A/N: I really do appreciate the reviews. Isn't it a little funny how sometimes the things you write surprise yourself? I did that with this chapter. Hope you enjoy.
Chapter 4
Our walk back towards the school was slow, and seemed to be growing slower with every passing moment. I had my hands tucked beneath my arm pits, my head angled down so I could stare at the browning grass and pebbles instead of the girl in front of me. My mind was slowly turning over and over the things that had just happened, the moments leading up to it and then, as if in fast-forward mode, replayed the entire day. Everything was different – just too weird. I actually saw myself and Quinn through a different eye, examining every moment we had had since I met her that day the summer before ninth grade.
Brittany and I had decided to go to the swimming pool. Back then I had a maid named Consuela that my mother made drive me everywhere. My mother is an accountant and she sometimes doesn't have time to do things like drive me over to a friend's house or go swimming with me. I had already begged Brittany to ask her mom, who agreed because Consuela would be there. I was excited. I was turning fourteen in just a few short weeks, so my mother said it was all right for me to wear a bikini. It was my first two piece swimsuit ever, and I thought I looked smokin' hot. Brittany was bouncing up and down excitedly in the backseat next to me, squealing. We smelled like sunblock and sweat.
We pulled into the local public swimming pool and burst out of the car, not bothering to wait for my maid. She was gathering up a beach basket full of snacks, drinks, and towels. We raced towards the pool edge and my whole body tensed, ready to jump in. It was a late summer day, one of the last really warm ones we would have before autumn sank its teeth in. My skin felt tight and itchy from the sunblock.
"Wait!" Brittany said, halting me in my purpose to plummet into the pool. I turned to glance at her, and she looked a little unsure. I recognized that look in her eyes, now – it was one that meant she thought she was about to say something stupid, and didn't want to. I bit my lip, and turned towards her, my hands gesturing as if to say, just go ahead.
Britt looked at me quizzically and then pointed to the black etching along the poolside. 6ft. I raised an eyebrow.
"That's the deep end, Santana," Brittany whispered. She looked actually a little scared.
"Yeah, Britt, it's okay." I smiled reassuringly at her. "We're tall enough. We won't drown."
Brittany's eyes were huge azure pools, staring at me like maybe I had said something in a different language. I wracked my brain, trying to think of a way to make this situation okay for her. I didn't want to spend my time at the shallow end – there was nothing but puffy middle aged ladies with their toddlers down there, and a group of rambunctious little boys doing cannon balls in the area between. The deep end was practically deserted. My gaze snapped to Consuela, lugging all our swimming pool necessities through the gate and waddling over to a pool chair.
"I think.." I said quietly, then grabbed Brittany's hand and walked over towards Consuela. "Tenemos todavía los juguetes?" I gestured towards the big plastic basket.
"Los juguetes?" She asked. I just began rifling through the items, tossing out carefully folded beach towels and bags of chips. Finally I wrapped my hand around an inflatable plastic ring, smiling triumphantly at the puzzled adult. "Juguetes de piscina!" She just laughed and waved me on.
I spent the next few moments blowing up the pool ring – which really was for a younger child, but Brittany's stick-thin frame could fit through it.
"It's like a lifesaver ring," She said, poking my cheek while it was puffed out with air. I laughed.
"Yes, so it'll save your life if you try to drown." I grinned broadly at her.
"Santana," She said, putting the emphasis on the second half of my name just like my mom does. "I would never try to drown. Just, sometimes those spooky mermaid things grab your feet and pull you under." Her eyes got huge again. I couldn't help but laugh at the seriousness of her face. We had read Harry Potter last year in English, and she still had trouble when she thought too much about it.
"Well, you'll be safe from grabby mermaids. This will keep you floating, and I'll fight off anything that tries to get you." I handed the fully inflated ring to her, nodding decisively.
She smiled at me. We turned back to the pool and I was about to jump in when Brittany pointed silently. I glanced in the direction of her finger, and then blinked. There was a girl in a cotton candy pink bathing suit sitting on the edge of the pool, watching us. She had long blonde hair and huge dark sunglasses on. There was a weird smile quirked on the edges of her lips, and she cocked her head at my inquiring look.
