Chapter 9.

AN: stop flaming ok! I dntn red all da boox! If you ask me, you didn't read any of them. dis is frum da movie ok so itz nut my folt if dumbeldor swers! Dumbledore didn't swear in the movie! besuizds I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE! I don't know if you meant "bastards" or "besides" for "besuizds". and da reson snap Who? dosent lik harry now is coz hes christian and vampire is a satanist! AW, SNAP! MCR ROX! No.

I was so mad and sad. Hey, that rhymed, and it wasn't a crime! I couldn't believe Draco for cheating on me. I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Draco. Made brownies?

Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything started flying towards me on a broomstick! He didn't have a nose (basically like Voldemort in the movie) and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn't gothic. It was… Voldemort! NO WAY!

"No!" I shouted in a scared voice but then Voldemort shouted "Imperius!" and I couldn't run away. Okay, could someone tell me if that's a real spell or not? I don't remember all the spells in Harry Potter. I think I only remember like 5% of them, actually.

"Crookshanks!" I shouted at him. Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream. I don't remember Voldemort being that much of a wimp. I felt bad for him even though I'm a sadist so I stopped.

"Ebony." he yelled. "Thou must kill Vampire Potter!" THOU MUST DO IT NOW!

I thought about Vampire and his sexah His eyes weren't 'sexah' at all. eyes and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Joel Madden. I remembered that Draco had said I didn't understand, so I thought, what if Draco went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up? Well, you flipped out over it.

"No, Voldemort!" I shouted back.

Voldemort gave me a gun. Guns? In my Hogwarts? "No! Please!" I begged.

"Thou must!" he yelled. "If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco!" Did Voldemort always talk like some Lord of the Rings king?

"How did you know?" I asked in a surprised way.

Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face. "I hath telekinesis." he answered cruelly. "And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!" he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick. You could just kill Draco right now. It's obvious she's not going to give in.

I was so scared and mad I didn't know what to do. Suddenly Draco came into the woods.

"Draco!" I said. "Hi!" "Oh, hi, Draco! I remember I called you a fucking idiot and accused you of having AIDS, but I'm so excited to see you!"

"Hi." he said back but his face was all sad. He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit) between Joel Madden and Gerard Way. Outdated pop culture references FTW.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"No." he answered.

"I'm sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me." I expelled. You should be expelled, Ebony. Remember?

"That's okay." he said all depressed and we went back into Hogwarts together making out. Oh, Ebony, you and your bisexual boyfriend...