"Are you gonna make it home in time to pick up the girls?" Randy asked. "If my flight leaves anywhere near on-time, I should be able to just make it." Mark said, getting his gear together. After his match, Mark had come through the curtain and not to his surprise, was greeted by the medic. He spent about thirty minutes in the trainer's office while they looked at his knee. Luckily, the swelling wasn't bad and neither was the pain. He had tweaked it hard during the match, but thankfully it wasn't anything serious, so after a round of ice packs, he was allowed to leave. Thankfully for the medics, they didn't have to deal with a tired and sore Undertaker on their own; Randy sat in there with him, making sure he didn't try to get up before he was told he could.
Mark counted himself lucky for the little things like that, that Randy did. Much like himself, Randy was a 'little things' kind of guy. Little things pleased him, and he, perhaps unknowingly, always did and remembered the small things that made Mark smile. Especially when those little things had nothing to do with him. The small details of remembering when any of his kids had something to do - a soccer game, a class play, anything - Randy knew about it and made sure Mark didn't forget.
He loved watching him interact with his youngest kids; seeing him play house with his girls was something he could watch forever. The Viper was cold and heartless in the ring, but outside of the ring, Mark couldn't think of any grown man who was more adorable. Randy was great with his boys too; they shared a common interest in sports and television shows, amongst other things. No matter how exhausted he was after a week of being on the road, he was more than willing to hang out, help with homework or let himself be made over by the girls. They loved him and he was sure that Randy loved them.
It didn't surprise Mark that his kids had taken so kindly to him; they already knew him and had already spent time with him, but seeing his kids with Randy was something that Mark could definitely see a future in.
His kids also adored Jeff. He was a big kid himself, but for that exact reason Mark found it hard to mesh their home-lives together. He had four kids already, and having Jeff around was like having a fifth. It was his personality that Mark had first noticed so many years ago, but it was also his personality that made it difficult to transition from his life on the road to his life at home.
"If you're going to be cutting it that close, I can always head out a day early and pick them up. If Sara doesn't mind." Randy interrupted Mark's thoughts. "You're going to be exhausted after two more shows, a red-eye and just a little sleep." Mark half-smiled, "That'd be great." he said. "You sure you don't mind?" Shaking his head, Randy threw his gym bag over his shoulder and waited for Mark to put his baseball cap on before he opened the door to leave their locker room. "No way, I love those girls. It'll give us a chance to hang-out." Mark widened his smile. Before walking out the door, he stopped to place a peck against Randy's mouth. "Thank you," he said.
xXx
"You know what would have been really nice?" Mark asked randomly. He and Randy were settled into their hotel room and were spending a quiet evening in. "What would have been really nice?" Randy asked, playing along. "It would have been really nice if this," Mark answered, motioning between them, "happened a lot sooner than it did." Dumbfounded, Randy took a long moment to pause and look at Mark, really unsure of what to say. "…at the risk of sounding uncharacteristically unmanly." Mark jokingly added. The younger man nodded, "yeah, that would have been nice." Taking note of the look his companion now wore, "alright," the larger man said. "Now I sound like some sappy, creepy old man." Randy shook his head, "No, it would have been a great thing…" he drew out.
"You're a horrible liar, kid." Mark said, filling the silence that was growing. "Just spit it out. I can see it there on the tip of your tongue." "I'm sorry; things have been pretty good lately and I'm not trying to get into this again." Orton said. "It's just… strange… to hear you say that… knowing your past." Mark tilted his head to one side, "well, I thought maybe this had to do with Jeff, but the tone of your voice says this is more about me." Randy's hand fell on top of Mark's and he leaned back against the headboard. "No, it isn't. I'm just, I'm not asking you to lie and forget your past. I don't need you to do that for me. I'm happy with the way everything is now. My past and your's behind us. You don't have to pretend your past never happened. It's what's help make you into the guy you are." Mark leaned closer and kissed the nape of Randy's neck, with no purpose other than showing the younger man how much he cared for him. "Sometimes I feel you're the older and wiser of the two of us." Mark said, breaking away. "You must be rubbing off on me." Randy answered. With a sly grin Mark turned so that his body was facing Randy and he let his hands travel on their own, "I think that sounds good right now."
