Chapter Fifteen: State of Flux

July 19th 1:56am

The night had been full of so many things – some seemingly familiar and some that would certainly qualify as uncharted territory.

There had always been that sense of awkwardness that lay between sorceress and knight, as every action and reaction was often overly-scrutinized by both parties. It seemed that tonight certain boundaries were being tested and, because of that, both were learning how to define the next chapters of their relationship.

Rinoa had been no stranger to pushing his boundaries at times. Yet tonight, Squall found that it was he, himself, who was equally testing his own limitations. A few months ago, the commander doubted that he would be comfortable enough to have her there past curfew; he couldn't say that he was completely comfortable now, but at least that fact wasn't occupying every waking thought. Over the course of months, he had gradually been learning how to live in the moment and accepting the simple moments of life.

Although tonight some things were anything but simple, all thanks to the article of one magazine…

It seemed that this month's issue of the 'Timber Maniacs' was hell-bent on adding its own footnote to their relationship. Honestly, its newest editorial was something that neither would be forgetting for quite some time. Still, neither could say that experience had been all bad. It was because of it that they had found themselves in this position - literally.

In an effort to garner control, Squall and Rinoa had inadvertently found themselves in a faux wrestling match. If this had been an actual fight, his training most likely would have given him the upper hand. However, given that Rinoa was far from his typical enemy and given their current physical positions, even he would have to admit the scales were tipped slightly in her favor.

Earlier, she had resigned to give up the fight for the magazine, but a newfound energy hit her – along with a strong desire not to hear anymore about Caraway as an eligible bachelor. There was only so much stress she could take in a single night and she was well beyond that limit after waiting in line with Selphie.

With one final strike, she had made a last-ditch-effort to seize it from his hands, but he had easily managed to evade the attack. Although there was one positive result of the assault – the magazine was accidentally knocked out of both of their reach. She had already been pinned in a rather awkward position but without the distraction between them - this fact was quite evident to both.

Rinoa tried to jokingly play off the situation. "I can't believe you did that! I need that thing in mint condition. I had every intention into tricking you into signing the cover and then auctioning it to the highest bidder. I'm still hoping to save enough for a car of my own one day."

"Really, you think somehow I wouldn't notice that I was signing a picture of my bare chest? Not to mention profiting off your boyfriend… That's just low. Sounds like you've been hanging around Selphie too much."

"Hey, I resent that and so would Selphie! … Although, it may be sorta-kinda-true that she did give me the idea, but that's so beside the point right now, mister." Rinoa tried to squirm from his grasp, but at that moment fate intervened. A sharp pain in her calf shot up through her leg and she ended up groaning incoherently. "Gra-ouch."

"You hurt?" Still rather puzzled, he looked down at her, simultaneously releasing her hands. "Or just calling me a grouch?"

"Can't it be both?" she said with a mischievous grin, trying to overlook any residual pain. "No, it was just a stupid leg cramp. Apparently, I was unaware a meal with you carried a prerequisite of fifteen minutes of stretching out before hand."

Squall inwardly winced upon hearing the term 'leg cramp.' Damn that stupid magazine and having thoughts of his, to paraphrase, 'fine, talented, visionary' father still on his mind. At least he was able to push that to the side rather quickly. Then again, the fact that he was still sitting on top of her might have had something to do with it.

He leaned forward, placing his hands on the floor and daring to move tauntingly closer to her face and softly teased, "Hasn't our training at the beach taught you anything?"

Rinoa bit her lip trying to come across as completely innocent. "Maybe?" She paused briefly before adding, "You mean something like the fact you become speechless at the thought of skinny-dipping and were rather easily fooled?"

Seriously, that was the last thing that he needed to be thinking about right now. She had been joking, of course, but that uncomfortable reminder did nothing for their current situation and made him instinctually turn away. Now his mind could vividly picture the moment when she tossed her 'extra' shirt in front of him and, yes, he was speechless and unable to move. It was a feeling of helplessness he disliked greatly – as this moment was quickly mirroring.

Soon as the words left her mouth, she mentally wanted to kick herself, especially after he had turned away and was unable to look at her. "Sorry," she mumbled apologetically, "I meant to say - be prepared for anything - that's what you taught me."