"Do you have a staring problem, pipsqueak?" I said to her, defensively. I hate it when people stare at me. It always makes my hackles rise.
The girl just smiled bigger at that, then slowly removed her sunglasses. Her eyes were a shade I had never really seen before, and that threw me off. Usually people had blue eyes or brown eyes, like me and Britt. This girl had something like green eyes, or hazel eyes. Weird. I made a scrunchy face at her.
Instead of answering me, she turned to Brittany, and said, "I like your bathing suit."
Britt grinned broadly, tugging at the little frills that hung limp by her side. She was wearing a sunny lemon yellow bathing suit with white polka dots. I was the only one of the three of us in a two piece. It made me feel older than them, somehow, but also like I didn't fit in.
"Thanks. Do you wanna play Marco Polo?" She had the tube secured snugly around her middle, and before anyone could respond she leapt into the pool. The giant splash soaked the blonde and splattered me. I laughed despite myself. Brittany was just like that – so random, so open, so happy.
The girl grinned really big at me and I just shrugged. I slid into the pool with less enthusiasm and more grace than Brittany. By then Brittany was dog paddling over to her, and though I thought about offering a warning, I just pressed my lips together in a tight smile. Britt didn't say anything, just grabbed onto the girl's lower calves and yanked. She let out a surprised grasp before falling into the pool. Brittany was laughing like a lunatic and then turned towards me. I squealed and darted away from her, but I had no chance. With that floatation device, she could easily propel herself through the water faster than my frantic kicking could. Before long she had me around the shoulders and was bouncing against me, trying to throw me under. I eventually gave in, because I was inhaling and choking on more chlorine trying to stay upright than I would have if I just went under.
We spent the afternoon like that, the three of us tussling and rough housing. Random adults would yell and scold us, but Consuela only looked up on occasion to make sure we weren't drowning. After a few hours, we dragged ourselves out of the pool and laid flat against the hot cement. My body felt heavy and water logged. I was laying in the middle of the two blondes, and when I cast my glance towards Brittany I could tell she was going to have a wicked sunburn.
"Britt, did you put sunscreen on your face?" I asked. She blinked owlishly at me.
"Well, duh. I used my mom's." She picked at her shiny face, then grimaced. "It hurts."
I rolled my eyes, then made a mental note to be sure to personally apply Brittany's sunblock from now on. Her mother wasn't the most attentive adult I'd ever met.
Quinn, the girl who had been staring at us a few hours before, sat up on my other side and looked down at Brittany. Her eyebrows were furrowed. I twisted my mouth in a sneer, ready to punch her in the face if she said something about Britt being stupid or looking funny. But she didn't. Instead, she hoisted herself up and then sprinted towards a row of lawn chairs. After a few moments she came back, and handed Brittany a tube of green gel.
"What is this?" Britt asked, looking at it with concern. "It looks like that tube candy you get from Seven Eleven. Like, you just squirt it in your mouth—" She was popping the lid open and looked like she was about to take a giant swig.
"No!" Quinn said quickly, then snatched the bottle out of Britt's hand. My friend looked confused. She squirted some of the green gel onto her fingers and then rubbed it over Brittany's blossoming sunburn. Britt smiled widely at her. She liked it when other people weren't weird about personal space or touching.
"It's aloe vera gel. It'll keep your sunburn from cracking or peeling." Quinn explained quietly.
"It feels better." Brittany agreed.
I watched Quinn as she patiently slathered the sticky gel over Britt's face and shoulders. She talked to Brittany with a natural rhythm that almost nobody else had. I was too used to people our age staring at Britt like she was a duck with two heads, or yelling at boys who called her names or girls who were mean to her in a way that she didn't understand. I hated that the most – when other girls were sneaky-mean. Brittany usually thought they were being super nice, when really they were just trying to humiliate her. That's the main reason why I'm never sneaky-mean. I just say the mean things that I want to say, instead of trying to hide it.
After a while, I caught Quinn's gaze. "What school do you go to?"
She bit her lip. "I just moved here. I'm starting at McKinley in the fall. I don't know anyone."