Randy slouched down a bit and Mark maneuvered himself into straddling the Viper below him. Allowing his hands to continue their exploration, Mark attached his lips to any exposed flesh and languidly kissed over every area he could, savoring the taste of the man below him. Not wanting to go any further for the moment, Mark backed away just as Randy was letting his own hands roam the larger frame hovering over him. The look Randy's face wore was too much of a temptation for Mark though; he leaned over again and took over his mouth, where he quickly gained access to what he sought - the warm and wet space he'd grown to know well over their time together. Fighting for dominance, Randy and Mark both romped and rolled around on the bed.
Letting his guard down for just a second, Mark found himself flat on his back. Enjoying the attention he was being shown though, he didn't fight it. He allowed Randy to take control now, so that he could enjoy taking it back later. Randy's long legs settled on either side of Mark's body. He braced his weight against his palms, which rested at the left and right side of Mark's head, on the pillow. Capturing Mark's lips with his own, Randy was easily granted access to the heat he currently desired. Breaking free for a moment of air, he slithered down Mark's body and stopped to kiss at his chest. Randy left a trail of kisses down his stomach and nipped the area below his naval before he finally looked up and saw Mark's eyes closed and mouth opened; his pink tongue swiping across his lips to moisten them a bit. Randy smiled when Mark bit his lower lip and quickly released it, it was a trait that Randy loved, but Mark refused to acknowledge.
Sitting on the haunches of his legs, the younger man pulled away at whatever clothing they had on. The Viper sat back and took in the sight before him, grinning ear to ear. Suddenly becoming embarrassed under the gaze, Mark spoke up. "You forget what to do next?" Randy blinked and shook his head, "no, I'm just admiring, love." Taken back by that, Mark took a moment to register it. "I'm the lucky one," he said finally, sitting up to respond the best way he knew how - kissing the man in front of him. Hearing that from Randy, even if it was a momentary pet name, his heart swelled at the emotion. "Love" wasn't a word either one of them had used before, Mark never used it, not because he didn't feel it, he did, but he wasn't sure how Randy would respond. Already having to deal with so much, it wasn't fair to put him in a situation where he might feel pressured to say it when it wasn't what he felt.
Savoring the taste of his younger lover, Mark took his time when rediscovering the velvety muscle of Randy's mouth. After minutes of enjoying each other's mouths, they pulled apart. Randy reached over to the bedside table to grab a small travel bag that had been placed there beforehand. He fished through the contents and quickly withdrew a tube. Taking it, Mark opened the cap and poured the cool gel onto his fingers. After steadying himself in his position, Randy took to the exposed flesh of the older man's neck. Careful not to leave any marks, he sucked gently on the skin just as Mark asked "are you ready?" Pulling back, he answered, "yes." Once the smaller man had returned to his previous actions, Mark slipped one digit past his the ring of muscle.
Hissing in pain, Orton took a second to adjust to the intrusion and then allowed Mark to continue the ministrations. When Mark felt Randy grow anxious he added a second and third digit and prepared him as well as he could before they both needed more friction. With a few pillows of support behind him now, Mark leaned back, happy to relinquish all control and allowing Randy to set his own pace and cherish the moments before they both slipped into oblivion. Slowly, the younger man took in Mark's length, hissing again in pain. But he knew the pain would quickly subside and turn into pure pleasure and so he settled himself completely and fully.
Mark almost couldn't breathe with the tightness around him. It wasn't like any other he had ever felt. He never was one to relay solely on the sex in a relationship, but with Randy, it felt too amazing to not relish in the pleasures and want to prolong the experience as long as he could.
Randy too felt the same heat between them and enjoyed it just as much, but he couldn't keep still any longer. Even rocking his hips ever so slightly he could feel the jolts of electricity shooting from one to the other. Mark didn't dare move yet though, afraid that his body would take over and end the whole thing sooner than he wanted. He watched Randy's hip roll into his, mesmerized by it. Soon however, his head rolled back, the motions growing in strength. Mark kept his eyes on Randy's face and took pleasure in seeing the pleasure he was receiving. Randy's eyes were shut, his mouth open just a bit, enough for Mark to hear his moans. Feeling eyes on him though, he opened his and when they met with Mark's he leaned in to meet their lips.