Just as many times before, he knew that he was over thinking and she was once again apologizing for being herself. Turning back, he was going to give one of his typical 'it isn't your fault' type answers, but he never managed those words. Instead, the moment he looked into her eyes he was completely aware of everything and somehow a grumbled apology seemed all but irrelevant. Whether it was the lateness of the hour, the lack of sleep, or their position…he instead opted for a much less 'Squall' response.

"Next time we're on the beach, I won't be either speechless or fooled by your suggestions and just like when you promised that 'you'd never take a bath at my place' again, you better be prepared to stand by your words. If you suggest anything like skinny-dipping, I expect you to have the courage to follow through."

Rinoa didn't even have the time to try to wrap her mind around his meaning. It was one of those moments that happened quickly in real life, yet seemed to register only in slow-motion. The last thing she anticipated was him leaning over and kissing her, his actions both tentative and tender. She had not expected for her body to react in such a way or her emotions to be so overwhelming. As his body gently pressed against her, her mind could recall every time they had been in this position and how it always seemed to end before it ever truly began. Even a few days ago they had been in this very apartment, in his bed no less, in a very similar position. However, that day there were mitigating factors and she knew their time would be short-lived as she had been on a work break after all and he was still serving his 'so-called suspension.'

But what was there to truly stop them now?

Her mind kept asking this and knowing his rational side, he was well-aware of this too. Rinoa was already preparing herself for the moment he would regain control. She knew it was always a matter of 'when' rather than 'if' and, in a way, she was thankful for that… But, in the meantime, she couldn't help but let herself get lost in the sensations.

His hands had found themselves traveling the skin of her back, much like the few moments of exploration he allowed himself in Trabia. Still, it all felt new and against all better intuition, he just wanted these moments with her. God, he needed these moments with her.

It was this moment of exploration that led to discovery…which led to questions. As unlike Trabia, this time she was still wearing a bra. As his hands ran over the contours of her back and shoulders, he could feel the material beneath his fingers. He couldn't help thinking how uncomfortable and intrusive it might be, even the fabric seemed like it would be itchy. The thought of this somehow fascinated him, probably more than it should have. As his lips roughly collided with her, he tried to concentrate, although he couldn't shake his newfound fascination with questions of her undergarment.

Unfortunately, he had been unaware that his momentarily lapse in consideration had been obvious. Rinoa could sense that something was bothering him, although she never would have guessed what.

Rinoa's fingertips gently caressed his cheek as she pulled away. Already dreading his answer, she softly posed the obvious question. "Squall, what's wrong?"

His brow furrowed as his actions stopped cold. How in the hell was he going to get out of this one and not sound like completely inept? So, much like the rest of the evening, he tried not think about consequences. So even if he was going to come off sounding like a complete buffoon, he was going to be one-hundred percent completely honest.

"I was just wondering about your bra. Is it uncomfortable? I mean…just thinking about how annoying it would be, I guess."

…He wanted to do nothing more than hide after that.

Rinoa managed to stifle a laugh. It was just that he seemed so sincere about his question that she didn't want to ruin this moment for the world. The fact that he had felt comfortable enough to even ask was beyond anything she could have imagined months ago.

"You get used to it, although some fabrics differ from others, but in general, I don't even think about it anymore… I suppose it's a personal thing though, so I can only answer for myself."

"Ahhh," he answered, nodding his head slowly. "Guess that's good – seems kind of annoying to me."

"Well, it can be at times…" Her voice trailed off as her palm cupped his jaw. Nervously, she said the next words so softly that he wasn't sure if she had actually said them or his mind was just playing games. "The trick can be getting them unhooked, but if you want to try...I wouldn't mind."

Squall wanted to – damn did he want to.

He wanted to unhook it, take it off, and so much more, but the timing wasn't right. He just hoped that whatever he answered with wouldn't completely ruin the mood. "Rinoa, it's just-"

Thankfully, he never had to go further. Rinoa placed a finger over his lips, gently silencing him. "Shhh, it's perfectly fine. No need for explanation. I spoke without thinking."

"No you didn't, not at all. Believe me, I really, really want to - just not quite yet," he said quickly. Again, he surprised himself with his candor as apparently, his mouth was no longer working in conjunction with his mind.

"You know what, like someone said to me, I'm going to hold your word… I expect you to follow through."

She reached her hand around, grasping the back of his neck, and pulled him back down to her - and he willingly complied as their lips again made contact. It seemed that even with this minor setback neither wanted the momentarily closeness to end.