Brittany brightened up at that. "Oh, that's amazing! We're starting there too. Do you want to stay the night with us?"
I snapped my head back to Brittany, who was oblivious to my look. Quinn seemed a little surprised too, but the good kind of surprised. She smiled at Brittany as if she thought she was precious, like a baby or a puppy. "I'll ask my mom."
Quinn stood up and started back towards the other side of the pool. I turned to Brittany, my expression a little less than pleased. I mean – this Quinn girl, she was really weird. She was mega nice to Brittany, which I wasn't used to, but I didn't know how I felt about Britt inviting the girl to our slumber party. Plus, what if my mom didn't want somebody else over? I just shrugged. She probably wouldn't care if we stayed in my room or the den.
"Brittany," I said, my tone low and serious. She looked at me and widened her eyes a little bit. "We don't even know this girl. What if she's, like, a freak?"
Britt laughed as if that was the funniest thing she'd ever head. "No way. She's nice."
I couldn't decide if she was really nice or just hiding her sneaky-meanness. In the past, Britt and I had met a few girls we thought could be our friends, but in the end they always turned out sneaky-mean. Quinn walked back over to us, the sound of her bare feet slapping against the concrete. "She said yes," she told us, a little breathlessly.
I snatched my gaze up to the back of Quinn's head, studying the layer of pink hair that was being tossed around by a light breeze. We had spent the rest of that night in my bedroom, eating chocolate ice cream with marshmallows in it (Brittany's favorite) and watching Disney movies (also Brittany's choice). I had only had to get snappy with Quinn a few times, and she never reacted the way I thought she would. Plus, Brittany was always looking at me with that look, which meant be nice, Santana. So I tried. And it turned out okay. Quinn always seemed puzzled at the things I said that were bitchy, but she didn't return my venom. Instead she deflected, relying on Brittany to diffuse the tension.
I came to realize over the next few months, as we began to be a clique, that Quinn was really very good at that. Quinn was like the perfect balance of Brittany and I, but she was also totally opposite. Brittany could say very straight forward things to and about people, which could be considered mean (she was good at poking fun at Rachel Berry) but nobody ever got mad about it. I would say the most obvious thing in the world to and about people, and they either ran crying or wanted to fight me. Quinn had a balance of these two abilities: she could insult and demean people with the biggest smile on her face, and they weren't sure if she was serious or kidding. Until she wasn't – then it was big, big trouble. Because though my words can be vicious, they were passionate; Quinn's were icy and somehow very scary.
I decided, after the first month of school together, that I did like her. She was never mean to Brittany, and the dynamic between us was fun. We weren't ever as mean to each other as we were to other people, and we both agreed to never be mean to Brittany. It worked. We clicked.
The long walk back to Atherton was nearing an end before I finally quickened my pace to catch up, matching her stride. I looked at her curiously, trying to figure out what she was thinking. As usual, I was lost.
"Why were you staring at us?" I said into the silence between us. Quinn paused, stopping mid-stride to look at me. Her face wore a puzzled expression. I had to shake my head lightly, remembering that Quinn wasn't taking a walk down memory lane like I was. "That one summer, before we started McKinley. At the pool. You were staring at me and Brittany." I explained, hurriedly. Understanding dawned on her face. "Why were you watching us?"
Quinn's mouth quirked into a small smile, and she took a seat at one of the deserted picnic tables. Most of this area was vacant, now, all the girls having retreated from the purple dusk. The big windows illuminated the courtyard faintly. She took a minute to respond, and I just waited, standing beside her with my hands tucked into my armpits.
"I don't know. At first I thought Brittany was your little sister." Quinn smiled at the absurdity of it. "She looked younger than you, and you were wearing a bikini." I nodded. I remember. "She was scared to jump in the deep end. And I watched you struggle with trying to make it okay for her." Quinn's glance shimmied up my body and then locked with my own gaze. I repressed a shiver.
