I will go down with this ship
And I won't but my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

~ White Flags – Dido

Dearest Derek,

You have my heart, I have decided that long ago but I cannot possibly hide it anymore, it is becoming impossible and I am tired of hiding it. If you were to die tomorrow, I would die to, I am sure. Not in body, but my heart would never recover. I am not sure if I would ever love again. I would go down with this ship, die without our relationship. I surrendered to you long ago. You are the only person who I have ever felt this way about. I surrender to you wholly, mind, body and soul but I am not giving in, I will not wear the white flag.

I am willing to put myself out there, raw to the core and take that risk on you, not even truly knowing what to expect. I have been hurt, been burned, lived to tell about it and I am stronger for it. Through it all, you are my one constant, my rock and I have heard you claim something similar of me. I am you Solace, you decided that long ago too. We need each other, complete each other. I am the ying, you are the yang.

I know if I asked you for anything, no matter what, you would be there, helping me in any way you could. You have always been like that with me I saw that when I was shot, you protected me, comforted me and loved me. I would have never made it through that ordeal without you. It still haunts me sometimes, and when it does, you still get me through it. My Noir Hero, forever and always.

When I watched the man die in Alaska and was ready to toss everything in, you showed me there was still good in people and in me. Made me see the beauty in the simplest things and when the darkness tries to take over, you always help me find the light. Bring me home when I am lost, which happens more times than not in this job.

When my friend went missing, you got me through it, made sure I didn't lose my faith and kept me focused, even when I thought I would lose it for sure. I was strong enough to confront him and help save her, you helped me with that and I am stronger for it.

When Kevin left me, you were there. You helped me to realize that a life with him was not what I wanted, it would never be enough. I am glad I realized that before I had too much invested. If I am to be married, I could only really see myself with you, it has always been you, now, before, forever.

Some-days I try to be content with what we have, our friendship, but some days it is hard when I long for so much more. I am uncertain of what you want and find this the easiest way to ask.

I'm in love and always will be.

Penelope