To him, there was something beautiful in her understanding. She was right, no words, no explanations, or no excuses were needed. That was a lesson that both had to learn at times. Truth be told, he was also glad that he could ask her questions, no matter how out-of-the-blue or ridiculous they would sound to others. She didn't laugh or care, she only offered him understanding.

With every kiss he found himself lost between acts of aggression and moments of restraint. If he also dared admit, there was something extremely tempting about the fact that she had given him permission to move forward. As the palm of his hand brushed against the metal clasps of the bra, her earlier offer only taunted him further.

For both of their sakes, he knew this shouldn't go on much longer. He knew what needed to be done; it was only a matter of finding the willpower. Finding the strength, he pulled away. Thankfully, she understood without what would most likely be a pathetic attempt at explanation on his part. She only nodded to him with a sincere smile; he saw no resentment or bitterness in her actions. In fact, he believed he could read the opposite in her eyes.

Rolling onto his back, he urged her to lay her head on his chest. This was a position they had been no stranger to in the past and he was glad when she had willingly accepted his invitation, again all without question. Reaching down, Squall interlocked their fingers - again something he had grown accustomed to over the course of time. This was a moment that both could cool down, regain a normal heartbeat, and remember the simple act of breathing.

Rinoa laid there thinking of just how far they had progressed with their relationship. From a first dance that was awkward at times to breaking curfew and 'making out' (for lack of a better term in her mind) on his apartment floor. She wondered exactly why they had stopped – if it was only because of timing or because neither was prepared. This had been a subject, a tension, that had always been between them, well not technically always, but it was becoming more apparent recently.

She couldn't say how long they had been there – five, ten minutes? Part of her wanted to address the situation of their physical relationship, more importantly the future of it, but somehow every time she wanted to speak, her mind suddenly went numb. She wondered if other couples faced similar problems or if the topic of sex was relatively easy for them. It had come up, albeit briefly, on a few occasions, but it was always in passing.

If in any other circumstance she would have talked to one of her friends. In this particular case, the closest friend in Balamb she could talk to was Selphie, but Selphie and Irvine's relationship was quite literally the polar opposite of her and Squall. Heck, those two probably had the conversation over appetizers on their first date. In a way, Rinoa was envious of that fact – of how easily and openly the subject was to them. Quistis was probably a little bit more reserved than Irvine, but not someone Rinoa wanted to confide in at all. Honestly, if push came to shove, that conversation would probably be a little more awkward than announcing it point blank to Squall. Of course there was Zell, but again, she doubted it would go well. Honestly Squall probably wouldn't want anything discussed with anybody… Which pretty much led her back in circles.

In his silence, she wondered if he was thinking the same thing, wondering how to bring up the topic. It seemed in this case she wouldn't have to wonder much longer.

"Rinoa, I'm not sure how to bring this up, especially after everything tonight…"

Her body tensed, but there was also a sense of relief at least it would be out in the open.

Squall continued, "But do you think you could head back to your room…before anyone sees."

"Oh, okay," she softly agreed outwardly, although inwardly she was at a loss.

It had been her own fault for thinking something different. Then again, truthfully, she honestly didn't want to leave. It was selfish, yes, but she couldn't help the way she felt. "Yeah, I understand… It just seems to me that if anyone sees me in the halls after curfew, pretty good chance they're breaking it too, but I get where you're coming from. Can I ask one favor though? Just a few more minutes, please? It's selfish and stupid, I know, but I want to stay a little longer… I'll go then, promise."

He couldn't find the words to respond, mainly because there was a part of him that wanted her there too, even if it was just the few minutes she requested. He thought it was better for him to leave that thought to himself and remain silent.

Instead, he acknowledged the request by a simple nod, turning her so that she was facing away from him. At that point, he stood up and turned off the overhead light. When he returned he grabbed the blanket that had earlier served as their makeshift tablecloth. Gently, he placed it over her before lying down at her side. Momentarily, he hesitated whether to put the blanket over himself too, but decided under the circumstances, it was best to remain this way. Still, there was no uncertainty when he placed his arm around and held pulled her towards him. His eyes closed as he decided to take this time of closeness for everything it was…if only for a few minutes.

July 19th 6:14am

"Wake up."

She barely heard the voice. It was more like a whisper echoing through her subconscious. Her mind often played tricks and this was no different. Plus, it was earlier and the more stubborn part of her brain refused to even acknowledge the words.

So she slept…

"Hey, time to get up."

Nothing. Nada. Not even the bat of an eyelash.

