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"The news goes on for twenty-four hours a day."
- Kane
July 24, 2010
Edward
Benny.
Benny. Benny. Benny.
My body is jittery, my leg bouncing against the seat.
I take a particularly sharp turn, causing Benny to slip off the passenger's seat.
"Shit."
I glance at the fallen stuffed animal apologetically. Maybe I should have used the seatbelt.
I pull into the desired driveway before going on foot.
A terrible wave of déjà vu hits me as I stand in front of the door, banging it as quietly-loud as possible.
I hope none of the neighbors complain. It's surely midnight by now, but at least he lives alone.
The door opens fairly quickly, and I am met by a very groggy Marcus.
Fortunately, he doesn't look mad - just incredulous.
I decide to deliver a preemptive strike.
"She left her bear."
He stares at me blankly for a moment before he rubs his bleary eyes.
"What?"
I try to be more coherent and calm, for his sake. I look down at the brown fur in my hands as way of indication.
"I found Benny in our room, and I don't think she would willingly leave without him. Her father gave this to her."
"Maybe Isabella just forgot to bring him, in her rush?" he guesses tiredly. He doesn't understand.
"No!" I exclaim, holding Benny up with my left arm. My frustration is being fed by my shattered nerves, my shattered reality.
"She loves this fucking bear. She wouldn't just leave him behind. I knew that she wouldn't leave without saying goodbye. Maybe this means that she didn't want to go. Maybe - "
"Edward," he interrupts quietly.
He reaches his hand out to touch Benny, but I pull my arm back. I can't let him. It's the most I have left of her.
Inside, my emotions are a mess - worry that she's not okay warring with excitement because she might still love me.
"Edward," Marcus murmurs slowly. "I'm glad that this has given you hope...or I'm sorry that this is distressing you."
He pauses and looks directly into my eyes. "But I can't do anything with a teddy bear."
He says the words so kindly, so sympathetically...and that's so much worse.
He doesn't know if we can find her.
I nod once, bringing my eyes to the smooth concrete of his porch.
"Right. I'm sorry that I woke you up." I think my words are true, but I'm not sure. I'm not sure of anything at the moment.
"I'll talk to you tomorrow," he promises carefully. "It's Sunday, so I take the day off. You do too, right?"
"Yeah. Maybe," I answer without looking up.
"Are you okay?" he asks in a hesitant voice, as if he won't know what to do if I'm not.
"Sure, I'm fine." Someone deserves to sleep decently tonight.
I turn and walk down the pitch-black driveway, not meeting his gaze as I climb in the Volvo.
Marcus watches my car back out as he stands at the front door. His body is backlit by the foyer light, making him a solitary figure in the darkened suburb.
The lonely sight haunts me for the ten minutes it takes to drive home.
After I park in the garage, I stall a bit, resting my head against the steering wheel before I unsnap Benny. I reluctantly go inside and climb the steps, needing to return him to his proper place.
In my haste, I must have left the lights on upstairs. Our room looks exactly the same, but I feel heavier as I enter.
I place Benny in the middle of the bed, leaving the covers off this time.
He's perfectly straight, propped up against the softest purple pillow.
I study the scene reverently until I have no choice but to support my head with my hands.
It's all too much.
Surrounded by her clutter, the pillows she slept on alone last week...wept on...
Where I watched her sleep the first night after I told her...
I finally cry.
May 4, 2010
Edward
Isabella holds up her hand so it's frozen in the air, displaying the glittering square diamond for the sunlight.
"I like how it sparkles," she smiles.
"Me, too."
I'm also happy to see that the textured, white gold wedding band we picked out fits well. Rosalie helped me choose the engagement ring, which was somewhat shocking by itself.
We walk slowly, our arms and clasped hands swinging between us as we distance ourselves from the train station.
"What's this town called, again?" Isabella asks.
"Sospel. You'll notice that it's greener than Nice. It's less crowded, too."
"Are we heading to any particular place?"
"Yes." I smile without conscious command to do so. "My parents got married on that hill, over there." I point to the spot that's still a ways off.
"Well, let's go, then," Isabella says as she tugs on my hand excitedly. I'm a little surprised at her enthusiasm, but pleased all the same, so I'm more than willing to let her lead the way down the street.
We make the trek up the grassy incline - which, embarrassingly, Isabella does more easily than I - and I gratefully slip off the backpack holding our stuff. It feels strange to carry one after all these years of not being a student, but it was the best day trip companion I could think of.
Isabella takes in the view of the quaint buildings as I unzip the pack. Checking first to make sure the grass is dry, I lay down the blanket as evenly as I can amidst the wind. Isabella promptly ruffles it when she climbs on anyway, causing me to chuckle.
"What?" she asks suspiciously as she lies back, stretching her legs. Her sundress rides up a bit with the action.
"Nothing."
I walk around the quilt, nudging her shoulder so she will make room for me. She smiles cheekily and shakes her head.
"Seriously?" I inquire as she playfully reaches out her arms, taking up even more of the fabric.
"Okay, fine."
Isabella squeaks when I pick her up, trapping her in my arms before I settle us both onto the blanket. Her squeal turns into a laugh as she hits my chest half-heartedly.
"No need to go all caveman," she murmurs as she wraps her legs around mine.
Her breathless words and our position make me think of how our bare legs were entwined two nights ago, her skin against my skin...
Fortunately, Isabella is oblivious to my distraction as she speaks against my shirt. I feel the heat of her breath through the thin cotton.
"How long has the house in Nice been in your family?"
I swallow, fighting to gain control over my mind and body.
"My father bought it as a wedding present of sorts for my mom. They happened to come across it on their honeymoon and fell in love with it."
Isabella wiggles against me, so I adjust my hold until she is more comfortable. Her head still rests on my upper arm.
"Do you visit here often?" she asks. I'm not sure if she means this spot particularly, or this region of France in general. Either way, the answer is the same.
"No, just once in the last few years."
Isabella is quiet, and I know she won't push to get more information. It's perfectly fine if I don't want to share more. But I want to share more.
"My mom and I came here on vacation once, when I was 7. I think it was the happiest I ever saw her."
My arms tighten instinctively at the disclosure, pulling Isabella closer.
I burrow my face in her hair, breathing in the comforting fragrance.
"Don't leave me."
I hate how dependent my voice sounds, but I can't help it. I don't think I could bear to lose another family member.
Isabella's puzzled voice interrupts my dismal thought.
"I'm not leaving you, Edward," she vows against my chest. "I love you."
I pull back so I can look into her eyes, craving the truth and proof I'll see there.
"I love you," she repeats, brushing the pads of her fingers against my jaw. "Where would I go?"