"How are you?" Randy asked as he took a seat, Mark doing the same. "I'm torn," he answered honestly. "Between fixing our future and going back to something so familiar with Jeff." Randy turned his head away from Mark, to look out the giant window in front of them. "I am sincerely sorry for what I did. To both you and Jeff. I shouldn't have let what happened happen. I take full responsibility for my actions. It was never my intention to do something that would hurt you though. That night," Mark continued, as Randy didn't seem to have anything to say. "I did want to see Jeff, but to have dinner. I couldn't get a hold of him, so I called Matt. He asked me to check on Jeff because he wasn't feeling well earlier that night."
Randy's face was stone, he gave no response to what Mark was explaining, he simply continued to stare out of the window. "I found him in a bad place," Mark said, not wanting to expose the truth. "He needed me and before I could stop us, I had already let things get out of hand. I'm sorry that I wasn't strong enough to think of you first, as I should have been. I'm embarrassed of my own actions throughout the past months. I should have never put you in the position you've been in, without first dealing with everything in a proper manner." Randy still showed no emotion to the Phenom. He crossed his leg and threw one arm over the back of the sofa he was sitting on.
"It seems like I've been apologizing for the same thing over and over again, but I can't seem to change my ways. I wanted things to be easy for us all. Maybe that was too much to ask, and again, that's my fault." Mark knew he was rambling, so he stopped to take a deep breath and gather his thoughts. "I asked far too much of you, but you always took it in stride. I can't thank you enough for the grace and maturity you've shown, but I know I shouldn't have ever asked it of you. You have to understand that I wasn't looking to sleep with him that night. I was never looking for that." Mark had never been so lost on what to say. He fumbled over his words as nothing seemed to be enough to convey how he truly felt. "I should have held your feelings above both mind and Jeff's, I should have better protected you from all of this." He sighed, "I shouldn't have hurt you, Randy. I am deeply sorry for that."
Randy nodded, partly because he wasn't sure of what to say, he knew Mark was sorry for his mistake, and partly because he was afraid his voice would betray him if he tried to speak. Mark moved from the seat his was in and sat on the coffee table in front of the sofa, partially obscuring the Viper's view. "Isn't there anything you have to say?" Mark asked, his brow furrowing. "What would you like me to say, Mark?" the younger man finally said, shrugging his shoulders and sitting forward, leaning his forearms on his knees. Mark could see Randy's eyes betraying his cold demeanor. "Forgive me. Hit me. Talk to me, please." Mark wanted any type of reaction. He could see there was so much the younger man was thinking.
"If it's my forgiveness you want, Mark, I do forgive you." Randy said. "But I don't know what else it is you want from me?" "I can see it your eyes, love." Randy flinched at the term of endearment. Mark saw this and he was ashamed of how much he had hurt the other man. He continued, "I can see you have more going on up there," Mark grabbed the back of Randy's head, moving closer to him. Randy wasn't ready for that though, and pulled his head away gently. Mark sighed and lowered his own in shame. "Please, tell me what you're thinking." The Viper thought for a moment before speaking. "I do have a lot on my mind, but none of it is worth saying." he lied. While he really wanted to say what he felt, he stopped himself from doing so because it was unfair to them both to give either one of them any sort of hope of reconciliation.
It hurt him to say what he was about to; his thoughts jumbled in his head and stuck in his heart. He wasn't ready to give up Mark, but he knew he needed to because there was no point in trying to fight for something that was never his to begin with. He did truly forgive Mark for the indiscretion, but he couldn't stay and wait for it to happen again. It was fair to assume that Mark wasn't the only one at fault for what happened. He knew that Mark was withholding details that would part an equal amount of blame on Jeff. He would never put any blame on the other man because that was simply how Mark was; he took responsibility for his mistakes and bore all the guilt that came with it. Randy didn't want Mark to feel guilty, he knew he would, and it was important to make sure the older man understood that he didn't have to feel guilty. What was done was done, and on Randy's part, all was forgiven.
