A/N: A huge thank you to the-lady-of-misthaven and zengoalie for looking this part over! As always, this fic is dedicated to o-u-a-timer for being my biggest supporter while writing it! I couldn't do it without you!
Thank you for every follow, favorite or review! They totally make my day! We are back with Killian for this one, hope you are all ready! As usual, angst ensues...
Lastly, I have been torn all week on whether or not I should reveal if there will be a happy ending for this fic. The whole reason I started writing this was to explore what could happen to two people, who are still very much in love, but have drifted apart. I am asking you all to hang in there, please. Trust that I know what I am doing.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own OUAT or its characters.
Five Years Ago
Darkness surrounded Killian as he approached the tour bus. Heart pounding in his chest, his body radiated with excitement. There was even a hop in his step. As much as he loved performing for his fans, he was so excited when tonight's show ended. Especially because he knew what was waiting for him once he returned to the bus.
After the instant success of their first album, Malcolm Pan, the band's manager, insisted they begin their tour right away. The first couple of weeks were the worst. Late nights, getting used to sleeping on a small bunk when he normally slept in a large bed at home with Emma, and learning to navigate through the fans had definitely made the experience interesting.
What he really hated was that he had to leave Emma behind, at least for the first couple of weeks. She was finishing up the last of her classes before graduation. It had been hell being away from her. They hadn't spent any time apart since they had been married.
Last night had changed all of that. A smile took over his face as his mind returned to the memory. As always, he waited in the dressing room before the show. Robin, Will, and Smee had left to complete their sound checks. Hearing a knock on the door, he assumed it was one of the crew coming to let him know how much time he had left. Opening the door, he definitely hadn't been prepared for who was standing there.
Emma. His mouth formed an "O" at the sight. She wore a simple black dress that hit her mid-thigh and her red high top chucks. Her hair contained loose curls that framed her face. He barely allowed her to get a word out before pulling her in the room and kissing her. Needless to say, he considered last night one of his better performances, and tonight, too. A calm had returned to him knowing she was close by.
Bounding up the steps of the bus, he could see a soft light illuminating from his - their- bunk. The rest of the bus was enveloped in darkness. Running his hand through his still wet hair, he paused to take Emma in as she came into his view.
She was laying on her stomach, socked feet swinging in the air. Her cloth shorts barely covered her, and seeing her wearing a Dashing Rapscallion shirt was doing unspeakable things to him. Light from the computer screen gave her blonde locks, which were thrown in a messy bun atop of her head, a golden hue. Biting her lip, she vigorously wrote notes on a notebook placed next to her.
Even like this...no, especially like this, she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
"Hey." Too caught up in watching her, he hadn't noticed she'd stopped writing.
"Evening, love. What has occupied your time tonight?" He moved to take seat next to her, causing her to scoot closer to the wall.
Rolling her eyes and blowing out a puff of air, she pointed an accusing finger at the computer screen.
"This online class is killing me. I already have a test tomorrow. I knew my master's program was going to be harder than undergrad, but this is insane. Maybe taking an accelerated program was a bad idea. I've done online classes before, but they are so much harder since the program is only a year." Placing her face in her hands, Emma shook her head back and forth.
Reaching his hand out, Killian gently shut the computer. Emma jerked her head up at the sound of the computer closing.
"Killian! I wasn't…" He placed a finger on her lips, halting her words.
"What I think you need, Mrs. Jones, is a break. Something I am all too happy to provide." Reaching under him, he placed the laptop and notebook in the drawer under the bunk.
Turning toward Emma, he noticed she had moved so she was laying on her back and her head on the pillow. His heart thumped in his chest at the sight.
"Oh, really, Mr. Jones. What exactly do you have in mind?" Her voice was soft, full of teasing. A smile took over her features, eyes filled with mirth.
Oh, he knew exactly what kind of break he wanted. Placing his hands next to her head on the pillow, he positioned his body directly above hers.
"I think you know, love." Dipping his head down, his lips were centimeters from hers. He could feel her breath on his skin.
"Well, maybe, I just needed you to show me."
