A/N: You guys are flattering me with these reviews. Thanks so much.

The reason I use x's instead of page breaks is because my word processor is possessed, and entering page breaks turns the document funky. And I'm too lazy to do edit it on the website. Sorry!

Also, I know that Glee usually covers a week of time in one episode, but for plots' sake I'm condensing a few episodes down into one week, to correspond with this.

Chapter 6

Stupid, stupid girl, Santana. I had been repeating my father's phrase of disdain over and over in my head for at least the last hour. Quinn and I were walking in silence, and the sun was skirting the western horizon, leaving the world bathed in the half-light of evening. The edges of everything were softer, and the hymn of nighttime was beginning. Quinn was eager to get out of the woods before full night fell, and I didn't blame her.

We had spent hours wandering around in the woods, talking about meaningless things. We had stumbled across a fox's den and spotted some kits, as well as a raccoon and an ugly opossum. I was worried about skunks, but Quinn just smiled and said she thought they were cute. Ew. I wondered if there were real wildcats to be had out here, and she just shrugged, but I could tell the thought unsettled her.

When it was getting late, we decided to head back. The first mistake I made was not watching where I was going – I was searching the horizon for any hint of the towering Atherton building, to make sure we weren't lost. A second later my foot got tangled on something and I was crashing to the earth with a huge oomph. The shock slammed the air out of my body and had me freezing. The very next thing I noticed was that I had landed in something soft and squishy – not entirely comforting, given the current setting.

"Oh my god, Santana!" Quinn said, rushing to me. I used the back of my hand to wipe the thick, wet stuff off my face, and realized it was mud. It had a heavy earthy scent that reminded me of moss and trees. I was trying not to open my mouth, fingers clawing at the stuff to remove it from my face. Quinn had bent down but was careful not to step in the mud herself, and she was sporting a huge grin.

"What are you smiling at, Twink?" I asked, my lips covered in the gritty dirt. She just snickered. I raised an eyebrow, and then looked down at my hand, which was holding a fistful of mud. Before I even knew what was happening I was smashing my hand against her, smearing her perfect, pretty face with mud. I laughed and trailed my hand down her cardigan, leaving finger streaks over the purple sweater vest.

"You did not," Quinn said, her voice dripping venom. It made me laugh harder, and I scooped up another handful of mud. Quinn was lightning quick, though, and she shoved her own hands into the mud puddle and scooped up a huge amount, dropping it directly on top of my head. Plop. I stood up as quickly as I could and chased her, rubbing the last handful I had into her hair and down her shoulders. I was laughing so hard it hurt to run, and I couldn't really see.

Quinn was laughing too, so I knew she wasn't mad. She made another attempt to round back to the mud puddle, but I body blocked her and grinned. "You look like the Creature from the Black Lagoon," I told her, because she did. Her face was covered in a thick layer of mud and it was caked to her clothes and hair as well.

She grinned. "You're one to talk. You look like a mud monster." I snickered at that. We were standing there, at a draw. I was between her and the mud pit, and she was facing me, her hands at her sides in readiness.

"What do you say.." I began in peace offering, "That we both call it even, and go back? It's getting dark."

Quinn puzzled over this for a moment, looking at me, the mud puddle, and then at the darkening sky. She huffed a little bit, and stepped down quickly in something that was dangerously like a pout. For some reason, that had me grinning at her.

"All right, Lopez. I'll let you off this once. But this isn't over," She said, pointing her finger at me accusingly.

Now we were making the long trek back to the school, and my mind was abuzz with the complications of the situation. Firstly, we were going to have to go inside where everyone would see us.. that pretty much sucked more than anything else I could imagine at the moment. Secondly, we were going to have to try not to make a giant mess, something I doubt is even possible at this time. And lastly, we both were going to need showers, and that meant one of us was stuck standing in the middle of the room trying not to touch anything the whole time the other one bathed.

Stupid, stupid girl, Santana, I thought again, and not for the last time.

We somehow made it inside without incident, and because some kind of production was being put on in the sophomore theater, the place was pretty deserted. A few curious faculty lifted their brows at us but didn't say anything, and with as much dignity as possible, Quinn and I made it up the stairs and into our dorm room.

"That wasn't too bad," Quinn remarked, and immediately began stripping her clothes off. After a momentary pause, I did the same thing, because my clothes were more badly caked in the dirt than hers were. The journey from the woods back to Atherton had taken almost an hour, so actually the mud had dried into a layer of hard dirt in most places. My face felt tight and gritty beneath it.

