A huge thanks to my betas the-lady-of-mishaven and zengoalie. Also, o-u-a-timer who I would be lost without. These ladies make writing and editing so much fun.

One more part and then an epilogue after this. It will definitely be finished before the premiere. Thank you all for hanging in there with me, I know this fic was seriously angsty at times and I hope the end it worth it for you all.

Again... thank you for all of the favorites, follows, and reviews. Getting those makes writing fic worth it.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own OUAT or its characters.

Four Years Ago.

Killian slowed the car to a stop before shooting a grin in her direction. How he could be in such a good mood after the day they'd had was beyond her. When Killian had suggested they buy a house she'd been excited, ecstatic even. They'd been married for four years. Buying a house was the next logical step for them. Besides, they wanted a family someday and you couldn't really raise a family in a small cramped apartment. It also helped that The Dashing Rapscallions were only getting more and more popular, so they didn't really have to worry about monetary issues any longer.

They'd decided to make a day of it, a day of looking at potential homes. Their realtor, Ariel Trident, had arranged for them to see ten houses. Then, they hadn't liked any of the houses. That was two months ago and now they were out looking again. So far, they'd looked at nine and so far they'd liked… zero. Not a single house on the list was something they could see themselves living in. She shook her head. They were off to a wonderful start. At this rate they'd find a house sometime next year or something.

"You ready, darling?" Killian's voice pulled her from her thoughts as he inclined his head toward the gate that stood in front of them.

She shrugged her shoulders and let out a sigh. Maybe the tenth house would be the one, but she wasn't going to hold her breath. The car lurched forward as the gates opened. They followed behind as Ariel's car led them up a winding tree-lined stone driveway.

Her eyes widened and a gasp escaped. In front of her was the house, if you could even call it a house, it was more like a compound. Growing up in the system, she'd only seen houses like this one on television, never up close and never in person.

The house had an all white stucco finish. The roof was a brown terracotta. The front doors, which were a rich mahogany, were framed by two large pillars and an archway. Next to the pillars were two palm trees. An attached five-car garage sat to the left of the front doors. It was beautiful, it was perfect.

Next to her, Killian put the car into park and pulled her hand up to his lips. "What are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking that this house is huge and gorgeous and huge and how can we afford this. It's so much nicer than all of the other houses today?" She rambled out.

He laughed and toyed with the ends of her hair. "I don't know how we can afford it. I just gave Ariel the budget and she found the houses. Might I suggest we take a look around and ask her?"

Slowly, she nodded her head and turned to get out of the car. When she shut the car door, Ariel was already running to meet them.

"What do you think?" Ariel asked when she'd finally made it to them.

"It's amazing." Killian nodded his head in agreement to her words. "Just how is this in our budget? I mean I know we have a pretty large budget, but this seems like it would be more."

Ariel smiled. "Well, normally it would be. It's actually owned by my father, Daniel Trident."

"Daniel Trident?" Killian interrupted. "As in the Daniel Trident, CEO of Trident Industries?"

Ariel shifted from one foot to the other. "Yeah...that's him. Anyway, he's relocating the business to New York and needs to sell the house as soon as possible, so he'd priced it well below market value. Which means it is in your price range. Would you like to see inside?"

"Aye, lass." Killian's hand found it's place at the small of her back as he lead her up the steps and through the front doors.

The inside was even nicer than the outside. The foyer opened up to the kitchen and living room beyond. To her right, a set of stairs lead to the second floor which, according to Ariel, was where they could find the four bedrooms and a bathroom. The master suite was also upstairs and it had an attached bath. Huge windows took up the majority of the back wall in the living room. The kitchen contained granite countertops, real wood cabinets that were a deep rich brown, and stainless steel appliances. It was her dream kitchen. Ariel went on to explain that the house also had a dining room, rec room, a theatre room, and two more bathrooms.

As Killian chatted with Ariel, Emma walked into the living room and peered into the yard beyond the huge windows. The yard contained an massive inground swimming pool and a large grassy area behind the pool. The perfect place for their children to play someday.

