So I got dressed for the day with the help of Alice. She was beyond excited to go through my closet and pick out what I should wear. While Alice was helping me though, Rose called the rest of her family and told them to meet the three of us at the coffee shop downtown.
Finally we made it downstairs and the house was quiet. Sam had called up to me that he was leaving for patrol and to tell the rest of the pack the Cullens were here. So I quickly grabbed my purse, house keys and left with the Rose and Alice.
"Bella!" The Cullens all chimed as I walked into the coffee shop.
"Hi guys!" I smiled. Hugging each one of them, I sat down in a chair Edward pulled up for me and beamed.
"You look lovely Bella," Esme said.
"Only took me a half hour to leave my bedroom," I grumbled while looking to Alice. Everyone laughed.
"So how are the wedding plans coming along?" Edward wondered.
"Good, stressful and tiring."
"Well Bella Bean, we are here to help take care of the rest," Emmett boomed.
"Thank you," I smiled.
"How's song writing coming?" Jasper asked.
"Haven't done much of it lately. I'll have to show you all my studio, its not even a block away," I beamed.
The day with the Cullens was nice. It was easy going and a perfect stress reliever. I liked having my family back with me. So after I showed them my music studio, which was closed since it was a Sunday, Emmett made me play a song. Setting up a beat in one of the music booths, I grabbed a headset and went into the soundproof room, leaving them behind to in the control room to listen. As the beat was put on repeat, I took out one of my songs I wrote a while ago and started singing.
("Arms" by Christina Perri)
I never thought that you would be the one to hold my heart
But you came around and you knocked me off the ground from the start
You put your arms around me
And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go
You put your arms around me and I'm home
How many times will you let me change my mind and turn around?
I can't decide if I'll let you save my life or if I'll drown
I hope that you see right through my walls
I hope that you catch me 'cause I'm already falling
I'll never let a love get so close
You put your arms around me and I'm home
The world is coming down on me and I can't find a reason to be loved
I never wanna leave you but I can't make you bleed if I'm alone
You put your arms around me
And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go...
I hope that you see right through my walls
I hope that you catch me, 'cause I'm already falling
I'll never let a love get so close
You put your arms around me and I'm home
I tried my best to never let you in to see the truth
And I've never opened up
I've never truly loved 'til you put your arms around me
And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go
I hope that you see right through my walls
I hope that you catch me, 'cause I'm already falling
I'll never let a love get so close
You put your arms around me and I'm home
You put your arms around me and I'm home
When I was done, I took off the headset and saw Emmett being.
"Do another one Bella Bean, from your head, that was cheating," he spoke in the intercom. I let out a laugh and walked back into the control room.
"Please Bella Bean? Please," he whined.
"Emmett," Rose snapped.
"Okay okay," I said as he was giving me those sad eyes. Everyone laughed and I set up another beat I had messed around with a while ago. "Rose and Alice, I want you to help me with this."
Both of their eyes went wide and they immediately said no. "Oh come on, I'm writing out what you have to say, lets go," I said dragging them along. Quickly putting on my headset, I listened to the beat, wrote some lyrics and told them what they would be singing.
"I hate you Emmett," Alice grumbled. Everyone laughed.
("Casualty of Love" by Jessie J)
We may not have all the answers
Oh I know that we can change some of the things that are beyond our control
And the vision of us may be blurry
But use your heart to see
Just follow the beat the rhythm will lead you right back to me
Sometimes it's a game of give and take
It's easy to break but hold on and wait
Have a little faith
I will go down to the last round
I'll be your strength to find you when you get lost in the crowd
So I'll stand up tall if by chance I fall
Then I'll go down as a casualty of love
Love love love – casualty – love Love love love – casualty – love Love love love love casualty
A casualty of love
The battle of us could be simple
Escape without being hurt
Cuz' love is our shield keeps us concealed From what could get even worse
So baby let me be your soldier Don't be overtaken by pride
Just close your eyes, take my hand Promise to keep us alive
Sometimes it's a game of give and take It's easy to break but hold on and wait Have a little faith
I will go down to the last round
I'll be your strength to find you when you get lost in the crowd
So I'll stand up tall if by chance I fall
Then I'll go down as a casualty of love
All is fair in love and war
Knock me down and I'll get back up wanting more Through the fire and rain, it makes me numb from the pain
That's the price, that's the price I'll pay
And I will go down to the last round
I'll be your strength to find you when you get lost in the crowd
So I'll – I'll stand up tall and baby if I fall
Then I'll go down as a casualty of love
Love love love love (Repeat)
I'll be your casualty – casualty (Repeat)
Casualty of love
A casualty of love – a casualty of love – a casualty of love
As we finished, the Cullens clapped again we all smiled.
"Bella that was really good," Edward said while Jasper and the rest of the family agreed.
"Thank you," I smiled.
