Taking a seat on the sand, with Liam still in my arms, I let him settle into a spot next to me as we shared our plate of food.
"Here, these are for you two," Quil said handing us a chilled can of soda and a juice box in one hand.
"Thank you," I chirped, taking them from him as I went back to cutting up some chicken for Will.
Leah and Cole came to sit next to us a while later, Will now happy as a clam he was getting all of the attention. Will really seemed to warm up to Cole. I think it was because he made Leah really happy and toddler could see that.
"So have you started planning anything for the wedding yet?" Leah wondered.
"You're kidding right?" I laughed.
"Are you guys thinking of a big wedding?" Cole wondered.
"I don't think so, not huge. I mean, we'll have all of us here, the Cullens, my aunt and maybe some other people."
"What about Sam's family?" Cole asked.
"I…" trailing off, I didn't know much about his family. The thought hit me, and shocked me a bit. I really didn't know much about Sam's past at all.
"Bella?" Leah wondered.
"Mommy? Can I have another juice?" Will asked.
"Yea," I said getting up, ignoring the couple beside us. Wiping the sand off my butt, I trotted over to the cooler and pulled out a cold juice box.
"Hey, you okay?" Sam asked coming over to me. Reading my face, he stopped me from walking passed him in a zombie like state and waited till I met his eyes.
"Where is your family?" I wondered.
"What do you mean? They're right here," he said confused.
"No, I mean like your mother or father. Do you even have any siblings?" I asked.
"where is this all coming from?" he said curiously.
"I didn't even think what I don't know about you. I mean, you know about my mom, and Charlie of course, but it never crossed my mind where you came from or who raised you. Siblings?" I wondered again.
"No, not that I know of," Sam answered cautiously.
"So…others? Father? Alive? Dead? Missing?" I asked, heightening my pitch with each word.
"Okay, relax," he said taking my shoulders to calm myself.
"Sam, I don't know you," I said slowly, "I don't know anything about you. When did you graduate from high school? Did you graduate from high school? What were your friends like? What were you going to do before becoming a wolf? Were you smart? Did you do well in school?"
"Bella," he said in a deep tone while lowing himself by the knees to try and catch my eyes, "slow down. I'll answer anything you want me to. Let's take a walk," he bargained.
"I can't, I'm eating," I said trying to put together my jumbled thoughts, "and I have to give this to Liam," I spoke holding up the juice.
"Cole, think fast," Sam called slipping the fruit drink out of my hand and tossing it at him. Cole caught it with ease and handed it over to Liam.
"I'll make sure someone saves you some more food for when we get back, now come on, walk with me," Sam said again trying to lead us away from the large crowd. Sucking in a huge breath and slowly letting it out, I followed along and hoped for the best.
"I grew up with my mom and dad. My mom died in a car accident when I was 10 and by the age of 18, I was a wolf," Sam explained. "I phased in the summer month right before I was going to go to college on a small football scholarship, so I had to drop all of my future plans and fulfill my destiny as a wolf. Billy and Harry helped me learn all about werewolves, my responsibility, and why I had phased. Since I accepted the alpha role, my dad and I butted heads often- he was the alpha of this tribe when vampires arose too. He had stepped down a little while later after my mom and him had me but he still had those qualities you know? So he moved to the Makah tribe, just north of us. I don't really see him that often, distance has really gotten the best of us. Actually, in all honesty, I forgot about him. He hasn't been apart of my life for so long that he just doesn't seem to exist," Sam said watching me from the corner of his eye. "So anyways, he moved, I sold the house and got my own to start a new life. Then I met Emily and you know stuff from there," he said with an awkward pause.
"So, you're dad is alive," I croaked out. After all of this time I had to get to know Sam, I never once batted an eye at the parent figures in his life. "Sam, you're father is alive and you didn't care to tell me that? What- what else don't I know?" I wondered.
"Bella, its not that big of a deal. He isn't the greatest man, I mean, he isn't the worst either he is just him ya know? We can go see him together if you want? I-I don't know what to tell you," he trailed off.