"Then I watched you blow up that floatie and explain to her about mermaids." There was laughter tinged in Quinn's voice, and her face softened with the memory. I felt my own expression mirror hers. "It was so sweet. I didn't know if she was –you know, special, or something." Quinn looked at me like she was afraid I was going to punch her. I wasn't. I knew Brittany came off that way at first to some people. "But mostly you just fascinated me. I could tell you were impatient to jump in the pool and start swimming, but you stopped everything to help her. I realized you weren't sisters, just best friends." Quinn reached up to bat a strand of hair out of her face. "I had never had a best friend before. I had just moved, and nobody from my old town even cared." Quinn shrugged, as if the pain of that, from so many years ago, had long lost its ability to affect her.
"Well, I thought you were kind of a snob, or a freak," I said, teasing, and sat down beside her. I was finally comfortable enough to be close to her again.
Quinn chuckled quietly. "Yeah, I didn't know what to think about you. First, here you are, super nice to your ditzy friend.. then you're a giant bitch to me." Her eyes widened, as if to say, what the fuck? I just laughed. "Like, what did I ever do to you? But I didn't get mad, because I figured if you were so nice to Brittany, you were probably an okay person." She poked my side gently with one finger. "That was before I realized you have psychotic anger management problems."
I shrugged, smiling in self-humor. We sat in a comfortable silence for a while, listening to the crickets chirp and the nocturnal animals come alive around us. I could hear owls hooting, bugs buzzing, and the far-off howl of a coyote. I was facing away from the picnic table, leaning back, resting on my elbows. I didn't know what else to say. The tension from the flower garden was slowly ebbing away, and we both sat in that position for that time, quiet in our thoughts. For the first time in my life, I was really thinking about Quinn Fabray, and the weird dynamic that enabled us to be friends – even when it seemed we really weren't.
This was totally out of character for me. I had to snap out of it. Why was I suddenly so damn worried about my relationship with Quinn? I pressed my lips together tightly, furrowing my brows. I always had the feeling Quinn regarded me as a kind of sidekick, but I never thought of myself as that way. She was really just an adornment, someone I could pick up or drop depending on the mood of the moment. Not like Brittany. Brittany was an extension of myself.
It's probably because of what she did with her hair, I thought, and shot a glance towards Quinn. It knocked me off my center of gravity, threw things out of whack for me. Not to mention I had spooned her while she cried and had to suppress lusty thoughts about her half-naked body. Oh, god. I never ever thought in a million years I'd have those kinds of feelings about a girl except for Britt. And I wasn't even comfortable thinking about the feelings I had with my best friend, much less about the girl sitting next to me, my other semi-best-friend.
I have to snap out of being so damn mushy or she'll never take me seriously again, I thought ruefully. But part of me didn't want to continue to fight to keep Quinn away. I was tired – emotionally and mentally. I missed Brittany. I missed my house, my bed, and my mom. I even ached a little bit when I thought about the losers in glee club, and how I wouldn't be going to competitions with them this year, or be participating in Mr. Shue's stupid weekly lessons. I had really wanted to kick Rachel Berry's ass with some wicked Amy Winehouse solo this year. I don't ever really admit it, but singing is fun. And I'm good at it. I know it because sometimes, during group performances or during random solos I would get, everyone would stare at me. Kind of surprised. Except for Brittany, she was always grinning really big, which made me blush.
And no cheerleading, either, which is the other thing I know I'm very good at. I made myself be, because as cliché as it sounds, McKinley put a lot of stock in its cheerleaders – and Coach Sylvester was the winningest coach in the Midwest.
"What exactly are we going to do this year?" I heard myself ask Quinn wonderingly. The blonde girl glanced at me, her eyes slightly glazed, as if she had been lost in her thoughts. She quirked an eyebrow in question.
"No glee club, no cheerleading, no chastity club, no.. nothing. And we LIVE where we go to school!" I made an impatient gesture towards the towering stone building behind us. It was sinking in how very lonely and secluded this was going to be for me – but maybe not Quinn, because I still sort of thought she'd find some way to dominate this place. I just wasn't interested in impressing a campus full of elitist females. Even that sort of surprised me.
I shook my head violently, trying to clear it of all the crazy thoughts bouncing around in my head. Totally not like you, Lopez. I'm never this introspective.