Once he pulled his mouth away, the Viper tilted his head and kissed the other man's jaw and soon down his neck where he found Mark's pulse point. He gripped Mark's shoulders as soon as he increased rocking. Neither one of them could hold back the moans of their actions. Hips meeting hips, abs and chests meeting together as well, Randy sucking gently on his neck, feeling the muscles in his thighs flex and relax under his hands - it was far too much for Mark to take and soon he was bucking his own hips up in an attempt to create more fire between them. Leaning forward to catch Randy's mouth, Mark pulled all but one of the pillows from behind him and shifted both of their weight so he could lie back completely. He grabbed hold of the Legend Killer's hips and steadied him as their motions became stronger and more vigorous. The sounds of excitement and passion grew louder as their bodies met at harder and faster pace; their breathing became shallow as they rode dangerously on the edge of satisfaction. "Let me touch you," Mark asked, but waited for no answer. He ran his hand across Randy's sex lines and looked up to see his face as gripped his manhood. "Oh fuck," was what he was rewarded with. With only two strokes, Randy lost concentration on his movements and stopped completely, just as Mark had hoped. his intention was to build up to a frenzy and then settle down before their climax came and went without the chance to truly savor it. Mark took in a deep breathe to calm himself, as he slowly stroked Randy's length, giving him enough pleasure to enjoy, but ensuring that he wouldn't climax just yet. "Please." Randy voiced hitched. "I need more." Giving in to both of their needs, Mark tightened his grip and began thrusting up once again, slowly. "Fuck," was all Randy could muster. All of the sensations that had slipped from him a mere moment ago hitting him hard again. Soon enough Randy's head was spinning as he fought for air. Mark's desires were creeping up and he was soon biting his lower lip, without his knowledge. Now, Randy concentrated on his face and found pleasure in watching his lover's pleasure. Leaning forward to rest his weight on one forearm, he rocked his hips into Mark's, as Mark's thrust in and out of him at an increasing pace. Randy hovered over Mark, and lapped and kissed his chest, working his way up to take his lip in his mouth to nip. He took over his mouth and Mark was happy to swallow the moans that escaped Randy. He gripped Mark's hand on his cock and guided his motions to better suit his desire. "Faster," he pleaded and Mark couldn't deny him any further. Both his hand and his hips moved faster and Randy matched him with his own movements. "I'm right on the edge, Mark." Randy grunted. Every sensation grew too strong; Mark's grip on his waist, his hand gripping his cock and being stretched my Mark's were too much for the younger man and with a last gasp of air, he felt his release spill out over them. The sound of Randy's climax, the increased tightness Randy had on him, the tug and pull he felt on his cock, the moans escaping the younger man and the constant attention from his mouth did Mark in and he released with a howl just a moment behind him.
"Like a Greek God, that's what you are, love," Mark said returning the sentiment from earlier, when he found strength in his voice. Mark pulled out from Randy and allowed him to fall to the side in exhaustion. Randy's lips found Mark's and after a moment he released them. "I wish that this could have happened sooner," Randy said. "I'm happy with you and everything you give to me. I love your family and your kids. I hope you know that I appreciate you and how hard it must have been to give in to this relationship. That isn't just a new pet name, Mark. I do love you." Mark was sure his heart had skipped a beat at hearing those words. "Well," he said after a moment. "It wasn't as hard as you think. It was a great decision and I have absolutely no regrets about making it." He paused for a second. "And I do love you too."
xXx
As arranged, Randy flew out to Texas a day early. "Give me a call when you get there." Randy nodded, "I will. I'll talk to you soon, Mark." he spoke into his phone. "Give the girls a hug for me, will you?" Mark asked. "You got it."
xXx
"Matt, I just don't feel like going out alright. I'm not feeling well, I'm tired and I'm sore. You guys go." Jeff said, lying through his teeth. After giving up, Matt decided to let the subject go. He wasn't sure whether he believed Jeff, but he wasn't going to push the matter anymore. He was certainly still going to worry and probably worry the whole time he was out with the guys, but he was going to drop it.
Jeff had been acting weird the last couple of days and Matt was getting worried he might be ready to go back to his bad habits, which habits those were, he wasn't sure of yet. Once Matt had left, Jeff let out a sigh of relief. He had been waiting for a couple of days to get a couple of hours to himself. He loved his brother, but he had to cringe at how much time they spent with each other. "Can't be healthy for brothers…" he said to himself. He had to distract himself for an or so, just to be sure that Matt was out of the hotel and hopefully already drinking away the work week.
Do it once. And then that's it. You just got tested. You'll be in the clear for a month or so. No one else has to know. Not even Matt. Just avoid Mark at all costs. He'll know. He always knows, that asshole. Jeff thought to himself. Trying to convince himself that he could go through with what he was planning on doing.