Happy tears formed in her eyes. How did she get so lucky? If someone had told her six years ago that she would be married to Killian and entertaining the idea of buying a multi-million dollar house, she would have laughed them out of the room. Yet, here she was. Emma Swan, the kid no one had wanted, had everything she'd ever dreamed of.

"Well, what's the verdict, love?" Killian whispered into her ear as his arms circled her waist. Instinctively, she leaned back into his embrace.

"It's perfect, Killian. This is the one. The one we can raise a family in. Our family." Her voice was full of wonder.

"Then, we'll buy it and, when we are ready, we'll raise a family here. We'll fill the house with the laughter of our children." He smiled into her hair.

"Well, what are you two thinking?" Ariel's voice rang out from behind them.

Pulling out of Killian's embrace, Emma turned to look at Ariel. "We'll take it."

"Good." The realtor nodded. "I'll go get the offer paperwork and we can talk details when I get back." Ariel pivoted and walked down the foyer.

Emma twisted and met Killian's gaze. His eyes twinkled with mirth, an amused grin on his face. Her heart quickened at the sight. How was it possible to be this happy, to be this in love with someone? It was as if nothing would ever go wrong. As long as they had each other they would be okay.

Killian strode forward and pulled her to his chest. "I love you, Emma Jones." He murmured the words into her hair.

She smiled into his chest. "I love you too, Killian. So much."

They were buying this house, this wonderful beautiful house, and someday soon they would have a family. She closed her eyes. A vision of a little blonde-haired girl playing in the yard with a brown-haired toddler filled her mind.

Someday, they would make those children a reality.

She couldn't wait for that day to come.

"So… how'd the most recent date go?" Ruby asked from her place across the booth.

"Yeah." Mary Margaret chimed in. "You two have been going on dates twice a week for a little over a month. How is everything going?"

The three of them were having lunch at Granny's. It was a weekend tradition, something that they had started doing three years ago when she was left to fill her days since Killian was always gone.

She smiled and lifted her glass of Coke to her lips, catching Ruby's gaze over the rim of the glass. Her friend raised a single eyebrow and gave Emma that expectant look. The one that indicated Ruby knew she was evading the question. Emma's gaze shifted to Mary Margaret and she saw the same look on her face. There was no way she was going to be able to avoid this. Might as well face the music now.

Setting her glass on the table, Emma rolled her eyes at her friends. "It's been…" She waved her hand trying to come up with the right words to describe the last month and a half. "It's been everything I needed it to be."

Mary Margaret's lips shifted into a bittersweet smile, her eyes softening in Emma's direction. "Oh, Emma. I am so happy for you. For the both of you."

"It's really great to see you so happy again, Emma." Ruby added in with a grin of her own.

Emma felt warmth spread throughout her body. "It's nice to be happy again. Killian's been… amazing, really. He's been there every time I needed him, he calls everyday, texts as much as he can. For the first time in three years, I feel like we are finally on the same page… that we want the same thing."

"And that is…" Mary Margaret questioned.

Emma ran a hand through her hair, an easy smile formed on her lips. "Each other."

It was such a simple answer, but it was the truth. If she had learned anything over the last several weeks, it was that Killian was willing to do whatever he needed to be with her… and she felt the same. She had been crazy to think she would have been able to live her life without her husband. Just knowing that he was here, that he cared, that he wanted her… it was everything she wanted and more.

"Aw." Ruby's voice broke through her thoughts. "You two are so adorable."

Emma rolled her eyes at her friend's antics. She was so lucky to have friends like Mary Margaret and Ruby. She wouldn't have survived the last three months without them. They were always there when she needed them, even if she didn't think she did.

"So..." Ruby met Emma's eyes. "Where are the two of you going tomorrow?"

Emma shrugged. "It's a surprise, all he's told me is to dress comfortably."

"Aw, surprises can be nice." Mary Margaret shared a shy smile with her.