The bloody siren winked at him before closing the distance between them. She tasted like cinnamon. Just like that he was lost. All he could see or feel was Emma.
She was his home and he never wanted to be away from home again.
Going to Ruby's had been a bad idea. He knew that now. One thing that Emma had never responded well to was pressure. If she felt like she was being pressured to do something, particularly something she didn't want to do, she always made sure to do the exact opposite. She didn't want to talk to him, her actions had made that abundantly clear, so pushing her to talk was not going to work. He just didn't know what would work. It was laughable really, the fact that he had no idea how to get his own wife to talk to him.
The bag laying on the passenger's seat was calling his name. Chuckling to himself, Killian shook his head. He normally wasn't a big drinker, but today was as good as any to start. Hopefully, rum would be able to numb him to his problems.
Slowly pulling into the driveway of his home, Killian could see a figure sitting on the front porch. Perfect, the last thing he wanted was to deal with company. Letting out a sigh as he put the car into park and ran a shaky hand through his hair. There was only one person who could be sitting on his porch and his stomach curled at the thought. He really didn't want to deal with David Nolan and his unwavering optimism.
Slamming the car door behind him, Killian made sure to cradle the rum in the crook of his elbow while digging in his pocket for the keys. He should have parked in the garage, then he could've avoided his visitor on the porch. Out of habit, he parked in the driveway. Emma always parked on one side of the garage and his bike was on the other side. Even though he knew she wasn't here, a part of him hoped she would just come home. So, he had left her spot open - just in case.
As soon as his foot hit the wood of the porch steps, David was on his feet to meet him, eyes full of concern. When he opened his mouth to speak, Killian shook his head to stop him. Shoving his key into the door knob, he moved to the side to allow David to walk through. Killian closed the door behind him, moving the rum to his hand.
After David pulled out the stool to sit at the bar, Killian poured rum into two tumblers. Dropping one down in front of his friend, he made his way to the other side of the counter leaning his body on it for support.
"Something I can help you with, Dave?" He used the nickname on purpose knowing how much David hated it. Maybe if he pissed him off enough he would leave.
David's face hardened. "What the hell happened, Jones?"
Killian took a deep breath and let it out. He opened his mouth to speak and then closed it. His stomach turned as his heart attempted to beat out of his chest. What the hell had happened, indeed. How was he supposed to answer the question when he had no real understanding himself? Tears pricked his eyes. How does someone tell their best friend that the love of their life had picked up and left with no explanation? Shrugging his shoulders, he slowly moved his head back and forth.
"I wish I knew, mate." He brought the rum to his lips and took a sip. "I was in LA writing for the new album and doing publicity for the tour." He slammed the tumbler down on the counter so hard a splash of rum spilled out. "One of the interviewers asked why we were getting a divorce." His hands curled into fists turning his knuckles white. "A sodding interviewer told me I was getting a bloody divorce." He uncurled his fists and grabbed tumbler. "By the time I made it home, she was packing. Took her all of five bloody minutes to leave after I arrived home." He downed the rest of the rum and refilled it.
"Mary Margaret is with her now. She told me you went to Ruby's this morning and it went...well, badly." David tilted his head to the side and gave him a sympathetic frown.
Badly was one was to describe it, horrible was another, even better was fucking disaster. He had just wanted to see her. He needed an explanation. If he knew why she was doing this, then he could figure out how to fix it. He wanted nothing more than to fix it.
He looked over to the refrigerator, noticing the calendar with a red circle around the date two days from now. He only had two days before he left for tour. If he could fix this before then, he could leave for tour and things could go back to normal.
"You know how Emma is… back her into a corner and she is going to lash out. She wouldn't even see me." He finished the rum in his tumbler and poured another.
"Maybe you should try harder." David drummed his fingers on the counter before lifting his wary eyes to meet Killian's. His lips were tightened in a straight line. It wasn't a question, it was a statement. So was the edge in David's voice.
"What would you have me do, David? Break down Ruby's door? Stalk her until she talks to me? I can only do so much. She has to make the decision to listen to what I have to say. To make matters worse, I don't even know why she left. How do I fix something when I don't even know what it wrong?" Killian filled his tumbler up again.