When she still hadn't moved a solitary muscle, he nudged her softly at first, but then a little more. Even in the current situation, the young man couldn't help but stifle a small laugh at her fierce determination. He often had seen that type of grit from her in battle; it was only ironic that this time it showed up in her sleep.

"Rinoa, wake up. I have breakfast... and coffee. Lots of coffee – not decaf either. The good, very strong stuff."

Still, nothing…not even a small groan from the bed's offending occupant. If he hadn't been able to clearly see her breathing there might have been cause for concern – even a Stop or Petrify spell didn't seem out of the question considering.

"Well, there has to be more than one way to skin-a-cat or, in this case, wake-a-Rinoa," he thought. As 'plan A' had greatly failed, he decided it best to move onto 'plan B.' Leaning down, he had all but given up on the whispering, this time opting for a more authoritative tone. "I was warned back in Timber about you and if you even put on scratch on me, I'm getting a pet tarantula."

Silence.

He sat on the edge of the bed watching her sleep. Neither of them had much sleep, but it was quite apparent that Rinoa was not trained in the same way he had been. He couldn't help his small grin as his hand reached out and brushed through her hair.

"Hey, wake up…don't make me repeat the key phrases of – Fury Caraway and body of a Galbadian God." Her only response was continued silence. "Fine, we'll obviously have to do this hard way. You've forced me to move onto plan C."

This situation had suddenly called for drastic measures. Personally, he wondered how one person could sleep so soundly in another's bed. Then again, the concept getting any sort of decent rest had often escaped him. It was most likely due to the nature of his work and years of training, but a good-night's-rest was considered a rarity to him.

This morning he felt rather adventurous, which in this regard was also a rarity for him. Maybe it was from some newfound exhilaration from taking this chance or maybe it was finally going from beyond the norms of his traditional conduct. Either way, he was starting to feel that living in the moment and just accepting her presence had its upside.

Standing up, he noiselessly walked to the end of the bed and un-tucked all the blankets. Reaching his hand under the sheet, he ran his fingertips across the bottom of her right foot, before going into a full-blown tickle.

"Spider!" he shouted rather loudly.

She kicked both legs vigorously in a futile attempt to impede the advances.

"Damn it, stop it!" she cried agitated from under the blankets, although Squall could swear she was still soundly asleep while cursing at him. Now that he had distracted her enough, he could proceed with his main plan as that had only been the decoy attack. It was in that second 'the lion' pounced on his prey, pinning her to the bed. Even with him laying over her, she only half woke from her slumber.

…The girl could sleep.

"Squall?" she questioned groggily.

"Would you be expecting someone else?"

"Huh, wha-? Who?" she muttered in her confusion.

It was that minute the realization hit her and her eyes fluttered open. There was something unfamiliar about everything – from mattress, to the sheets, to even the man staring down at her. She certainly didn't know who he was at the moment. However, being aware of her surrounds had helped her shake most of the lingering sleep. Not to mention the fact that her boyfriend was literally holding her down on the bed. Something very un-Squall-like to say the least then again he had been full of surprises lately. She would have sat up, or tried to move, but the part that could process pertinent information, given the early hour, was content being the powerless quarry.

"So, care to explain?" Rinoa tried to look around, but instead was majorly distracted in the 'scenery' directly in her line-of-sight. It was then that a sudden realization dawned on her and what her being in his apartment could possibly mean. "Oh god, Squall… I was here all night…I shouldn't have been."

It appeared that with her words, he fell back into normal patterns. She could visibly notice as his expression changed; the person from just a second ago seemed to be fading. If she hadn't felt so guilty about staying she would have been upset over this lost opportunity, but even she knew how this could turn against him. She was the one who wanted for a few minutes, yet today, she wished that she had never asked – moreover, that he had never answered.

With a deep breath, he rolled off of her and back to his previous position sitting on the bed. Squall Leonhart was no longer the playful lion; instead, he had reverted back into Balamb's serious commander.

Even if these moments were 'short-lived' they were still 'lived.' Hopefully both would move forward with those thoughts. Even as he sat there and was about to explain, he just couldn't find it in himself to get that upset. The last few days truly had been steps forward. It was with that huge revelation that he turned back to her, offering a small, reassuring smile.