Quinn was already in the bathroom and had turned on the shower, which left me, of course, the idiot standing in the middle of the room in a bra and panties with mud caked all over. I sighed, resigned to it, since it technically was my fault we were in this to begin with.

"Santana!" Quinn called, and I stepped into the bathroom which was only beginning to steam up.

"Just get in here with me," Quinn said, her words muffled by the glass barrier. My expression was at once one of shock and immediate embarrassment. How about no?

"No, Quinn, it's okay.. I'll wait." I prayed that my voice sounded casual, but all of the sudden my throat felt tight so I doubted it. Hopefully the muffled acoustics would make it sound normal.

She poked her head out of the shower door and rolled her eyes dramatically. She had already scrubbed the filth from her face. "Really? I promise not to look at your boobies, you little baby. Just get in here."

She was staring at me with what I thought might be a challenge in her eye. I gulped, fought down the nerves that knotted themselves tightly in my middle, and then faced away from her. I daintily unsnapped my bra and then slid my underwear down, and turned towards her and snaked into the shower stall with her.

It was a tight fit, but I think I was mostly concerned with the fact that all the oxygen had left the room and I was trying hard not to gasp. Quinn was facing towards me, her head underneath the shower spray, as she washed out the suds of her shampoo. Her eyes were closed – I was grateful, because mine were huge, and my mouth was parted in a dazed stare. I bit my lower lip and stood there, awkwardly, fighting to remain calm. I had never really noticed Quinn's body before now, but she was absolutely perfect, one of those petite but athletic models with a dainty pixie face. It wasn't fair – she had no idea what she was doing to me. I twisted my head to the side when she got done rinsing her hair, and just grunted when she motioned for me to take her place underneath the spray.

With something to do, I was less awkward, but no less distracted. Quinn had applied conditioner to her short pinkish blonde hair and was now squirting a liberal amount of body wash to a bright green pouf, kneading it beneath her palms to create suds. She then began washing her body, rubbing the loofa over every inch of her tanned skin. I made sure to work my fingers through my hair, working out the clumps of matted dirt that had been squished there. The water that drained from my body was an icky brown color.

I reached up and poured shampoo into my palm, scrubbed it through my hair, and rinsed, the whole time watching Quinn. She was bent down in front of me, rubbing the soap over her toes. Damn. I bit my lip as a herd of stampeding rhinos trampled around inside my gut, twisting it into knots. I felt my center clench and tense, and I had to repress a tremble.

"What?" Quinn asked, peeking her head over her shoulder. My eyes got wide and I gulped.

"Huh?"

"Did you say something, Santana?"

"Umm.. no." I turned away from her to hide the crimson that flooded my face, tilting it up towards the shower head and letting the water fall without direction. I wanted to drown myself. Quinn was on to something with that conversation she had with me earlier, and the one we had the other night, about me and Brittany. She has to know that I'm less than straight, and that I at least make out with Brittany. She's going to think I'm a raging lesbian and all I want to do is ogle her goodies. I had to stop myself from slapping my face again with the shame of it.

Quinn just chuckled, turned around, and continued soaping. Without her intense gaze on me, I felt a little more relaxed, though not by much. I waited patiently for her to be ready to switch positions again, since soaping underneath a relentless shower spray is a bit counterproductive.

When she was, I had to suck in a breath to squeeze past her without grazing her slick, warm skin. Her elbow glanced against my stomach and left a smear of soap, and ignited a trail of fire on my midsection. I felt dizzy and weak, overcome with desire and confusion and a mounting urge to slam her up against the wall and kiss her. Get a grip, Lopez, I clenched my teeth and smeared conditioner over my hair, before I began soaping my body with Quinn's body wash.

I was turned away from her and crouching down, scrubbing intensely at the mud caked on my lower calves and knees, when I felt Quinn's hand reach down and massage the area of my left thigh right below my butt. I yelped and jumped away from her, slamming into the shower wall, knocking my head painfully against the ceramic.

"Shit, Santana!" Quinn said, concern coloring her words. She reached down to hold my forearms, helping me to steady myself. "Are you okay?"

