasn't hard to figure out. He was in coma. That's why I couldn't exactly feel his pain and worry, he was alive but not at the same time.
"Oh god," I said going to his side.
I sat at the edge of the bed, taking his hand in mine. It was still warm but limp. The tears finally fell down my face and I knew better than to wipe them away. He was lifeless.
"You shouldn't had gone baby," I said softly. My hands drifted to his face, lightly running my fingertips over his features. "I shouldn't have let you go. We shouldn't have gotten out of bed," I said trying not to sob my eyes out. My hands drifted down to his bare chest. It was still moving up and down like I saw when we were laying on our bed together hours earlier but now there were bruises and gauze pads covering battle wounds.
Tears rolled down my cheeks harder and my heart broke. It was like I couldn't breath. Everything felt…empty. I took off my shoes and curled up beside him in bed. He couldn't leave me like this. I needed to be with him.
"Sam," I said brokenly. His body stayed limp as I laid beside him. There were no arms to hold me close or brush fingers through my hair. There was no action whatsoever.
I don't know how long it was that I stayed beside Sam. Time seemed like nothing. It was pointless and limitless. Without Sam in my life it was like there was nothing to live for. Everything felt empty and cold. I stayed by his side, drawing little patters with my finger over his chest. I wanted to be back where we were hours ago, laying in bed together.
"Bells," Jake said coming in. Tears fell from my eyes and I felt my heart crumble again. I pulled myself tighter against Sam, craving his arms to hug me tight.
"Sweetie," he said softly, slowly coming near me.
"This-…is…all my..fa-ault…" I sobbed out. "He s-shou…dn't have go…ne out," I said. Jake kneeled beside me and moved some hair from my face. "H-e….was going down….to make us din-ner…" I explained while taking in breaths. "I w-a-as up-pset today….i don't know why," I said. Tears kept falling and falling. I was wishing so bad that Sam's arm would just come up and touch my face. I wanted him to say something or do something. I needed his lips on mine.
"Come here," Jake said picking me up. I went a bit hysterical as I left Sam's arms, but when I felt Jake hold me close, I calmed down a bit. "Its okay. It's going to be okay," he said taking me out of the room. Edward was standing outside in the hall, waiting to close the door as Jake carried me out.
My heart clenched in pain as I thought about being away from Sam. Why was this happening? As my cries escaped my lips, Jake held me tighter, now rocking me a bit as he sat himself on the couch with the Pack and the Cullens around him.
"Shhh," he said softly, trying to help me calm down. Everyone watched as I sat there with Jake, broken in pieces. Rosalie soon came over to me, moving carefully as the Pack seemed cautious of her intentions. Kneeling down beside me, she touched the side of my face and smiled sadly, "You're going to be okay. We're going to help you through this."
Staring at her honest and beautiful face, I slowly nodded, trusting her words. Our relationship was weird. I remember when Edward was telling me that this woman was jealous of my humanity and me. Anyone in his or her right mind would be jealous of her; hell even I was. But as she sat near me, giving me the phrase the same phrase that many others would 'it will be okay', somehow I found with her saying it, she really meant it; and that it would eventually be okay.
"Is she dead?" I croaked out. I knew she was. The guys would never come back if she wasn't, but hearing it was something I needed. "Yea Bells, she's gone," Embry said.
Rosalie moved to sit next to Jake near my head. Having her around elevated my pain just a bit.
"Why did she want to be me?" I wondered aloud. It was something I couldn't get out of my head. What was it about me that made her want to have my life? I mean, yes, I knew I was lucky. I had all of the guys, their mates, and my amazing boyfriend. But why become me? How was I that great of a person?
"She's crazy," Quil summed up.
"Its more than that," Rosalie said. Everyone gave her a raised eyebrow and growled at her a bit.
"Stop," I said softly. I didn't want any more people to fight, especially with her, "please." Everyone went quiet and gave me those sad eyes again. Rosalie was helping me- in an odd way.
"I think that the woman was trying to be you because you're such a unique person," she started, "when vampires change, everything is heightened. Its not just our senses but our emotions," she spoke, watching me close. "With what the boys have told me, that woman was a newborn."
"So you think she became attached because she just turned into a vampire," I asked skeptically.
"When you first change," Rosalie said with a bit of pain in her eyes, "everything changes- you're senses, emotions and the people around you. All you have is blood lust. And when the woman saw you, I think she was so fascinated and wanting her old life back that she projected it onto you."
I furrowed my eyebrows, "So…what? I was at the wrong place at the wrong time?"
"Maybe," Rosalie said. "All I know is that becoming a vampire changes things. It flips a person's life upside down. When you feel sad, you're in despair. When you're hurt, your in such discourage it knocks you to your knees. And finding that one person, a person who can help you relief the pain or bring you closer to your old life…it makes you get attached."
I let out a shaky breath and let her continue, "If I hadn't met these people I call family; if I hadn't met Emmett, I think I could be that woman- the one you call crazy," she said looking at Quil. "We all could have been that if it wasn't for love."