"Sam, we are getting married- you proposed to me, and your dad doesn't even know of the girl in your life. Answer me this, did Emily know? Has she met your father?"
"Yes but…"
"Sam!" I said now fuming. "God…fuck! He doesn't even know me! He probably thinks you're still going out with her. Geez! How could you do this?" I asked.
"Bella wait!" he said as I sharply turned to run off, "Emily only met of my father because of her family comes from that same reservation. She grew up on the Makah res, and got to know him. That's how we met and…Bella, please," he said catching my arm.
"You have a father, a real live father Sam," I said with tears in my eyes. "He's the parent that more than partially raised you. And how can I- how do I live with someone…marry someone," I corrected, "that I don't even know anymore? Or his family doesn't even know me. It's like to you- outside of the Pack and my friends and family, I don't exist."
"yes you do," he whined.
"No, Emily does," I forced.
"Is that what this is about then?" He wondered, "You're jealous of Emily?"
"What? No!" I roared, "I'm mad at you! If Cole hadn't asked about who would be coming to our wedding - or hell, if and when I even had the time to sit down and think about it, I would have never known. I feel like I don't know you, and without knowing you, I can't trust you. My feelings are so screwed up because of this stupid imprint pull. I want to hate you right now but it kills me inside to do so," I cried out.
"I'm sorry," he called, as I pulled myself away from him.
"Yea, well sorry doesn't cover it," I called back as I rejoined the party. My heart was aching and I was so upset I could barely function. Maybe it was unreasonable of me to lash out like this but I hated it. I hated that jealous feeling of Emily having a one up on me but everything I said was true. It bothered me to no end that I really didn't know Sam. It made me wonder if everything was now worth it. I had spent years of my life with a stranger (or at least that's how it felt.)
"Bells! Come on, we can start setting up everything," Jake chirped.
"not now Jake, it's not the time," I said with sniffles as my head was down. Maybe if I had taken the time to talk with him, get to know him more. I mean, we really did just jump in a relationship when we met…
"What happened?" he wondered, tilting my chin to look at me. He met a teary eyed face, but not my eyes. I diverted them with every chance I got.
"What happened?" he asked again more worried.
"Thank you for the amazing party, but I really need to get out of here. I'm so sorry, and I know that doesn't even make it fair but I have to go, I need to go okay?" I said desperate to get away before Sam could stop me again.
"Hey! Wha-…Bells?" Paul asked coming to stand near Jake and I. after noticing my tear stained face he knew something was wrong. "Where's Sam?"
"Here," the voice boomed. I flinched in the slightest and prayed to just get away from here.
"Thank you again," I said kissing Jake's cheek before running off.
"Wait!" Sam called.
"Go away!" I yelled.
"Bella!" he said catching up to me. He pulled me back by the shoulder and put me in a dead stop.
"I don't want to talk to you. And I don't want to be here right now, let me go," I said.
"I know sorry doesn't make up for anything Bella, but I am. I didn't think about my father and I'm sorry for that Baby, I am so sorry. But if Emily didn't matter then why bring her up? I know it bothers you Bella, please talk to me."
"It's the part where you still have her in your life. She can and probably will know more than anything than I ever will in your life. We are pulled together by the gods or fate or some crap like that. And it's these days, these times like this, that I hate imprinting. I hate the thought of it, the involvement in it and everything about it."
"Bella," he sighed.
"Your relationship with Emily was real, and I can never compare to that. Even when you say what we have is real, and even though I can feel it, a huge part of me nags at the fact that there is a possibility that it isn't."
"Bella," Sam tried again.
"Maybe this was all too much. Maybe this is where we take a step back and really think things through. Sam, maybe marriage is the wrong way to go," I spoke slowly.
"No, you don't get to do this," he growled, "You don't get to call this off like that. I'm not letting you do this and I'm not letting you go. You need to start believing that I'm in your life and I'm here because I love you. I fell in love with you remember? The imprint is just a tie, it makes us feel each other." He let out a breath and tried to calm his rising anger, "Please Bella, take a step back and think about this."
"I don't know you," was all I could think.
"You can still get to know me," he spoke slowly.