How many was this? Three? Maybe, four? His body started to feel warm as the tension evaporated. Rum had been a great idea, the best idea. It was the first time in the last twenty-four hours he had felt remotely normal.
David stood and walked to where Killian was standing. Grabbing the tumbler out of his hand, David placed it on the countertop before handing Killian his phone.
"I don't know, but you need to do something and fast. Before you lose her forever." Patting him on the shoulder, David walked out of the room.
Seconds later, Killian heard the door open and close. David's words swirled in his head. Lose her forever? That was already happening. It can't get any worse than divorce.
Killian looked out into the living room, taking in all of the pictures around the room. Abandoning the glass, he took a swig directly from the bottle as he walked to stand in front of the mantle. Their wedding photo sat in the middle.
They had been so happy then, so ready for their life together. Raising his hand, Killian brushed his thumb over Emma's face. His heart ached for her. He had been so busy with his career lately that he hadn't seen her for almost two weeks. He'd been looking forward to having these two days off with her before the tour started. He hoped to convince her to come with him for a couple of weeks.
Now, he didn't know what was happening. His life was spiraling out of control and normally Emma was the one person who could right it.
Taking another gulp, Killian fell backwards into the couch arms flailing so badly he spilled rum on one of the cushions. His eyes fell closed as he sunk in.
His last thought before sleep took over were of Emma. Her smile. Her laugh. The way her eyes twinkled when she was happy.
He wondered if he would ever get to see those things again.
Feeling dampness on his leg, Killian jerked awake. A look of confusion crossed over his features. Why were his pants wet? His eyes trailed down to the tumbler laying on the couch cushions. It had fallen over, creating a puddle leading to his leg. He must have fallen asleep with the tumbler in his hands.
Rising quickly, he stumbled around in the darkness until he made it to the kitchen. His hand curled around the handle of the drawer containing the kitchen towels before he jerked it open. Emma was going to be so pis…
He stopped moving, body straightening and becoming stiff as if someone electrocuted him. Emma. His hand tightened around the towel he held. The last twenty-four hours flashed through his head. Her leaving. How he tried to talk to her at Ruby's. The liquor store. David. With his heart pounding in his chest, he slammed the drawer shut and stalked back over to the couch.
What was she doing now? Was she okay? Did she miss him as much as he was missing her? Why was she doing this? That was the one question that he really wanted an answer for. Why? Nothing made sense to him anymore. If she would just talk to him, then he could fix whatever the issue was.
Getting down on his knees, he vigorously began to scrub the spot. It was no use, even after cleaning the spill he could still see where it had been. Sighing, he rubbed his hand over his face and then threw the towel on the couch.
Bloody hell, on top of everything else he was likely going to have to buy a new couch. Emma would be so pleased when she came back home. She hadn't even been gone for twenty-four hours. What a mess.
AC/DC's Back in Black filled the room and Killian fumbled to get his iPhone out of his pocket. His face fell when he noticed the name on the screen. Sighing, he swiped his finger to activate the call.
"Malcolm, was there something you needed? I'm a little busy right now." Grabbing the towel, he walked to the kitchen and threw it on the countertop.
"Killian. Always lovely to talk to you, too." Killian rolled his eyes, but said nothing which allowed Malcolm to continue, "I heard the news, social media is in an uproar. Internet searches for you and the band have quadrupled."
Of course they had. He couldn't go anywhere in LA without someone trying to snap a picture of him. It was one of the reason Emma insisted that they live in Storybrooke. A small town where everyone minded their business and they could live a normal life. It was perfect, until it wasn't.
His hand lifted to scratch the spot behind his ear, eyes landing on the calendar again. He had two days until he left. Emma wouldn't even answer any of his calls. That wasn't likely to change in two days. No, he needed more time.
"Look, Malcolm… I need some time."
Killian waited with baited breath. In all of the years he had been in the band, he never - not even once - asked for any time off. His wife was leaving him and he had no idea why. Maybe if he had a few more days, he could figure it out.