"Uh, yeah!" I was looking at her with wild eyes, and my face was absolutely burning.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." Quinn's brows were drawn together and she seemed genuinely confused and worried about me. My heart was pounding so loudly I couldn't really hear her, but I stared at her lips make the words anyway. "You have a huge smear of mud back there, and I didn't know if you'd get it."

"Hmm. Okay. Thanks." I didn't know what else to say. My forehead throbbed where I'd whacked it against the tile.

"Are you sure you're okay..?" She asked the question like we were someplace ordinary, not standing two inches away from each other butt naked, me half covered in soap and dirt, her sparkling clean and dripping water. I had to force to keep my eyes glued to her face, instead of giving in to the urge to wander down her frame.

"Yes." I said it more forcefully now, and began to scrub the loofa over my body again, making sure to clean the area Quinn had tried to get for me earlier. In a few moments I was pretty sure that I was clean, so we swapped places again, and I began rinsing off.

I figured Quinn would get out of the shower now, since she was done, but she just kept standing there. It made me feel hot and light headed all at once, because whenever I peeked at her, I could tell she was staring at me. But she wasn't nervous or awkward like I was, just.. calculating. Like she was adding up something in her head and was trying to figure out the answer.

Shit, crap, damn, shit, I said a little mantra in my head, because I could virtually see the wheels working in Quinn's head, and it would only take a few more moments of processing before she came to a certain conclusion.

"What are you looking at, Fabray? Like what you see?" I gave her a lascivious smirk and was pleased by the sudden shock that overcame her face. Her mouth dropped open into a little oh.

"Excuse me?" Quinn sounded scandalized. "You're the one.. who.." She stammered over the sentence and I could tell she was getting uncomfortable, because her face pinked.

"Well, all I know is, you're the one getting handsy in the shower, Blondie," I said, casually, and turned away from her to finish rinsing my body off. Without another word Quinn slid the shower door open and then hopped out, closing it behind her. I smirked at her retreating body, feeling a little flood of satisfaction at the victory. Two can play this game, Tink, I thought.

When I got out of the shower, wrapped in a warm towel, Quinn was in a night shirt and was resolutely cleaning up the smears of mud from the hardwood floor that we tracked in. She was working furiously and didn't glance up at me when I came into the room. I decided it might be wise to stay silent, so I dressed as quickly as possible and climbed on top of my bed.

After a few moments, the silence grew thick between us, and when Quinn stopped cleaning, she stood above me and stared down at me. I cocked my head and lifted an eyebrow in question.

"I had fun today," She said, after a long pause. I nodded, not sure how to respond. "I think we're going to be okay here."

"Maybe." I wasn't too sure. I still ached for Lima, and McKinley, and Brittany, with a ferocity. But I had to admit that Quinn did make being here better. Tomorrow was the first day of class, and I felt more ready for it than I would have been without her presence.

We climbed into opposite beds and clicked the lights off. It took me less than ten minutes to fall asleep.

Xxxxxxxxxx

I started at the sound of sobbing in the darkness, my head jerking off the pillow beneath me. I could hear Quinn on the opposite bed, muffled cries exploding from her figure. Groggily, I reached for my cell, clicked the UNLOCK button, and shined the light towards her. Her eyes were closed, but the little noises that came from her were absolutely terrified, and full of grief.

I stumbled out of bed and walked quickly over to her, leaning down to push gently on her shoulder. "Quinn," I whispered, shaking her. "Quinn!" I said it more urgently, but was still gentle, because I didn't want to startle her.

"You're having a nightmare," I whispered, pushing the matted hair away from her face. Her eyes snapped open and they were wild with fear and sorrow, unshed tears glimmering in the darkness. Wordlessly, I bumped her with my knee, so that she would scoot over and I could lie down next to her.

It was warm beneath her blankets, and it smelled like Quinn and sleep. I was immediately drowsy, but pushed it aside, because the girl next to me was fighting back tears. "Are you okay? Do you remember what you were dreaming about?" My hands stroked down her arm gently, the other caressing her hair. I was lying with my head on my arm, turned towards her, while she faced the ceiling.

"Oh god," Her voice was thick with tears and breathy. I gave her a reassuring squeeze, nuzzling my face into her shoulder, fighting to keep my eyes awake.

"It was about Beth," She said quietly, and my eyes snapped open. I nodded, continuing the soothing circles I was rubbing on her arm.