"Mommy!" a voice cried out. Will came running for me with tears down his cheeks. I swooped him up in my arms effortlessly, wondering what he was doing away from the party.
"William Matthew!" Paul growled out as he chased the kid.
"What happened?" I asked, my voice thick with tears.
"I should be asking you that," Paul said to me calming down as he looked between Sam and I. Liam whimpered, taking shelter in the crook of my neck.
"What's wrong buddy?" I wondered.
"You left me," he whimpered again.
"Oh Liam," I sighed rubbing his back, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to."
"You didn't say goodbye," he sniffled.
"Okay, I'm sorry. I'm right here," I said, trying to get the little boy calmed down. He hugged me tighter and continued to cry a little. Glancing at Paul, I wondered what had happened.
"He overheard some of us guys talking. You looked upset and everyone was wondering what was going on; I guess he picked up on it and went looking for you," Paul sighed, reading my face for the answers I wanted.
"Will, you can't run off like that," Paul scolded. Liam let out a sniffle and just turned his head on my shoulder. "Alright dad, he's sorry. It was my fault anyways," I told Paul, shifting my attention to the kid in my arms.
"Bella," Sam's voice rang in my ears.
"No, not now," I said in a short tone. Paul looked at the two of us again, wondering what the heck was going on. Before he could speak any words and ask, I opened my mouth.
"Liam, you need to calm down." I warned the kid softly, feeling his body tense and heard him starting to get worked up again.
"No," he cried out, now sobbing for some reason. Holding him closer while rubbing up and down his back, I swayed from side to side trying to comfort him as best as possible. What was going on in this kid's head?
"Will," Paul said concerned as his son was now full on sobbing.
"Okay, Paul, I am going to take him for a bit okay? He and I need some time," I said. Paul nodded while Sam just stared at me. Still swaying, I whispered in his ear and held his head close to me.
"Don't stray too far please," Paul requested as I went to walk off. With a nod, I took Liam away from everyone and allowed him to cry whatever he was feeling out. I stood around the empty land just holding him in my arms, praying he was really okay.
(Safe & Sound- Taylor Swift)
"Just close your eyes
The sun is going down
You'll be alright
No one can hurt you now
Come morning light
You and I'll be safe and sound," I sang softly in his ear. "Oooh, Oooh, Oooh, Oooh
La La (La La)
La La (La La)
Oooh, Oooh, Oooh, Oooh
La La (La La)." His sobs went down to tears and sniffles, and soon he pulled away to look at me.
"Just close your eyes
You'll be alright
Come morning light,
You and I'll be safe and sound..." I repeated again, but slowly in a melodic tune. "What's going on with you little man," I asked kissing his nose softly.
"You were upset," he stated with a sniffle. I cocked my head to the side surprised. How would a little kid like that read me so well? "Mommy, you are sad. I don't like it," he whimpered.
"I'm alright buddy," I said forcing a smile on my face. My priority was Liam right now, Sam would be dealt with later. But as I forced my boyfriend-…fiancé, I mean, out of my mind, I couldn't help but wonder how life went to so good to so bad in a matter of minutes.
"Is this what had you so upset? You thought I was sad?" I asked. He shrugged and played with my hair. "Liam…" I questioned elongating his name so he knew I meant business.
"I don't like it when you are sad, and you wasn't around when I looked and I ran but daddy started yelling and you had tears in your eyes when I found you," he said in a shy voice.
"So did you," I said softly. "I don't like it when you're sad."
"Why did you leave?" he wondered to me, "you said you wouldn't forget about me. You said we could build a sand castle."
"Oh Will," I sighed feeling extremely guilty, "I am so sorry buddy. I was so caught up in other things, I totally forgot about the castle. But Liam, I would never, ever forget about you. It was just the timing and place that got to me, it wasn't you. You are always going to be in my life okay? I will always love you-no matter how things play out or what you do. I am in your heart forever, just like you are in mine," I stated. He sniffled a bit and kissed my cheek. Those soft gestures had me melting. How could one kid be so perfect? It made me wonder what impact I was really having on his life.