Randy took a deep breath through his nose and slowly released it through his mouth. "A while back, I told you, and Jeff, that I was aware there was a part of you that I couldn't have because it belonged to Jeff." He swallowed, looked at Mark, trying to ignore how heartbroken Mark's eyes seemed to be. "I wasn't aware just how great that part of you was, but I was aware of it. These past months, I've known exactly what I was getting in the middle of; I stayed because I wanted to be with you, regardless of your history with him. It was worth it; you were worth it. But as happy as I was with you, I think we both knew that, as much as we tried to avoid it, someone was going to get hurt. I certainly didn't want to be that person, but -"
Mark didn't want to listen anymore, "love, please..." he silently begged for him to stop talking. His heart was so torn between Randy and Jeff, but he couldn't bring himself to just give up on the man in front of him. It was too hard and he wasn't ready to do so. "Someone had to get hurt, Mark." Randy said, meeting Mark's green, sullen eyes. "And that's alright, better than it ends now before the three of us get in any deeper." he let out a soft and sad chuckle, "It may sound a bit pathetic of me, but it's enough for me knowing you didn't want to hurt me." Mark shook his head and reached out to hold the other man's hands in his own. "I'm so sorry," was all he could say. "I know you are," Randy said, staring down at their hands, sad that it would be the last time.
"I don't want you to be sorry though, and I don't want you to feel guilty anymore." Randy said, both shocked and surprised to see Mark the way he looked. He wasn't expecting the bigger man to respond in this way. He thought Mark would have been relieved that he wasn't putting up a fight. It made it that much harder for him to go about letting him go.
"Tell me what I can do or say for you to change your mind, to forgive me for all I've put you through?" Mark asked, leaning down to bring their cupped hands to his forehead. "I don't have to see him anymore. I won't…" Randy's own heart broke and his resolve waived for a moment as he watched the normally strong and sometimes stoic man beg for his forgiveness. That made it harder on him to finish what he needed to finish. "There's nothing left to say, Mark and I do forgive you," Randy said, "for everything." he added. He had never seen Mark in such a distraught manner; he was always strong enough to handle anything.
After a few moments, Mark took a deep breath and raised his eyes to meet Randy's. He could see the slight resolve, but he could also see how determined the young man was. He didn't want to be hurt again and this was his way out before Mark could do it again. Mark knew it was selfish to want him to stay, but that didn't change how he felt.
"My love for you is genuine, Randy, despite my past actions and lack of saying so," Mark finally said after regaining the strength in his voice and his appearance. Randy nodded, slightly smiling at the bigger man, "and so is mine," he said. "Then will you please rethink-" Mark began, but was cut off. Randy shook his head, "and so are your feelings for Jeff and his for you, which actually makes this easier for me. I don't want to do this, but I know you're torn between the two of us, and I want to make it easier for you."
Randy let go of the other man's hands and stood up. Mark standing up just after him, looking into Randy's eyes, his own still pleading with him to change his mind, but with no use. Randy questioned his next move, but knew it was something he wanted before leaving. Before he could follow through with his actions though, Mark wrapped his large, tattooed arms around his neck. Randy rested his forehead against the taller man's shoulder, letting his own hands move to rest on his hips. After a moment, they each pulled away, with Mark pausing for a moment to gently kiss Randy's cheek. Both men let go of one another and looking into Mark's green, heartbroken eyes once more, Randy told Mark, "please, remember that despite my walking away, my love for you is also genuine."
Mark looked down at the floor and swallowed to stop himself from begging yet again. He could see just how hurt Randy was, though he tried to hide it. It wasn't fair to ask him to stay when he was still unsure of what he wanted, in spite of his declaration to not see Jeff anymore. Had Randy stayed, he would have followed through with that promise, but without him, he was still stuck between the two. Glancing up, he saw Randy open the door and walk out of the room, leaving him there with his thoughts.
Well, that was a bummer to write. Still though, I hope you all enjoyed it and are looking forward to the next chapter. I know this one was short, it was supposed to be longer, but I just couldn't bring myself to continue with a different part.
Where do you all stand now on Team Randy or Team Jeff? - I seriously loved how split this story was on Jeff fans and Randy fans. I hope things are still split. It makes things more fun. Haha. =)
Again, as for the timeline, i'm far, FAR too lazy to go by actual dates and such, so I'll kind of make things up (as I pretty much have been, haha). So... SPOILER ALERT... Jeff doesn't quit or get fired. I think I'm passed that time, but yeah... he doesn't.
So, yeah... REVIEW! and give me some feedback. Tell me if it sucks or if it made your cry or made you want to throw your computer across the room. Tell your friends FortheLoveofWrestling is back and this story will be updated within a reasonable timeframe. =)