"It always starts out that I'm holding her, and she falls asleep, so I put her down in her crib.." Quinn's voice choked, strangling on a sob that she tried to force back. My heart was splintering from the sound, and I wanted to hold her, and make her feel better. My free arm snaked beneath her and drew her close to me, resting my cheek against her head.

"Then I leave the room, and as soon as I do, the door shuts. I hear her start to cry. I turn around and the door disappears, and I'm running through the house, trying to find her. I can hear her screaming, and she's so scared and alone." Quinn's face contorted in a mask of pain, and the tears began falling in earnest. I just held her, and she finally gave in, turning her body towards me and releasing the pent up tears. I held her tightly against me, my hands rubbing her back and smoothing her hair as best I could.

It felt weird to hold Quinn like this, her face pressed against my neck and shoulder, her tears wetting my clothes. Her body felt small and fragile, but warm and cuddly too. Her frame shook with sobs and the sound is loud in the quiet room. I started humming in my throat, a little nonsense tune that I use sometimes to calm Brittany down if she's freaking out.

It takes a while, but Quinn starts to settle down. She's sniffling thickly, and she scoots her hands up to wipe the tears away from her face.

"I'm such a mess," She said quietly into the darkness.

"No, you're a mother who misses her child," I told her.

Quinn laughed, but it sounded broken. "I gave my baby away."

I pulled away from her to look down at her, trying to meet her eyes. But I couldn't, because it was dark, and she refused to look at me. I sighed. I had nothing to offer her – I had never faced an issue bigger than what outfit to wear to which social function. Quinn had made the biggest decision in her life by choosing to have a baby and give it up for adoption.

"You did the right thing, Quinn," I told her, but it fell flat, because even I knew that platitude was overdone.

Quinn remained silent, then let out an uneven breath. "Well, thanks again for coming to my rescue."

I nodded, shifting away from her. I took her words as a dismissal and I was on my way back towards my bed when she lunged out and caught my wrist, stopping me.

"Please," She sounded so quiet and frail. I turned back and sat down. "Please. It helps with the nightmares, if you stay," She whispered, so softly I barely heard her.

I simply lied back down, snuggling deeper into her plushy pillows and blankets. I lifted my arm for her and she rolled into me, nestling her face against my chest. I wrapped my arms around her and fell asleep like that, with Quinn's body pressed close against mine.

Xxxxx

I sat to the left of Quinn in the auditorium, third row back. The place was huge and grand, and reminded me of a professional theater. It was where auditions for The Vox were taking place. Quinn and I had decided after school on Monday to try out. Why not? We had nothing better to do.

Joy was sitting to Quinn's right. I was used to the bubbly girl's personality by now, though she was a little lacking in the head. I tolerated her because Quinn liked her. It was only Wednesday, but I had found a rhythm at this school. I kept to myself in the classes I had without Quinn, and the ones we had together we were inseparable. Quinn had mused briefly about joining track, but since I didn't want to, she didn't either. Vox would be enough for me.

"That's Ms. Holiday," Quinn whispered, when a willowy blond took place center stage. She spoke into a little microphone.

"Hola, chicas! Are y'all ready for another spectacular year?" She had long, thin blond hair and bright eyes, but didn't rub me the wrong way that most people do. I liked her. Maybe it was her smirk, because she seemed to be laughing at something only she thought was funny.

Ms. Holiday was Quinn's health teacher, and apparently one of the favorites of the students, because of her unorthodox teaching methods and her blithe honesty. It got her in trouble with some of the more uppity girls, and generally the staff disliked her, but she had enough fans – and enough trophies from heading the Vox – that Atherton kept her on every year.

"Today we're going to listen to everyone audition, and this time next week you'll get a notice in your student e-mail letting you know where the club meets, if you pass." She smiled at the group of girls, who numbered about twenty in all, including Quinn and I.

The first girl up was clearly of Italian descent, though she gave in to peer pressure and had highlighted her naturally brown hair blonde. She had a beak to rival Berry's and large brown eyes. She swaggered up to the stage and stood in front of the microphone. "I'm Sugar Motta, and I'm going to rock your world."

The next five minutes were sheer torture, because she sounded like a cat getting its temperature taken. She tried, horribly, to sing Cher's "Just Like Jesse James," but my ears were bleeding. Ms. Holiday cut her off. "Thanks, Sugar! Nice to have you back again!"

Sugar bowed and left the stage. I scowled. "Really? She gets in?"