"I love you mommy," he sighed as he laid his head on my shoulder while wrapping his arms around my neck.
"I love you too William, and I always will," I said swaying us back and forth again.
I wasn't exactly sure what to do after I got Will to calm down. Was I supposed to bring him back to the fire? If I did, I knew everyone would be curious to why I ran off. And I knew we were already being talked about because of what Paul told me. But what was I supposed to do?
"Hey you two," Seth said coming up to us.
"Seth?" I wondered as Liam popped his head up.
"Matty," Seth said winking at the child. Liam giggled and buried his head back in my body.
"Is everything okay? Something happen?" I wondered somewhat afraid.
"Everything is fine, I just was coming to check up on you two," he said sitting next me. I had plopped down on the ground a few minutes after Liam was content, the little boy was just weighing on my arms as sad as that was to say.
"You know, I know something is wrong, and you don't have to tell me, but I just wanted to say, I'm here for you- just like you are for me," he confessed. I gave the kid a smile and leaned my head on his shoulder. "Life is just complicated."
"Isn't it always?" Seth questioned rhetorically.
"True that," I stated thinking over my problems. Liam's weight in my arms started to get heavier and I knew he was drifting off to sleep.
"This little guys had a hard day," Seth commented about the boy.
"That he has," I stated again, "he's been on an emotional rollercoaster." My heart sank a bit as I found myself being responsible for that. "Do you ever think that sometimes, life would just be better without you?" I questioned.
As I spoke those words, something clicked inside of me. I wasn't sure what it was or how it really happened, but I suddenly got it. I think this was how my mother felt- how she was thinking when she did what she did. My thoughts immediately went to her and shifted. I would never do that to my child- I would never take my life. Her actions were selfish, and I was always mad at her for that, but I could also see how life could gain up on you so much that it just brought you to your knees and made you beg to just leave the world.
"I used to think about it a lot, especially when imprinting thoughts hit me," Seth stated. "But I don't know, we grew closer and Leah's life was shaping up, so I guess I stopped thinking that way and indulged in some self pity instead," he admitted. "Plus, if you really think about it, life would be so much different if we weren't here. We are tied to so many people it would alter everyone's life."
"I wasn't thinking suicide Seth," I said, "my mom did that remember? I would never…I was just- thinking if things were different. If we made different decisions and did different things, where would we end up? Would it be better? Worse?"
"Why think like that when you can't change anything?" he asked, "things happen for a reason I guess and whatever we chose then led us to here now. You can't go back to the past, you can only make up for it in the present."
His words made me start thinking. He was right of course, the past was the past. And even though I used to think that way, I could never really apply those words to myself- unfair right? I know, and now with Sam, I really had to try.
"Why do you want to imprint so bad?" I wondered again, "I just- when we talked you know, I gave you the down sides but you still want it. There are so many reasons to hate it and fear it, but you don't."
"I guess I do," he said carefully, "but its just such a great thing its hard to hate. Imprinting shows the wolf his mate, and its like nothing you could ever imagine. I mean I know you feel the pull, but with us, it's so much more. We can feel how much the wolf enjoys the person he imprints on- it's not just the man. And I don't know, something about true love just sounds perfect. It adds more to this twisted supernatural world," Seth joked, glancing over at me.
A twinge of guilt stabbed my heart. Here I was sulking about being imprinted on when there was Seth who was praying for the day he would meet his imprint. I was so selfish and self-centered, sometimes I couldn't stand myself.
"I would say you're lucky to be imprinted on but I know that's not what you want to hear," Seth said, "and I wouldn't say it either because what you and Sam have gone through is really rough, its hard to deal with. It's probably the one case of imprinting that wasn't the best."
"Thanks Seth," I chuckled rolling my eyes.
"Just hear me out," Seth smiled, "Kim and Jared have it easy. Jared liked the girl for years before he went wolf and then a few days later after he did transform, BAM, he imprints on Kim and its instant love. Same goes for Jake and Sarah, and Embry and Andrea. A little different ways of meeting but they still have that easy love thing. They just accept it, both parties, because they both don't have any strings attached with others before and live a pretty free lifestyle."