Emma returned the smile, feeling light at the thought of her impending date. "I think so, too."

"That's good." Mary Margaret's smile grew as she leaned forward onto the table. "I have a surprise for you, too."

Emma turned to Ruby and shared a look curiosity between them.

"What is it, Mary Margaret?" Ruby asked her.

The sparkling eyes and ever-present smile on her face spoke of how big this surprise was going to be.

"I'm pregnant."

Emma's eyes widened in surprise, her face crumpled. She could feel her heart beating in her chest. Her stomach twisted.

"What?!" Ruby yelped in response, but Emma could barely hear her.

Pregnant. Emma closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She shouldn't feel angry, shouldn't be jealous, but she was.

"I wanted to tell you sooner, but we wanted to wait until after the first trimester." Mary Margaret turned her gaze to Emma. "And with everything you were going through with Killian, I didn't think it would be a good time."

Emma tried to smile, she really did, but her lips formed a thin line. It felt like the walls were closing in, like there was a weight on her chest and she couldn't breathe. All of the dreams she and Killian had came rushing back in full force. All of the dreams they would never be able to have. But Mary Margaret could and… she was.

She wanted to be happy for her friend, she really did, but Mary Margaret was getting everything Emma ever wanted. Mary Margaret was getting the child Emma had always wanted, the child that she would never have. She wondered for a moment if Mary Margaret's child would have blonde hair like her father, like the little girl she'd always imagined for her and Killian, or would it have brown hair like its mother, like the boy Emma had always wanted. She closed her eyes in an effort to fight tears from forming while Mary Margaret and Ruby continued to chat happily next to her. This wasn't fair. Why was she the one who couldn't be a mother, who couldn't have a child. Now, she would have to watch her friends raise their child, she would have to watch and pretend like it wasn't everything she'd ever wanted. She would have to watch as Mary Margaret got to experience their child's first words, the first time it crawled, the first steps. Stiffly, she stood from the booth. She couldn't be here anymore.

"Emma?" She turned her head to meet Mary Margaret's confused gaze.

"I'm sorry. I… I can't. I need to leave." Pivoting on her foot, Emma rushed out of the door of the diner.

The cool air hit her face, but offered her no release. Why was this still so hard? Why couldn't she just get over this? It wasn't like she could change what had happened. It was done and over with, so why couldn't she move on?

"Emma!" Ruby's voice came from behind her and Emma turned to see her and Mary Margaret coming through the diner's door.

"What's going on, Emma?" Mary Margaret implored.

Emma sighed and wrung her hands together. They didn't know. She hadn't told them. For three months she had kept this secret to herself, that was...until Killian found the paperwork. She studied the faces of both of her friends. All she saw was concern for her. These were her best friends. It was time she told them what had happened, it was time she told them the truth. She motioned for them to join her at one of the outdoor tables.

Biting the inside of her cheek, she tried to come up with a way to explain why she ran. This was supposed to be a happy moment for Mary Margaret, the moment that you tell your friends you're expecting.

"I'm sorry for running out." She murmured the apology while running a hand through her hair.

Mary Margaret nodded her head in Emma's direction. "I appreciate that, Emma, but I am more concerned about you right now… did I… did I say something to upset you? I was so excited to tell you about the baby and your reaction was, well it was a bit unexpected."

With a pang in her heart, Emma felt tears fall from her eyes. She inclined her head to stare at the table. All of this was so confusing. A part of her felt angry. Angry that she would never get to be where Mary Margaret was. It felt like a knife twisted in her gut. She wanted to shout toward the heavens that is wasn't fair, that she deserved to have a child just as much as Mary Margaret did. But, the other part of her was so happy for Mary Margaret. She knew her and David had been trying for awhile, she knew that they had struggled, so she couldn't help but feel a little happiness that they had finally been successful. Wiping the tears from her cheeks, she looked up to meet the worried gazes of Mary Margaret and Ruby.

