A/N: I made Jade have a birthday in either Summer or Fall, so she's already 15 by the time winter rolls around for sophomore year. My head cannon (mostly because I can't remember) is that Tori transferred schools in the late middle of sophomore year. This chapter is another one from Jade, Cat will probably be the center of the next one. I actually wrote this one before I wrote the previous chapter. We're about to get into the series and I'll try to stick as much to cannon as possible.

Disclaimer: I do not have any rights to the Victorious cannon or subsequent spin-offs, or anything with Nickelodeon in any shape or form.

Jade POV – Age 15 Part 2

There's something not quite right about this. She is letting you go spend time with Beck far too easily, she has to be planning something but you never could quite figure out what was going on in her head. Last time, you know all too well, Robbie happened and you tolerate him now because can't help but partially blame himself for the way he acts. It shouldn't bother you that she's been hanging out with him lately because you have Beck. But it does.

And Beck, he's wonderful. He's more patient with you than Cat ever was. He explains things to you through words rather than hurt. When he gets angry he yells or stalks off but he never lays a hand on you. The best part about him is when he says he loves you, you believe him. He's been helping you with your research but he doesn't pry as to why you're looking at that particular topic, writing it off as one of the things you're interested in.

The problem is that now you know what she's been doing and you can't tell. You could report her, you should report her, but you can't. Not like anyone would believe you anyway. You frown, you can't remember if those were her words or if they are your own. You know that she's been isolating you; you know that what she's been doing could be considered, is considered abusive. She's built you into what she wants that sometimes you aren't sure which thoughts are yours and which ones she's put in your head. You took the blame for her so many times because she wanted it. And the choices you make, made, when she is, was, everything to you make you feel far worse because you know that you had a choice.

There are still nights when you lock yourself in the bathroom and you've hovered a sharp object over your skin, scissors, knives… whatever you can get your hands on. But you can't quite get it to break the skin because your body remembers, so you end up destroying other things instead when you're upset and it reminds you of her. You know that you're damaged but you also know that if you stay with Beck it might not be beyond repair.

The problem is you keep comparing him to Cat even when you don't want to. Sometimes you wish you could just forget Cat altogether, but you can't. She's taken everything that matters and while you're working on regaining it, the problem is that she's clawed her way into you and she so much a part of you that if you lose her, you lose yourself. She's in so deep that you find yourself still acting the way she wanted you to, even though Beck has been discouraging it. You can be mean to her but your heart is not in it. You try, and fail even if it's something as simple as a glare. You want it to work with Beck; you want to be happy with him. Hell, one day you think that you could learn to love him. If only you could stay away from her. You can't stop yourself because whenever she calls, you come running.

You always come running. You never run to his RV when Beck calls.

Because at the end of the day, it's for one very simple reason.

He's not Cat.