I nodded, finding his words to be true. Quil and Claire, now along with Brady and Joey, were a bit different because of the age gap. Then, Leah and Cole are out of the conversation because they aren't considered 'imprint's to each other.
"I know you have trouble dealing with it, and I know why. Sam does too but I don't think he really likes to admit it. You both are so ignorant sometimes. I mean, you like to be that way. Its like a problem comes along and you deal with it halfway and then shove the rest off to the side to either forget about it or deal with it later to blow up at each other with. But when it's something with the Pack, we have your guys' full attention. You and Sam mean a lot to us," Seth stated, "and we hate when you guys get like this. Imprinting is a hard thing to accept and I want you to know its okay to be mad and upset."
I wished the tears away from my eyes that were pooling and I kissed Seth's cheek.
"Life is going to be hard, but I'm here and will stick around for you," Seth added.
"You, my brother, are way to sweet," I stated wiping away a falling tear.
"Yea, I'm your brother all right, speaking of which, when are our parents going to seal their knot?" Seth chuckled.
"Soon I hope," I said rolling my eyes. Sue and Charlie were stuck like glue but neither of them liked to admit it and always felt like they should walk on eggshells when it came to us kids. In all honesty, Seth, Leah, and I were all really cool with it. I couldn't wait for the day they were my real siblings and I wanted Charlie, my father who I loved, to be truly happy.
"maybe we should sit them down," Seth pitched. I chuckled at the thought.
"Well, I don't know about you, but I'm hungry again. Did you want to come with or stay here?"
"I don't know," I sulked.
"Well, I can take Liam back if you want. That way you can make a quick escape."
I bit my lip thinking about it. That would be the easy way wouldn't it?
"No, I'll come with," I said. Seth helped me up, since I still had Liam in my arms and we walked back together. The fire was already lit, roaring in life as it burnt the wood from the forest. Sam was standing, talking with Leah and Jake near there, when we came back to join the party. All heads were turned to Seth, Liam and I. Paul approached us first, worrying about his son.
"Don't worry, he's just had an emotional day," I told the father as I slipped his boy carefully out of my arms. Suddenly they felt really empty and light. I wasn't sure if I liked the feeling. Seth put a hand on my shoulder, silently telling me he was going to get food, so I smiled and nodded.
"Thanks Bells, I don't know what we would do without you," Paul said holding his sleeping son.
"Not a problem Paul, just keep him close okay? With your heart I mean, he's a caring kid. Sometimes I wonder how he does it," I admitted while sticking my hands in my back pockets. Paul smiled at me and kissed his son's head.
"I will Bells."
On that note, I turned to my fiancé who was staring at me, knowingly debating in his head if it was the right move to approach me or not. Jake and Leah stared at me too, I think still wondering what was going on (either that or they were checking up on me). Slowly, I gravitated my way towards them, keeping my stare even with Sam. As we were in arms length of each other, I wrapped myself against his body and sighed against his chest. My eyes closed, feeling that warm sensation of his presence and love enfold my body and soon his arms came around me, lungs exhaling a breath.
"Whatever we are fighting about, can we just put it on hold for right now?" I asked.
"Yea Baby, we can do that," he mumbled while kissing my head. As my eyes fluttered open again, I found Leah and Jake had disappeared.
"I love you Sam," I mumbled, snuggling into him further.
"I love you too Bella," he said softly.
The warm flames danced against my face as Sam and I stood across from each other, the flaming wood of the bon fire separating us.
"Bella and Sam," Billy began, standing in the neutral middle of our sides to face not just us but everyone else. Our family had gathered around in a circle beside us, again facing Billy as he spoke.
"Your ways of getting here have been different and your ways of being with each other have been hard," he spoke. Both Sam and I glanced at each other in between the dancing flames. "And we acknowledge all of the hardships you have faced, and will continue to face," he said. Both Sam and I slowly turned our attention back to Billy as he continued to speak. "The gods of fate have brought you together, but it is you two, and you two alone who have created love for each other. I have watched you both grow up and been amazed at what I have seen. Sam who leads the La Push Pack, has been blessed with the company and cooking of Bella, who stands with the alpha of this tribe."