"We could try to make some friends." Quinn said with a bemused smirk. I just scowled at her. "They have a soccer team, and a track team I think. And I'm sure they have show choir."
I perked up at that a little bit, and then gave a slow nod. Without Rachel's insanity, maybe I could get a solo or something. "Well, what do you want to do now?" It was a warm Saturday night, and the last one before school started. Supposedly we were slotted for a Junior's Brunch tomorrow morning, in some place called Wynland Hall. Quinn had a paper map of the campus tucked away inside one of her duffle bags. I had been texting Brittany off and on all day, but her responses were usually slow and disjointed. Which didn't surprise me, really. I smiled a little, remembering I told her that I'd send her a letter.
"We could go somewhere.." Quinn said quietly, her face turned towards the meadow in front of us, shadows darkening the woods beyond.
I snapped my gaze to her. "Go somewhere? What do you mean?"
Quinn's brows rose. "I drove my car. What, you didn't?"
My jaw dropped. "What! No, my dad wouldn't let me bring it." My brows knit, and then I jumped up as if the picnic table had scorched me. "Why didn't you say so, Goldilocks! We could sneak home to Lima and say bye to everybody."
Quinn had an expression on her face that said, plainly, she didn't agree with the idea. She hummed in her throat before slowly unfolding herself into a standing position. "Santana, I don't think we should. It's a four hour drive. When we got there, it would be really late.. and then we'd have to leave after like, an hour, to make it back in time for the brunch."
I felt restless, suddenly, with the option of getting out of here now presented. I was shifting on the balls of my feet, my hands clenching and unclenching subconsciously. Quinn was standing completely still, studying my face with a perplexed look. "I don't give a shit about the brunch, Quinn," I said, with more venom than I had intended. "I really want to go home."
Quinn's questioning gaze softened when I said that, and in one movement, she was abruptly in my bubble, her arms snaking around my waist. I froze, completely caught off guard, my eyes flashing wide open. I stood stock still in her embrace, and just let her snug me closer, the palms of her hands pressing against the small of my back. My heart did a quick stutter in my chest and I held my breath, hoping she wouldn't notice how my skin went from being normal temperature to suddenly feeling like it was a furnace. I felt kind of foolish because my hands were hanging limply at my sides, but she didn't seem to care. She kept hugging me until I slowly relaxed and melted into her. I let out a quiet, shaky breath, and blinked back the glisten of tears I wasn't even aware that had been pooling in my eyes.
"Okay?" She asked in a quiet whisper, and I just nodded mutely. She inched backwards, slowly unwinding her arms from my middle, and smiled down at me. I had no idea what that smile meant. I was a little afraid to even think about it. She reached up and brushed a strand of my hair away from my forehead. "Tell you what," her voice was so quiet, I could feel the wind from her breath hot against my face and lips. I had to press them down firmly to stop them from trembling. "If you promise to come to brunch with me tomorrow, and to every class all week long, we'll go back to Lima this weekend, okay?"
I smiled at her despite the slow thudding my heart was doing in my chest. It was a compromise, and probably the best one I could ask for. "How did you know I planned on playing hooky?" I asked, teasing. She grinned wide at me, and stepped back, finally giving me the chance to suck in a deep breath and let it out in a huge whoosh.
"Oh, it wasn't that hard to guess." Quinn's face was a little stoic, but her tone was soft and playful. "Especially since I realized you're trying to make a break for it at the first opportunity."
I gave her a gentle smile, then reached out to squeeze her fingers in my own, just a quick little pressure, before I dropped my hand.
We finally made the last leg of the journey back inside Atherton, and for once I didn't look at all the other kids, their glossy blond hair and bright blue eyes and creamy complexions. I only had eyes for Quinn, who moseyed in front of me with a mixture of elaborate grace and stunning simplicity. I followed her as if she was some magnetizing force, drawing me along, and I was helpless to resist.