Joy overheard me and leaned over, "Yeah, because her father pays for all the expenses relating to the Vox. Transportation, clothing, choreography.."

I huffed, crossing my arms over my chest. Perfect.

It was my turn before Quinn or Joy's, so I hopped up and approached the stage. I handed Ms. Holiday the CD with the background music and vocals of the song I picked out. "I'll be singing Lady Gaga's 'Edge of Glory," I said, without preamble.

When I was done, I could tell Ms. Holiday was a little less bored than she had been before. I smiled at that, nodded my head in a bow, and left. I gave Quinn a high five as she passed me.

"This is Natalie Imbruglia's, 'Torn," Quinn announced, and held onto the microphone.

The music swelled and I sat down, watching Quinn.

It started quiet, which suited Quinn's voice perfectly. It wasn't a song I was really familiar with, so I had to pay more attention than I was used to.

"I thought I saw a man brought to life," Quinn crooned. "He was warm, he came around like was dignified. He showed me what it was to cry!"

I was a little mesmerized, coughed up in Quinn's song.

"My conversation has run dry.. that's what's going on; nothing's fine, I'm torn.

I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel

I'm cold and I am shamed, lying naked on the floor.

Illusion never changed, into something real

I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn."

Quinn was standing in one place, refusing to give in to the nervous urge to sway on the stage or at least walk around, something I gave her kudos for. I knew how awful it felt to be pinned to one place by a spotlight, unable to dance or distract the audience from your voice. But Quinn didn't need anyone to be distracted – she sounded beautiful. Not to mention the song seemed to fit her perfectly, and my heart swelled and ached a little bit as I heard the words.

"You're a little late, I'm already torn.." She finished, then placed the microphone back on its stand, and stepped off the stage. I clapped. I was the only one, but I stood and clapped for her.

I felt bad for Joy, who had to follow Quinn's performance. I wouldn't want to do that. Quinn had so much emotion in her song and on her face. She came and sat next to me, and I took her fingers in my palm and gave them a little squeeze. She was trembling, but relief flooded her face when she turned to smile at me.

When we left the auditorium it was after 5 and getting close to dinner time. I was headed towards the dining hall with Quinn and Joy when I felt my phone buzzing.

"Hey, Britt," I said, hanging back from the other girls. I just motioned for them to head on, and started towards the dorm room. I hadn't talked to her all week and I figured we'd have a lot to go over, and it's rude to sit on the phone around other people.

"Guess what!" Brittany said excitedly. I repressed a smile, climbing the stairs as quickly as I could.

"What?"

"I went to the dentist yesterday," Britt hummed into the phone.

"Oh yeah?" That surprised me. Brittany hated dentists. She thought they were like alien spaceships, and was terrified somebody would pull all her teeth out.

"He said I had cavities. And I had the best dream about Britney Spears. I touched a snake." Brittany babbled. I smiled into the phone, letting her continue on with her whimsical account of how Mr. Shue let the Glee club do a Britney Spears assembly for homecoming, and how Rachel had transferred to be in the same English class with her, and Tina was helping her with geometry, and Mike had offered to tutor her in history. It flooded me with warmth to realize that Brittany had such a large group of people looking out for her, dedicated to making sure she passed this year.

"And now we're doing duets," Brittany continued. I kicked the door open to my dorm, then shut it with a backwards nudge of my foot. I flopped down on my bed and made noncommittal noises at her.

"If you were here I'd do a duet with you," Brittany whispered, and the smile lit my face.

"I know, Britt. I'm sorry. Quinn and I tried out for the glee club here today."

"I bet you'll both get in!" Brittany was so enthusiastic, sometimes my face hurt from smiling so much.

"Since you aren't here, I'm doing a duet with Artie." Brittany's tone was a little hesitant, and it made me perk up a tad.

"Yeah? Artie? Why?"

"Because.. well, because nobody else wants to do one with me," Britt mumbled. I creased my brow. "But, that's not what I wanted to tell you. I sorta slept with him."

I nodded, slowly, though I knew Britt couldn't see my face. It was the usual response I gave whenever Britt told me she slept with somebody else. "Wow, who knew Wheels had it in him," I muttered, just to fill the silence.

Brittany laughed. "Santana, don't be mean." I could tell by her tone she wanted to say more.

"Just spit it out, Britt," I snapped, then immediately berated myself for my tone. I could sense Brittany recoil from it. "I'm sorry." Here I was, apologizing again. But I didn't feel bad about doing it to Brittany. She never deserved me being mean to her. "What else?"