We all laughed as he added my cooking skills into the mix, that was my uncle for you. "And Bella, who has been blessed with the warmth and strength of Sam Uley."
I smiled at Sam, and back to Billy. The elder was surprisingly looking at me. "Her taking her place at the Alpha's side, being the alpha's mate," he clarified, "has not only been a big impact in her life, but a big decision on her part. I've seen your struggles Bella," he said, "and I've seen the warmth in your heart. You give so much to others, especially this tribe. We are your family, just like Sam is now yours," he spoke. "We stick by you, and Sam, with everything in our being and power. You both are destined to be with each other," he spoke turning his attention back to everyone. I internally cringed at his choice of words at the end. "Our hopes and blessings are with you both- as you make yourself a symbol to this Pack. Strong leaders for a strong couple. Congratulations you two, we are very happy for you both," he said. Everyone clapped and cheered, but I knowingly felt Sam's stare bore into me. Turning to face it, I nodded to him and then was hit with hugs and kisses.
"We love you Bella," Kim said hugging me.
"Thank you Kim, I love you too," I laughed. She, along with some of the other guys' imprints was teary eyed.
"We really value you Bella. We want to guide the guys, especially our men, like you do," Sarah said. I raised my eyebrow at this. "Don't look so surprised, your pretty strong and wise when it comes to all this stuff," Andrea said hugging me.
"Well, thanks," I laughed again, trying to hide my blush.
"Honestly Bell, you really do make the new people welcome," Cole said stepping out from all the girls to congratulate me again.
"Aww Cole," I joked.
"Yea yea," he laughed watching as his girlfriend stepped up to hug me.
"I don't know what happened today, and I'm not sure if I want to, but you deserve happiness. You have helped everyone through so many things, that everything Billy said was true. I wish you the best, for anything and everything. Just tell me when I need to beat Sam's ass and we'll get it done," she joked. We all laughed and I nodded, hugging her again.
"Thank you."
"Of course Sis," she winked. Charlie blushed, while Sue awkwardly laughed behind me. I knew Leah called me that since the parent's were around so I couldn't help but feel bad for them.
"Bella, congratulation again. I am so happy for you dear," Sue said, holding me in a tight hug. "Thank you Sue," I smiled.
"Bells," My dad said wrapping his arms around me. "Yea dad?" I smiled.
"love you kid," he said simply, as he tried to think of what was best to say. My chest felt all warm and tingly, while my smile spread. "I love you too dad. And thanks, for letting me come back here and stuff. I'm glad I got to be here."
"Glad you still wanted to come back Bella," he said reminiscing on old times with me.
After all of the hugs were done for both Sam and I, I went over to Billy to thank him for his kind words.
"No thanks needed Bella," he said, "I'm just glad to see you moving on with life. I know that losing Sam was hard and being with him is as equally challenging, but you're strong. I'm glad to see you working through everything and being there for the Pack."
I smiled and hugged the man. "Sam is always going to be there for you, and that's not because of the imprint, it's just who he is- a kind soul. He loves you Bella Swan, and I know you sometimes have trouble letting people in, but he's that man you want to agree to open up to," Billy advised.
"I'll try sir," I smiled.
"Exactly what we both want to hear," Billy said smiling behind me to Sam. Turning around I found my man. Wrapping my arms around his neck as he approached me, Billy was now forgotten and I started into Sam's eyes.
"I know I already said it, and told you I would forget about it, but I'm sorry. And I love you, with everything I am."
"I know," I spoke, " I am too. Let's just not fight anymore?"
"Sounds perfect," he said kissing my lips.
"And Bells?" he said pulling away.
"Yea?" I responded breathless.
"You'll meet my dad," he said memorizing my face.
Easily, I could have protested, saying it was fine and it didn't mean anything, but it did. Something inside of me was still bothered I had never met or been able to picture the man who mostly raised Sam, so I just nodded and leaned up to kiss him again, "okay," I whispered.