"I'm sorry. I don't think I heard you right. You need time? As in time off?" There was a hint of amusement in Malcolm's voice.
"I know this is a bad time, mate, but I need to figure out what is going on with Emma. I need to fix this. If we could just…"
"The answer is no, Killian," Malcolm interrupted. "No. You leave in two days for the tour. Your first show is in three. There is no way in hell we are postponing that show. Think of the fans you'll disappoint. The ones who have paid good money to see you perform live. How do we explain to them that you are not 'up' to being on tour right now?"
Killian pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. Malcolm was right. The fans were what kept the band alive. Without them, he would be no where. He owed them everything.
"You're right. I'll… I'll just figure it out." He ran his hand through his hair.
"See you in two days, Killian." The line went silent.
Killian stared at the phone in his hands. Without thinking, he pressed her name in his list of contacts. After one ring, it went to voicemail. His heart clenched at the sound of her voice. Bloody hell, he missed her voice. Hearing the beep, Killian took a deep breath before speaking.
Love...its me, uh Killian. I know I've called you quite a lot today, but I really need to talk to you, Emma. Whatever is going on, I know we can fix it. Please, Emma, just please call me. I leave for the tour in two days. We could get lunch at Granny's tomorrow and talk. I would love to see you, lass. I miss you. Just call me, okay?
Ending the call, Killian shoved his phone back in his pocket. Frustrated, he pressed his fingers into his eyes and furiously swiped the tears that had formed. She would call. He had to hold onto that hope. She would call and they would figure this out together.
A pit formed in his stomach. For the longest time he had everything he ever wanted, but with Emma gone none of it really mattered. Without her, his life didn't seem so wonderful.
Killian's thumb angrily pressed the red end call button on his phone. How many times was he going to do this? Someone -Emma- once told him that the definition of insanity was doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. If that was the case, then he was definitely on his way there.
In the past day and a half, he called Emma multiple times. Each time it went to voicemail, each time he left a message. He had yet to receive a call back. His hand tightened around the phone. He was leaving tomorrow. Getting on a plane to fly to the first show. Time was up.
Why wouldn't she call him? The least she could do was give him an explanation. Then, at least, he could understand why all of this was happening. But, she wouldn't even give him that. Since the moment she had walked out of the door, she severed all contact with him. Bloody hell, he had even tried to email her. Still nothing.
His left thumb played with his wedding ring absentmindedly. Twirling it around his finger. Did she still wear hers or had she taken it off? His heart thumped rapidly at the thought of her taking it off. His hand curling into a fist. Surely, she knew he didn't want this. He wanted anything but this.
He was willing to prove that to her, too, if she would just give him a chance.
Shifting on the bed in the guestroom, he hadn't been able to sleep in his bed without Emma, he looked at the clock. Midnight. He had to be up in four hours to catch the plane. Shaking his head, he dialed Emma again.
Hey! It's Emma. I'm sorry…
The phone hit the wall with a crash, the force shattering it. Placing his head in his hands, Killian's body began to shake.
What was the point? She obviously wanted nothing to do with him. In the eight years they had been married, she had never once shut him out completely. Sure, there had been arguments. Some had even been bad. So bad that he ended up staying with David and Mary Margaret for the night. But, she had always been willing to talk the next day. She always had answered his calls and texts.
Throwing himself on the bed, his head hit the pillow as his arm came to rest over his eyes. His thumb continued to twirl his wedding band.
He can't miss the tour and upset the fans. Even with all of this going on. He had obligations, Emma must understand that. Maybe it would be better if he left. They could spend some time apart to think about what they really wanted.
Besides, what was the point of staying if she wasn't going to talk to him anyway. He could not be talked to while on the road.
Reaching over, he set the alarm on the clock next to the bed for three hours from now. That was when the limo was picking him up. Forcing his eyes closed, Killian hoped sleep would come quickly.
He didn't want to spend one more minute in this big house without Emma. Without her, it wasn't home… it was just a house.
Thank you so much for reading! Please leave a review if you are up to it. :)