"Uh.. well, he, um, we're.." Brittany mumbled for a moment, then just said it: "We're dating now."

I felt like someone had poured a bucket of ice on my head, and I simply froze. My breath hitched and I let it go with a soundless wheeze, before I slowly closed my eyes. "Oh. Okay. Well.. that's.. okay."

Britt was quiet for a moment. "Are you sure? It's okay?"

I had to swallow a few times before I could answer. "Yeah, Britt. It's okay. What else did you expect?" What else did I expect? Not that Brittany would wait for me, not that.. not that we would even be together right now, if I was at McKinley. I felt my heart tremble in my chest, but I squeezed my eyes shut, forcing it to stop. Stop, stop, stop.

"If you say so, Santana," Brittany murmured, a phrase she'd been using to agree with me since we were little.

"I do." My tone was clipped, but not sharp. "I have to go now, Britt. I mailed you a letter yesterday. I bet you'll get it tomorrow."

"Okay, Santana. I love you."

Oh, god. My face flinched when Brittany said those words, but I made myself stay steady for a second longer. "I love you, too." Click. I dropped my phone listlessly onto the bed beside me.

I felt like the earth was crumbling beneath me and I was going to fall into a giant crack and disappear. I felt like crying and screaming and beating in Artie's smug little face in until he couldn't see. I felt confused because, why does it even matter? But it does. I know that, deep in my heart, it definitely matters. It matters to Brittany, too, or she wouldn't have.. she would have.. I don't know. And as much as I try to tell myself that it really does not matter, I know that it does.

The tears were leaking down my cheeks in silent, hot rivulets before I even knew what was happening. Shit. I pounded my fist into my pillow, but it didn't help. The room felt like it was suffocating me and I was going to drown on my own sorrow, or go crazy from claustrophobia.

I jerked myself up quickly, pushing at the tears with the back of my fists angrily. I searched the room for some kind of escape, but I knew I couldn't leave – dinner was ending, and a flood of girls would be headed back to their dorms. Fuck, Quinn! I felt a knot of panic in my stomach when I thought about Quinn finding me like this. The kind of questions she'd ask. I knew I couldn't answer them, not out loud, not to her.

I stumbled against my desk chair, which forced the desk to roll forward and tap lightly against the window sill. I whipped around and stared at the big window that lit the room. It was dome shaped and had iron-framed panes, and it cranked open. I grabbed my little computer desk and drug it away from the window just far enough to permit me to squeeze between it and the wall. I cranked the window open, then stuck the top half of my body out. I swallowed the immediate vertigo that clutched my gut at the four-story drop beneath me, and then just turned my face to eye the roof speculatively.

I hoisted myself out of the window, and grabbed onto an iron trellis that ran right beside it, thick with ivy and little white flowers. My hands slipped against the slick greenery, but I was fast, like a lizard darting over a rock. I didn't have enough time to stumble or fall. In a few moments I was perched on the roof, tucked into a crevice between where the roof dipped and arched again.

It was a chilly evening, not really cold but definitely not balmy. The sun was only an orange outline on the western horizon, the moon a pale crescent in the far east. I could see stars and the treetops stretching out into infinity.

For the first time since I came to Atherton, I felt alone, and a little at peace. I knew that the trembling, squeezing feeling in my heart would eventually win out, and I would probably cry. But right now, I just sucked in one even breath after another, and forced my eyes to stay open, and look out over the fields and the campus, and even further out, to the tiny lights that dotted along the highway.

I was in a kind of trance when I heard the dorm room door slam shut, and Quinn march in. I froze, hoping against hope she wouldn't find me here. This was my safe place, and my heart simply wasn't in the right position to deal with Quinn now. She was another can of worms – she was digging into me, making me feel things I didn't want to. And this thing with Brittany, it was just all too confusing. I felt like a huge fool, and like an idiot.

"Santana?" Quinn's voice was muffled and faint. I bet it takes her five seconds to figure out where I am. I just squeezed my eyes shut against the inevitability of it.

Sure enough, she was poking her head out the window, staring at the ground. I imagined she had a horrorstruck expression on her face, and it was too dark to see the ground. I had to suppress a wry chuckle.

"Santana! Oh my god, Santana!" Quinn was screaming, literally screaming. That made me swallow my laughter, and I poked my head over the ledge of the roof.