She took a deep breath and released it. "I am happy for you, really. I just…" The words died in her throat. How could she talk about this to them, when she was barely able to talk to Dr. Hopper about it?

Mary Margaret scooted her chair until she sat next to Emma, Ruby repeated the action until the were all three in a line. Both her friends grabbed one of her hands and squeezed, but it was Mary Margaret who spoke.

"It's okay, Emma. You can tell us anything. You know that."

Emma glanced toward Mary Margaret, who had an encouraging smile for her, and then shifted her gaze to Ruby, who's eyes were crinkled in concern. They deserved to know. She needed to stop bottling everything in.

"I…" She glanced at the sky and shook her head in frustration. Would it always be this hard for her to talk about this? "I can't…" Ruby released her hand and put an arm around her shoulders.

"It's okay." Ruby gently rubbed her shoulder as Mary Margaret squeezed her hand once more. "We're here, Emma, we're not going anywhere."

Her heart beat rapidly in her chest, her palms felt clammy. For a moment she wished she would have just ran from the diner entirely, ran back to the apartment, in order to avoid this conversation. But, she didn't and it was too late to turn back now.

"I can't have children." She finally whispered in a broken voice.

She heard both of her friends gasp in confusion before her eyes locked on Mary Margaret. Her friend's hand was covering her wide open mouth, a look of pure heartbreak covered her features. Emma's heart thumped wildly in her chest as she turned to face Ruby, whose arm had fallen off Emma's shoulders and back to her side. Ruby was biting her lip, one hand resting over her heart, and Emma could see that tears had formed in the corners of her friends eyes.

"How...what…" Ruby finally spoke from across the table.

Emma scratched her neck, a habit she'd no doubt picked up from Killian. "I had cysts on my ovaries and they ruptured." She explained in a hollow, broken voice as tears continued to fall to her cheeks. "They rushed me in to emergency surgery where they had to remove both of them. It happened right before I filed for divorce, it was what prompted me to file."

"Why didn't you tell us?" Mary Margaret murmured.

Emma shrugged. "I don't know. I was so angry at everything. I didn't want to talk about it, I wanted to forget." I still want to forget it.

"But, Emma, we are your best friends. I would have helped you." Ruby added while reaching for Emma's hand.

"I know." Her voice was soft, laced with pain. "I just couldn't."

"But...who did you talk to? If you didn't share it with either of us, who did you go to?" Mary Margaret reached for her other hand.

Emma nodded to the question. "At first, no one knew. Then, Killian found the paperwork when he got back from touring. Now, Killian and Dr. Hopper know. We've been working on it during the sessions."

"And how is Killian doing? I mean… this, this is something huge Emma. It's a big loss for both of you. I can't imagine..." Mary Margaret squeezed her hand as her words trailed off.

"He was upset, which is understandable, but he assured me that he only wanted a family with me...and if I couldn't, then he wouldn't." A small smile formed as she remembered the many times her and Killian had spoken about this.

Mary Margaret and Ruby's lips curled into sympathetic, but encouraging smiles. They both reached out and enveloped Emma into a hug. It was startling at first, being hugged by someone other than Killian, because she had been avoiding it for so long. But, for the first time in four months, Emma let herself be comforted by her friends.

Pulling away from the hug, Emma met Mary Margaret's gaze.

"But I am happy for you. I promise. Just when you told me… it was a shock. I'm having a hard time dealing with it… you both know how much I wanted to have a child of my own and now…" Her voice trailed off as she looked toward the sky.

"It's okay." Mary Margaret assured her. "I understand and if you ever need someone else to talk to… I'm here, okay?"

"Same for me." Ruby added with a gentle smile. "You're like a sister, Emma. I love you. I will always be here when you need me to."

Emma smiled softly at her friends, her best friends. Suddenly, she wanted to feel hopeful, to feel like she could heal. She wanted get through this and with Killian and her friends by her side, maybe she would be able to.

"Thanks, you guys. I love you, too." She murmured with a smile.