My heart clenched at her words- love. Sam and I had that. And now he's gone. Well in a state of being gone.
"When do you think he'll wake up?" I asked turning to Carlisle. He gave me a sorrowful look. "Its too hard to tell Bella. His vitals are stable, his body is healing; There really isn't anything wrong that his genes can't fix."
"So…he may never…wake up," I said with a few cracks in my voice.
"Correct," Carlisle said softly. All of the air was knocked out of my lungs. Oh heavens.
"One step at a time okay?" Rosalie said catching my spinning thoughts. I nodded and let tears fall again.
"I want to go home," I said.
"Okay, we can take you back," Jake said getting up.
"No," I said catching his mistake, "I want to go home- to Charlie. I can't be-…I can't go there," I said thinking of Sam's place. I couldn't possibly be there without him. I would break down again- all over.
Jake nodded and the rest of the boys stood up.
"Thank you," I mumbled to Rosalie.
"I'll stop by later okay?" she said moving some hair away from my eyes. "You call me if you need me."
Nodding, I snuggled into Jake's chest as I let him carry me home, trying not to think that I was leaving Sam in the process.
When Jake brought me in the house, Charlie was immediately on his feet, along with Billy moving to the front door.
Touching me gently, Charlie kissed my forehead and commanded Jake to put me upstairs. When I was set on the cold bed, all I wanted to do again was curl up and cry. I wanted Sam. My Sam.
"I know," Jake said squeezing my arm. "Should I call Rosalie?" he asked hesitantly. I shook my head not wanting to be a bother to her. I had to get used to this. I had to cope with the fact I now only had half a heart. "I'll be right back," he said kissing my head. Jake was no doubt going down stairs to tell the men what had happened and why I was no longer whole.
I slipped into darkness; it was in the back of my head. My body felt numb and I was peaceful- in that lonely type of way. I didn't get up from the bed when the sun rose, and I never left it when it fell again. For days I was what the guys called catatonic. It made me feel somewhat closer to Sam in that way.
Rosalie finally stopped by a few days since I had been home. Alice had already come by to shower, change and feed me, while the rest of her family went hunting.
"You're not looking too good," she told me as she sat on the other side of the bed. I stayed there, laying down listening to her speak. "You can't do this to yourself Bella. This isn't right."
I sighed and continued to lie in my dead state.
"What would Sam think of this?" she wondered.
"He would be worried," I croaked out for the first time in days. "He would be here right with me, doing anything he could to help me."
Tears slipped down my face as it brought back memories to when I last saw him alive and well. "That day- we laid in bed together when I came home from shopping with Kim," I told Rose, "he thought something happened, he was worried."
A lump rose in my throat and I tried not to go in hysterics. Rose slipped into the bed, lying beside me as I talked. "We wrapped ourselves up in each other and stayed there for hours. I fell asleep in his arms as he tried to comfort me."
My sobs escaped my lips and I had a bit of a hard time to breath. "I couldn't figure it out. I didn't understand why I was so emotional. He kept wondering what happened to make me feel so glum, but I couldn't give him an answer."
I sniffled a bit, "he was hungry- he went to make us dinner. And then we saw her," my voice broke at the end. "He was so concerned about me when I should have been more concerned about him."
Rose held me as I sobbed again, comforting me in the best way she could. "Please don't blame yourself, none of this was your fault."
"She was trying to be me," I said frustrated. "She didn't mean to hurt him but her goal was to be me. He got hurt in the process. He was trying to be a hero,"
"He loves you," she countered. "He would do anything to keep you happy and safe. Taking out that vampire was something he needed to do. That's not trying to be a hero Bella, that's just being him."
"He was too distracted," I said sadly again, "he was so hesitant to leave me behind it got him hurt."
"You don't know that," she said.
"But I know him. I know how he thinks."
"Bella look," she sighed, "I'm not going to fight with you but you need to know, your Pack needs you. Without Sam, and now without you...they're lost."
"I don't know how I am supposed to function without him," I admitted.
"You take it day by day," Rose said kindly. "No one is expecting anything from you. They just want you around again."
"Wonder if I can't? I don't think I'm strong enough," I said.
"I don't believe that one bit," she said. "You've faced imprinting problems and you've walked into a house full of vampires. You honestly think that you aren't strong enough to wait for the day for your man to wake up?"
I blushed a bit and found she was right. It wasn't like he was dead. He was still breathing and he had a beating heart. It was just the fact he wasn't awake- that's what bothered me.
"Come on, up and at 'em," she said pulling me from the bed.
"Tomorrow?" I asked feeling unsecure.
"Bella," she sighed.
"Rose please. Just not today okay? The sun is going down and I just-…I need one last day."
"Alright," she said letting me go. "Are you okay from here?"
"Yea," I breathed. Sitting with me for a little while later, she left with a soft whish of the wind.