"Good job Bella Bean! And Rose," Emmett smiled. Alice gave him the death glare and his eyes went wide. "You too Alice, very nice," he said. Her face went back to a bright smile and she jumped into Jasper's arms.
"We should get you back Bella," Rose said. Nodding, I closed up the studio and hopped in the car. The whole family surprisingly went with us, Carlisle said something about talking to Sam, and so I shrugged that mysterious feeling off. When we pulled up to my house, I unlocked the doors with the vampire family right behind me and had the shock of my life.
"Surprise!" everyone shouted.
"What the hell?" I asked looking at my wolf pack of a family.
"It's your wedding shower Bella," Alice said stepping out from behind me to grin.
"You all knew about this?" I asked turning to the Cullens. They nodded.
"We were coming anyways but the opportunity seemed perfect," Edward said.
"Congratulations Bella," Rose said hugging me. I let out a laugh and rolled my eyes at how easily I was duped.
Soon all of my bridesmaids attacked me in a large group hug and then my pack brothers.
"I can't believe I was oblivious to this," I told Sue as she came up to hug me.
"We're glad you were. We took extra precautions to hide this from you."
"And you were in on this?" I asked Charlie.
"Sorry kiddo," he said kissing my head.
"Is that why I haven't seen you around lately sir?" I asked my fiancé.
"It's hard to try and keep a secret from my girl," Sam said kissing me briefly. I shook my head.
After all of the hellos and hugs were out of the way, I found myself with Liam in my arms and Claire off playing with Joey.
"Do I get to come to your party?" Will asked me.
"What party?" I wondered.
"Your girl party," he said, "daddy said we get an all boys party and you get an all girls party. But I want to come to yours. Auntie Leah said it was going to be really fun."
I let out a laugh. "maybe we can sneak you in."
Liam's eyes lit up and he nodded.
"Auntie Rose!" he squealed as she approached. Rosalie's face beamed and she took the toddler in her arms. "Oh how I missed you," she cooed as he hugged her.
"Yo sis," Leah said walking through the mass of people in my house, "you ready to open up your gifts?"
"I have gifts?" I asked. A few people laughed. "Yea girl, you have gifts," Leah said pulling me away. Sam was already dragged to the couch and had a gift in hand.
"When did we have gifts?" I asked puzzled. More people chuckled as they came around to watch us.
"This feel like my 10th birthday or something," I muttered. Again people chuckled and Sam and I opened our first gift. Since we already had a house, there weren't very many things I thought people could give us, but I was wrong.
The present was from both Sam's dad and mine. They had given Sam and I a photo book titled 'why we love you' and had a bunch of pictures from when we little to now. I was somewhat surprised my dad hadn't teamed up with Sue but I loved what we had received nonetheless. Sue had hers coincide with Seth and Leah. They had given us a picnic basket full of things. Inside were items like beer, a red and white-checkered blanket, some new candles, and other stuff. It was a cute idea and I loved it. After thanking them, Sam and I grabbed the next one. It was from Letty, Paul and Liam. Tearing the paper, I found a big picture frame. It spelled out 'soulmates' using the simplest things around La Push. It was placed in a nice frame and would be perfect in our bedroom. From there, I opened a smaller, flat gift they had attached and noticed it was from Liam. He had wrote a book? It was in his writing with a bunch of stickers and pictures. It was all about him and I and then when Sam came into the picture.
"He made it and got an A on it in school," Paul said. I glanced up at the two boys and smiled. "Come here you crazy man," I said to Liam. He ran into my arms and I kissed him. "Thank you so much buddy."
"Of course mommy," he said. From there, there was a white long envelope off to the side in Paul's writing addressed to me but he said to read it later. So anyways, after that, we opened more things from the Pack. Sam had got some new shorts, which was kind of funny; I had gotten some books, a memory album that I could do, a journal, and little trinkets. All in all it was great. There were so many gifts for Sam and I both.
"Bella," a voice rang out at the front door. Turning around I froze in spot. It was Phil.
"I-uhh," he said clearing his throat, "am sorry I'm late."
"It's…that's okay," I said biting my lip. He stepped closer to me and hesitantly put his arms around me.
"Good to see you kiddo," he said.
"You too," I breathed.
"So umm…" I said trying to get everything together. "This is my fiancé Sam," I said pointing over to where he was somewhere behind me.
"Nice to meet you Sir," Sam said in a gruff voice.
"You too Sam," Phil said.
I could feel the stares of everyone around me and the beat of my heart was making me go deaf. I couldn't think for the time and barely function.
"Bella," Sam said nodding over to the living room. Just barely smiling at Phil, I followed Sam as he took my hand and left the room.
"Hey," he said searching my eyes. I blinked a few times, gathering my thoughts as much as I could.
"You alright?" he asked me.
I nodded and wrapped my arms around his waist. I tried not to think of what Phil's presence meant to me. Instead I took comfort in Sam for a little before dragging myself to return to the party. Sue and Charlie stopped Sam on our way, but I continued the path without him. Phil was talking with Letty who seemed happy to meet the man.