"Keep it down, Blondie," I hissed, my tone quiet. She snapped her head up to me and she had a look that was a mixture of fury and relief etched on her face.

"What the fuck are you doing, Lopez?" Her tone was enraged. I smiled despite myself.

"Aw, I never knew you cared," I said, sardonically. I picked up a pebble and tossed it down at her, teasingly.

"Come down here this instant, Santana," Quinn's tone brooked no argument. I just quirked a brow at her.

"Or what? You'll ground me?" I shrugged indifferently and then leaned back against the shingles.

A few minutes passed and I assumed she had given up and retreated back into the dorm room. I began to relax, staring up at the sky, which began to turn a velvety purple color. More and more stars winked out.

I let out a muffled scream when I felt a hand wrap around my foot and lock onto my ankle. It took everything in me not to kick at it, but I calmed myself enough to realize it was just Quinn. The blonde had changed into jogging pants and a t-shirt, and had climbed out after me. Her face was a little flushed and out of breath, her eyes glittering with anger, her lips a dark red. I reached down and grabbed her hand to help her over the last edge.

"I didn't think you had the guts, Fabray."

She glared at me, pressing her back against the roof shingles, hard, as if she was afraid the building was going to buck at any moment and send her flying to her death. "What are you doing up here? Are you crazy?"

I just picked up another pebble and chucked it over the edge. My fingers were picking incessantly at the rough shingle, prying up bits of it and breaking them into smaller pieces. I began throwing them over the edge.

"What's wrong?" Quinn's voice was softer now. I looked at her, steeling myself against her scrutiny.

"I don't feel like talking about it." My words were completely void of emotion.

"You've been crying," Quinn said, reaching up her hand to rub at the dampness that remained on my cheek. I jerked my head away from her, turning to look into the darkness. "Who was on the phone with you?"

"Brittany." The word exploded out of my mouth, and it left a better taste on my tongue. That was new.

Quinn's brows shot up, and she just nodded, then slowly tucked her arm through mine, looping us together. "I see."

I ripped up a roof tile and jerked, throwing it over the edge with more fury than I had wanted to. But I didn't pull away from Quinn. I felt like she was the only thing keeping me tethered, grounded. "What exactly do you think you see, Quinn?" My words were hard, and angry.

"I don't know what she told you, but it must have been bad," Quinn replied carefully.

I chuckled, but the sound lacked all mirth. "She's dating Artie." I don't know why I decided to tell her that, but I did. And suddenly, I felt all the anger fall out of me, and I just wanted to cry. I slammed my body backwards with a thud, pressing against the incline of the roof and rubbing my palms into my eyes.

Quinn was quiet for a moment, looking at me, letting me sit there while the tears trickled out. They weren't the huge flood that came out of her the night she woke up from her nightmare, or even the animalistic sobs that choked her the first night. These were silent, but they were so hot they burned my face as they trailed down my cheeks.

She held my hand in both of hers and squeezed, and then scooted closer to me and slipped her arm underneath my head. She was opening her body for me to nestle into, just as I had done for her that night. I wanted to resist – Quinn Fabray did not need to take care of me – but I couldn't. I just couldn't. I felt small and hopeless, and so angry and sad. I turned towards her and buried my face against the crook of her neck, taking shallow breaths, letting the tears fall.

It took a while, but my crying stopped. Without saying anything, she tugged on my wrist, and began the descent back into our dorm room. I followed, because there wasn't any fight left in me. I was done being alone now, anyway, because Quinn was there.

Once we were inside, she helped me tug off my cardigan, then undid the buttons on my shirt, and pushed it down over my shoulders. I didn't even object when she undid the clasp for my skirt and tugged it down, gently. I let her do what she wanted. I felt empty and listless. She pulled a shirt on and helped me into baggy pajama bottoms, then took my hair down and ran her fingers through it a few times. She led me over to her own bed, laid me down, and turned off the lights. I felt her crawl into the bed, beneath the covers, and turn towards me. I simply reached out my hand, in the darkness, and found hers. Our fingers clasped, linking them together. I fell asleep holding her hand.

A/N: I have a lot of ideas for this story, so I don't think I'll abandon it. I intend to update every day or every other day until it's done.

I'm really anxious to hear what you guys think about this chapter.. it was hard for me to write, for a lot of reasons. Please review.