He'd been feeling like shit the past two weeks, but he didn't know why. He thought maybe it was that deadly fusion of jealousy and depression, but he waved it off. If that was what he was feeling, he'd rather not deal with it. Feeling like shit and the constant hell his body was in, was beginning to be too much for him to take. Normally he'd be able to talk through any troubles with Matt, but Matt was busy dealing with his own stuff and he didn't want to add himself to that mix for his brother. He thought about maybe calling Mark a few times. Maybe he could help him deal with all of this, he knew Mark wouldn't hesitate to help him. But having to open himself to Mark's life wasn't something he was interested in the moment, no matter how much he would have liked some help in dealing with his issues. The whole situation with Mark and Randy and himself simply made him feel worse and only made his mind race for what he really wanted to do.
Again, thinking about Mark was making him feel worse. Jeff glanced over at the time on the clock. Twenty-six minutes… Matt had to be out of the hotel by now. Sighing, he got up from his spot in bed and put the door jam in place on the door, just in case.
xXx
With a deep sigh, Mark put his book down on the bedside table. His eyes were tired with sleep, but as his stomach had been kindly reminding him, he was very hungry. He looked down at his watch. It was late, but not late enough to drive out for a bite to eat.
A couple of weeks before, he admitted to Randy, all issues of the past long forgotten on Randy's end, that he was feeling bad that Jeff hadn't been so accepting of his friendship. They both agreed to put the past behind them for good and to move on, as friends. Mark wasn't expecting anything drastic, but he certainly was hoping something would change between them. The fact the youngest Hardy brother still didn't want to move on frustrated him, but even more so, it hurt a bit. Once again, mature beyond belief, Randy offered his advice on how Mark could go about gaining this friendship he was seeking.
He fought with himself on whether he would be hurting Randy by doing this. He admitted his feelings for him, and here he was thinking about Jeff. The amazing thing about Randy though, was that he understood Mark's need to try to work things out with Jeff. He knew every bit of their history and was willing to let him have this still. Randy trusted that Mark's feelings were with him, not Jeff anymore. He accepted him with this horrible flaw of caring for those he loved, even when they broke his heart. He cursed himself for having such a great thing right in front of him and still be unhappy about his relationship with Jeff.
With a sigh, Mark grabbed his phone and called Jeff. Even after constant egging from Randy, he still felt horrible going through with it, especially after the night before, but he had to either do it or forget about Jeff completely.
After four rings, Jeff's voicemail played. Hanging up, Mark waited and tried again.
xXx
Jeff walked over to his backpack after making sure the door was locked and the door jam was set. He had gotten this from a guy he knew in North Carolina, not exactly a friend, but someone he had once considered a friend, and because he and Matt had decided to drive into South Carolina for the week's shows, he thought now would be his best chance at doing this.
Walking into the bathroom, he set the clear package full of the white, powdery substance on the bathroom counter and proceeded with his old routine. One line down, Jeff sat back against the bathtub. He hated himself for doing what he was doing, but he knew it'd make him feel better. For a little while, at least. Tilting his head back he closed his eyes and let his mind relax. Unfortunately though, relaxing was the one thing his mind wasn't willing to do. Before he could stop himself, Jeff was thinking about Mark. Thinking about how happy he used to be before everything had been royally fucked up. He wasn't even sure who had screwed up anymore. It wasn't important though. Everything was screwed up and everything he had with Mark was gone. He thought about all the times they'd fought and that made him angry.
What the fuck was wrong with us that we couldn't be just a normal couple? Jeff thought. "Yeah, we're two faggots in a business where we're not allowed to have personal lives. One of us is a drugged-up mess and the other plays house with his fucking family three days a week." He snorted to himself, in disgust. After a moment though, he scolded himself. It's not their fault. We're the ones who are screwed up. He shouldn't have led me on all this time though. Not if he didn't want me to be a part of his family. With a shake of his head he disagreed himself. You we're part of his family. That's why he always came back. You're the one who had to leave before he could leave you.
Feeling himself starting to slip, he looked up at the counter. Holding back whatever tears were starting to form in his eyes of his own doing, he got up and took the remaining line.
xXx
Mark waited a few minutes, thinking maybe Jeff was in the shower and couldn't get to his phone. After a few minutes, he sent a text message. Jeff, I'm starving and thought maybe you would be interested in joining me? - Mark.