"Now." Ruby winked at her. "How about we go back inside and finish our meal before Granny thinks we ran off without paying?"

Emma laughed lightly and it felt like a weight had been lifted. For someone who grew up with no family, she sure had one now. It may be small, but it was the best thing to have happened to her.

Therapy Session 6

"And how did you feel when Killian wouldn't return your calls for days, Emma?"

Killian flinched beside her and she covered his forearm gently with her hand. Their eyes met and she gave him a small comforting smile. She knew the question wasn't meant to hurt Killian, but it had. She also knew that her answer was going to hurt him, but she had to be honest…. what was the point of going to therapy if they were just going to continue to lie to one another?

Dr. Hopper's gaze filtered between her and Killian and she bit her lip. There was no easy way out of this one. She gently squeezed Killian's arm before meeting Dr. Hopper's gaze.

"Alone." She finally whispered and heard Killian inhale sharply. "Alone and unloved."

She'd lost count of how many dates they'd been on in the two months since their new beginning, but this one was by far one of her favorites. Sailing, he'd taken her sailing. It was something she'd never had the chance to do, even living in a seaside town like Storybrooke. It was something she'd always wanted to do and Killian had made that dream come true. Her lips curled into a smile as she gazed out to the ocean around her. It seemed like Killian was making a lot of her dreams come true lately.

His arms slipped around her bare waist from behind and she leaned into his chest. He buried his face in the base of her throat and kissed it lightly. Was it possible to burst from happiness?

"Are you enjoying yourself, love?" His lips were so close to her ear that his breath tickled her.

She turned in his arms to face him, a huge smile on her face. "Very much, even more so now that you've joined me."

"Well, someone had to captain the vessel, lass, and you've proven to be quite the distraction in that very lovely swimsuit." He smirked and added a wink for good measure.

A giggle escaped as she playfully slapped his bare chest. "Killian! We are on a boat… what else was I supposed to wear?"

He took the hand on his chest and brought it to his lips. "Oi! Make no mistake, darling, I'm not complaining." His eyes traveled from her face down her body before he met her gaze, licking his lips. "Quite the opposite actually."

She rolled her eyes as happiness bubbled in her chest. "So that's why you wanted to go sailing, huh? So you could see me in a bikini?"

Killian shook his head, suddenly very serious. "Emma, you know that's not why. I love you." He tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "I know this is something you've always wanted, something I never made time for before, and I wanted you to have this. I …"

She held her finger to his lips and grinned. "I know. I was joking. Although, I do have to say… part of the reason I've always wanted to go sailing was to see you in your board shorts playing captain."

His lips curled into a brilliant smile, eyes crinkled as they filled with playfulness. "Is that so? Tell me, love… how do I measure up?" His face was so close she could feel his breath on her lips.

She licked her lips. "Pretty good, I'd say." Jolting forward, her lips connected with his.

They had kissed only a handful of times since their first date, but each time she'd felt like a piece of her heart mended itself. This time was no different.

He pulled away first and leaned his forehead on hers with his eyes still closed. For a moment, they simply swayed on the deck of the boat. Killian's breathing steadied under her. Tilting his head to look at her. Their eyes met and her heart skipped a beat. His blue eyes were full of love, of adoration, for her.

"What do you say to dinner on the deck?" He murmured a moment later as his hands played with the ends of her hair.

"I think that sounds fantastic." She twisted the hair at the nape of his neck.

"Then, I shall return shortly with our meal, love." He stepped back at her nod.

"I'll be here." Her voice held a teasing tone.

"Promise?" He asked in a low voice. Suddenly, she knew they were no longer talking about dinner. Her heart clenched. They had come so far, but they still had so far to go.

She threw him a comforting smile. "I promise, there is nowhere else I'd rather be."

His smile grew once more. "I'll be back in a tic."

As he turned to go find their food, she turned and stared back to the ocean. Her hand rose and her fingers touched her lips. That kiss had been… there were no words so describe what kissing Killian felt like. Well, maybe there was one… home.