"We both ended up falling asleep on the floor last night. I honestly didn't think there was any way I possibly could…but I did. I woke up a few hours later and, given the time, you going back to your room seemed rather arbitrary. At that time, curfew technically had under an hour to go. So...carried you in here and then I went back to floor for a while. I can't believe you didn't wake up…at all."

"How much trouble is this going to cause…am I going to cause?" She shook her head at the possibilities. As much as she wanted it to, even his smile couldn't reassure her that she wasn't to blame. "I never meant to – I'm so sorry."

"It's not you, don't even think that. This was my choice." He couldn't believe he was saying that; he couldn't believe he believed that. It might have taken some time, and there would still be setbacks, but it was only what they knew that mattered. The truth. "If I was really worried about it I would have never called you last night. I'll take responsibility for what I've done."

"But Squall…"

The hunter once again returned, well, sort of. Rolling back onto the bed, Squall laid down and propped himself up with one elbow. And just like the night before, it was now his turn to silence her by pressing a finger to her lips.

"Shh… Seriously, Rin, you know it's been different around here since the Garden Faculty left. I know people will talk, but they always did and always will. Besides, you were still technically in a room by curfew…or somewhere there about."

"That's not funny."

"I'm just stating the facts... And look, if I'm the one reassuring you about consequences, well, take that for what it's worth. I promise things are different."

Hearing him through, she realized that his last comment had two possible meanings and he didn't mean the most obvious. "Things are different," she reassured with a smile.

His comment wasn't about the state of Garden; it was about their relationship.

He was grateful that she let it drop at that. Reaching over, he mockingly tugged on her pillow as if he was going to pull it out from under her. "I'd ask you how you slept, but I think the answer is extremely apparent."

"I slept perfectly," she answered, closing her eyes enjoying the moment for one last second. "I don't think I've felt so rested for a very, very long time. In a way, everything kind of turned out well - perfect… Although, I can't shake this nagging feeling that there's a nest of spiders or something nearby. Seriously, I've always managed to get gut feelings about these types of things in the past. Any chance of possibly, maybe, getting an exterminator to come out again?

"Spiders, huh? I'll look right into that." He managed with a straight face, although it was becoming increasingly difficult.

She squinted her eyes at him. "Somehow… I feel like I'm missing something here and you're enjoying this at my expense."

"Me?"

"Whatever, I give up, guess you've forced me to move on to plan C," she groaned, quickly tiring of his evasiveness. "Oh, one last favor about the exterminator, this time can you preferably not hire one that wears stilettos and skin-tight dresses? Still not sure how you picked her...must have had an impressive ad in the phone book, right?"

"I'm not ever living that down, am I? Anyway, as I already explained back then, I'd given her permission to stay and enjoy Zell's birthday party. It's not like she wore that to do her job in…I had no clue what she'd be wearing afterwards…or wouldn't be wearing afterwards. Then again, Irvine spoke highly of her, which might have been my first clue."

"First and last clue, Leonhart! First and Last!"

He shrugged as if conceding her point. "You're right, who would wear heals that high and a skirt that short to a SeeD event?"

She grabbed the pillow from under her, playfully giving him a much-deserved smack and repeated his earlier sentiment. "And I'm never living that down, am I? That's it, I'm getting up and you better have a pot of coffee brewing."

Sitting up, Rinoa paused briefly, again making eye contact. "Squall, I mean seriously strong coffee, no-decaffeinated crap…something tells me I'm going to need all the 'caffeinated' I can get to make it through today. I keep getting these weird mental images of Caraway, dressed as one of those gods from those legends, and then holding a tarantula, a pet maybe? Don't ask, I have no idea how my mind comes up with this stuff."

He shook his head. It was better not to even venture a guess into the inner workings of her mind, but then he realized something…

It might have been chalked up to one of the most amazing coincidences ever, but he doubted that. Rinoa had unknowingly repeated several of his words back to him. The things he had whispered to her earlier now seemed to be breaking from a subconscious state into a conscious one. He was most likely making too much of this; she probably wasn't in as deep of sleep as he had originally thought.

There would be time to piece this together later. But for now, he couldn't have agreed with her more, he just needed coffee…and lots and lots of it.

*Important Story Note: Chapter 15 1/2*

The next 'scene' was posted as a special update for my ten-year anniversary. It's not critical to the story's plot. It's technically a standalone, but may be referenced later on. The chapter/story is called "Waking Moments" and is posted under my Eternal Tiet account. Since ffnet cuts links, this can be found linked at the very top of my Ashbear bio.