After another ten minutes, Mark wanted to just head out on his own, but he wanted to see Jeff and knew he'd feel much too guilty to see him when Randy was around. He finally felt so much relief lifted after the night before, he was afraid doing something like this would set them back again. After taking a moment to shake the thought of how shady it was to want to see Jeff behind Randy's back and trusting Randy enough to believe him when he said he wouldn't mind if he tried to work things out again. As a last resort, Mark thought to try calling Matt. Where one Hardy is, the other is usually nearby.
"Hello?" Matt answered, cupping his hand over his mouth to make sure he could be heard over the loud music playing. "Matt? It's Mark…" Mark answered. "Oh hey, Mark." Matt replied. "Hold on a second, Mark." Mark waited, noting that Matt had probably moved into the bathroom to speak, as the music was barely noticeable now. "What's up, Mark?" "I was wondering if Jeff was with you." he asked. "No, he wasn't feeling too great so he decided to stay back at the hotel. Did you try calling him?" Matt inquired. "I did, but he hasn't answered, so I thought I'd check with you." Matt was sure his brother wouldn't approve of what he was about to ask of Mark, but he wasn't concerned with that at the moment. "Are you at the hotel?" Matt asked him. "Yeah." Mark answered. "Could you go over and check on him for me?" Matt added after a moment, "If you can. I shouldn't have left him by himself." "Yeah." he told him, already getting up and getting his boots on. "I'll go right now. What room?"
Once Matt had given him the room number, Mark was out in the hallway and in the elevator.
xXx
Hearing someone knock on the door, Jeff bolted up from where he was on the bathroom floor. "Shit…. Who the hell is that?" he said to himself. He quickly dusted what little remained of the white powder, washed his face and wiped his nose. "Jeff?" he heard come from behind the door and immediately froze. Shit. Shit. SHIT! he thought to himself after hearing Mark banging on the door. He took a quick moment to appreciate Mark's ability to know exactly when he was doing something he shouldn't have been doing.
With a deep breath he answered out, "who the hell is it?" He hoped his fake, sleepy voice would fool the larger man. "Jeff. Open the door. It's Mark." Jeff grimaced at how both angry and worried Mark sounded. "What is it? I feel like shit and I wanna sleep." "Damn it, Jeff. If you don't open this door…" Jeff ruffled his hair to somewhat play up what he was pretending.
He opened the door and saw Mark standing there, looking ready to ram the door down. "What the fuck, man?" Jeff acted. Mark took a second to study the man before him. "What took you so damn long? I tried calling you, but you didn't answer. Matt said you weren't feeling well and asked me to check on you." he said to him, still studying and noting how Jeff was acting. "I'm sick. Not dying." Jeff said as coolly as he could. "Thanks for coming by, I'll make sure to tell Matt not to bother you next time."
"He wasn't bothering me. I was calling to see if you wanted to get something to eat." The Deadman told him. "Oh." Jeff paused. "Well thanks, but I'm really not feeling well, so if you don't mind, I think…." "Your nose," Mark pointed out, cutting Jeff off. He walked into the room, pushing Jeff back a bit. Jeff reached and felt the thick, red liquid falling from his nose. "Shit…" he said.
Mark pinched the bridge of Jeff's nose and walked him into the bathroom. "Mark, it's just a bloody nose. I've had hundreds of them. I got this." Jeff said, trying to pry Mark from his side. "Yeah, I know you have." Mark said, his voice becoming harsher. He knew. From the moment Jeff answered him, he knew something was wrong. "Sit down." he said, pushing Jeff down onto the closed toilet seat. "Fuck, man. Take it easy or get the hell out. I can take care of this myself." "Lord knows you know exactly what to do." Mark told him. "Fuck you. It's from being sick." Jeff lied again. "Knock off this charade, Jeff." Jeff had to flinch at that. He'd been in this same situation many times and it never got easier hearing Mark yell at him. "Fuck…" "Shut up and stay put," Mark ordered, handing him a clump of tissue paper. He walked out of the room, over to the mini-fridge. Luckily there was a small bucket of ice in there; he took it into the bathroom where he pulled out the bandana he had in his back pocket and wrapped a cube of ice in it. He placed it at the bridge of Jeff's nose, then brought out the small trash can from under the sink for Jeff to dump the soiled tissues, not noticing the flash of fear in Jeff's eyes as he did so. He handed him another wad of tissue as he put the trash can back in it's place and took off into the room.