She smiled wistfully. Today had been everything she'd ever dreamed it could be, everything she'd hoped it would be. In fact, the last two months had been perfect. Sure, they had their problems, things that they were still working on, but it felt like they were really connecting with one another, like they were finally mending what she thought was broken.

And they were doing it together.

Therapy Session 8

"Angry." Killian whispered from beside her as he avoided her eyes. " I… I didn't believe it at first. I didn't believe that something like that could happen to us." He ran a hand through his hair before finally met her gaze and clasping her hand in his. "To her." The corners of her lips turned up in a comforting smile.

"And how did you feel when you realized Emma had kept this secret from you, Killian?" Dr. Hopper asked as he scribbled more notes on to his pad.

She felt her body tense up and she dropped her eyes to their joined hands. Killian squeezed her hand gently. "Mostly, I felt like I'd failed, like I hadn't been there when she'd needed me the most, like it was my fault."

She inhaled sharply and shifted her eyes up to meet his. "It wasn't." She murmured softly. "I should have told you regardless of how angry I was, you… you deserved to know."

About a week after Killian took her sailing, Emma found herself listening to the soft murmur of her husband's singing as she sipped on her wine from her place on the blanket. Tonight's date was a simple one, but that didn't make it any less wonderful in her eyes. After a tiring week at work, one that involved the re-placement of three of her charges, Emma had needed something easy and quiet. Killian seemed to pick up on her need immediately and offered a sunset picnic as tonight's festivities.

Killian stopped singing to look in her direction, a goofy smile adorning his face. The breeze softly lifted his hair and the sunset behind him created a brilliant halo around him. She felt relaxed and comfortable, feelings that she was slowly getting used to feeling again.

"I like that one." She murmured placing her wine glass beside her.

"Yeah? It's the one I told you about on our first date, about the man fighting for a second chance." His acoustic guitar sat on his lap as his hand rose to scratch his eyebrow.

"It's appropriate then. You're an amazing songwriter, Killian." She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and moved to sit next to him.

He placed the guitar beside him before pulling her to his chest. "Thank you, love. I quite like the process of writing the songs."

"You can tell. They're beautiful, really." She intertwined their hands.

He kissed her forehead and her heart fluttered in her chest. She wondered, for a moment, if it would always be like this. At some point Killian would have to tour again, and they may be recording the album in Storybrooke this time… but even she knew the best recording studios were in LA. What would happen for the next album and the one after? Her job wasn't changing anytime soon either. There was always the option of moving to LA. They had always wanted to raise their children in Storybooke, it was part of the reason they'd stayed, but now that they couldn't have children… well, LA would be an option…

"Hey…" Killian's shoulder bumped into her back to get her attention. "What are you thinking?"

She sighed. "What do you think about moving?" She tried to sound nonchalant.

His body stiffened. "Move? Are you no longer happy in Storybrooke, love?"

"No." She shook her head. "I was thinking about moving to LA, you spend so much time there anyway and eventually you'll have a new album to record. It would be easier…" Her voiced trailed off.

"You would be willing to do that, willing to leave your friends behind, for me?" He whispered, amazed.

She shifted her body so she could meet his eyes. "For us, I would. I mean, being in a band has always been your dream. I can't ask you to give that up. There's nothing holding us here… not anymore."

He kissed her forehead. "Thank you, love, but we have a while yet before a decision must be made. We've already booked a studio here for this album. Let's say we table this and talk about it again in a few months." He smiled gently.

She nodded, returning his smile. "I think that is a good idea. Let's get you through recording this album first and then we can figure out what is best for us."

Killian's eyes filled with something she couldn't quite describe. "Aye, for us."

She turned in his arms until her back rested on his chest. They would figure it out, she knew they would. Until then, they would focus on fixing their relationship, on getting back to where they needed to be. The important thing was… they wanted the same thing.

They wanted to be together.

Thank you for reading. Please leave a review if you feel up to it.