"Bella, can we talk?" Phil asked. I nodded and Letty said her goodbyes. Phil and I stepped outside, gathering our thoughts as we took comfort in the peace of the nature around us.
"You did good for yourself here," he spoke, cracking the silence.
"A lot led me here," I said back.
"Your home is beautiful," he tried.
"There was help," I added again.
"Bella, I'm trying," he said. I bit my lip, not sure what to say to that.
"Look, I know it's awkward, and I should have been on time," he trailed off.
"Its okay, time doesn't mean anything. That…not even the problem," I spoke.
"Then what is?" he asked.
"Not sure," I said letting out a breath. "You just…back that's all."
"You sent me an invitation to your wedding, did you not expect me to come and support you?" he wondered.
"Partially," I spoke with honesty. "but I wasn't sure what to expect."
"Bella-roo," he said calling me by his nickname he made up for me. I always thought it was a little childish but I still liked it, and so did Renee. "things were hard after your mother died," he spoke.
"I know," I whispered. He sighed, "right well, I took it badly, worse than I should have and I left you to fend for yourself- I shouldn't have. You were still young and its not an acceptable thing to do as a parent- I saw that. But I didn't open my eyes until after I ran off. It was like, I needed to get away and try to put everything back together myself. When I went to go beg for your forgiveness, you were already gone."
"Phil," I sighed.
"Bella, I'm not here to look for an acceptance to my lame apology- I don't deserve one, but I want to watch you walk down that aisle. You, no matter what, are considered my daughter and even though I may not be the greatest father, I would still like the honor of sharing that title with Charlie."
Tears welled up in my eyes and I let my heart feel. There was immense pain but there was also healing. I felt my emotions want to knock me to my knees but somehow I still stood.
"Yes," I said, "you can have that title too."
Phil let out a breath and walked over to hug me.
"I'm so sorry Bella," he whispered.
"It's okay," I said hugging him. Sniffling, I pulled back and let him in my heart. "I'm not mad at you anymore Phil, and I fully forgive you even if you don't think you should be. I just… want to take this slow again okay?"
"Okay," he agreed as he wiped away some of my falling tears.
"Here," he said pulling something out of his pocket.
It was a locket of Renee's. Phil and I had given it to her for her birthday, and it was one of her most prized possessions. Sucking in a breath, I looked at the shiny silvery jewelry dangling in front of my face.
"I had to clear out some of her stuff and grab her possessions. You were always close to her heart," he said grabbing my hand and placing the necklace in my palm. I knew what was inside of the locket, a picture of her and me. It was small but perfect. She hadn't filled the other side yet and I wasn't sure if I ever wanted to now either.
"I'll see you on your wedding day," Phil told me with a kiss to the crown of my head.
"Where are you going?" I croaked.
"I have some getting ready to do before my daughter's big day, I'll see you soon though, don't worry," he said and walked to his car. I wasn't sure how long it was that I continued to be outside. The party just didn't seem to hold any thrill to me anymore. Moving to sit on the steps, I gazed down at the locket in my hand and shakily opened it. A floodgate of emotions broke through all of the walls I was holding and tears ran down my face. I was on her back smiling into the camera- both of our faces shining. As I covered my eyes from the sight, my tears continued to pour and I wondered how I was getting through life without her.
My mom was my everything. My best friend had left me because she couldn't face life anymore. And as much as I wanted to hate her for that, I couldn't. But I did hate myself. I couldn't see how much my best friend and mother was hurting. I didn't see her pain and sorrow.
I sifted a hand through my hair and glanced back down at the picture. We were so happy then, what happened to us. My mind flashed back to her smile and touch. The way she spoke and phrased her words. Closing my eyes, I thought of her skin touching mine and her hugs that enfolded my body. A hard bite to my lip made me break down again. Slowly I was starting to lose those memories and I knew I would never get them back.
Charlie came out to the front and gathered me into his arms. My wretched sobs and cries escaped my lips. All of these feelings were for her and what she was missing. Her baby girl was growing up and she wasn't here to experience it with me. My life was just beginning when she ended hers and now all I wanted was her to come back.
Charlie kissed my head and rubbed my arms but I still couldn't remove that knot in my stomach or the swell in my throat. I had felt sick and broken hearted without her.
As I clenched the locket in my hand while Charlie held me, I pictured her face, her smile, and the smell of her perfume she would wear when she went out. The perfect vision on her appeared in my mind and calmed me down.
"I love you Bella," she said in that voice of hers. More tears slipped down from my eyes and I could only whispered, "I love you too mom," in my head.
A/N: So, this chapter was pretty sad but I really want to get the point across of how close Bella was with her mother and how much losing Renee really affected her. Hopefully I pulled it off and you all shed a few tears…
P.s. Don't worry, happiness is coming and the wedding will be up soon!