We made the ascent back into our dorm room, and once we were there, I immediately relaxed. Quinn walked quickly into the bathroom and shut the door, but softly, so it didn't click completely in the frame. I sighed, and reached down to pull the armless purple cardigan over my head. I then slapped my hand against my head, hoping I hadn't crushed my Santana Hibiscus. I hadn't. I carefully untwined it front my hair and laid it down on my desk next to my laptop. My fingers began to unbutton the white dress shirt underneath with swift, sure motions. With a quick glance back towards the bathroom door, I then shoved the straps of my bra down my shoulders and twisted it around on my midsection, so that the clasp was in front of me. I took it off and tossed it on my bed, then dug around inside my suitcase for a huge t-shirt, which I pulled on. As quickly as I could, I shoved off my shoes and stockings, then pulled my skirt down in a jerky movement. It felt a little frantic, but I was desperate to be dressed before Quinn came out of the bathroom.
No good. A movement or a subtle sound had me whipping around to stare at the doorframe of the bathroom, my face full of guilt, though I couldn't say why. Maybe because, after all these years of being comfortable around each other, I was a little embarrassed to change in front of Quinn? I couldn't put a finger on it, but I wanted more than anything to hide my hesitance from her. I didn't want it to hurt her feelings or something. She was simply leaning against the doorjamb, a pink toothbrush sticking out of her mouth. She had removed her makeup and was slowly brushing her teeth, but her head was cocked with the strangest expression etched in her features. I grunted, then casually reached down and slid a pair of soft cotton shorts on. My face pinked with mortification but I kept my head pointed at the floor so she couldn't see. Wordlessly, she turned around, and spat into the bathroom sink. I heard the water running for a long moment and I assumed she was washing her face.
I sat down on my bed and stared at my iPhone, blinking at the time. It was getting sort of late, edging in on 10. I pulled up Brittany's messages and reread them, trying to take my mind off of the tumultuous things that were running through it. Quinn stepped out of the bathroom and without so much as a glance my way began undressing. My eyes bugged out of my head and I shifted uncomfortably on top of the comforter, finally giving in and laying down, planting my eyes on the ceiling above me. I regarded the hooks that would hold a curtain bar and wondered, for the first time since I discovered that I'd be rooming with Quinn, if I should go ahead and buy one.
Her face peered down from above mine suddenly, and I gave a small start. She laughed, then nudged me with her knee, gesturing for me to scoot over. I did, and tried not to notice too much that all she changed into was a tight, form-fitting baby pink spaghetti strap tank and some boy shorts panties. She laid down beside me like it was the most natural thing she'd ever done and pulled out her own cell phone, flicking her thumb over the bright display and tapping occasionally into the onscreen keyboard.
We laid there like that for a while, not talking, just tapping on our phones and listening to the noises that drifted faintly in from the hallway. My eyes began to get drowsy, and I had to snap myself out of a light doze. I shifted, and Quinn looked down at me. Shrugging, I sat up, then crawled off my bed and walked into the bathroom.
I pulled my hair down out of the tight pony I'd had it in and brushed it out. I smeared toothpaste on my toothbrush and vigorously cleaned my teeth, trying to banish the swarm of feelings and thoughts that bombarded my foggy mind. I washed my face and then sighed, staring at myself in the mirror for a while. I turned around, clicked off the light, and stepped back into our dorm room.
It was completely dark, and I was a little disoriented. I slapped around for my cell phone, pressed the UNLOCK button, and the glow from the display revealed Quinn had shifted in my bed, her face towards the wall, beneath the blankets. I frowned at her back, and wondered if she was really sleeping or just pretending. I snapped my head around to look at her bed, and wondered if I should sleep there, instead.
I was caught in a moment of indecision and I had no idea what to do. I wracked my brain, trying to decide if I should wake Quinn up, sleep in Quinn's bed, or just climb in next to her. I tried to remember what the regular me – the one who hadn't lost her damned mind and fallen into the twilight zone – would do, and I was still a little lost. I never had a sleep over with Quinn without Brittany, but when we all slept over, we piled on one bed like a litter of cozy puppies.
I jerked my shoulder up in a half shrug and then determined that if I was going to stop acting so weird about Quinn, then I had probably start now. I slowly padded over to my bed, then quietly crept in beside her, snaking my legs beneath the cool comforter and carefully placing my pillow between our bodies. I folded my arms and laid my head down on them instead, and closed my eyes.