After a minute, Jeff jumped at hearing Mark. "Where the fuck is it, Jeff?" he yelled, the anger very much apparent in his voice. He walked back into the bathroom as Jeff was wiping the last of the blood. "I don't know what the fuck you're talking about." Jeff said defiantly. Mark nodded in disgust. He turned away for a moment to think back to where he'd found Jeff's stash in the past. He turned back to Jeff, who was standing with a hard look on his face. He was determined to not give anything away. He had to deal with being caught before, but Mark had no business treating him like this now, he thought.
Mark picked up the trash can once again and dumped it's contents into the large sink. It was mostly empty and Mark didn't find anything he was looking for. Finally, he pulled the entire bag from the can and found what he knew was there. He pulled out the small plastic baggy and carefully pulled out the razor blade.
"What's all this shit, Jeff?" Mark asked, his tone now more full of disappointment than anger. He looked at Jeff to answer, but he still held onto his defiance. "I don't owe you an explanation, Mark, so don't act like I do." Jeff tried to walk out of the bathroom that to him, was getting smaller by the minute. Mark quickly caught his arm though. "You don't owe me an explanation? I come here and find this shit here and you don't owe me an explanation?" Jeff shook his head, "let me go, Mark. And get the hell out of here now." When Mark refused to let go, Jeff tried again. "Seriously, get the fuck out now." "You get a couple of bumps and bruises and go straight back this shit to-" Before Mark could finish his sentence, Jeff laid a right hand to his jaw. In his current state though, it wasn't too effective.
Mark finally let go to clutch his aching jaw. It wasn't the most powerful hit he'd ever taken from the smaller man, but it did catch him off guard. Rubbing at the sore spot, he turned back to Jeff, who was trying to still his quivering lip.
"Why?" was all Mark could ask. "Why didn't you go to Matt to help you out with whatever brought you to this? Or Hunter. Why the hell didn't you come to me? I thought you were better than that shit now, Jeff? Why now?" Jeff couldn't hold back anymore. "Why didn't I come to you? How was I supposed to do that?" Jeff held his hand to his ear, as if speaking on a phone. "Hey Mark, it's Jeff. You're ex-boyfriend. Sorry to interrupt you and your new boyfriend, but I'm getting antsy for some coke. Mind coming over and sucking my cock like the good ol' days to help me forget the craving?" Mark lowered his head, half out of embarrassment and half out of not knowing what to say. "Exactly." Jeff nodded. "You could have come to me, Jeff. I thought we were clear on that. I thought we were good." Jeff laughed, "right, Mark. Everything's great between us. I love you, but I can't have you. So let's be buddies. I'm sure Randy wouldn't mind that one bit." he spat bitterly. "He wouldn't." Mark defended Randy. "He wouldn't mind that at all." Jeff couldn't disagree; he knew Randy probably wouldn't mind, but he wasn't going to admit that. Letting all of those memories and heartaches come back to him, Jeff couldn't hold back any of the tears that he had been holding back. He pushed Mark out and locked himself in the bathroom before Mark could stop him. "Just get outta here now, Mark." Jeff swiped his hand in the sink to get rid of the trash and turned the water on. Mark had no intentions of leaving. Especially not now. "Get out here, Hardy." Mark bellowed over the running water. He silently worried himself after realizing that a drugged-up Jeff was emotionally unstable at the moment and locked in the bathroom with the razor blade he had been using earlier. No, he isn't that stupid. Mark thought in an attempt to comfort himself.
Jeff looked at himself in the mirror. He had bags under his eyes and red stains under his nose. He shook his head in disgust and washed his face. He rested his weight on his palms, on either side of the sink. A small glisten caught his eye. He turned to see the small blade sitting on the counter. He picked it up and tapped it against the tile as he looked back at his reflection. He questioned why he had done what he had done. Of course he was in pain; he was always in pain, it came with the job. And of course he was depressed, he went from being with Mark to watching him every week with Randy.
