Nobody's there when you get home
Your renting movies on your own
My photo's on your bedroom wall
You sit there waiting for my call
And I know I leave you on your own
And I need you to be strong
when I'm walking away
And I I hate to say goodbye
it gets harder every time
what I feel you feel inside
when the day turns into night
~Busted -When days turns into night
Penelope
It's the same thing every day, nobody's there when you get home, such is the life of loneliness. They think I am such a catch, they are far off the mark, if that were true, why am I still alone? I am afraid to get hurt, it's hard to admit. I would love company, but not always easy to put yourself out there and risk being hurt more.
Now I rent movies on my own and watch them just as alone. I know what I want, it's plastered all over my house, photos of you keep me sane, I have them everywhere even my bedroom walls.
I know if I called you would come, but it's not fair to you, you deserve so much better than that but I know you are sitting there just waiting for my call and I hate that I can do that to you.
I want to give you space, and leave you on your own, I don't want to sway your decision by seeming needy. I need you to be strong, because I am not sure I can be. I need you in my life , to need me, to want me and to love me, but it is not fair of me to ask that of you. Instead I just walk away, don't know how to deal with my feelings, that has always been a problem for me. Love is a new one, I am not used to it, I am more used to pain and torture, love is foreign.
I hate to say goodbye, but I have to. I love you so much it is getting dangerous. Leaving you gets harder every time, but you have Kevin and I should be a good friend and let you be happy. You seem happy, I hope you are.
I feel such love for you but it must remain unkind led out of fairness, fairness to you. I am good at hiding my feelings, been doing it for years. I will just shove them back in the dark closet where I keep them. Only letting them out to play once in a while, but even that is getting harder to do. I don't want to put them back, I don't want to lose you.
I'm worried if I let completely go that I will slip into the abyss that occurs when day turns to night, when the nightmares come out to play, when I wake up in a cold sweat screaming because it all seems so real. Reliving the horror in my life in real time.
Remember, silly girl that I do indeed love you.
Derek