He tried his best to play the Jeff everyone was used to, but inside he was torn up by seeing Mark and Randy so happy with each other all the time. He wanted nothing more than to again be the one who Mark would lead by the small of the back as they walked through a door; he wanted Mark to wrap his arm around his waist for no real reason other than to be closer to him. He secretly wished that it was him who would disappear up into the nosebleed seats of the arena with Mark, just to sit and talk and watch what was happening down below at ringside. The times when Jeff would allow his mind to be free of all the feelings he held towards Mark, he'd turn a random corner in some arena or walk into some hotel bar or restaurant and there they'd be. Flaunting what he couldn't have anymore. The times he hated most were the times he saw them out in the public. He never felt like a dirty secret when he was with Mark, and although they couldn't be together publicly for both of their career's sake, Mark was married then. He had a family that he needed to look out for, first and foremost. Everyone in the company knew, and true to their family bond, no one ever mentioned it to someone who had no business knowing about them. Jeff hated catching a small look or gesture that suggested that there was something much deeper going on than common courtesy between friends. To the world outside of their large, extended family, those glances and touches meant nothing. To Jeff though, they meant everything. He couldn't have those things. If he and Mark had stayed together and had worked through all of their problems, he could have claimed those glances and touches. But they weren't for him, so he hated that they were for Randy. He hated all of it really, and he hated what his feelings made him do.
Mark looked down at his watch. Jeff had been in there for almost an hour. He wasn't sure what he could do. From underneath the door he could see Jeff pacing back and forth and every once in a while he could hear his sighing. He really didn't want to aggravate Jeff anymore than he probably already had, but he was getting antsy just waiting for him.
With a quiet knock at the door, Jeff jumped out of his thoughts. "Mark, please go back to your room. You don't have to worry about me. I'm fine now, alright? I'm sorry about this." he pleaded. "Jeff, you know I can't do that." Mark said. "You know I'm too stubborn to do that." To his relief, he heard Jeff give a short laugh. "Get out here, will you? I've got to use the John." He heard another short laugh. After some fidgeting he heard the door unlock. He reached for the doorknob and opened it, showing Jeff standing there. "All yours." he said, motioning to the toilet, with a slight grin.
Before he could think about what he was doing, he pulled Jeff into a hug and was genuinely shocked when he felt the familiar, small arms wrap around his waist.
"Matt's gonna be so fucking pissed off." Jeff said into his chest. "I'M so fucking pissed off, Jeff." Mark said. "Yeah, but you can't do much with your arms around me." Mark tried to pull his arms away, but he couldn't. Jeff didn't need to be yelled at again, and at the moment, Jeff's health was a little more important than worrying about what he would tell Randy.
After a few minutes of standing together, Mark finally let go and he heard Jeff let out a small sigh. "Jeff, I can't let this go. You know that." he asked. Jeff nodded, "I know." He went out into the bedroom and leaned against the edge of the small table. "For what it's worth, I wasn't planning on going back to this. I was just going to do it this once, to forget about the pain and…. Everything." he trailed off. "That's no excuse, Jeff." Mark said. "You can't do this anymore. Not even just once." He watched as Jeff nodded his head. "Is there any more?" "No. That was all of it." Jeff said. Catching the look on Mark's face, he added, "that was it, Mark. I promise." Jeff sat on the edge of the bed, legs crossed with his arms resting on his knees. "So, are we gonna talk about this?" Mark asked, breaking the silence. All Jeff could do was shake his head, no longer in defiance, but out of shame. "Look man, I appreciate you coming over and helping me out. Again. But this isn't you problem anymore and you don't have to stay and watch over me. Talk to Matt, talk to Vince, do what you gotta do, but there's no need for you to care now." Mark was insulted at those words. "You must really think I'm a grade-A asshole." Jeff looked up in confusion. "Mark…," he said. "It's not like that, I'm just saying you don't have to put up with this anymore." "It breaks my heart to see you using that shit again, Jeff. I don't know why you can't see that I still care about you, no matter what's happened in the past between us. If you need to talk about whatever it is that's got you back in this position, I'm here. I'm always here for you. How is it that you still don't know that?" "Look, I don't want to fight. I didn't come to you because I thought it'd be too weird." the younger man said. "Especially because you're the reason why I wanted this." Jeff knew the second he finished speaking that what he said wasn't fair to say, even if it was partially true.
Six months isn't really a long time to come up with a new chapter, is it? Agh! I'm SORRY! I hope that I haven't lost every single one of you who took the time to read my story. Please don't give up on me. I'm trying. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. It was hell to write. Please, please, please REVIEW and stay with me here. I'm gonna post again soon. I PROMISE! You guys are great. THANK YOU! And again, I promise to update on a much more timely schedule. 3333333333333